byates5637

I think kissing is a semi-serious sort of thing. The advice i would give you really all depends on how old you are and what gender you are. Why don't you put your age and gender in your profile? For me, if i went on a date with a girl i would expect a kiss(or several) if she was interested. Alot of girls actually try to have sex on the first date. I turn them down on that almost all the time. Trying to have sex on the first date is just screaming out "I AM A WH0RE!" But a kiss is innocent enough to be fun and then both people are on the same level as to where the relationship is headed instead of wondering "Why didn't he/she kiss me, did she not like me?"

I think it is time you cut all contact with this girl for good. Re-read your post and really think about all the things she has done and said to you. It seems as if you are in denial about the way she feels about you. She told you she will never be your girl, yet the title of your post refers to her as your girlfriend. You sound like a really sweet caring girl, and you deserve much better then to be treated like this. Don't allow this to take up anymore of your life. Cut your losses and walk away from this situation now.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do at your age. Most people don't. After high school i went to community college and took alot of random classes as a liberal studies major. It took me 2 years at my community college before i really figured out what it was i wanted to do. So my advice is don't put to much pressure on yourself. Just take a wide variety of classes at your community college and you will most likely find something you really like. Just try not to wait 2 years like i did

I think him returning the email could mean one of two things, and niether are what you hope it means. It could mean 1. He is just being polite because he feels guilty like everyone else said 2. Your emails over the past year have really been feeding his ego. Even though he does not want to get back with you ever again, he still enjoys the occasional ego boost from you and doesn't want to lose it. I would not send him anymore emails for a while. Tell yourself that you will not email him until this time next year. By the time next year comes around i'm willing to bet you want even want to email him anymore. It sounds like you have made alot of progress and dont let this set you back. There is nothing at all to read into here. Take care

That sounds 100% right. She is not willing to break plans for me, but then again she never really was willing to break plans for me even when we were "in love." Today is day 2 after my heavy drinking session and i am still feeling the effects. After i type this i am going to go to the gym. Hopefully that gets me back to feeling normal. I am living my life like she will never come back to me, and i am 95% sure she won't. But i still do hang out with her every couple of weeks just to show her that i am a really good guy - in case she has a change of heart. Other then the 2 times a month i see her, i live my life without regard for her. I spend most of my free time going to places where I know I have a good chance of meeting women. My ex is very unique in the way she handles relationships and breakups. Alot of the time on enotalone people have given me generic advice that i thought didn't really apply to my ex because she was so unique. But i think you really got a good read on the situation majord.

thanks majord - i think you have a really good analysis of the situation. When you said "BUT, you then contact her and ask her to meet you *knowing* that she is busy that day (in effect *ensuring* rejection - why do that??)." it really made me think why they hell would i do that. I do look to my ex to make me feel better. Whenever i talk to her she showers me with compliments about how intelligent and awesome i am. It really makes me feel good. But then when i get reminded that she only sees me as a friend it makes me feel worse. I will most likely go to the beach with her next week because i already told her i would. But depending on how that goes i may not see her again for a while after that. I think a big thing that has been holding me back is alcohol. Days after drinking alot (like today) i always feel terrible about everything. Usually the days i have contacted my ex or allowed her to contact me are always days after drinking when i feel low and need some love. I think if i could stay sober for a few months it would really straighten me out. The problem is the only way i know how to meet girls in my social scene is at drinking parties and bars. But I am going to abstain for a while anyway. I hope i stop banging my head against this wall soon. Thanks so much for the well thought out reply. You gave me some clarity when i was stuck in fog. Any more thoughts?

Since you gave me that advice i have done about 6 weeks of NC. We are really not in frequent contact, but i just cant get rid of her completely. What has changed with the way she is treating you? Nothing really. She treats me the same. What has changed with the way you react to her? I dont react to her very much anymore. We have only seen each other a few times in the last few months. What has changed with the way you feel (better/worse/same)?? I feel alot better. Much better. I was a freaking wreck for a little while. Now i still miss her, and i still get sad over her, but not very often. Since i saw her last week i havn't even thought about her that much at all. Sometimes several days will go by without me thinking about her. I have regained confidence and have been picking up other girls at parties all the time, just havn't found a keeper yet. Yesterday if you asked me about her i would have said i didn't care at all. Last night just made me long for that feeling of comfort she used to provide. Majord, yes i am stuck. I have moved on. I don't have to fight the urge to call her anymore. I can see myself being happy in the future without her. But i am stuck with this feeling of lonliness. I feel like until i find a new passionate relationship i will not be able to get rid of the last pieces of her that still haunt me.

Well it's been 4 months already. It is hard to believe time goes so fast. Some days i feel almost totally healed, and somedays(like today) i feel sad and lonely. Me and my ex have done mostly NC since our break up (my decision, she wants to be "best friends"). On memorial day we spent the whole day together. Just me and her. We went to a state park together and hiked some trails, sat in the woods and talked, played frisbee, sang songs. It was really a great day. She dropped me off at my house and we hugged and said bye. That was 8 days ago. After this happened i knew not to get my hopes up about anything. So in the last week i have hooked up with two different girls which i was really feeling good about. One of these girls i really liked and we were talking on the phone alot. So last night the girl i liked was supposed to come over. While i was waiting for her to come over last night i get a text from my ex that simply said "hey." It was the first time we made contact since the great day in the park last week. I chose to ignore it, and really it didn't even bother me that much because i was excited about the new girl coming over. So the new girl doesn't even show up at my house until like midnight. She was all drunk. We hang out for like an hour or two and then my nieghbor comes over. She starts talking to my nieghbor about how she has a big crush on his younger brother. Then she ended up leaving my house without even saying bye to me and spent the night at my nieghbors house! What a * * * * right? At least i found out who she really is early on before i got attached. Anyway i stayed up very late last night drinking and feeling sad that she would do something like that to me. I fell asleep and had a dream about the ex. This afternoon i decided i would return my ex's text message so i send her a simple "hi." back. We end up talking on the phone for like 15 minutes. She told me she had such a good time with me last week she didn't understand why i didn't call her since then. I told her that she can call me if she wants to talk. We talk about our lives for 10 minutes or so. Everything seemed like it was going really good. Then she asks me is i am ok to hang out with her yet or if i'm still hurt. She asks me this almost everytime we talk. I got mad and told her to quit asking me that. I told her i didn't like the way the conversation was going and i was going to get off the phone. She very quickly changed her tone of voice and begged me to stay on the phone and not to be mad at her. She asked me if i wanted to hang out next week or the week after. I told her that i didn't want to make plans that far in advance. So we said goodbye and hung up. I started to want to see her really bad after i got off the phone. SO like an idiot i called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a trip to the beach with me tomorow even though i knew she had other plans. She said she was busy and suggested we go next week somtime. I told her that it wasn't spontaneous enough for me. So she said one day next week she will call me in the morning and we will go to the beach that day. The reason i wanted to goto the beach so bad with her is because when we split up last summer it seemed like i would never get her back. Then we took an awesome trip to the beach and the next day we were dating again. Im pretty sure things won't work out like that this time though. I know i should probly do NC but it is just so hard. I don't contact her at all anymore. I dont wait for her to contact me either. But when she does contact me, i always give in and talk to her or see her. I am still healing with LC, but i wonder if i would heal faster with NC wow sorry for typing so much i just had alot to get off my chest.

grammer nazi! lol j/k i had that one coming

lol jimmy I guess we can add english and picking up girls to the list of things your not good at.

Why not become a rainbow vacuum saleswomen?

Wow...you have this attitude about men and then you make threads asking why men are abusive to you and why you can't get any sex?!? It seems like you answered your own questions. Look in the mirror...

I 2nd everything cecelius said. I think you should only date your friends ex if he gave you permission. But if a girl broke your friends heart, then under no circumstances should you date her or even ask him for permission. This goes for close friends and distant friends alike. It is called respect.

Personally i would expect all of my friends to adhere to the old rule of "if she breaks up with him, she breaks up with you too." I would do the same for my friends too. It just works the best this way. However if my friend was the dumper and not the dumpee, i would wait a month or two and then i would make my move. But then again i would realize that my friend dumped her for a reason and i would trust him enough to think that she may have serious flaws.

wow teacup...women like you should have to get a warning label tattooed on thier forehead so all decent men know to stay away.

i just got through a 4 month dry spell after a break-up so i know how frustrating it can be. Now all of a sudden i am getting almost any women i want - so i tried the casual sex thing last week and it didn't make me feel any better. I'm going to keep waiting till i find the right girl. Just spending the night kissing and cuddling a girl is alot better then having sex without a relationship IMO. So my advice is just wait and you will eventually find what you desire.

yea that is what i am trying to do right now. Ive been single for a little over 3 months now. It is not so bad now that i got used to it. No way am i ready to give my heart up to anyone else for a long while to come. I am just starting to hook-up with girls again. I met an old friend at a party last night. we made out for a good part of the night but i told her i didn't want to go any farther then that. Im trying to take things slow and meaningless sex with an old friend doesnt really seem like it would be a good idea right now. Maybe she will be my gf one day, who knows.

you can only remember 3 times in your life that you fought with your parents? wow dude, you must have been a freakin saint. I was a bad kid and my dad used to scream at me and hit me with a belt. Now me and my dad are close and i have become a decent responsible human being. This world is a tough place to live in and it is your dads job to be tough on you and get you ready for it.

When i wrote arrogance what i meant was extreme self confidence. Having the general attitude that women should feel lucky to get a chance with me, and not the other way around. And yes in a way i am compensating for the pathetic mess i was for the last several months. I really was a very confident person before that and i am just trying to get it back. I am seeing this whole thing as somewhat of a social experiement. I dont plan on becoming some self-absorbed * * * *head for the rest of my life. Im just seeing how people react too it. I am just trying to get control of myself back. I have two dates this week with women i have met on myspace. Both of the conversations started off with me being very aggorant. The one girl i actually initiated conversation by sending her a message saying "I know you want me, but it's ok, who could blame you." She replied back and we started talking on a more friendly level and now she wants to come over this week. So we will see what happens. I'm not even really looking for a gf right now.

I have no freakin idea. But it doesn't really hurt me to see her anymore. Her negative traits stick out much more now.

I have been through alot of pain and heartbreak in the last year. My ex took away all my self-confidence. I felt worthless. Like a nobody with nothing going for them. I didn't think any girl would ever want to be with me again. Well i started to get over that and feel better about myself. I started working out and all of a sudden i have massive amounts of women telling me how attractive i am. I started tutoring college students which reminded me of how smart i really am. A few other things happened to remind me that i am really a great person. So in the last few weeks i have become arrogant and full of myself. I really started being like this just as a joke. I thought enough with the self loathing - i am going to go all the way to the other extreme and see how it works out for myself. In part i still feel weak deep on the inside so i am covering it up with massive amounts of pride, but i think i am becoming the act i put on. Dont get me wrong - i'm not acting like this towards my close friends and family - just to my ex and the new people i have been meeting. I feel like i am very good at being arrogant. Here are some examples of what i mean- Today i was with my ex for a little while. I told her about a trip i took with some girls and she asks if they hit on me at all. my reply was "Why would you even care, and furthermore, a better question to ask me would be which girl didn't hit on you" Or when she was dropping me off at home i said "I'm sorry" She asked why and i said "Because the rest of your night is going to be boring and mediocre without me around." There are plenty more examples. Arrogance is generally talked about as a very negative personality trait. But i have this feeling that if you really have the looks and inteligence to back up your arrogance, alot of ladies secretly find this extremely attractive and desirable. Well i guess i'm going to find out.

I live in a suburban area where everything is spread out and only veery limited public transportation. I lost my license 4 years ago and have to wait 1 more to get it back. Since i lost my license i have had several girlfriends and one long term relationship. So it is very possible to date without a car. Although i just got out of a 3 year relationship, and now that i am older i feel it may be harder for me to date without a car. But it can be done!

wow. quite possibly the longest sentence ever written.

mmm.......sexy lol, j/k you will be missed superstar. hope things get better for you

Argg...i already messed up. I called her yesterday and we spent most of the day together. I just got more of the same. More mixed signals and confusing explanations. When i called her yesterday it was just a friendly talk, and then i said i was going to get off the phone. She quickly says "I miss you." Being weak willed, i told her i missed her also, and then we made plans to hang out. So she comes over and she is telling me about how she asks all my friends for info on me whenever she gets a chance (Stalkerish?) She told me that she wanted to call me all the time, but her friends had to repeatedly talk her out of calling me. She tells me she loves spending time with me, it is always fun, we always smile together. She keeps telling me how smart i am and how much of a good person i am. Blah blah blah. But then she goes on to tell me that although there are a million great things about me and about our old relationship, she still just doesnt have the "feelings" for me that she used to have. ARG! What the hell, if everything was so great between us - she has never felt that way about anyone else - she wants to spend all this time with me - then how the hell could she not want to at least give our relationship another try? By the way - i am a very good looking guy by most peoples standards so it is not physical attraction that is lacking. She told me that her close friend said that she might be in denial about her feelings for me. This was the close friend that has to repeatedly talk her out of calling me. Doesn't really make much sense to me, but then again nothing about this situation makes much sense. So we have plans to go on a day trip on monday. Looks like i most likely am just in store for more heartbreak - but i always get sucked into this way of thinking. I keep hoping that if we rebuild a friendship the relationship will follow. I know my actions are against the advice of everyone on these forums and most likely against my best interest as well - and for this i am sorry. I just cant get this girl out of my head. Wish me luck - and expect to see my post on here in a couple days about how our day trip made me feel depressed....lol