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Dannysgirl

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  1. Dannysgirl
    Hi Curly, If you don't mind my asking why did he end it? Is it something you think you can both work on and he might be willing to work on or is he resolute in his decision? If its the latter I would suggest that you call him and arrange to get your stuff out of there ASAP, there is no point in dragging things out you also need to arrange a time to meet at the bank to sort out your finances. If you truly think there IS hope of a reconcilliation I would not make contact until Friday (leave it to him) and see what he has to say then. If he doesn't call you on friday I would call him on Saturday and ask him where you stand.
  2. Dannysgirl
    Okay now for starters if you have a job and you don't turn up or call to tell your boss why you won't be in then they are perfectly within their rights to fire you. Now you might be right in thinking that the reason you got fired was because of the harassment but at the end of the day you gave them a reason to legitimately fire you by not turning up for work. I think a lot of this is down to attitude and motivation, you keep saying you did this and you did that but 'nothing happened' a job/unemployment benefit/legal aid is not just going to be handed to you on a plate YOU have to MAKE it happen. You have to keep on these people, if you haven't hear anything from the unemplyment office CALL them over and over again until you get an answer and do everything they ask you to do in the meantime to help yourself - fill out the forms, make sure you send them off promptly ect. When it comes to work you should be very careful of the way you act with your co-workers, the golden rule is don't mix business and pleasure and that is very true. Its NEVER a good idea to get involved with someone at work because if things go bad then coming to work will be very uncomfortable for you. The best way to be at work I find is to be a little detached from my co-workers. I am always polite and friendly but never socialise with co-workers or discuss my private life, work is completely separate from my social life and the person I am when I am at home or with friends. I find this is the best way to be as it ensures that your coworkers don't have anything on you and cannot b!tch about you ceaslessly when you're not there. I don't mean to sound harsh but you really need to decide that you ARE going to get a job and be single minded about it all I'm seeing in your posts are excuses. Okay I understand that you've been through a rough time but sadly thats life there are people out there who will knock you down just because they can but its your decision on whether you stay down or not. Get up, dust yourself off and treat this as a learning experience - do you really want to let those people win? You can and WILL get another job you just have to be serious about it and not be put off. Finding work can be difficult but if you really put your mind to it it will happen. Good Luck.
  3. Dannysgirl
    Okay lets think about this for a moment, you say you have 'a right to treat her as you have been treated' has she called you screaming abuse? No she has not, she has not been abusive towards you in any way really has she? The problem here is that you are percieving her actions (or lack thereof) as being abusive or passive aggressive when her decision to not have contact you probably has nothing to do with you. I think she has chosen to go NC with you because she is embarrassed or ashamed of her behaviour and does not want any reminders. I don't think you''re a psycho and you shouldn't either but calling her and screaming obscenities is not going to make you feel any better and it won't cause her to suddenly start treating you well again, it will only make things ten times worse and you will hate yourself for it later. I know it may not feel that way right now because you're very confused and hurt and want to lash out but when you have calmed down you will think 'Oh my god why on earth did I do that?' If telling her how you felt in the email did not help you feel better you can bet that calling her will not either if anything it will make you feel worse. Have you made any friends where you are right now? Is there anyway you can go hang out with them to take your mind off things? Sit down and try to think about this with a rational mind. Ask yourself, What will happen if I call her? What will She think about me calling her? What will I achieve by calling her?
  4. Dannysgirl
    I met my husband on the internet its our first anniversary this Thursday!!! We get around the stigma thing but only telling our good friends how we really met and we have a made up story we tell everyone else.
  5. Dannysgirl
    All I'm saying Blue Boy is that you have already contacted this woman a couple of times and if she truly does not want to be contacted by you - and it appears she doesn't then she could go as far as to get a restraining or order or something if you contact her again and I'm sure you wouldn't want that. I couldn't tell you the reasons why she is doing this to you, but I don't think that she is doing it to 'torture' you neccesarily she just wants to leave that part of her life behind and any contact with you (even just acknowledgement) would not help her to do that. Perhaps she is feeling embarrasment or shame about her behaviour when you were together and does not want to be reminded of it? There could be a million reasons why she has decided to cut you out of her life and you now have to accept that and stop torturing YOURSELF about the reason because chances are you'll never know. You have had your say and told her what you think about her behaviour - she knows where you stand and if you call her on Christmas day and start screaming the odds you will just make yourself look like a psycho and that will be very difficult for you to live down later on and you can bet that if you do that, any chance of her speaking to you again will be gone. I know you're very hurt but calling her is NOT a good idea you WILL regret it later. Take care of yourself.
  6. Dannysgirl
    Blue Boy, Have you already sent this? Didn't sending it make you feel better? If she had blocked your address you would have received a notification telling you that the email couldn't be delivered. If she has not replied I would take that to mean that she is not going to any time soon if at all. If you have already sent this I would not send any more as it could be construed by her as harassment. For whatever reason this woman has decided to cut you out of her life so as difficult as it is you must respect her decision and come to the conclusion that you are not going to allow her behaviour to impinge on your life anymore. Life is short so try not to waste anymore of yours on a person who clearly wants to forget that you exist in order to ease her own pain.
  7. Dannysgirl
    Lady Bugg I think thats a good idea. Blue Boy clearly needs to get this off his chest and doing this may help him. When I was dumped by somebody I really cared for and he started being absolutely horrible to me I was absolutely enraged that he could treat me so callously after all I had done for him (believe me Igirl and blue boy I more than understand that sense of rage!) and almost sent him a letter telling him how I felt and how much he had hurt me etc and I hoped that one day he was left quadraplegic...(I was quite furious..lol) the only thing that stopped me was the thought of the smug smile that would spread accross his face as he read it. I didn't want to feed this arrogant idiots ego any more than it already was so I DID write that letter but I never mailed it. I kept it and came accross it about a year ago when I was packing my stuff to move to america to marry my sweetheart and I absolutely HOWLED with laughter! When I read it I found it absolutely hysterical that a man that WRONG for me in every sense could have bothered me so much that I would take the time to write anything. Needless to say I'm glad I never sent it. Just to give everyone a little summary of what happened to this guy: He actually dumped me and started dating again a week after we split, he then went on to have two kids with this woman who has now left him because she found out he was cheating while she was pregnant with his kids - he's now living in a poky little flat all on his own and a couple of years ago I saw him in town and he was all flirty with me and I completely shot him down because I gave the impression that I didn't quite know who he was, the look on his face was priceless. So you see, what goes around comes around big time.
  8. Dannysgirl
    Of course its normal to still feel depressed you have been betrayed by somebody who claims to love you, who's baby you are having and whom you love its only natural that you are sad and depressed. You need to explain to him that despite his remorse its going to take a long time for you to 'get over it' if you ever do. You have every right to be sad and he's going to have to be patient and do everything in his power to earn your trust back but its going to be a very long process.
  9. Dannysgirl
    Maybe she's punishing you now for not calling her that one time? That could be it. Is there anybody you can even call back home a friend or a family member to talk about this? Have you talked about it with anyone? You would be surprised how much better you would feel just getting it out of you system because right not it is festering inside you and thats not helping your recovery. If you can't pour your heart out to a friend or family member then may I suggest you scream at the walls in your apartment and say everything you want to say to them, that way you will not open yourself up to ridicule from her (or yourself) if you call her. I would also suggest that you go and see a counsellor as soon as possible to help you work through these issues. I really feel bad for you, nobody should have to go through this alone especially not at this time of year but take comfort in the fact that you will be a much stronger person as the result of this and there IS light at the end of the tunnel. You might never know what caused her coldness and inhumanity towards you but its not your problem anymore, you are free and can do as you please without having to worry about her drinking binges etc. Believe me there are relationships that went sour in my life before I got married, and I am STILL at a loss as to why I was treated so badly when I had done nothing to deserve it. You will have to face the possibility that you may never know the reason she has behaved this way when you had such a history but for your own peace of mind you need to realise that she did because she COULD if you don't recognise that fact then you'll be wondering WHY WHY WHY????? for years to come. Be good to yourself - buy yourself a nice christmas present and remember to eat!!!
  10. Dannysgirl
    Have you thought that the new partner is just a band aid for how awful she feels? Its clear to me that her new relationship is a rebound one and if it makes you feel any better now those never work out longterm. Even if this new relationship is making her feel better for now when it fizzles out she will be feeling just as ad as you do if not worse - you can't just SKIP the mourning process at the end of a relationship so believe me she will be feeling it at some point. Is there anybody you can spend christmas with? Friends or family? Its really not a good idea for you to be alone right now. Please do throw that phone away until you know you're strong enough not to use it. I know that it would make you feel so much better to call her and scream obscenities at her for being such a cold unfeeling b*tch but honestly when you have calmed down you will hate yourself for it and probably berate yourself for it constantly later on. Believe me I've been there and I'm made a total fool of myself over guys in the past - crying, sobbing begging for them to come back etc and I now CRINGE when I think of those times because I am in such a great place now and wouldn't give any of those men the time of day nowadays as I know that I have something a million times better than any of them could have offered me. You'll be fine just stay strong!
  11. Dannysgirl
    She wants you to fight for her - thats my interpretation anyway. She wants you to call her and tell her you really like her and want to make a go of things. She said in the message that she 'wanted to be with you' and what she wants is for you to cal her and ask her WHY you can't be together etc. Do you really want this to work? If so call her and discuss the situation with her. But the first think you need to ask is if she was being honest when she said she was still in love with her ex. If she is it would probably be better to cool things off while she sorts her feelings out.
  12. Dannysgirl
    Hi Blue Boy, Have you thought about how the break-up is affecting her? It appears that she is hurting also and maybe her way of dealing with it is to just block everything out completely. A lot of the advice given to people who have broken up is to go NC - this is by far the best way to heal after a break up because you don't have to deal with the confusion of the other person's feelings. How would her responding to you at this stage help you? You say it would make you feel better and make it easier to bear but thats because a response from her would give you hope that this relationship still had a chance of working. However that does not appear to be the case so with that in mind - she is doing the best thing for you that she possibly can although I bet its breaking her heart to do it. If she were to show any warmth towards you now,you would take about 10 HUGE steps back (despite the fact that you don't think you've made any progess, you would be surprised) and it would take you twice as long for you to get back to where you are now so I would not keep berating her in your head because she is actually doing you the biggest favour of all. Delete her number from your phone and don't contact her again for any reason because that in itself is slowing your recovery, purge your feelings daily by wrting all down and tell yourself that you WILL be okay and you WILL get over this and be happy again. Be good to yourself and take up a hobby you really enjoy prefferable something new that you never did with her. You will be fine once you let go, decide to do it for your own sake and do it sooner rather than later. Good luck and please try and be in contact with friends and family on Christmas day.
  13. Dannysgirl
    Can't you just tap her on the shoulder and say 'can we talk in private?' Her friends wouldn't follow you would they?
  14. Dannysgirl
    I do think you need to sit her down and tell her the reason why you don't think its working. If you just stop calling her she could start thinking she's unnattractive etc and that could really be a blow to her self confidence when it doesn't seem she has that much to start with. Its much better to be upfront about it than just let her put two and two together - I've been in that situation myself and it was NOT fun because I had no idea what the reason could be that I was suddenly getting the cold shoulder and it really a lot more upsetting than had he just said 'look, I really like you I think you're a great person but I just don't think we're right for each other' thats all you have to say and believe me she'll thank you for it.
  15. Dannysgirl
    Could you get another loan? Many colleges operate a Student's Union where they can help you if you are having problems in any aspect of your life, I would enquire at your school about any programs they may have that could help you such as the hardship loan I received - I never had to pay that back.
  16. Dannysgirl
    That is absolutely terrible for you, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Did your sessions with the therapist not help at all? If not I think it would go with what Ocrob said and gets some medication to help control the feelings you are having. good luck , I really hope things get better for you.
  17. Dannysgirl
    I was wondering the same thing, just how dependent on this guy are you? Do you have a job? I'm sure your family would let you move in with them until you get sorted out properly - rather than see you unhappy with this guy. If your plan is to use him until you finish school I would STRONGLY advise against it as it WILL backfire on you. Your boyfriend probably realises that he has the balance of power in your relationship because you are dependent on him which in his mind gives him the right to treat you like dirt - what would you do without him afterall? Its never healthy to allow somebody to have this much power over you. A similar thing happened to me where my boyfriend drained me of all my savings etc until I was totally dependent on him - he then went on to be very emotionally, physcologically abusive knowing full well that I didn't have any option but to allow his behaviour to continue. I eventually got up the courage to leave and transfer to a different university using a hardship fund I got from the student union and help from my parents - it was like a HUGE weight had been lifted off me because I was now in control of my own life again. It was a big pain at the time but ultimately worth it to get out of that situation. Had I not done that I am sure I would be dead now as I later realised he had been hiding essential medication from me and putting various hallucogenic drugs in my food to gain further control of me (this was proven by drug testing) I also lost almost 20 pounds and was VERY sick, I'm very grateful I got out of there as you can imagine because now I am married to the sweetest, most respectful, loving wonderful guy I could even imagine existing and he came along when I wasn't even looking!
  18. Dannysgirl
    Charlie you sound like a very strong grounded woman to realise the game your ex was playing and put a stop to it once and for all. Kudos to you!
  19. Dannysgirl
    You might not want to hear this but it takes two to tango, this woman may well be Alex from Fatal Attraction but your boyfriend constantly put himself in innapropriate situations with this girl, she's a free agent and can do what she wants even come on to other people's boyfriends if she is so inclined (I'm not condoning it and she is a tramp for doing it but she has no emotional attachment with you and has no boyfriend) it was your boyfriends job to ensure that nothing happened and to cut off any contact with once she tried it on - that is his responsibility as YOUR boyfriend so don't be fooled by his attempts to villify her because at the end of the day he is MORE to blame than she is. I also think there is MUCH more to this than meets the eye and more than what he has told you. If she was able to get a condom onto his supposedly 'flaccid' penis then clearly activities of a sexual nature went on - who knows they may even have had sex? Please consider all of what this person has done to you before you consider taking him back and please at the very least put marriage on the back burner for a good few years to at least check out his behaviour in that period before you take such a life altering step. I think you're right about him wanting to marry now so that its more difficult for you to get out of later, why NOW all of a sudden? In my opinion he has realised you are at the end of your rope and are NOT going to allow him to have his cake and eat it too. Before it was just dandy because he could do whatever he wanted to it seems and you would just forgive and forget but the prospect of being alone clearly scares him which is why he's trying to railroad you into marrying him now before your eyes open properly and you realise what a scumbag he really is. Please don't make the mistake of thinking you are going to be alone forever if you break up with him, staying with him means you will not have the opportunity to meet somebody who REALLY cares, loves and respects you. Believe me there are MUCH better men out there, and you will find him when you least expect to but not while this guy is still around. If you do get back with him and I STRONGLY advise against this!!! ](*,) Please do so contigent ONLY on his willingness to go to counselling regarding these insecurity issues and do not under any circumstances marry him until he has proved that he can keep away from other women and keep it in his pants!
  20. Dannysgirl
    Hi, It seems that your main reason for wanting to stay with this guy is the security he provides for both you and your son. I know that financial security is important but is it more important than your own self respect? As for not wanting to hurt him, well he doesn't appear to have any qualms hurting YOU does he? Now he's saying he's not going to have a female friend but isn't this something we've heard before? This is all just smoke blowing and telling you what you want to hear, as soon as he gets his way he'll be back to his old tricks again. Do you really want to run the risk of making this kind of commitment to a person who treats you in this way? Would'nt a better way of looking at it be 'well he's hurt me more than once before, I'm not going to give him the opportunity to do it again' rather than 'I'll take a chance that he won't do it again?' Come on dear, surely you have more respect for yourself than that? Don't convice yourself that you can't do better than this guy because quite frankly a moose could do better - I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but its true and from what you've said you're no moose so kick this guy to the kerb and find yourself a real one!!!
  21. Dannysgirl
    Do you use condoms when you have sex? Its possible you could be allergic to the latex.. We can't really diagnose you on this forum so its best if you see a doctor asap.
  22. Dannysgirl
    I am in full agreement with Fairie and Ailec! This guy is a loser of monumental proportions and has demonstrated a pattern of this kind of behaviour. He appears to be EXTREMELY insecure if he feels the need to engage in this kind of behaviour with other women! He has shown you absolutely NO respect and has made a fool of you at every turn yet you are still wondering whether to forgive him??? Break up with this train wreck pronto and concentrate on building up your own self esteem so that if you are ever in this position again your response will be anger rather than understanding (believe me the only thing you need to understand about this guy is the fact he's an absolute tool) and you will tell said guy to get stuffed. As for forgiveness I don't think that is a good idea right now as allowing yourself to feel rage about what he has done to you will really help you to get him out of your life for good. Perhaps eventually you can think of forgiving him for your own peace of mind. From what you've told us here I feel a sense of real pity for the guy he is clearly a pathetic weed of a man, but what angers me is his mealy mouthed excuses for his unforgiveable treatment of you. The fact that he expects you to swallow this BS almost makes my head explode, does he REALLY think you're that stupid? clearly he does - ditch him now, you deserve a million times better!
  23. Dannysgirl

    Uh Oh!!

    Dannysgirl replied to brahman's topic in Pregnancy

    Ah well I hope the advice helps whoever he wanted it for!
  24. Dannysgirl

    Uh Oh!!

    Dannysgirl replied to brahman's topic in Pregnancy

    LOL the 'just a guy trying to get by' signature really confused me too but I thought it was just a signature?
  25. Dannysgirl

    Uh Oh!!

    Dannysgirl replied to brahman's topic in Pregnancy

    Absolutely! Chill out and I'm sure it will be fine, this happens to me literally every other month without incident. If you take the pill everyday at the same time you have no worries. Go home, put your feet up and relax, your period will start again in no time.
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