victimofabunnycooker

But if I leave him that's what I will have to do. My parents are in no position to help me, and I would feel horrible asking for money from the rest of my family just to get a second degree. I can't support myself and my son and go to school at the same time.

You have to talk to a medical professional. There is a reason for you being here, and it isn't just to suffer. Let someone help you who is trained to help you.

I might be having my own relationship troubles right now Jody, but I can tell you two things I'd be pretty sure of 1. He got spooked about the closeness 2. If you completely stop contacting him, he'll start to wonder what you're up to and he'll contact you then you can get your answers

Ahhh, but if I work in an urban inner city school for 3 years there are government programs that forgive student loan debt. So if I finish my financial situation will be much better than if I leave now and never finish school. And I really don't know what started this. We had 2 years of a weird relationship, then we had 3 years of a normal relationship, now we've had 2 years of crap. We can't seem to get on the same page, but I guess if I'm dealing with his betrayals it makes sense that I can't get in sinc with him.

I have a BS in Chemistry. When we met I made twice what he does. He is self-employed. After I lost my job in 2000 I immediately started substitute teaching, still making more than he did. When I went back to school I took out the max in student loans, I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, but he never paid one of my bills. He bought all the luxuries he wanted, lived part time with me and part time with his family. When I quit school in 2003 I had a job making more than him and paid all my bills. He was the one who pushed me this year to go back to school. I told him I would need help at times, that the surplus of the loans would not cover all of the expenses. If he could not handle that I wouldn't go back. He said he was fine with it. November and December of this year are the only times he has ever paid any of my bills. If he ever made the claim that I was using him for money I would seriously consider beating his * * * * *!

As to my mother she has been married to my father for over 35 years. The love they have is the love I want in a relationship. As for the girl, she got engaged a month after I did, to a guy who lives 3 hours away, so technically she wasn't a free agent, but he was so far removed from the picture it didn't matter. And oh heck yes I blame her way more than him. She was my neighbor before he came into the picture, I invited her into my home, I was friendly to her, I defended her when people would talk badly about her. When I say she's a bunny cooker I mena she's a bunny cooker. We have a friend, he is a teacher, he got married last year. His wife was friends with my neighbor, but she was not invited to their wedding. When she found out we were invited and she wasn't, she threatened to "ruin" them as well. She sent his wife an email stating he bought her junk jewelry and that he had cheated on her. Even though J and I both knew this, and even though I told him not to get close to her, he was still a dumb * * * * and did it. I think part of him was trying to prove to me that I was wrong for questioning him on having a female friend. Saying "I told you so." gives me absolutely no satisfaction. On another occasion she used our computer to well.... pull some shady stuff on another one of her exes. I am going to take her down there is no question of that. She is purely and simply trash. I don't know if I am going to stick it out until I finish school and then get out or if I am going to invest anything into actually making this work. That's why I don't know about the counseling. I've thought about it, but I don't know how much good it would do. I really thank all of you. I needed some objective opinions, other than a mother who doesn't want me to end up in a bad financial situation, basically to reaffirm I'm not crazy for considering breaking up. Its hard because I've been with him for so long, and I ask myself should I throw all of that away, but can I really give someone 2 chances?! Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I don't know why he's so gung ho to move up the date. We actually only set the date after he told me the little bit that was going on in September. To be honest he proposed after we had a big fight in February. The original date was June 9, 2007 after I'm done with school. Right before he told me the rest of the story he started talking about getting married this coming summer. When he told me everything I told him no way for this coming summer. The only thing I can figure is that he is scared I'll break up with him. I've told him if he ever cheated on me I'd break up with him. Maybe he's just trying to seal the deal so its harder for me. Whatever, it doesn't matter now. I'm still deciding what to do. My mom tells me this is a hiccup in a relationship..... I don't think so. And I was still working when he put the computer on his card. If she'd been a decent person instead of Alex from Fatal Attraction the computer would have already been paid off at this point so it shouldn't have mattered.

Thank you all. You've repeated everything that has been going through my head. Since this happened he's been at me to push up the wedding date. This from the man who took 5 years and me telling him I was going on with my life without him, to ask me to marry him. I of course told him no. I am definitely not ready for that. I told him if we stay engaged I need a new ring, because this one is tainted. If I leave him I won't be able to finish my teaching degree. I only have a year to go, 3 classes and student teaching. I think the best thing for my son and I would be to finish that this coming year. The hardest thing for me is I have never put up with this before. I left my son's father before E was born, because he disrespected me. I think I am afraid of making a hasty decision like that again and making life harder for the two of us, once again. I've always thought of myself as a pretty confident person. That would be the first thing people would say to describe me. I am trying to examine myself and figure out why I choose men who end up hurting and disrespecting me. Of course there's alot more to J than him hurting me, and he's said he's never going to have another female friend, but do I really want to spend the rest of my life watching for it? And what if it takes another 5 years for him to do it again? I'm five years older, more time wasted and I'm dealing with the same hurt again. The hardest part is I don't want to hurt him, and I know it would hurt him if I left him. And if I can't forgive him, if I stay I'll hurt both of us. So my decision is basically: take a chance, a chance that he won't hurt me again, a chance that he will. What a f-ing mess.

I never thought it would happen to me. I'm looking for help, I don't want the people in my life to know but before all is said and done they probably will. I've been with my fiancee for 7 years. We got engaged in February this year. I love him more than life itself, but.... I've always had to deal with his exes. He has the type of personality that always wants to remain friendly with people, regardless of the situation. When we first started going out, he was getting over a bad breakup and a girl he liked who was jerking him around. Although I was very attracted to him, I held myself away from him because I was afraid of getting hurt. It took two years before either of us said "I love you" and decided to be together as a couple. It took five years after that for us to get to the point of being engaged. Of those five years the first 2 were wonderful. We went through a lot of good times, and a lot of bad. I lost my job in 2000 and changed careers. I went back to school to become a teacher. This put a burden on us financially so in February 2003 I went back to full time work. We were in a taking eachother for granted place, but I think it happens to most couples after being together for so long. It was hard for me, though, because I always had to deal with him talking to other women. About this time he began talking to a girl he met on a forum. She lives in Texas. At first it was just IM but eventually they exchanged phone numbers and began talking to each other for hours. I told him repeatedly it bothered me, but was not firm that he should not talk to her. I did not want to be a woman who put a leash on a man. I felt he's an adult, he should act like one, I should not need to control what he does, or who he talks to. The talking and chatting got out of control, and on Valentine's Day 2004 he had to tell me something, because her husband was going to contact me. Her husband had found naked pictures of my finacee on her email. Her husband also found chats that she had saved of conversations they'd had. The most hurtful things in the chat were the two of them saying "I love you" and "You're my favorite person in the world". My fiancee explained it all away that it was just talk and didn't mean anything, that the pictures were a joke. It took me about a year to get over it, but I did. So in February this year we got engaged. My neighbor, a girl of 25, works at a jewelry store and helped him get my perfect ring. I've lived next to her for 9 years and we've been friendly neighbors but nothing more. She dresses like a hoochie, washes her car in short shorts and high heels, but she's got a belly, bleach blonde hair, and a beat face. I never imagined what happened over the summer would happen, because she's just so unattractive, not to mention pyscho, but it did. In March my finacee started exercising. He, our son, and I all got bikes and started riding. We started walking at the local track, but I couldn't always go with him, because I had to be home with my son. So he started walking with this neighbor girl and her mother. Sometimes I would go with them, sometimes just he and the girl would go. After they went walking he would go sit on her front porch and talk. He would come in for 10 minutes to tell me goodnight, then go spend hours talking to her before leaving to go home. In July I was getting pretty sick of it, and told him he shouldn't be spending so much time with her. He said he did not understand why women don't like it when their boyfriends are friends with women, and if she had a penis it wouldn't matter. I told him he was right, if she had a penis it wouldn't matter. Anyway, at the end of July he put a computer on a credit card for her, that she was to pay off. She made 2 payments in August and September, before the * * * * hit the fan. In the middle of September J went to a bar with her for her friend's going away party. He justified it to me at the time by saying his friend from school would be there and that her mother was going. I was enraged. He didn't know how close I was to breaking up with him, I even had my ring off for days and he didn't notice. But I couldn't leave because I quit my job in August to go back to school. He's supporting me right now. At the beginning of October, I noticed he'd stopped hanging around her. He finally told me what the problem was. She told him, she liked him. This was on a Sunday. The Thursday before she'd called him to meet her at a bar in town, of course I knew nothing about it. While he was there she asked him if he was happy several times and he told her yes, he was happy with me. She said she "did not like this, the pretty, skinny, blond always wins." She threatened to ruin him, she told him she was not going to pay for the computer, etc, etc. I was angry with him, I told him he wasn't to speak to her again, unless it had to do with getting the money back for the computer. Which is how it was for the last 2 months. I thought it was that simple. On December 5th, J was leaving to go home, and she came out her back door to smoke. I was in bed but heard her loud obnoxious voice and knew they were talking, so I went to the window to watch. I could see she was very agitated after he left while she finished her cigarette. He told me the next day he asked her for the money and she said she would give him the money, but he could see she was very angry about it. Two days later he came to me to say he'd gotten a phone call from her aunt, telling him if he didn't stop asking for the money they would get a restraining order and that he would have to take her to small claims court if he wanted the money. I had never approached this girl up to this point, but we need the money and I was not going to let her punish him for rejecting her, so I went to her backdoor and spoke with her mother. I told her mother I did not want to speak to her daughter, but I wanted to know why she wasn't going to pay the money back. Her mother said they had every intention of paying. I asked then why did they have a lawyer call J and threaten him. Her mother said that was just her aunt. I told her her daughter is going to pay the money or we'll take her to small claims court. At this point C yelled out "It was a gift" which her mother repeated. I asked if it was a gift then why did she make 2 payments. C yelled from the background "Those were for jewelry for you" meaning me. I told her mother just because her daughter didn't get what she wanted did not mean she would get away without paying the money. I walked away and went back home. A few minutes later the police were at my door, and I have a disorderly conduct ticket to deal with right now. But in the aftermath of all of that, J finally told me the rest of the story. The words he used were that "She tried to seduce me three times." The first was in August, she was drunk, as usual, and they were on her front porch. He was standing up smoking and she pushed him against the wall, kneeled in front of him and pulled his pants down to give him a blow job. He pushed her off and left. She called him crying to apologize and he forgave her, and maintained contact with her, still going walking. The second time was before they went to the bar. He was in her home helping her work on her computer, and her mother went up to take a shower. She was sober, and she started rubbing his penis. He told her no and left. At this point so he says, she started threatening him, that if he did not keep talking to her and seeing her, she would tell me they were having an affair. She again told him the blond always wins. The third time happened after the bar. He said he was again in her living room on the couch, she pushed him down, got a rubber on him and was riding him, but he could not get hard. She was telling him he wasn't happy and she would make him happy. I can't imagine how a woman could get a rubber on an unwilling man. In any case, this all happened before he told me the first part of the story in October. I assumed there was no contact with her after that, but the day after he told her he did not want to talk to her anymore, she left about 10 messages on his cell phone in a few hours. In the last 2 months she has left numerous messages on his phone using a backdoor number so her phone number does not sho on his caller ID and it goes right to voice mail. On Halloween, she called him to meet her out. He told her no. The night he got the phone call from her aunt he mentioned to her aunt that he wanted the drunken phone messages to stop or he would file against her for harassment. The next day after I went over there someone was trying to break into the voice mail on his phone. I hope at this point she gives up, but I don't think she will. It doesn't matter because I have things on her and I am going to use them to take her down, but am I the stupidest person who ever lived to still love this man? How do I forgive him?