INeedTheCheese

Depression is very common with Aspergers Syndrome, which is what I have. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and a psyhcotherapist working together through an assessment, they interviewed my parents and everything. Its pretty accepted I do have Aspergers.

I am obsessed with spirituality. I am obsessed with Jesus/Buddha/Christianity (which i rejected after MUCH searching through), and it keeps me awake at night. I study philosophy; i live to try and find something way beyond me. And i have already eliminated a lot of people and activities from my life. Thanks.

I'll try and keep this brief, I've banged on enough about my problems on here. I am 17 now, I've always been a little *off/eccentric* for as long as any of my family or friends care to mention. I'm high-end Autistic, basically meaning Im intelligent yet cannot process the world (esp. socially) the way most people can. I have managed to get to do good subjects at college, friends from both my old school and a few new ones at college, and I have had a boyfriend for 3 months. This was amazing in itself, as previously I had gotten through over 12 people in a year - I just seemed psychopathic/uncaring, I cheated repeatedly and didnt care who knew. I have all that guilt to deal with for one thing. I had a breakdown in March last year, I didnt get out of bed for ages. Id do very little but stare into space for ages. Currently troubling me are the following - 1- Waves of severe depression alternating with deep, almost *spiritual* happiness 2- Obession with wanting to be a guy - looking up gender swap websites, repeatedly, etc 3-I am convinced I am fat, even though I am medically not, in fact Im in lowest 30% weight-for-height and whatever 4-Delusions - I spent yesterday terrified, because i **knew** the world would end at 6.45am today. Needless to say, it didnt. 5-Paranoia attacks. Some days, everyhting..strangers' conversations, for example, become personal attacks 6-Aggression. Unexplained, random, attacks of aggression. 7-Deep, deep sadness 8-Guilt. Even for things Im not sure I even did. 9-mild hallucinations, for example, things crawling over ceilings, voice distortion I am seeing my psychiatrist again in January, but that is also depressing. I qualify for flamin' medication, and that makes me feel like such a failure. my eating is also all wrong because my appetite is way, way off. or way, way on...its just very screwed up. Im scared I will hurt someone or myself, and I do not want to, because I am not a bad person, am I?! Thank you for listening, i needed to tell someone that. Im sorry for repeating myself.

I am being re-summoned to my psychiatrist in January, I made a real impression on her. I know Id qualify for anti-psychotic medication. I am now convinced that the world will end on Tuesday at 6.45am, because I dreamt that it was so. I know it is my illness, yet, I feel it is true as well. I have frequently been told how intelligent I am. And to a lot of people I would say *I'd trade it any day for a 90-110 point IQ instead of mine (140+), which causes me nothing but grief. I despise how different I am. Thank you for all replies.

oh of course, I talked about these feelings with him about 3 days ago. He listened for a long time, but all he could ultimately really say was *well...I dont see you as a bi guy*. Its good that it doesnt seem to matter to him and it was a relief he doesnt *mind*. he loves my curves. Yeh, theyre nice..but they arnt meant for me. They are wrong. It should be a straighter body with more muscle

Hey all, I'm 17 and I have a lovely boyfriend who Im happy with and he seems nothing but happy with me. its just that..im sort of...tired. i'll try and explain. Im just starting to get into my head that Im not intended for relationships. For one thing, Im a very depressive person, and that cannot be an asset to anyone! I get very jealous of things like girls in magazines but not for usual reasons. I know (sorry but im just going on what ive been told) that im hot, im thin, im good looking, but ill never feel as feminine as that, because ultimately, i havnt been able to shake the feeling (from the age of 11 or so) that I was meant to have been born a guy. I think of me as a bi guy in a womans body. Theres nothing *wrong* or ugly about my physical appearance, but its not right for me. I have always fitted in better with guys, and really am bad at being at all typically female. I never *got* girls (despite fancying some of them) and overall, just..argh, I am the wrong, wrong gender and this makes me feel very uncomfortable because it sort of feels like im living a kind of falsehood. When Ive tried to talk to a few friends about it, they pretty much just said *uhh...riiiiiiiiggghhhtttt but you so arnt like a guy*. I was bought up just to be a normal girl, my family life offers no clues as to why im like this. i wasnt bullied or anything about related issues either as i was growing up, neither was I abused or anything. If I didnt have 36C breasts I could (and would try to) pass off as a guy, because I have rough body shape (shoulders wider than hips) unisex punky haircut, and im goodlooking in striking rather than dainty way. I used to feel mad that somehow i was in wrong body, but now im just sad. Im going back to psychiatrist in january for Aspergers Syndrome/Depression so i will talk about that...but...i just needed to vent. Thank You.

I guess, basically, it comes down to a fear of rejection. I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months. Ive had quite a few relationships before but only been in love once before. Well..I really think I love my boyfriend, but don't want to scare him. There are plenty of signs he really cares about me and hes really into me - he treats me really well, we share problems, we talk for hours, we feel totally at ease in each others company, he travels several hours from Uni at weekends to see me in term time.. (hes 21, Im 17). He's just brilliant really, and has described me as "f*cking awesome" and things like that.. he makes me feel beautiful (no mean feat, I have bad body image) and hes sexually considerate and everything. Should I just come out and say it? I feel like I will explode sometimes if I don't and I want him to know how I feel, but if he doesnt return it ill feel...well..not good. ...

I'm 17 and feel myself slipping back into depression which lead to my referral to a psychiatrist in April/May time. I finally opened up and discussed how Id always felt different and alienated, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which went some way to explain why I always was a strange child with many oddities my mother could never fathom. I feel like a stranger. One of my Asperger Obsessions was Psychology and Neuro Linguistic Programming, so I effectively learnt formally, from books and the internt, how *normal people* behave, however I am still an *acquired taste* to this day. I simply seem to have a depressive nature. I get black waves even when things appear to be going well. I used to be anorexic from ages 14-15..and I am also sliding back into that as well. I am doing subjects I like at college, I have a stable (fairly) family, Im not that unhealthy, I'm not poor, I have friends and a boyfriend who appears to be very into me. But I don't feel like a human. I get bizarre days..I get delusions, for example *my father is going to rape me*. (He has never been anything but perfectly caring to me). I walk through a crowd..every comment is directed at me. I get very angry and full of hatred very quickly. Sometimes, I will have what I call minor hallucinations...items moving or swaying, for example. I suffer from depersonalization, whree I feel completely out of my body up to hours at a time. It sounds ridiculous, but I have been like this for over a year so thereforeeee all my friends just accept that as part of me..Im not sure they appreciate just what the situation is. I know through research that Aspergers and Schizotypal Disorder have very similar clinical features. Aspergers seems to be a good diagnosis for me as I have been different etc from childhood, but I definitely fit criteria for Schizotypal Disorder too...I seem to have both. Thank you for letting me vent here..Im not sure I want a life like this..I dont like it even when I have, seemingly, everything going for me.

How is that stupid? When my parents were my age (17 and 20) they did the same. They've been married 27 years now, and no disasters befell them. I'm not saying of course that my boyfriend and I will get married, but .... I dont know, I couldnt stop thinking how unreasonalbe the parents of this girl are being. She's 18, she'll know about contraception and whether she's ready to sleep with him. It all seems bizarre to me. Maybe this is a cultural thing, or something. But if two people are seeing each other at this age and are going to have sex, theyll do it in the daytime or elsewhere if they arn't allowed to stay over. I fail to see the difference between spending a day unsupervised with your signif other (where you could do anything) and spending the night with them (where you could do anything). good luck.

Im 17, my boyfriend is 21, we have been together for 2 months, known each other for 3 months in total. Im allowed to stay at his house regularly overnight by my parents. The thing is , we are not even having sex yet, just to dispel notions that I go there for a night of sex. Does this mean my parents dont care about me then?? And they do know his age etc, havnt met him beyond 5 minute conversations though. whats odd is that in other respects, they are strict. xxxxx

I'll try and make this fairly brief..ill do it in bullet points? -I am 17, female, and in college -On the outside I have most things going for me..im healthy/attractive/have friends/a boyfriend/family/good chance at education -I was anorexic between ages 14-15...I still have that mindset. -I got a rapid psychiatric referral earlier this year for suicidal feelings/deep depression, I was told I have Aspergers Syndrome but whilst I have some tendencies, I dont think it goes anywhere near explaining why I felt and feel so sh*te, as was implied by my shrink, who I have now stopped seeing as she made me cross -I chucked in grammar school to go to college where I'm doing better subjects and meeting more people on my mothers suggestion, but -My motivation to work is slipping as it did last year -My father is a *bury head in sand* type, my mother gets hysterical or angry when I talk about feeling depressed or suicidal - I dont blame her, thats her coping, but it means I hide all my bad feelings from her nowadays -I feel ugly and empty -I was never an upbeat kid, I would say bizarrely I am an extrovert (I am really into acting/drama at college) but dear f*ck am i depressed...people arnt nasty to me, im not bullied, but im so miserable -I have friends to talk to but it doesnt make any difference beyond 20 minutes or so Its not healthy to be like this, is it? Ive tried therapy..switching college subjects...going out more..new hobbies...more exercise..religion...self help books...NOW WHAT? -I cant see a lot of point in the future