Dannysgirl

Is this guy really popular or something? It does seem that you really like him but sometimes when you really like somebody you get blinded to the facts, we've all been wrong about somebody and been hurt, thats part of growing up but please don't let your body be used like that. You deserve to have your first time with a person who loves/cares about you. You might not think its important to be in love before you have had sex but believe me I've experienced both and sex when you're in a loving trusting relationship is far better. I'm also worried about these drugs you're doing, I'm not going to be a hypocrite here as I have tired dope out of curiosity in university but it really messes with your head and body. Some drugs like Ectasy can leave you paralysed or dead so please be careful. LSD can leave you on a permanent bad trip, doing it this young (or at all) could leave you with permanent damage.

Well if he's a nice guy and likes you why don't you wait a while? His penis won't drop off if you make him wait you know - promise! A boyfriend of mine once tried to tell me that his would get 'clogged' if I didn't sleep with him when I was 16, lol I laughed him out of the room. If he's such a nice guy why has he got condom wrappers on his wall? Are you going to like it if he puts the wrapper that the condom he used with you up there?

You didn't answer question morethanyouthink, WHY do you want to do this? Ask yourself why and be honest with yourself, you already know the answer to this one but as a 13 yr old (I don't mean to sound patronising) you think that reputation and what other people think is the be all and end all and you want to fit in. Giving this tool head will not win acceptance you'll probably get worse treatment as a result. Please just respect your body Its the only one you'll ever have and this loser doesn't deserve to mess with it. Ignore the people in your class who call you a prude, because at least you won't end up pregnant or with a disease by the time you're 15 like some of them will! A guy who keeps condom wrappers on his wall is NOT worth your time.

He's still older than you, so he could still face legal proceedings...

What exactly are YOU going to get out of giving this guy head? You're getting nothing out of it apart from possible STD's, so why?

You can't really think this is a good idea or you wouldn't have posted about it. You say you've been called a prude but thats not why you're doing this. I think its EXACTLY why you're doing it! That is why you asked if head was okay because you think that if you give him head that will be enough, it will get around that you did that and people won't call you a prude anymore. Do you know what they will call you if you do this and these other kids find out? You'll get a LOT worse names than prude believe me! Most of your friends and the people who say this (especially the guys) are as inexperienced as you are they just pretend not to be to seem cool and pick on you to draw attention away from themselves. Waiting to have sex is more than okay. There is no law that says you have to have sex in fact there IS a law that says you CANT have sex until you are deemed an adult. I waited until I was 21 to have sex because I didn't want to have to deal with this classroom BS and didn't want every detail of the encounter being discussed in the lunch room. You deserve a first sexual experience with somebody who cares about you, please don't make this mistake with this guy. Listen to RayKay, she knows what she's talking about.

Hi, No I don't think you're weird. A lot of girls go through phases of wanting to date older guys because they seem 'mature and sophisticated' but believe me that is not always the case. Older men can be just as immature and ignorant as their younger counterparts and some of them, however old they get just never grow up period! If you are going to date older guys please be safe, make sure you mom knows where you are and set a time that you will be home. Also be careful about being alone with anybody you date until you know as you don't want to be pressured into doing anything you're not ready for, that is one of the problems with seeming older than you are as some guys might think you are more experienced sexually and might try to take things further. Not all younger guys are that bad you know, a lot of their immaturity and ignorance is just a put on show for the rest of the guys to try and prove how cool they are. If there are any guys you know around your age who seem okay why not try to get to know them? You might be pleasantly surprised. I must say I don't envy you! I always hated the disrespectful way that boys used to talk about girls in my class having made out with them. If they didn't make out they were 'tight' and if they DID they were 'easy' not to mention all the 'breast ratings' that went on. I never did understand and to this day don't get why men have to behave that way and be so indiscreet about their encounters or be downright nasty if they don't get an encounter in the first place! (would any guys on here care to shed some light?) As a result of what went on in and out if the classroom I decided to wait a little longer than was standard to lose my virginity (with an actual grown up mature guy at the age of 21) as I did not want it to be with one of the spotty greasy smug little gits in my class so he could go and tell all and sundry about it! That happened to a lot of my friends so be very careful and get to know somebody very well before you take anything further with a guy and please don't be in a rush to grow up. You can't get your childhood back one its gone and in years to come you might find yourself wishing you'd behaved a little more childishly because you won't be able to do that when you're in your twenties! Have fun!

I know exactly how toad and Yokahama_mama feel. I really used to despise my brother and still do to some degree. All the time we were growing up he was nasty and abusive. He seemed to derive a sick twisted pleasure from hurting me, tormenting me and making me cry. I remember at the eight of twelve being astonished to find that my best friend's brother didn't hit her! He is now 30 going on 15 (he still plays playstaion games and was living with my mother until the age of 28 ) and is an absolute ton of debt. He works a menial dead end job so he has no hope of paying it off and is apparently dating an absolute psychopath. I have accepted that a lot of the way he treated me from childhood up until I was 17( when I suddenly snapped after he had whacked me accross the head for no reason and threatened to kill him I was drying the dishes and had a large kitchen knife in my hand at the time so hitting me was NOT a good idea!) was a result of jealousy I was a very sick child and I needed a lot of attention and numerous hospital visits to stay well. I was also a lot more academic than my brother and have a degree while he basically fooled aroud and acted the clown and ended up failing all nine of his GCSE's in spectacular fashion. I haven't seen him in a good couple of years as I moved away from that village to live in Halls of residence (some of you know the story about my mother and why I left a thread called 'should I break NC with my mother' and that gives a little more perspective on my family life). I have since moved to america and gotten married. These days I don't really hate him so much as pity him, okay its true that when I think about aome of the things he said and did I get really angry but I don't hate him anymore. I don't send him birthday and christmas cards because I couldn't give a toss about him to be honest, I don't hate him but I can't say I love him either. I a way I feel a little smug because my life has turned out great and he always told me what a loser I am, how I'd never make anything of myself and nobody would ever love me because I'm ugly. But guess what? I'm married to a wonderful man who takes excellent care of me, I have a good job and a lovely home. Whats he got? A phycho girlfriend who has beaten him up in the past, a poky little bedsit, and a dead end job in a dead end village in wales. I know its cheesy but its true that livng well is the best revenge. I know that my mother and brother get together regularly for Nia back stabbing sessions in an attempt to make themselves feel better because I've done better than either of them thought I would and better than either of them did. Oh god I'm sorry! I'm supposed to be giving YOU advice not rambling on about my own experiences. I think you should tell your brother to get bent. He's not a child let him pick up his own mess and do NOT lend him any money because you will NOT get it back. My brother was thrown out for a time by my mother when he was sixteen. Very sneakily when he knew my mother would not be there he came over and guilt tripped me into emptying my bank account for him, telling me he had no food etc.. and I did so, okay it was only 100 pounds but it was all my savings and I was only 13. He later went out and blew the whole lot on a night out with his friends and I never saw that money again. Seriously tell him to do one, he sounds like a selfish manipulative pig just like my brother and you don't have to take his BS. The longer you put up with it the worse you'll get treated by him. People only do what they think/konw they can get away with. Good luck!

I'm having the same problem at the moment and unfortunately its been going on for weeks. I'll either not be able to get to sleep or I'll wake up at 2/3am and not be able to get back to sleep! Ive tried unisom which is non habit forming but that only really works when I wash it down with a beer (which you're not supposed to do -naughty!) but at this point I'll do anything to sleep. Its weird because I'll toss and turn all night and then when its about half an hour before the alarm goes off I'll drop off to sleep, its so unfair! I feel your pain believe me..

Dumbfox, I have been Hypothyroid since birth and on Thyroxine all my life, I recently had my levels checked and they were fine but how exactly does the thyroid disrupt sleep? I never heard of that as a symptom although I do get the palpitations quite often. Thanks to you both for replying and thanks so much for your support.

Well I actually did push myself to do aerobics last night because I thought it might help. It did not, I ended up getting a grand total of an hour of sleep. My husband says I should go to the doctor because it might be a symptom of a larger problem but unfortunately I fainted at work about a month ago and we have a large medical bill (just under $1000) for that as well as a lot of bills for bloodwork I have had done. I have hypopituitarism (hypothyroid, adrenal insufficency and growth hormone deficiency) and have needed a lot of tests as I am currently trying to get back on growth hormone that I was taking up until six months ago when I moved to America. I have had a lot of health problems since I have been off this medication. My husband and I anticipated that I would need very good medical benefits when I came over here, unfortunately his insurance carrier did not allow him to change his plan (he has a very cheap one as he is very healthy) when he married me so we now have to wait until early December before he can change it. I am worried about getting into debt as all of the bloodwork that I need is going to run into a good thousand plus the hospital visit which was another $1000 and now the sleep stuff on top of it? If I have all this done we are going ot be buried.

Hi all, For the last few months I have been having periods (usually lasting a week or two) of not being able to sleep, waking up multiple times during the night or waking up too early. I have never had problems of this nature before and have always slept very well. I'm so frustrated, I just want to cry, I'm sooo tired. There is no reason for me to not sleep. I am probably the happiest I have ever been and have no worries (although now I worry that I won't be able to sleep) I don't smoke and rarely drink caffeinated drinks at all. Lack of sleep is affecting my health (my health can deteriorate quite rapidly) I can barely function at work and feel like I am in a daze most of the time. This is truly horrible, it is disrupting my whole life I rarely excercise anymore because i'm so tired so I LOOK awful in my opinion which upsets me and all I think about is getting to sleep. I have tried taking unisom and that works sometimes but it also leaves me feeling out of it for the whole of the next day.. I seriously feel like I am going to have some kind of breakdown if I don't get some sleep soon. I am working as a receptionist at the moment and every time the phone rings I just want to scream/cry or both because my head feels like its having holes drilled in it. This problem also seems to be getting worse because this particular bout has lasted longer than the usual week/two week bout. Please help Thanks.

Good for you soft monnlight!!!!! Well done! If I were you I would tell him to get out immediately, that way you won't have to worry about him trying to slowly grind you down into letting him stay. Its best he goes right now while you are remaining strong. He is not your responsibility, I'm sure he can stay with a friend until he gets himself sorted out. I'm sure if the situation was reversed he wouldn't give a damn about whether had anywhere else to go. In the meantime if he hits you again I would call the police immediately and have him arrested. I also think your idea about changing the locks is a good one. Good luck! This is a new beginning, be excited for the future you have a lot to look forward to now you are rid of this dead weight.

Its worth a try. Why did she say she hated you? Were you the one who broke it off? Do you think she might have calmed down a bit now?

No I was just wondering if there was any infidenlity involved or anything. Seeing as you were with her for that amount of time and presumably knew her parents pretty well, I don't think it would be out of place to go to the wake. I don't think its a good idea to turn up at the funeral itself because that will probably be just family and might make your ex very uncomfortable. I would definitely drop by the wake and drop off a card for her and her mother and give them your condolences. If things are really strained between you I would just do that and then leave, at least she will know that you care.

May I ask why you broke up? In any event I think it would be appropriate to send a card and maybe a letter telling her how sorry you are. Attending the funeral is really dependent on why you broke up in my opinion.

I'm sorry you've had such an awful time with this LDR. My experience has been just the opposite. I met Danny (now my husband) on a message board. Neither of us were looking for any type of a relationship at the time, I was just coming out of a relationship with a total psycho as was he. We got chatting at found we had a lot in common and a very similar sense of humour. Slowly over the course of four months of escalating emails and phonecalls we fell in love and decided to meet. He flew in to Dublin airport where we met for the first time on December 2nd 2003. We married on December 22nd of last year. I truly could not wish for better. I think that getting to know each other on the inside slowly over that period of time without the physical attraction getting in the way (which was electric when we actually met, he's gorgeous! ) has been a very good basis for our relationship as we have a deep understanding of eachother and I think we really appreciate each other more as a result of the agony of being apart. Having beeen together and very happily married for six months now neither of us could fsthom being apart for even one day now. Don't get me wrong, it has not been all roses the whole way. While we were apart we had terrible arguments mostly due misunderstandings caused by not being able to get your tone accross on IM. However these disagreements made us a lot stronger and gave us a better understanding of each other in the long term. I used to think that people who hooked up online were really sad and that they were 'obviously desperate' because they if they needed to get online to find love then they clearly couldn't find it in the normal way. I cringe when I think about the way that I used to ridicule internet relationships. I had never had any other type of internet thing before this one so I suppose the lesson there is don't knock it till you've tried it! All I can say is thankgod for the net because if wasn't for that we would never have met and there is no thought that scares me more than that. Best of luck in the future, I'm sure you'll find that someone probably when you least expect it like I did!

This guy sounds like a total bellend. Tell him to shape up or ship out! Your story really shocked me that is disgusting behaviour and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. He goes nuts when you eat 'his' Ben and Jerry's? He won't burn a CD for you and won't allow you to do it yourself? All I can say having read your post is how much I appreciate my husband!!! He sounds rather controlling to me and you need to sit down with him and go through all of these things you mentioned point by point. I would even go so far as to print your post out and read it to him or even send him the link to this subject in an email. You need to get accross your frustration and anger about his behaviour or he will brush off your words and keep behaving like a spoilt child. If that doesn't work I would resort to behaving the way he does to get your message accross. If that doesn't work kick this tool to the curb. Good luck!

I'd advise you to drink as much water as you can and maybe herbal/fruit tea would be better for you than coffee. I'm sure you'll start to feel better soon, don't try to rush it. If you're still not feeling better by the end of the week I would advise that you go to the doctor so that he/she can do a blood test to rule out glandular fever which can also be brought on by stress. I'm sure you'll be fine, try to eat some soup or something

Mysterious Gurl, You probably have a virus that you caught due to a weakened immune system because of the stress of your exams. Get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids. I'm sure you'll be fine

Hi wantoconnect, Are you a generally shy person? Do you have difficulty making friends/maintaining friendships? If so I would suggest that you build up your self esteem and get to like yourself first before you try to have a relationship with anybody else. Shyness often is a result of a lack of confidence, I used to be incredibly shy. The reason for this largely was that I didn't feel that anybody wanted to listen to anything I had to say, why would they? I felt extremely insignificant and because I felt that way people treated me as such. However once I started to value myself a little more, I soon learned that others did too. As for starting a relationship I think that common interests are a key factor. As for 'dead silences' silence doesn't have to be uncomfortable, don't feel the desperate need to fill every gap in conversation when you are talking to someone, sometimes its nice to sit in easy, companionable silence with someone. If a lull in the conversation comes about just smile and relax. When first getting to know a person its essential that you show interest in that person, what they like, dislike, what makes them happy, sad etc. Ask lots of questions and nod encouraginglyhere and there when they are talking. Its important not to interrupt a person when they are speaking as that can be intensely irritating. Make lots of eye contact when speaking to people it shows confidence and above all be yourself! Good luck!

I would call it a form of mental abuse yes. Not being permitted to sleep is absolutely awful. I once lived with someone who did the same thing on a regualr basis to me, okay he also hid essential medication and told me I was fat and ugly all the time (when I weighed 80 pounds!) too so my ex's intent was a bit more clear cut than your situation. However I still think its totally unnaceptable for somebody to do this. You NEED sleep to function properly. Please do anything you can to get out of there asap if not for your sake, for your daughter.

I agree with the other replies. You definitely need to get away from this guy. He is using emotional abuse & blackmail to control you and you don't need that. I was once with a very insecure guy who I did everything for much like the way you do and he used mental abuse as a way of destroying my confidence so I wouldn't think that anyone else would ever be attracted to me. It sounds like this guy is trying a similar tactic. As for all of the other things that you do for him well, who are you exactly, his mother? This person is a grown man you owe him nothing, and please don't make the mistake of buying the nice 'I'll change' routine its a load of crap. He knows you're getting to the end of your tether but he doesn't want to lose the cushy little spot he's in so he's going to act all nice until you relent and then he'll be right back to the way he was. Tell him to get out of your house and get a grip and if he says 'I'll commit suicide' say 'good, one less worthless piece of scum on the planet' to let him know you mean business, don't worry about sending him over the edge this guy is a coward a fact that is exemplified by his behaviour. Even if he does try to harm himself its not your fault, he is an adult and responsible for his own actions. Good luck

How come both your parents had dentures for your entire life? Did they have to get dentures because they did not brush their teeth either? I suppose if you never got into the habit of brushing your teeth and never saw anyone else doing it on a regular basis then I can see how you never did. However I do think its irresponsible of your parents not to instil in you from an early age to brush your teeth for the sake of your health. I can also understand why you are discouraged to brush your teeth because of the pain when you have brushed them but believe me if you keep brushing twice or three times a day the blood will eventually go away and your mouth will feel a million times better, trust me. you do need to see a dentist ASAP though..

So your parents don't brush their teeth either? They must not do if they couldn't be bothered to teach you, unless they're just really irresponsible parents. Your mouth didn't feel icky from not brushing? How could it NOT? As for the gay thing well I don't really think you can fault people for not wanting to date you if you never brush, your breath must be absolutely rancid. Would you like to kiss someone who had a mouthful of plaque? I doubt you would. I had a boyfriend when I was 17 with dubious personal hygeine and I would demand he brush his teeth before I kissed him because otherwise I would want to throw up at just the idea of it. I'm getting queasy now just thinking about it. I don't think you having to do something about your teeth so people will talk to you is gay either, have you ever been around a person with bad BO or bad breath? I bet you didn't enjoy it much! Its just simple self respect and respect for others to take care of yourself and why you have never even thought to do so just blows my mind. Please go to a dentist as soon as you can and get your mouth looked at. I'm sure having such terrible oral hygeine and bad teeth is doing nothing for your self confidence. You might have to face the fact that you will have to wear dentures but I'm sure anything is better than green mossy looking/feeling teeth.