BellaDonna

I just worry because all I do is run to the ladies room with my pregnant bladder.... if they are using the same bathroom I think it's a risk. Heck, I should pretend I got sick and just go home to avoid all the flying germs .... BellaDonna

Right now there are 2 people who came into work sick today- one has not stopped coughing and sneezing everywhere and is complaining that her body is aching. The other is complaining of a stomach virus. I know germs are inevitable no matter where you are....but I guess since I'm pregnant I want to avoid sick people like the plague. I can't take medication like they can to get better.... I know they have plenty of sick days they can use, just like I do... Why risk getting others sick like that? I'm not a person who will stay out for every sniffle...but a deep cough or a stomach virus would keep me home. Any other pregnant ladies feeling particulary physically vulnerable to things like this lately? I'd better bring in some Lysol wipes....](*,)

Hi there. I am so sorry to hear about your pain. It sounds like you still might be living with your mother? My advice would be to get out of there ASAP. Can you apply to college somewhere further away and take out financial aid? Even if you have to apply for student loans to do so I think it would be worth it in the end. As others have mentioned, I defintiely think a support group would be very a good thing for you. These people will understand what you've been through first-hand, and may have a better, more patient way of helping you address these issues than your current friends do. BellaDonna

I think beards (short ones) can look very attractive on the right people. I think they can look nice , but can also feel terrible .... Example: link removed Looks hot but is probably pinchy as hell..... BellaDonna

I was in this exact same situation myself once...right at your age too. My husband (then boyfriend) was thinking of joining the airforce. This may not have been the nicest way to handle it- but I essentially told him there was no way in hell I'd support the decision and I would not continue to date him if he joined because I felt it was too dangerous and I did not want to deal with an LDR if he was away and had to travel a lot. In the end he did not join- a lot of people (not just me) talked him out of it. I'm so glad he did not join. Had he joined, who knows if we'd be married today- or if he'd even be alive right now, given the current state of the world.... If you feel strongly against it- speak up. BellaDonna

Were you able to keep any of the pups? I think planting a tree in her memory or even a donation in her memory to a local animal advocacy agency is a good idea. It might help provide you with closure. BellaDonna

Sorry you had to go through that. Be glad he showed you his true colors early on so that you could weed him out faster. At least he did not get a chance to waste any more of your time. Don't lose faith in men. There are good ones out there. That one was just a jerk but he does not represent all of them, BellaDonna

It's always so hard to lose a beloved pet. I still feel very sad about a pet I lost 3 years ago. I will never forget her. This is one of my favorite poems about coming to terms with the loss of a pet: link removed Your dog was lucky to have such loving owners who cared for her, even in her last moments. She is in a better place now, peaceful and happy. You did the right thing by ending her suffering. BellaDonna

Thanks, Dilly. BTW I welcome any advice you have to give me. You're wise yourself and you certainly know more about this whole pregnancy thing than I do! Don't worry. What happened to her is very rare. Sadly, the chord wrapped around the baby's neck restricting all oxygen in the womb and that is why he died inside her. I feel just terrible even thinking about that happened to her. I could not imagine going through that either. I try not to think like that so that I do not get myself worried (it's far too easy to worry about all that "could" go wrong, when the reality is that most babies are born healthy and without incident) BellaDonna

I hope this does not sound harsh, but I don't think you have any idea of the mess you could be getting into. From what you have posted, you don't seem like the type who would fare well with "casual" sex. You clearly want to love and be loved. This guy does not want a realtionshiip..... But you don't have to settle for this guy. You ca nfind someoen wiht the same values as yourself. If you were not a virgin I would tell you to go for it. But there are so many emotions attached to sex, especially with your FIRST sexual partner. I really think you're going to get hurt. You have to do what you think is best for you, however please give this a lot more thought and realize that you should not give yourself to just anyone. In this case though, I think you will pretty much guarentee that you will get hurt. BellaDonna

AFLAC will pay for almost 3 or the 6 months- for the rest of the time I will use vacation and sick time. The woman who had the stillborn is still in the picture...which is why I really want to keep it quiet for longer. I was devatated after a miscarriage so I could never imagine the pain a stillborn of 8 months, would cause. That's why I want to be very sensitive about the whole thing. I'm not sure what to do. I guess doing nothing would be best. I will just have be quite nonchalent about everything at work (no matter how excited I really feel). BellaDonna

Sorry.... I should have been more clear. "Red Flag" is a saying which means that there is a big warning sign that you should pay attention to. In this case, I think the fact that this guy said that he does not want a relationship is a big warning sign that he would not be a good person to give your virginity to, especially if you have feelings for him. I think you'd end up getting your heart broken. BellaDonna

I read your other post about this guy. In that post you stated that he told you he does not want a relationship and likes his freedom.... red flag. In my opinion, you will only get hurt if you have sex with him. It seems you already care for him very much...a little too much for knowing him only a short while. It seems he might have gotten turned off because you guys were already talking about "love" the first night you spent together. That might have scared him away. In short, I do not think you should have any physcial relationship with him. If anything, remain friends, and take things a lot slower and maybe the outcome will be different and he'll be less afraid of a relationship and something will develop. I think having sex with him under these current circumstances would be a major mistake, especially if you're a virgin and it would be your first time. BellaDonna

Well my boss knows now. He caught me off guard this morning and asked if I'd meet with him for a few minutes to talk about a new project he is putting me on and the planning for it over the course of the next 5 years. I thought it was the perfect opporunity to let the cat out of the bag and tell him I was pregnant. I think it would be rude if I did not tell him since this meeting was essentially a talk about "planning" as it relates to my position. I figured he deserved to know. So I told him I was 13 weeks pregnant and that I plan on taking a 6 month maternity leave starting in August (I have saved up a lot of sick and vacation time and I also have AFLAC insurance that will pay for me to be out [80% of my salary- tax free] for some of the time). I assured him that I will be coming back full time and that I am very committed to what I do. To my delight he was very happy. He lit up like a Christmas tree and said "Congratulations!" and was very supportive. He told me that as I draw closer to the due date to let him know so he can straighten everything out with human resources and payroll. What a relief. I'm glad he caught me off guard and I ended up having to tell him today. Otherwise I would have rehearsed things too many times in my mind and made myself all nervous if I had to approach him and tell him some other day. He is going to keep it a secret from the rest of the office per my request. I will have to let others know eventually because I'm already showing quite a bit and the amount of times I run to the restroom should be a clue in and of itself- but I've been creative with clothes and want to keep it quiet for a little longer. I just don't feel like dealing with it in the workplace right now. Phew! Glad the hard part is over though! Relief!!!!!! Even though I have a really good boss, I always worried that having a baby would somehow threaten my position/career or that I'd lose my place in the corporate end of things if I took a leave. But he reassured me that is not the case. BellaDonna

I also wanted to add that you should talk to your doctor about this too. That way, you can check to be sure that it's not a medical condition causing the weight gain (i.e. thyroid, diabetes) BellaDonna

Hi there. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad about yourself. Gaining weight is never easy for anyone. But you seem motivated to live a healthier lifestyle, so you can change the way things are. You have been through a lot of stress lately. My advice would be: Don't be so hard on yourself, yet at the same time also make a commitment to take better care of your health. It's not uncommon to stress-eat. After my miscarriage pizza was my vice. Try to keep a food journal for a few weeks and write down what you are eating and when you are eating it, & how you feel at the time to see if you can notice any patterns. Keep your home stocked with healthy foods. You don't need to join a gym to get in shape, although it works well for some people. There are a lot of good exercise DVDs that you can do from your own home. Try not to put yourself down. If you have negative emotions, it will only make you more stressed-out and it will make it harder to stay on track. BellaDonna

Based on what you've told us regarding how you already feel about him, I fear you will end up getting really hurt. If you are a virgin, you should not give yourself to someone who is not committed to you. Since you like him, have you ever talked with him about actually dating seriously? What makes you think that a relationship with him would HAVE to be purely physcial? Has he told you that he does not want a girlfriend? BellaDonna

It's possible to get in trouble if you are in a vehicle together, and the vehicle gets pulled over by the police. If she has drugs hidden in a car you could get charged with possession depending on the location of the drugs and if she would lie to the police and pin it on you instead (it's not rare for an addict to lie to evade getting in trouble). This girl sounds like bad news. You already said that she lies to you about her use of meth. Why would you want to date a liar? You also mentioned that you have your own struggles with addiction- so it would be in your best interest to stay away from other addicts. Forget about her. Focus on you. Does anyone know that you are addicted to pain killers? -You need to seek help before drugs ruin your life, BellaDonna

If you do not want a committed romantic relationship a purely sexual relationship is an advantage. Essentially there are no strings attached but you get the pleasure of sex. If you ultimately are looking for a committed romantic relationship, it is a major disadvantage and you can end up getting hurt....especially if you develop feelings for the peron. It all depends on your goals in the situation. BellaDonna

I'd be annoyed if I made plans with a friend to catch up and their BF showed up (unless it was planned prior- then I'd bring my guy too). I don't bring my husband everywhere I go, nor does he want to go everywhere I go. We respect each other's space. Usually if a person's partner just happens to show up every time it's because he/she is insecure or does not trust their partner. I personally don't like being friends with people who are on a such a short leash and who have to keep calling/texting/reporting their whereabouts to their boyfriends to the point where he shows up. My own sister does this often with her BF and it turns my stomach. I've gone out for a coffee or a drink with her and sudenly her BF just happens to be in the neighborhood and ends up where we are. I guess, if nothing else, I understand where you're coming from, xmrth... I prefer friends who maintain their sense of self when they are in a relationship and who can still enjoy themselves even if their partner is not there every second. It's not that I like to be an attention hog- by my friends and I don't get to see each other all that often, so on the rare occasion we get to meet up, it's annoying if a 3rd wheel always has to be there. BellaDonna

Hopefully they will get over it. Though I have to admit- there's one relative of mine who is a major hoarder and I once helped her clean and threw away a totally useless, cracked and broken dangerous lantern which was leaking kerosine.... That occurred over 3 years ago and I still occasionally hear about it today. Example: "That lantern was an antique"... etc. ](*,) In fact, when I help this person clean now, I have to have my husband pretend that he is picking this person up "for lunch" just to get them out of the house so that I could have the opportunity to throw more things away (without them noticing).... If you must throw things away again in the future, try to do so slowly and without being noticed. The whole garage being cleaned probably sent them into a state of distress since it was such a major change.

It depends on how he interperted the question. Did he take it literally, as in if your mom asked him to have sex right now- he would say yes and cheat on you.... or figuratively.... Whether he thinks your mother is attractive enough to have sex with in general- if she meets his standards of "someone he'd sleep with". Regardless- he should have had more of a brain and given the polite answer. BellaDonna

I don't think age has anything to do with it. Some people just have a harder time getting rid of things in general. The most common reason: They often fear they "might need it" one day (even if it is a useless or broken item) and it gives them anxiety to throw it away. The finality of throwing something out scares them. I have a few family members who are like this- one of them has reached the point of having a real hoarding disorder. BellaDonna

Personally, if someone asked me to do that I would interpert it as them trying to get rid of my past, control me, or that they did not trust that I was over an ex. I probably wouldn't. I think what people do with their personal belongings is, well, personal. Ask yourself what this symbolizes to you, and also how you would react if he says that he does not want to destroy the items you had in mind. BellaDonna

Hi there. My opinion is, if he really wants to get back with you and make things right, then he will seek professional help. If you are at all considering getting back with him, professional help should be a condition he must fulfill. To take him back easily, or without consequence just enables his behavior. He needs to seek help for his own good and for the good of the relationship. BellaDonna