Jump to content

Taomagicdragon

Banned Users
  • Posts

    1,193
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Taomagicdragon's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Posting Machine Rare
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done

Recent Badges

29

Reputation

  1. I'm a virgin, I feel no need for it in my life and see no reason for it, personally, right now. No I'm not saving myself simply for religious beliefs. If I feel the desire for it, and am with a worthwhile person, then perhaps I shall have sex. I'm in no rush and fail to see merit behind people trying to convince others of having it for it is a personal matter and will vary between people.
  2. Thank you all for the concern given thus far.. I just feel that abuse that has gone on for a decade is jsut too much... I fgiht it make progreess than a week later I'm bback to square one.. it happens time and time again
  3. Growing up my family has never been particularly nice people though they weave an illusion of it for the public. I never subscribed to that illusion for I have been abused in different ways since I was old enough to walk. My father did things to me and my body I will never forget... He also physicaly hurt me with every device he had in possesion and would laugh manically has he had his way with my mutilated living corpse... My mother allowed it and even at times I feel as though she cheered it on... for I was the child born into the role as the son they never wanted. I was silent about all that happened up until I was `16. Then I met people that were truly my friends and I told them about it. They were i ntears over it and they did their best to get me through it. But it failed. I am now 19 and and am truly a miserable soul waiting to die. My mother has refused me a loan to go to college for this spring smester and that leaves me in a feeling that i have hit a dead end. All I seem to do is ocmplain about what has and waht is happening to me because that's the only thing that ever kept me from hurting myself... it was m only release for it.. I clsoe my eyes even now and feel his hands on my living corpse. I have a girlfriend finally but I can't put her through al lthe msiery I've wasted my friendships on. I've complained ot the point where one firend doesn't believe me and another friend simply doesn't talk as she has nothing else to say to me. My other friends are to certain degrees sick of me and fall in ranges between not caring and feeling utterly spent trying to help me. I failed them truly and I wish I never told them to begin with.... I never complain to people that don't know. But here I am a miserable lonely soul who wasted all his friendships... I;ve seen therapists and social workers (all I rally can do without my mother being involved somehow) but nothing they have done works.... I;ve done personal self-help but that works for a week tops.... I;ve tried the advice of some of my friends... that's to no avail.... I am simply broken and am beyond repair.. people that think otherwise give me far too much credit... I have been honest tohugh with my friends.. no hyperbole.. no lies... infact if i did it for sympathy i owuld have given up when they started getting isck of me and not to thepoint where I am reluctantly invited to things liek parties (i tend to sit off ot the side and watch... i'm an observer by nature and it's how I feel comfortable at parties). I have taken jobs in the past and every cent I make goes to my mother for her "to take care of" meanign I rarely see a cent of it. I don't go out usually... In fact last time I;ve been out was at a new year's party that I basically spent sitting on a couch watching them dnace and sing and play little gmaes. All fun for mt to watch but seeing as it disturbs them... i probably should not have gone. Unless a miracle happens I will have to break things with my girlfriend and "pack up" my emotional baggage and let my friends go... let thme live their lives while I slowly die for that is all I feel I have left in me to do. Resign myself to the fact I am broken and that no soul can save me.. not even myself.
  4. *claps* That Jesse Kameron does to poetry what Einstein did to Japan, knocked it out of the water *bad joke* I like the poem however, reminds me of late nights reflecting.
×
×
  • Create New...