Jetta
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Everything posted by Jetta
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Sleeping all the time is a symptom of depression. You should take him into his doctor for a through examination. Perhaps there is a medical reason for him being so tired. It's very unusual behavior. Maybe the pressure of being the sole provider has really gotten him down. You said you were a nurse until he asked you to quit. Well the current arrangement isn't working out so why not get back into nursing? You'll have more money, he'll probably feel less financially stressed, and hopefully break out of whatever mode he's gotten into.
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She said I can file even though we aren't separated. I was surprised by that but she it's actually really common especially when a couple owns a home together. Now that I know I can file I'm afraid to. I'm really afraid of single parenthood. The statistics are just so bad for those kids and I'm living it with one child. Oh I just want to cry.
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If you feel ready to move on with your life than you should take it down. If you still deeply in your heart there is hope for her return than leave it up. I really think this shrine is holding you back, but that is just my opinion.
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Found this article and thought it might be helpful to you. link removed
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Sondra, I have to add. Why not relocate near family? The fact you have been removed from friends and family is a huge red flag to me. Unless it was a work transfer of course. But really you say he's controlling, threatens to kick you out (since you have no where to go that would be a huge threat). You really need to move home. Get a credit card, call up a family member and go. Take a vacation break while you seek employment in your new area. Contact people who may be able to refer you to job listings. There are work force centers. Really this doesn't sound like a good situation.
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If you honestly feel like committing suicide speak wtih someone and get on some medication. At 13 your horomones are ragging and things are changing, which is difficult. Things do settle down eventually.
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Yes you should break up. You won't meet the guy you're meant to be with if you're hanging on for all the wrong reasons. I do know how you feel. Being involved in sequential relationships the last 12 years I really don't know how to be alone. I tried it for a few days and I honestly don't like it. I do have kids and a will have job that will keep me busier but still the whole no man thing freaks me out quite a bit. Eventually we all have to learn to live alone at least for a little while, so think of it as a vacation. It's not going to be permanent break unless you decide you really enjoy being alone. I mean we all know another guy is around the corner, whether you accept or not is the real decision.
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Things have already changed, he asked you out. You say no he probably will feel so humiliated he'll never talk to you again. Say and yes, since you wanted to originally anyway and just see what happens.
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Sondra, You don't love this man, you are in a situation in which you have become comfortable. It's hard to leave because humans don't like change (most don't anyway). We get settled, in a routine, and just hope that maybe things will improve. Really this man is not adding to your life. If you aren't happy when you're around him you really need to find your own happiness. You say he's controlling, well then the first thing is to separate yourself from him. You said something is holding you back, it's fear that's holding you back. You're afraid to be alone, you're afraid no one else will come along, you're afraid you can't do better, the list could go on forever. We all have the same the fears. Humans weren't designed to be alone. We all long for a special someone, so trust me you'll connect with another man eventually. The best thing to do is focus on you. What makes you happy? What would you do if you could do anything in the world? Get out there and do it.
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Do you have regrets in life (regarding relationships)?
Jetta replied to SouthernSon's topic in Emotions and Feelings
I totally regret rebelling against my parents, and getting involved with my son's dad. That is why I'm in therapy. I'm supposed to get over the fact I have child with problems who is a constant reminder of the worst decision of my life. If you have advice on how to overcome that I would love to hear it. -
Keeping the baby, but i dont wan't to be with her forever.
Jetta replied to justlike_always's topic in Pregnancy
Can you talk her into adoption? I really hate when teenagers keep children. Babies aren't babies for long and kids need a lot from parents, more than most people expect (even adults). It's good that you'll be supportive but honestly it's not a easy road and there are loving people who simply can't have children of their own and will offer a wonderful home. She may have some illusion in her head that you two will go off be some happy little family. Set her straight. Tell her you'd rather she didn't keep the baby but if she does you'll do your part, and next time use protection. It's not 100% but it really could save a lot of heartache. -
Thank you Rich. Good advice. There's a lot to factor in and I have been doing some research. I'm getting into a new field. I have some leads and am really hoping something works out soon. Once I have that going descently I plan to find housing. I've been researching apartments, condos and townhomes. Our current home is just too much for me to maintain alone however the mortgage rate is so low it's really hard to beat. He's already said he'd fight me for it, so I'd rather avoid that fight if I can. I really have a lot to figure out and it's taking a lot longer than I want it to be.
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No I probably didn't mention it, it's not one of those things I like to talk about. The authorities do think with tons of counseling all can be fixed, which is one reason I kept it to myself. I really needed to decide if I wanted to put fourth the effort or not and I have decided I don't.
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DN - This man abused my son and now the authorities are heavily involved in my life. This man has finally gotten off his butt and got a job after 2 1/2 years of unemployment (paid for by his overly involved parents who have never allowed him to become the adult he should be at his age). I do believe my life will be better once he isn't a large part of it. I believe I will have a transition period that I won't necessarily enjoy but it is what it is. I have debated long and hard about this and have decided I'd just rather figure things out with him dragging me down. The problem I'm having is actually getting away.
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I have told my husband that I want a divorce. Now of course he's showing more attention than he has throughout our entire marriage. I no longer want to try to work on things, I really just want out. But no matter how many times I tell him it doesn't register. I meeting with my attorney tomorrow to start the process, but God I'm really frustrated with this. I did leave and stay a hotel for a few days. It was lonely and I hated it. I mean no kids, no job to go to, nothing. So I'm back dealing with his hanging and constant need to understand things. Now I know why I caved and married him in the first place. He just doesn't let go. I feel like I'm suffocating.
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I am pregnant and he doesnt love me anymore
Jetta replied to mmmm's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Go to planned parenthood or something. They have counselors available and will discuss your options (too late to abort, but you may decide adoption is a better solution for you than keeping the baby). I've been cheated on and pregnant so I know how horrible you feel right now. -
Maybe he was too nervous too call and did it after some friends talked him into it. You know when they got home from a night out. That's my thought on the odd time. Hey he called, that's something. Call him back.
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Thanks fire you're probably right. Dang that's really backwards. This one guy told me once that he really likes me and wondered why I never responded to his flirtations. I was shocked. I never knew he was flirting with me. We'd have involved conversations, he go off and dance with other women, so I counted him as a friend. Generally if I notice they're flirting with me it's guys I have no interest in, go figure. If a guy starts talking to my friend, which I've since been told is the classic move, I get up and walk away. I figure he's interested in her.
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Oh I'm sorry, that just sucks. All I can suggest is removing yourself from the shared enviornment for a while. Once you detach yourself physically you'll be able to detach emotionally.
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Alright I don't really understand the whole game thing. For example a guy who has been flirting with me will overhear me say something about liking to dance, and a minute later he's dancing with someone else. What is that about? It wasn't someone more attractive is what the guy next to me said. He also said he was doing it to get my attention. Okay why not ask me to dance? It makes no sense to me. Anyone understand this?
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Like the other poster, write down your goals. Then decide what steps you need to take to make it happen. Try not to have too many goals, focus on one or two things. Then as you go through the various steps you'll have some sense of accomplishment until you reach completion.
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Being that my son is the oldest I thought all kids were hard until my youngest was born. She's a normal child, easy compared to him, but really normal and a lot of fun rather than work. She sleeps, he didn't, she listens (for the most part), he argues about everything. He's been hard since he was born. My mom kept telling me not all kids are like this, she doesn't know any kids that are as difficult as him and she was a foster parent. The initial diagnosis was ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). Then they said bipolar, now they're saying ADHD, ODD, Mood Disorder. The therapists are still trying to figure it out. At the foster home he's shown slight improvement the school says, and he's done pretty well with the older retired couple. Still has the same problems but not the destruction, and he's run away once. I think a lot of the improvement has to do with the foster dad. He's a stern guy, but he's a lot like my dad as far as builds things with him, gardens with him, etc. My husband doesn't do any of those things, and his bio dad is basically nonexistant (not that he's a good role model anyway). So now I get to go through parenting assessments and psychological evaluations. It's basically so they can determine if I'm suitable to raise my other child. Tell me how a person can remain sane under this kind of stress? That's not even including normal life stressors.
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Yeah I wish it were that easy Metallic. How many 9 year olds do you know that have destroyed their entire bedroom set with their bare hands? He's also put numerous holes in the walls, busted through his door nad ripped it off their frame, skip school, etc... It's very draining emotionally and financially. Sure some of his behaviors are normal for a 9 year old like saying his homework is done when it's not, or saying he doesn't have any homework. But the destruction and angry outbursts aren't normal and the fact he has no friends isn't normal.
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The biggest stressor is my son who has behavior problems. The therapist has said based on his diagnosis it will get worse. I can't deal with him now, the thought of worse horrifies me. He's currently in foster care. I placed him voluntarily because after hearing that he'd be worse I wanted to either kill myself or him so I prayed and prayed for another solution. It's scary and he's 9. I now have a peaceful home and the thought of his commotion and anger returning is really putting me over the edge. I just really want out of this whole mess.
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Lately I have really been doing things that I normally don't do and honestly I'm starting to scare myself. It started out by going to karaoke nights. I figured I enjoy singing and well that would add some fun to my high stress life. I now go regularly and am often drinking. I have tried smoking a few times, and more. I'm starting to wonder if I'm losing my mind. All I know is I've maxed out on my ability to cope, and even the therapist doesn't know what to say to me. All I want to do is run away yet there is no where to go.