greenie35

Thank you for your replies. I am quite shifty lately. One minute I am grateful for this solitude. It has helped me discover new things about myself. I have also been exercising regularly for a month now. I have lost a few pounds and have noticed my muscles toning up. I will slack some days if I'm feeling emotional or just tired from work and school. Some days, like today, I look in the mirror and see an ugly old hag whose skin is wrinkling and sagging(smoker) who's got an ample bottom who's not enough this and too much of that...certainly not interesting or worthy of anyones time or energy...etc..etc..Then two days later it's like I'm walking on a cloud and everyone I meet smiles at me and interactions are positive and productive...butterflies practically land on the tip of my nose. Can you say bi-polar? I'm starting to wonder. I don't really think it is though...It might be one of those quarter life crisis I keep hearing about. I dunno...I think I'm pretty and smart and funny and all that jazz. I just don't know why things are the way they are or me right now, and it's showing no signs of changing.

can I get a little sunshine PLEASE!!! It seems like ever since I moved far away from my hometown to attend school it has been one downer after another. First my boyfriend and I split up after 2.5 years. We just Could not get a long. So I started a waitressing job when I first moved here that was a complete waste of time. The owner promised I'd be making good money, but I barely made enough to fill my gas tank at the end of the night. I'm a good waitress, there just wasn't a good turnover there. So I find a new job at a factory of all places. The air is dry, it's loud and the pay sucks. The only good part is the attractive guy I work with that keeps playing games with me. I'm single and willing, but I don't like getting screwed around like this. So I go out with a lady from work. She is old enough to be my mother, but she is a lot of fun. I hook up with a good looking guy one night when we were out. It was fun...for what it was worth, but one night my ex's friends were at the bar and witnessed what appeared to be sleazy behaviour. I can only imagine what they were thinking, it was not my intention to play it out that way, the guy was all over me and I tried to keep things cool. Still, almost 9 months after I've moved here, I have no friends and I am sitting home alone on a Friday night...I'm so very lonely. I have tried making friends, calling up people I've met from class or a couple people I have met down here, and they don't return my calls, or they are busy. Am I really that big of a loser. I have never had a hard time making friends. I feel as though I am just idle...school has become less of a priority for me. I feel no connection to 90 per cent of the student population. I am older then most college students. I don't know what to do anymore. My self worth is really draining. I keep thinking that tonight I'll go to Wal Mart and check out the cute stock boy that works the graveyard shift. Just for kicks. Yeah that's what I call fun these days. I have never felt so completely alone in my whole entire life and I am losing the will to go on. I need to pray more.

yeah lying is no good...

eek...is she really a bad person or just different then you? How bad could she be?

whoops song is called Speed of Sound

When I was in high school I was a huge movie buff. I imagined my life was like this continuting drama every day that played out in much the same way that movies do-- complete with a truly stellar soundtrack that suited every emotion and interaction that occurred throughout the day. Is this weird? My life really isn't interesting enough to be made into a movie, but I still catch myself having those moments. Like I'm standing outside myself watching it unfold and hearing a really kick butt song playing that sums up every feeling I am having... Currently the song is ColdPlay: Speed of Light How long before I get in Before it starts before I begin How long before you decide or Before I know what it feels like Where to, where do i go? If you never try then you'll never know How long do i have to climb Up on the side of this mountain of mine Look up, I look up at night Planets are moving at the speed of light Climb up, up in the trees Every chance that you get is a chance you seize How long am I gonna stand With my head stuck under the stand I start before I can stop or Before I see things the right way up All that noise and all that sound All those places I have found And birds go flying at the speed of sound To show ya how it all began Birds came flyin from the underground If you could see it then you'd understand Ideas that you'll never find All the inventors could never design The buildings that you put up Japan and China all lit up A sign that I couldn't breathe or a light, that I couldn't see Some things you have to believe Others are puzzles, puzzlin me All that noise and all that sound All those places I have found And birds go flying at the speed of sound To show ya how it all began Birds came flyin from the underground If you could see it then you'd understand Oh when you see it then you'll understand All those signs I knew what they meant Somethings you can't invent Some get made, and some get sent Birds go flying at the speed of sound To show ya how it all began Birds came flyin from the underground If you could see it then you'd understand Oh when you see it then you'll understand

Yeah, I can relate. I was really upset for like 2 weeks, then it turned to anger, then it turned to indifference, now I don't miss him at all. I enjoy being single. At first I thought I must have been living in denial, I always thought after a LTR ended I would be totally devastated, I guess it depends on the circumstances and how in love with them you were. So yes, I think a lot of that initial pain after the break up has to do with adjusting to being alone and breaking the habit of having them always around...then you begin to realize how better off you are and that it was teh right decision. Of course this is not true in every situation...hence the pain that a lot of our fellow posters are dealing with, but that doesn't mean it still won't get better in time.

Depends on the guy I'm interested in, how he carries himself, how talkative and outgoing he is. If I don't know the guy and I am just spellbound by his sheer beauty then...haha yeah I'm pretty much senseless and shy.

Sounds like she is starving for attention.

Is she the only sexual partner you have had? It's normal for people to desire other people, even in a commited relationship, but if you truly love her you should focus more of that energy on her and quit fantasizing about being with other women so much. Don't throw away a beautiful thing.

A friend of mine's mom is a professional psychic. She has made a living for years, put her kids through college on the income she generates from her business. She has been called to help police uncover missing persons. She has been on national and local radio and television, written articles etc... I saw her once and she asked me if I had a younger sibling, a girl. I don't. She then asked if there was a grade school aged girl I was close to, and that I saw on a regular basis. Yes, indeed I do, my niece was in first grade and my parents would babysit her everyday after school. She told me to watch out for her because she saw a head injury on halloween or within a day or two of halloween. I was like..hmm..ok. So about 3 days before Halloween I was sitting at home and my neices school called. My neice had fallen down and bumped her head on a school field trip to an apple orchard. She needed to be picked up from school. I went to pick her up and sure enough she had an enormous bump on her head. The nurse said she didnt think there was a concussion but to keep a close eye on her. That was just uncanny... She also mentioned that she saw an illness in my mother and she said she sees it > she said it could be lungs but it is definitely in this area. My mom suffered from breast cancer...I passed this off after she that beacuse my friend could have told her about my mom, but she claims she didn't. So...Yes I do believe in some psychics.

I used to have crushes on guys when I was with my ex boyfriend, but I loved him so much I never thought of acting on them, I couldnt bare the thought of hurting him. However, things changed in our relationship and we were fighting constantly. I developed the crush to end all crushes, a crush like none other I have ever experienced--even in high school. Every day I looked forward to seeing him more than my boyfriend. That was a deciding factor for me. I knew that I shouldnt be feeling this for someone if I really loved my boyfriend. We are broken up now, and I still have a crush on this man and he knows it...I don't know what's going to happen with it, but it looks more promising every day...i we didnt break up because of him. I seriously considered what I would do if this guy made a move though

The last time I remember being just generally happy for an extended amount of time--I lived at home with my parents, didn't have any bills, went out with friends 4 out of 7 days a weekt. Never had to buy groceries, mom did that. So...basically I have a lot more responsiblities and stress and it wears on a person physically and emotionally. I'm working on a way to combat that though. I totally know what you mean though. I usually feel good in the morning...crappy after lunch and then after about 5 pm I feel better through the rest of the night.

Yeah it's long, First off, I would like to say I have posted about the same situation too many times as it is. I hope that those of you out there who know my story aren't too annoyed by me continually posting about this. Ya see, I don't have anyone here to talk to. My girlfriends live hours away and I call and talk to them about it occasionally but I still like to get others perspectives. Well...ok beautiful man at work and I have been making eyes at one another for months. Problem is he has a girlfriend. However I have this sneaking suspicion that they are broken up now. She used to pick him up from work a few times a week, but lately he has been driving him self. Since finding out I had a crush on him, he has really stepped up his flirting. I can't help but look back at him when he gives me those eyes. A friend of his that works there, who I actually talk to has been telling me I should go see the hot guys band play. He told me he would let me know when they are playing again. I don't know anyone here I could go with, so that's a problem. Well, yesterday I saw the two of them talking and the hot guy kept looking over at me occasionally. Then after he left his friend came over and gave me a flyer for his show this Friday. I would love to go but I don't have anyone to go with. Today at work he made every effort he could muster up to make sure I saw him staring at me. It was like every time I turned around, there he was looking right at me. I geek out so horribly...but I love it. I keep thinking that he must have broken up with his gf and now he is finally being assertive about things. I dont reciprocate his flirtations as much because of the whole gf thing. I don't know what's going on with that. I don't want to be "that girl". I mean the guy and I have been flirting for about 7 months now even when my ex and I were still together. We have had oppurtunities to talk...but I alwayas look for a reason to get out of it...I look busy or I change directions. Nervous I guess. So should I go to this show by myself? I have a feeling if I had a drink and relaxed a bit I could talk to him, not to mention work is not really the best place to try to get to know someone. I mean if I go later his friend who I get a long with really well will be there. I don't want to look like a loser groupie going there by myself. I'm pretty sure he wants me to go...this is driving me nuts... oh yeah one more thing about this and it's totally and completely ironic. Annoyingly so. My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. We moved down here together and he is still working at this cafe. Well a bunch of the hot guy from works friends work with my ex at the cafe. I really don't want my ex to know anything about who I'm seeing. I have a feeling it would get back to him if things did end up working out between me and this guy from work. Perhaps I shouldn't care about it too much, but my ex is kinda spiteful and I think he would spread nasty rumors about me or say other mean things.

Yeah, I don't think you should be getting back pains. Older folks tend to get back pains but it's usually brought on from some other activity and sit ups only aggravate it. When you do crunches your back should be flat on the floor and your hands behind your head. Your hands should cradle your head. Your arms should not come up up around your head as if your usuing your arms to hoist your body up You should lift your chest straight up toward the celing not towards your knees. You don 't want to come completely up off of your back---only up enough to wear you feel the strain in your abs.

Perhaps it's our diet, or perhaps it's because women have taken on more responsibility then in past years.

Hmmm...really? Well I imagine they have both gone through menopause. Ask them about that.

Pardon me but I have a few questions...Why did an 18 y/o high school girl get married? Did she have a baby? What's going on there? This sounds like you're talking about a boy not a man!? Yeah you're his fantasy...he's probably not ready to be married and is now acting as though he doesn't have a responsibility to his marriage.

Yeah I in no way feel honored...nor do I have any hope of changing him. There is something to be said about being a person that makes a person want to change though Not that I hope to be that person. I was just curious as to whether he might have contemplated that based on what we discussed and just the way he acted when he was with me. I'm not "in" anything to "get out" of...so there's no decision to make there. I have had a one night stand before about 4 years ago that I tore myself up over. I think most women however promiscuous they might be and however liberated they claim they are, often feel a little bad when they engage in that sort of behaviour. I don't really regret it, but it still kind of pains me a bit to think that I was "that girl." I'm not losing sleep over it or anything. I understand my hormones a lot more now than I ever have before in my life.

That is truly a rotten situation...I imagine it hurts tremendously. My Grandma used to treat my mom that way. She went as far as to tell her that she should have given her and her sister and brother up for adoption. She told my mom this like 8 years ago about 2 years before she passed away. Can you imagine? All I can say is in another year you're going to be 18...I would get out of that situation and find a healthier environment for yourself. You don't need people (even if they are you're parents) making you feel like less of a person. Good luck to you...let us know how you're handling things.

So.. I'm a little embarrassed to post this actually, but then again I made the decision and to be honest I don't regret it. I met a guy at a bar not too long ago. He and I chatted and flirted and then I said I was leaving and he said ok, well I hope I see you again. A few weeks later I returned to the same bar with a friend of mine. He approached me and we chatted some more. We were heavily flirting and I was and still am very attracted to this guy. So...we went to my place and had a really really good night. THe morning was even better sitting around chatting eating breakfast and I drove him to his brothers house way out in the country...it was a gorgeous day. It seemed obvoius that this was just going to be a one night stand. Although there was a definite attraction he is just not the kind of guy I am looking for. He doesnt have a job, he is 3 years younger than me. He drinks probably a lot more than I do. Basically the guy just doesn't have a lot going on for himself. But I LIKE HIM!! He was incredibly sweet to me, even the next morning. I ran into him again a week later..same place. He approached me and was at my side for the majority of the evening. Yet again, we returned to my place and spent the night together. He told me he loved me, I thought this was strange, but "I love you" can mean different things depending on the circumstances. I have my *beep* together. I go to school full time and I work about 30 hours a week. I have my own place, my own car and I've got goals. He told me that if he had known how much older then him I was he would have never approached me. That he would have been intimidated. He told me that I am different then other girls he has been with because he actually likes hanging out with me. In other words other girls he has been with he just walked out on in the morning. He tries to act like he's just a rollin' stone kind of guy, but always seems to interrupt himself when he goes off this way...It's like he realizes that he can't pull the wool over my eyes or something...I'm not a stranger to guys like him, and he realizes this. Sometimes it felt like he really liked me but he was fighting it... I wonder if he is insecure...I wonder if he thinks he has nothing to offer me but really sees something special in me. I am not at all interested in getting serious with him, unfortunately I was just looking for sex and he seemed completely ok with that. However he admits that he is a bit of a player. He seems ashamed of it...it seemed like I could read him so easily. He gave me his number (I did not have a phone set up in my new place yet) and I called him and he was kind of blah on the phone...that didn't bother me. Oh I called him before I saw him the second time...that's the only time I've called him. I don't really care to much about what develops. What I can't figure out is why it is I like him so much...perhaps its just the mystery of getting to know him for who he is instead of this facade he tries to pass off as his true nature. So...yeah...im not a stupid girl. I can tell when a guy is just a prick or just wants sex. Well, I guess I jsut wanted sex plhhh. Either way, i feel like this guy likes me but is too proud to admit it...does that make sense...can anyone see the logic in this or am I just thinking too deeply on it? Regardless of all that I have no intention of seeing him again in that way. This is not characteristic behaviour on my part. I am not easy or anything like that. I don't particularly like acting on my sexual frustrations in that manner, but it just seemed like the right thing to do.

I can see why you have concerns. I would just come clean with him. You might try going out with him another time and have fun with him, but try not to send the wrong signals. Casually bring up how much you like him as a person and you enjoy spending time with him, but you are not interested in a serious relatinoship and if that is what he wants then perhaps it is best that you don't see each other anymore. If he agrees to the idea of not being serious and you do go out with him again--enjoy yourself and keep an eye out for those signs that might indicate what kind of bully he is. Perhaps you might find yourself fallin for him as well...ya never know.

Yeah there is some logic to that reasoning. I have gotten emotional in front of co-workers before, but not necessarily "narky." A boyfriend who loves and cares for you is expected to understand and so yes it could be true that we hold it in and take it out on our signifigcant other. But, ya know that's all part of being in a relatinoship with a womn...gotta deal. Unless of course the woman is a complete crazi woman, in which case she should seek medical attention to control her PMS. This is often the case with some women.

No it really isn't in our heads... I have snapped at female friends when I've had PMS or if I didn't snap I was just looking for some comfort and felt at ease knowing they understand what it's like to have PMS. Have you ever heard that girls that are friends tend to have their periods at the same time? Or women who work together every day tend to have their periods at the same time? Women seem to be receptive to each other in that way. When they interact it's like their hormones kinda fluctuate at the same level. It's been true from my experience anyway. Boys will be boys and things that men do that normally only irk us minimally will really irk us when we have PMS. Either that or it's kind of an instinctual resentment of having to bare such a burden. As far as alleviating the moodiness, I agree that exercise really helps. It helps me tremendously.

Well... Killing yourself should totally not be an option. If you have friends staying in Florida that are welcoming, then I don't see why not. Then again, are you abandoning any immediate responsibilities by leaving? The end of your relationship is not the end of your life...it keeps going and going and it gets better then it gets worse...that's just the human f'n condition man. My ex went to AZ for a week after we broke up. He stayed with on old friend and they had a good time. He said it was a good experience and it helped him out a lot. After his last relationship ended he took a train to North Carolina to visit a different friend. Sometimes it's good to get away. It's funny how different it feels when you travel-- the mentality of people, the landscape. Kind of lets you know that there's a lot of life being lived outside of the one you are familiar with. Hope it works out for you, be good to yourself.