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Sez

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  1. Thank you all for your replies. I think that this is not something I can tolerate in the long term, and I will have to end it. I will first bring it up with him again, in order to see if there is any possibility he might alter his views. If not - and I doubt he will - I will break up with him.
  2. Argh, my new boyfriend turns out to have these crazy racist views which I am having problems dealing with. Would this be a deal-breaker for anyone - it nearly is for me? I know he wouldn't abuse anyone, verbally or physically, but he told me he believes that some races are superior to others, even though he 'hates to be right' on this, it is just a fact. I told him that I completely disagreed, that many of my friends are Jewish (in his opinion the worst race). He said he would still be nice to them when he met them, because there are exceptions, but as a rule he doesn't like Jewish people. Despite arguing over this, I would still like to keep the relationship going. Am I being blind/stupid/cowardly, or is this issue too important to ignore?
  3. Thank you so much for the replies. I think you are both right.
  4. Thank you so much for the replies. I think you are both right.
  5. Hello, Need some advice (or probably just to be told that I should do what I know I should really but can't face doing). I went on a work night out this weekend. The only thing was, suddenly everyone cancelled except me and this one guy, Jack, which was quite awkward because I had a feeling that he liked me. I didn't know that everyone else had cancelled until I got there. That evening he bought me loads of drinks, i got really drunk, and we ended up kissing. Several times. I enjoyed the night - he is good company and I like him as a friend, but I'm really not sure that I want things to go any further. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking that it didn't feel quite right. As I am leaving work in a few weeks anyway, the wimp in me wants to keep things going until then so I don't have to deal with turning him down. I know I'm not the love of his life or anything - he was actually telling me about other girls he likes too - but he did say that we should do this again next weekend, and would I be his girlfriend, at which I ummed and erred. I know that what I should do is be brave and talk to him about it. But i don't know how he'll react, we work quite closely and the last thing I want is any bad feeling or awkwardness. Also, he is a nice guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know I have been stupid. Does anyone have any advice/encouragement on doing the right thing? I'd really appreciate it.
  6. OK, sorry, I need more help/opinions on this. Yesterday I was quite bad to this guy: I cancelled on him at short notice. This was because I managed to get double-booked, and was originally going to try and do both things in the same evening: go out with a friend and then go and see him. Practically, this would have been a huge hassle, so I ended up thinking maybe it would be easier if i just met with him at the weekend. I have already slept with him once, which was definitely a mistake so early on. I tried to explain this to him last weekend: could we please slow things down a bit? i said that evening i wasn't going to stay over, too rushed etc. again i made the mistake of going to his house and then leaving: he said he thought i wasn't serious about not staying, and got quite annoyed when i left. but also, he doesn't seem to want to go out: he just wants me to come round to his place, which could partly be because of his illness, but i get the feeling that for him it's mainly about sex anyway. so yesterday he was angry with me for cancelling which i thought was fair enough. but then he started on with other things, like had i met someone else, telling me not to do anything with someone else while i was seeing him... it came up, thereforeeee that i was having doubts about things. i admitted this. now he wants us to meet up and talk about this, at his house again, on friday. i would really rather meet up somewhere more neutral. am i wrong to think he is being too possessive/intense for someone i have only dated a few times? i know that i have been stupid, and that having sex with him may have changed things. i feel really guilty about the whole thing, but this is just making me want to run away even more. i would be really grateful for any opinions/advice.
  7. Thanks greenie35. Still don't quite know what to do, but I'm sure it'll come to me...
  8. I don't understand - also I don't quite get the tone of your message. I wasn't saying that you have nothing to say to anyone else - if that's what you thought. i just meant that if you are worried what to talk about, take your cues from her a bit. that way you are guaranteed to get a subject that she's interested in.
  9. Hmm, this may seem obvious but most people love to talk about themselves. For the time being, don't worry about what you have in common, just focus on trying to get her to tell you what she's about. What's she passionate about, what makes her tick? Find out about her friends/family - maybe you have friends in common?, her interests, her opinions on stuff. If you ask enough - and assuming she doesn't worry about what to talk about too - you'll find a few things to get her going. So basically, encourage her to talk about what she wants to talk about, and be a good listener. That'll also give you a better idea of how compatible you are. That said, you don't want to bombard her with too many questions, or be too personal at first. Add in little comments of your own or anecdote if you can; hopefully if you hit on a good topic the conversation will start to flow better, and you'll just start thinking of other things to say. After that, you could start talking about your own interests, etc. Hope this helps a bit. I find it difficult to talk to guys I like, but this is what, ideally, I would do.
  10. Hi, I posted a few days ago about a guy I have been seeing, whom I have mixed feelings about. I feel fairly comfortable with him, but i also don't think I feel that passionately about him. Although I think we get on quite well, there are a couple of things which I'm afraid I find really off-putting. first, admitted to me the other day that he can be a bit of a bully sometimes. having had one relationship with someone who was emotionally abusive/really bullying, just him saying that, even though i haven't seen that side of him yet, makes me reluctant to take things any further. he almost certainly wouldn't be as bad as my ex, but still... second, he has long-term health problems, which mean he can't work or do a lot of other stuff. i feel like this is shallow, but i would find that really difficult to cope with as well. i'm feeling really guilty because we had quite a nice evening together the other day where i kept my concerns to myself. if i break up with him now, it will come as a total shock. is it better to have a few warnings and then break up? or is it a case of the sooner the better? am i being too hasty in wanting to break up with him?
  11. Thanks for the replies everyone! I think if I'm being totally honest, at the moment I can't see this as a long-term thing: but then I feel differently when I'm actually with him, it's only when I leave that I start feeling guilty and questioning. I felt bad the other day when he asked me 'you're not just seeing me because you want to get over your ex?' There is some truth in that, but I don't know how much. I don't really know him. I don't know for sure how much he likes me either. I'm going to see him again this weekend, so I'll see how that goes. I think I'll give it a few more dates to try and decide. Maybe I'll try and suss out what he thinks about the whole thing. If we do seem to want different things, I'll break up with him quickly. asdf, why do you think that?
  12. Hi everyone, i posted on here a while back because I really really liked my boyfriend, went weak at the knees at the thought of seeing him, but was also mostly too shy and quiet to talk to him properly, and when I did talk it came out all wrong - i turned into an idiot basically. this is what usually happens when i am strongly attracted to someone. very recently i've started seeing someone else. things are so much easier with this guy: we get along well, he makes me laugh, and i feel comfortable. But, i'm really not as attracted to him as to my ex, and my feelings for him are nowhere near as strong. if i go out with this guy, am i using him? or should i think of it more as getting to know him, as it is still early days? i am not sure exactly what his feelings for me are, although at times it has seemed like he likes me quite a lot. i am trying really hard to change, so that i am no longer so shy around men i really like. but its a slow process, and selfishly, i kind of want to see someone rather than just be on my own for ages, i do like this guy etc... i am curious to know what anyone else thinks about this. do you usually only go out with people you really feel a strong attraction to? how much do you think feelings can change? is it really bad of me to carry on seeing this guy if i'm not quite sure how i feel about him? any replies will really be appreciated.
  13. 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' - yup, that has been going through my mind recently. Thanks for the replies. i am still not sure what to do. i may try ringing him tomorrow. today is my birthday - he definitely knows this and hasn't rung, so i am guessing it's pretty much over, but it would be nice to have some kind of closure on the whole thing. the problem is, the more conscious i get of my shyness the worse it gets. i am not a social cripple, but with men it is quite bad. this isn't the first time it has driven a potential boyfriend away, and every time it happens i start worrying even more. the funny thing being that when i don't fancy blokes i'm able to talk to them fine, and some of them fancy me. its only the ones i like that i manage to drive away.
  14. hi everyone, I have been seeing this guy for a month and a half. Things started off really well, we have a lot in common, he was calling and texting all the time, and asked if we could now say that we were 'going out.' Problem is, the more i realised how much i liked him, the more i found myself clamming up around him. i talked to him about this, saying i'm shy, sometimes it takes me a while to come out of my shell, and he said he really liked what he knew of me and was happy to wait. but after several bad dates - i'm afraid i have acted fairly underconfident and insecure - his interest seems to be waning. he's stopped calling so much, and it has been me who has initiated contact. yet, when i do contact him, he seems happy to hear from me and responds quickly to any texts or whatever. before i didn't speak to him for over a week and i wasn't sure if things were still on, but then i phoned him and he straight away came over and took me out for a drink. unfortunately last time i saw him, doh, i got really drunk and told him, although i was trying to be lighthearted, that he had to call me. that was just over a week ago. i am worried this may have been the nail in the coffin. i know that the obvious thing for me to do is to call him to find out what's going on. my friends think he wasn't treating me well/not that interested because of not calling before, and that thereforeeee even if he is still interested i should break up with him. i don't want to not take a hint, but i really like him and am reluctant to let go. i am not sure if this is at all clear, but i could go on for pages. does anyone have any ideas about what might be going on? do you think he would tell me if he no longer wanted to see me?
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