Double J

In my opinion, you know you're with a potential "one" if that person completely accepts you for who you are; thus, you don't have to alter anything with your personality to accommodate him/her. You can always be yourself around the person. And vice-versa. It's very possible that during the honeymoon stage others here have discussed, one or both are putting up a front - which spells future disaster. It's not easy to find someone you can connect with an all levels - physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. If everyone connected this way, there would be no need for "friends," and monogamy would be hard to maintain. I met a girl in my first year of college who I thought could very well be a "one" but she already had a boyfriend. I know for a fact that we each felt a connection that went beyond your standard friendly bond. So if she were to break up with him in a month and we'd hook up, does that mean she's a one? Very possibly. But that doesn't mean I can't feel that type of connection with someone else. As someone said earlier, the "one" should really mean someone that you have currently chosen that no one, in your eyes, can compare to (Unless you're just with the person for other reasons like money or status). This of course is always subject to change, and it's also a major possibility to meet someone later in life that you connect with even MORE than you did with the person you're with.

It's too early to tell. Just ask her out soon.

There are a lot of good guys out there - looking for a relationship with the right girl. Just as there are also the jerks, you have your share of good and bad women. It's all about weeding out the ones you don't want.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having high standards. I mean, it's your life and you're investing emotions, time, money, and other things into this relationship. In my opinion, a person should not have ridiculously high expectations in the looks department (a Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie) but should with personality.

Please do not even bother. Why do you even consider investing your emotions on someone who isn't feeling the same? I know you really like her, I understand that, but you have to be strong and realize that she's into someone else. Humans do not decide who they want to be attracted to - it just happens. The poster who said that girls don't care how you feel, but how they feel.. is totally right. Once a girl is emotionally into you, you've got her on lock. But if you invest your emotions, and she's not interested, 99% of the time you're not going to get anywhere with her. Don't take it personally. I'm sure there are other girls out there that will give you what you're looking for. This one just found it in someone else. Move on with your search.

It sounds like you're too eager to get with someone. You're forcing this to happen. You can't possibly become infatuated by every girl you meet. That's obviously something you're doing to fill a void - perhaps you feel lonely or something. But you can't continue with this, because girls smell desperation very well. Just take it easy - when you like a girl, you'll know. You won't be able to stop thinking about her, and your emotions will cloud your judgment.

I've found that guys usually are attracted to what they are themselves.. If a guy is tall and thin, he'll usually go for a girl who's tall and thin. If he's heavy, he might feel comfortable with a girl who's the same way. I'm average weight, so I don't like skinny nor overweight girls. I like for them to have meat, especially in the lower area (thighs, butt, etc).

You definitely have to put yourself out there. I think the chances of meeting a right person for you happens more naturally when you're busy doing your thing and you're not constantly worried about that. By putting yourself out there, you already know that sooner or later you're going to encounter someone. I think the library, the mall, or even a coffee shop are good places to meet "quality" girls. Yes, church too, but you shouldn't go to church just for that. Besides, just because a girl attends church doesn't make her a good person. You don't know how her life is away from church, so you gotta make sure.

No need to bring up your feelings. Demonstrate what you feel through your actions. Actions speak louder than words and they have a more powerful effect, always.

It's just human nature.. When you sense someone distancing themselves from you, it makes you want them more. It makes you fear potentially that they might move on or lose interest in you, especially if you're self-conscious that you've been treating the person bad or haven't been a good b-f/g-f. No contact sometimes works to get the person to become more drawn to you, but it shouldn't be taken too far.

Perhaps she thought about you as friends the whole time, while you thought it was turning into something more serious. Did you do what boyfriends and g/f's typically do, as in, make out, hold hands, etc? Face it man - when a girl says she wants a break... think about it.. why would a girl that is truly interested in you want a break to separate from you? A girl who truly likes a guy isn't stupid - she won't risk what she has with you to do that. It's a funny coincidence that she broke up with you for a break, yet, right away gets with someone else. She didn't want a break.. What she meant to say was that she wanted to "break" that relationship to be free to get with a guy she had more interest in. I hate saying this, but I'm trying to help you out. I think you should move on and meet new girls.

I've noticed that some girls are more "phone people" than others. Some will call the guy only when he has left a message, others won't call at all, and some call several times a day voluntarily. Some girls seem like they want the guy to do all the calling, which in my opinion, shouldn't be the case. If you like a guy, show it! So ladies - Should a guy measure interest level based on whether or not she calls him over the phone?

Yeah, ask her out again. What do you have to lose? Seems like things went well. Keep it cool though. No professing your feelings or pouring your heart. Take things slowly.

ComputerGuy, Sorry for what you're going through man. You'll get over it soon. Girls are weird sometimes, and a lot of them are different. Some of them (the good ones) will eventually want to know where the two of you stand, but other ones would get so easily turned off with the slightest indication that you're falling for her or what not. But think about it - If you tell a girl how you feel and she's not responsive to that, she's obviously not feeling the same for you. That's why, to be on the safe side, I am never direct with my feelings towards a girl until I know that she feels the same way about me. So what do I do instead? I SHOW her through my actions - touching, tickling, teasing, etc. If she reciprocates my behavior, then I know i'm making progress, but I'm still not home because she hasn't verbalized how she feels. Still, it's important that a girl both shows you and tells you. Telling you alone means nothing because she might tell you one thing and then tell you another thing tomorrow. Her actions have to back up her words. Anyway, if things don't work out with her, keep your head up. Focus on a hobby, school, work, anything, and when you least expect it you'll meet someone new in the near future.

Well that's weird, because if she "thought" you had a g/f the least thing she could have done was asked for some sort of verification. But I agree.. You blew it by telling her how you felt. A guy should only admit how he feels when he already knows that the girl feels the same way. That way, both parties win.

Has anyone here found the "right one" in a friend you've known for a long time? I'm asking because that's usually so rare.

I think the worst thing you can do in a case like this is put your emotions to work. Don't involve your emotions at all. Instead of driving yourself crazy wondering whether she likes you, just focus on talking to her and getting to know her better first. I know you're attracted to her, but it's not worth beating yourself over. Take it easy, and next time you see her, try to approach her and talk to her.

A guy looks for a girl whose looks appeal to him, but then he delves into her personality. I think most guys look for the same general things: Honesty, Caring, sweet, funny, smart, and who takes care of herself and values her friends and family.

You're still young. I think you should be bold and ask her yourself. Getting a third party involved isn't a good idea - eventually she might find out herself what you did and get turned off. Girls like guys who take command. You should also do it as a way to become more confident in yourself and get practice.

Thanks for your kind words, guys. To be honest with you, I didn't pay attention to him from the start - obviously just someone trying to start a debate or argument in the most inappropriate place to do so. People who aren't interested in helping others should just keep away from the site.

Nope, it's just a general question buddy. I just like reading up on others' experiences. I'm not interested in anyone right now - you are obviously overanalyzing things. You don't know who I am, so speculating might be a good way to invest in your time, but only I truly know why I posted this.. and it's to see whether or not people confide in their gut feeling when dealing with a potential partner.

I'm curious... Let's say you guys are interested in someone, and for whatever reason, you have this gut feeling about the person - either that they're not interested and just playing coy, that they are interested but they don't want to come out in the open, or even that you sense the person is not right for you. Have your instincts been right or wrong? Please share your experiences.

Good advice right there. It's been my experience that if a girl tells you she doesn't want anything serious because she's been hurt, she's scared, she's not ready, or some other excuse, it means she's not interested but she doesn't want to tell you directly to avoid hurting your feelings. Maybe that story about you telling friends about her is something she contrived beforehand to be able to justify her motives. And it's true - you both live very far apart from each other. Even if this was to turn into something more substantive, the distance issue still lingers. I would not invest any more time in this, but just talk to her as a friend and not expect anything more.

If someone wants nothing to do with you, why do you persist? There are many other wonderful people out there that are willing to give you the time of day. Truly good girls are hard to find, but they are out there. Just don't let this ex of yours get in the way. Move on, distract yourself with hobbies, and consider pursuing other girls.

She gave me signals, and I simply acted on them. That's the way it's supposed to be. If a girl is interested, she should give signs, and the guy should be able to pick up on them - otherwise he's going to miss his chance.