Double J

When I read the title of your thread, I was right about to tell you that you should never let a girl know you like her verbally - but you should show her. And in the lines above, you're indeed asking how you can SHOW her you like her, which is exactly what you should do. Show her through touch, flirting, teasing her, and just being laid-back and fun. Don't get too serious with her and tie her down with emotions. If anything, let the girl get emotional on you. That's when you know you're in.

To the original poster, Your life is what you make of it. If you really want to make something happen (meet girls, become more sociable), you can do it. The only limitations you have are those that you create in your mind. As for being desperate, no one wants someone that is desperate.. That's just human nature. We'd rather be with someone who has his or her life in order and shows that having a boy/girlriend isn't a necessary condition for attaining happiness. Do not count on having a girlfriend in order to be happy with yourself. A girl doesn't make your life complete - you make your life complete. Girls come and go, but you stay. A girl could add happiness to your life, but she is not the one that earns your degree, gives you your paycheck, and handles the everyday tasks in your life. You do that stuff, so the only one you should really depend on is yourself. And the irony is that the more you show that you don't need a girlfriend, the more girls want to be your girlfriend.

If she rejected you, it means she's not interested right now. I think you should not invest more time and energy in this - you are going to risk getting more emotionally attached. If a girl does give you a chance after you repeatedly try to woo her, you'd have to question whether it's because she really likes you, or she feels pity. Don't get me wrong - it is very possible for her to like you eventually, but usually, it just doesn't happen. Upon your first encounter with a girl, it's usually during that time that she determines whether she feels attraction or not, and if she doesn't, you're put in friend zone. Don't give up. I'm sure you will meet more girls soon.

Good luck to you, Tynetria. It's only been a month, so i'm sure over time you're going to fall more deeply into her. Like Muneca said, here and there, remind her that she should trust you and that you care about her. It's the thought that counts. Good luck with your work too.

I think your argument is very legitimate. This seems to be a busy time in your life and she has to understand that. As long as you both can make time for each other at least once or twice a week, that should be good enough. I know what you mean about it being hard to balance work and a relationship, but as long as both parties make an effort to make it work, it will. When one person doesn't, that's when problems brew up.

Don't worry. Gradually, you'll get over it. It takes meeting a new wonderful girl to help get over an old one.

Themegchan, You remind me of my relationship with my ex. I was just like the guy you've described - much more affectionate than she was with me. She failed to show any emotion around me, which seems to be your same situation. By the way you put this, it seems like you don't feel the same about this guy as he feels about you. Don't keep him around just to boost your ego or relish attention. I'm not saying these are your intentions, but don't - it can hurt a guy more than you think. Let him go if you can't reciprocrate the feelings.

Move on, man. This girl is just not for you. You don't want a girl telling guys to stay overnight in her apartment. My suggestion to you is to move on and find a better, more decent girl who will value you for who you are and not throw in your face that she's an egotistical moron. If I had been in your shoes, I would not have written a message asking her what I had done wrong - that shows weakness - but that's okay. Don't waste anymore time on her and quit the weed. It's only going to make you worse in the long run.

It's true, I know most girls want the "tall, dark and handsome" type. They want a tall guy to feel protected. But I think there is someone for everyone out there. At least by going for someone shorter than he is, there's a higher probability she won't mind than a girl who's 5'7". I think a guy can really compensate for this (and any other shortcoming) by displaying other qualities that girls are attracted to, like confidence and sense of humor.. Speaking of sense of humor - if you can make a joke of the height in a funny, laid-back way, that makes you seem more attractive. That makes you look like you could care what others think of your height, and when a girl sees this, it's likely she'll become more dran to you.

Seems like the situation is in a standstill. No one seems willing to take the intiative. If this girl really loves him and is dying to meet him so bad, what excuse could she have? I don't see why being broke would stop a person from seeing the other in a public place like a park where no money is required. Sooner or later, someone is going to have to take the initiative. I wish your friend luck and hope it works out for the best.

I've met a few girls off the internet, and the time it takes them to feel comfortable around you varies. I met one or two that seemed very nervous, but I met another one that quickly adjusted to the situation because she had already met other guys from online. A word of advice - If you like this girl, make sure you don't depend on her to set up dates or outings. Since she still doesn't know you well, she's still going to proceed with caution, but you need to keep going out with her to see how things are going to end up between both of you.

Just make small talk with her and talk to her about stuff she can relate to, e.g. school, movies, books, world events, etc. If you really like her, you gotta be persistent, but don't show desperation.

If she turns away from you, why do you assume she loves you? Or is it that you hope she does?

One of the things they advise guys to do to have more success with women is maintain eye contact when both look into each other's eyes. If the guy looks away, it shows weakness/shyness/lack of self esteem. To answer your question - it really depends on the person or situation. Looking away is usually indicative of shyness.. but if a person you like does it, it could mean the person like you, or it could be a combination of both.

If you think about it, shyness only becomes worse when you let it. Next time you see this girl alone or whatever.. go up to her and ask her out on impulse - don't think twice about it because once you do, the tension only amplifies. Easier said than done but you can do it if you believe in yourself.

Online dating usually doesn't work, but it can. If you want to look for potentials online, do it as a backup - don't solely meet girls over the internet and replace meeting girls the conventional way. If you have qualms about your height, then go for girls in person who are shorter than you. There are plenty out there that are 5'3" and shorter. Remember that people are actually much more likely to be shallow online upon seeing a picture - because that's all they could go by. At least in person they can see how you interact with others and carry yourself in general.

Don't act differently around her. My advice to you is not to tell her you like her - but now that she knows you like her, be a little more physical with her - apply subtle touching, a flirtatious comment here and there.. all while being consistent with your behavior.

First of all, calm down. It's normal to get shy around girls. The best way to deal with this is with practice. Next time you see a girl (even if you're not attracted) just approach her without thinking twice and tell her or ask her something - What time is it, etc. It'd be easier to do this with a girl in one of your classes that you've never met before, so you can inquire about an assignment or test. Keep doing this with girls you're not interested in, and once you decide to do it with a girl you like, you'll feel more comfortable.

Hang out with her more and slowly but surely, you'll conquer your shyness problem. The best way to measure a girl's level of interest is to examine her actions. Does she call you on the phone? Does she make an attempt to see you more often? Does she ask if you have a girlfriend? Does she want to know what's going on in your life? Don't just ask her if she likes you - that's giving it up too soon. She'll know right away that you like her. SHOW her you like her, and let her do the same. Like you said, you have to interact with her more.

Yes, you have to force yourself to do it. You have nothing to lose. You can't have success in life without experiencing failure. Sooner or later, you're going to get rejected, but even if you do, it's worth it to attempt to make a conversation because you know that you tried at least. It's a learning experience, and it increases your self-confidence. You should make small talk with her and build rapport - that way it's more likely that she comes up to you to talk next time she sees you. But you have to break the ice.

When I started off in college, I was a little overwhelmed myself with the myriad of good looking girls. Just try to approach girls in a way that doesn't reek desperation, because girls are VERY good at picking up desperation. Do it very casually, and instead of having the mindset of "wow this girl is hot, I don't know what to say" just think of her as any normal human being with flaws. Have this mindset: Instead of worrying about what you have to do or say when you approach a hot girl, think that SHE is the one who has to act a certain way for you to qualify her as a potential girlfriend. Think of yourself as the prize, not her. This will help your confidence.

The truth is that, the less amount of options you have, the more you're willing to look into giving a chance to someone who shows interest in you - even if you might not be that interested in the person physically. Think about it - if two very good looking people were interested in you, would you show interest in the third person that shows interest, who happens to be out of shape? Not really. However, if there's only one person around who fancies you, and loneliness creeps in here and there, you're definitely willing to accept that person. It's happened to me in the past. I've met girls that I've been physically attracted to, but whose personalities have completed turned me off. As human beings we're very self-conscious of ourselves and our limitations. Very good looking people get hit on all the time - and if many people start to convey that the person is too good for them, the good looking person WILL believe it eventually. I've also met not-so attractive people whose personalities outshine the physical. It's very hard to maintain a relationship where one person is not physically attracted to the other, because once the person's eyes start to wander, they're going to get the urge to be with that "pretty" one. And maybe when that one's personality comes out, if they broke up with the nice person, they'll regret it.

I think looks matter to everyone, no matter what. I, personally, am not super picky with looks. But, it always helps to know that the person tries to take care of herself and look the best she can possibly look. That in itself makes the person more attractive.

No offense, but your ex sounds immature. She only calls when you initiate NC? I've dealt with girls like this in the past, and they're all about stupid little games. As hard as it may be, you have to accept the fact that the relationship is over, and she wants to meet other guys. Instead of pining over her, don't call her anymore and meet new girls yourself. Why would you want someone that is constantly frequenting bars for attention anyhow? If you can, let her see you with another girl. I'm sure that will catch her attention, but even so, she just might try to get you back because you've become unattainable. But if she has you in her hands again, she'll drop you once more. A lot of girls are like this, and it's best not to get involved with them.

Caldus, I'm in the exact same situation as you. There's a friend of mine who I've known since middle school, but in high school we got to know each other more. Based on her actions, you could easily tell she likes me - she invites me out, she would send me halloween/Christmas cards in high school, etc. This is the easiest way to pinpoint a girl's interest level - through her actions. Just as that girl likes you for who you are, this girl likes me for who I am too. She also seems to like the fact that I'm a studious, dedicated student like she is. The only problem, like yours, is that she's overweight and doesn't seem to care for her appearance as much as I'd want her to. She never wears makeup nor fixes her hair - she needs a makeover. On the other hand, she has a wonderful personality - she's wife material and so much more. SHe's also a very bright girl and majoring in the same discipline as me. I really want to give her a chance, but I just can't until I see her trying to fix herself up a little. You'll notice that girls who aren't as attractive (or have some sort of shortcoming like weight) have to compensate for the condition by being "extra nice." I think the luckiest guy in the world is one who gives a girl like this a chance, and while together, she works on herself and becomes lean while retaining her great personality. My advice to you, bro, is to keep being her friend. Maybe one day you can look past the extra weight, or maybe you can ask her subtly if she goes to the gym.. LOL. But seriously, keep in touch because you never know if she'll lose that weight in the near future.