Annalise

A really good friend of mine smokes way too much weed and has a serious drinking problem and has done since he was about 15 (he's 21 now) he also has a fairly consuming porn obsession and serious anger management issues. He says he's fine, that he works hard, and the at the end of the day he just wants to relax with drink and weed. (He does work hard and has a well paying job, he feels very pressured to make a lot of money). He drinks an alarming amount , yesterday he started drinking at about 10 am and didn't stop till 5 am the next morning,( Withinn a 3 hour period he smokes about 5 joints by himself) he does this every weekend. On weekdays it starts as soon as work finishes. He carries booze and hash wherever he goes. He recently told me that he was molested by a female babysitter as a very young child. He insists that he's fine with it and that it was good for him, He comes from a very 'macho' familly, His uncles took him to brothels as a teenager and his dad is also into porn in a bug way. when he told his dad what happened he said 'congratulations' and behaved like it was a great rites of passage ( he was 5 at the time). I mention this because I believe that weather he knows it or not, a lot of his anger issues stem from this. (BTW I don't have a problem with porn generaly but its really affecting his attitudes about women , which I don't like and its taking up so much of his time.) Anyway I'm really worried (so is another friend). It seems as though he's just getting worse and worse, His familly think he's doing fine as long as he's making a lot of money, they don't seem to care about the substance abuse, in fact they encourage the drinking. maybe theyre in denial. I haven't confronted him about anything because I'm afraid of his reaction. I know this is cowardly. I have to say something though. He's already lost a 5 year relationship and his health is suffering. Hes so young and I can see him slipping away already. How can I phrase is so that he won't freak out?

sorry for the typo. That should read ''He's 21 and shes 18''

Hi . I wrote in a few months ago about a problem my friend was having. He had been going through a severe depression. which was worrying for all concerned. Then he met a girl on faceparty and suddenly things seemed much better. He even found he didn't need antidepressants anymore. He fell madly in love with her , and her with him, they IM all the time and phone at least once a day . It all seems good except for the fact that they never met. They live not too far away from one another and It seems a shame that things kept stopping them from meeting. Recently, nearly a year later, things have taken a worrying turn. He says he's been very unhappy, crying every day(very unusual for him), wanting her to be with him but refuses to take matters into his own hands and visit her. This worries me because it indicates that his depression is returning. He has called her his 'reason for living' in the past and I'm worried that if something doesn't happen soon he will become suicidal. I have IMed her before and whenever I ask when they will get together she gives essentially the same answer that he does. That she really wants to and is 'dying without him' but cant due to some problem or other,lack of money for instance (although they are only a short train ride away from one another and it wouldn't cost that much). I don't understand this. I would have thought that if you love someone you'd move heaven and earth to meet them, especially if you are miserable without them. Also (and I dare not say this to either of them) it seems a little immature to me (he's 21 and she's 18). I know he really *does* want to meet her but whenever I ask him why he won't he says he doesn't want to talk about it. Mutual friends agree that something seems wrong with the whole situation but due to the intensity of their feelings for each other no one can raise the subject. Can I do or say anything to help my friend? I've never had any internet dating experiences and wonder if I'm misunderstanding somthing?

I am 20 years old and single. this seems to pose a real problem for my friends and familly, It seems to make them uncomfortable that i'm single and not looking. I like men a lot and have some close male friends but i dont really want a relationship at this time in my life, As far as sex goes its not that importanat to me. I just dont have a very high sex drive I guess. I'm fine with the concept but as far as actually going out looking for sex goes id rather spend time on other things. I believe in love, but like I said. I'm not pushed to find it. I dont mind if I have it or not and I'd rather not be so responsible for somone elses happiness. All this is fine by me but i'm under so much pressure from other people. EVERY day my familly pester me about starting to date and my friends are always trying to set me up. My parent are constantlly making comments about wanting grandchildren soon. They say people think I'm gay. Its like people just cant STAND it that I'm unattached and content. I'm going nuts i just want to crawl into a hole and hide. How can I explain to people that my life is my life and they should mind their own business without being rude? I've even begun to contemplate having a 1 night stand just to shut them all up, but I dont WANT to have to do this. Or maybe I should? Is there somthin wrong with me that I dont have these desires?

Hi, i need some honest answers from guys (and girls if you have an opinion). i'm a virgin and I am wondering about labia size. A guy i know said its a real turn off when a womans inner labia stick out below the outer ones. This worries me as this is the case with me...Will men run screaming for the hills?

Listen, how do you think killing yourself is going to help the situation? While you are on this earth you have options and ways of getting help. if you leave you are removing your options. You wont make things better like that. All you'll do is make it impossible for you to change anything. Always remember that if you are feeling somthing ,anything, then there is a good chance that a lot of others are feeling it too.That a lot of others got through it. You are never alone. Id advise you to seek councilling as soon as you can. talk to your familly and friends. Dont feel guilty for other peoples actions and for heavens sake dont put that same guilt on the people who love you by killing yourself.

I have been best friends with someone for many years, he was always quiet and never discussed his feelings much. Over the past 2 years hes been suffering from depression quite badly. Today he hinted that he had been sexually abused as a very young child. i'm worried, he says he 'doesn't want to go there'. i dont blame him but hes been so miserable and i dont think hed have bought it up unless he wanted a response from me. he was vague and i dont know if i should ask him about it outright. I hate to think that somthing horrible happened to him Any ideas?