Double J

Muneca knows her stuff. DO NOT tell her you like her. This is the attraction deathtrap. Girls are emotional creatures - they love to wonder (like in the movies) if the guy likes her or not. Whoever said actions speak louder than words was right on the money - show her you like her by giving her deep signs - eye contact, subtle touching, etc.. It does seem like a good sign that she asked you who you like, but don't tell her you like her dude. It just kills all the mystery. But don't remain passive either - act.

Girls play phone games all the time, but possibly she's been busy. Try calling her again soon, but try not to invest yourself emotionally yet. This girl seems flaky. Sooner or later, if you're truly interested, you're going to have to make some kind of move, or else the girl will just think of you as a friend to hang out with.

She doesn't seem interested. It always puts a girl in a more awkward position once she knows that someone likes her, especially if she doesn't feel it for the guy. You never know, it's possible she may be shy. If you ask her out and she declines, there's no doubt she's not interested. If she accepts, she might be interested but she might also accept it as a friendly outing. Pay attention to how she acts and not what she says.

Shinobie, I've been seeing your posts for quite some time now, and I think it's time you got a little reality check. I'm only doing it to help you out, so if I sound harsh, I'm only doing it for your own good. First, let me start off with this. Picture yourself in someone else's shoes. If there was a girl that was constantly talking negative things about herself, would you be interested in her? No, right? But that's how I've been seeing that you act. You're constantly putting yourself down, and then you come to this board so that people could cheer you up and tell you that you're a good guy and whatever. You do seem like a nice guy, and I think Enotalone is a great tool you use. But no advice people give you is going to change you - YOU have to change yourself my man. You have to take that initiative in your life to start valuing yourself more as a person. Stop depending so much on girls to be happy with yourself. Girls are human beings - they're the most beautiful gift God's given us men, but no reason to put them on a pedestal. They have FLAWS just like us, and what you don't realize is that they hate it when guys worship them! Girls hate guys that seek approval, try to buy their affection with gifts and compliments 24/7, etc. It all starts with not caring what they think about you. You have to believe in yourself in order for others to believe in you. You have to boost your self-esteem. At one point in my life, I also had self-esteem and confidence issues. But one day I said "What the heck, i'm a human being and I deserve to be respected." From that day on, I became a different person and never let people step over me. As for girls, you're gonna have to do a little research. Instead of spending so many hours posting, look up information on how to be more attractive to women, how to build self-confidence, etc. You're not going to make progress by just complaining on this forum. I certainly couldn't have changed if I wouldn't have invested time in research. I hope this helps man. I just kept seeing your posts where you put yourself down and it prompted me to do this. Believe in yourself.

Tell her you're going somewhere, and ask her if she'd like to tag along. Make it seem like you already have plans to go there regardless of whether she decides to join you or not. The problem here is that if she only thinks of you as a friend, it's hard to depart from the friend zone. Work on your confidence but stop investing so much emotionally in this girl. The best way to distract your mind is to either take up a hobby or meet some other girls. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it. Good luck to you

Try one last time, and if she declines again, move on. A girl that is interested just doesn't pass these offers man.

Agree with Amethyst. Move on, not worth it to waste time on a girl that isn't feeling it for you. I don't know why so many guys on this forum have this urgency to tell a girl they like her. Guys - UNDERSTAND THIS - girls like mystery. Show a girl you like her, don't tell her. Telling her kills all the fun and puts her on the spot. Hence, it kills the interest level very quickly.

Crizlee, I disagree with those who have responded. I don't think you should ever TELL a girl you like her, but SHOW her instead. Girls are very good at picking up signals anyway, much better than guys are. Telling a girl directly that you like her just puts a lot of pressure on her - it also kills that sense of challenge that people seem to love in the beginning. I know it's too late now because you told her, but hopefully she feels the same. Remember, for us guys, it's always best to show her you like her, and if she really does come around to like you, she'll be the one to tell you. Maybe you should stop telling her you like her so much and act a little more distant. She'll wonder what's going on, and believe it or not, it might just do the trick. We always value something more when we don't have it available as much

Yeah, you can't depend on a girl to be happy, or you'll be miserable. A girl should enhance your life, not complete it, because only YOU complete your own life.

Some people have met the loves of their lives online then in person, others have had nothing but bad experiences. I'd like to read you guys' experiences in meeting guys/girls from the internet in person.

I totally agree with vchilly. Take it from her- she's a girl too. Stop wasting your time on this one girl and move on. She told you to go on dates with her and her b/f? Sounds like she was using you to make him jealous or something. She's just using you. Girls like this aren't worth our time.

Yes, calling everyday is no good. It sends all the wrong signals: that you're desperate, that you don't have enough things to do, etc. Of course, the fact is that you're really into her, but she is going to see it that way. In the game of dating, sometimes you have to make yourself unavailable so that the other person misses you and appreciates your presense more when you are with them. Stop calling everyday - call her maybe once every three or four days. I've also noticed that if a girl is truly interested, she'll go out of her way to call YOU. So be mindful of that.

There's an important piece of information in there - you said she told you she recently broke up with her boyfriend. Now, be careful dude. Yes she might be interested, but, you know how it goes. When girls break up with their boyfriends, many of them try to fill that void they feel by getting male attention from another source. I've experienced it. It reassures them that they're still admired and appreciated by other members of the opposite sex, and they may not necessarily be interested in something with you. I agree with the others that you should ask her out, but make sure she's just not using you on the rebound. And if she keeps mentioning her ex, take that to be a red flag.

I agree and disagree with you on some points. I agree that if women were to do the work themselves, it would be a world of a difference for us guys in terms of not having to risk being rejected as usual. But unfortunately, this doesn't usually happen. We are men - we're expected to be the aggressors and pursue these women. I think many girls don't like guys who take the passive approach. I've heard girls say that they like a guy who goes for what he wants; having the guts to approach the girl and ask her out (yeah, even if it's a cold approach) shows self-confidence. Practice makes perfect. In order to succeed in all that we do, we have to experience rejection. It happens to everyone. You can't experience success without experiencing failure at some point. I think one of the main things you have to show girls is that you could care less if they accept your offer to go out with you or not - that in itself is attractive because it shows you have a life that doesn't revolve around her. The whole process also makes you more self-confident - you shouldn't have to depend on a girl to be happy or feel satisfied. You made it seem in your post like you feel that only arrogant men tend to approach women. Not true. I'm not arrogant and I've done it. A guy has to realize that he has nothing to lose. You see an attractive girl - the only way to get the ball rolling is to approach her. Yes, it's better if you're prompted to do so after she's given you little signs (wink, stare, etc), but if she doesn't, you should still try anything. You absolutely have nothing to lose, and if she decides to pass, it's her loss. If we depend on sitting around and waiting for a girl to ask us out, we're in for a long wait.

Almost everywhere I go, I hear girls my age or women that are older saying how much they want who is "tall, dark-skinned with dark hair and dark eyes." I think there has to be something psychological going on here. Do you ladies perceive guys with darker features to exude more power or dominance than those with lighter features? I have light brownish hair and brown eyes with a fairly medium complexion, but many girls on this board seem adamant in wanting "all dark." Why? Us guys aren't as picky; we do have our preferences when it comes to body shape, hair color (blond/brunette), etc., but in the end we'll settle for a girl's personality that complements us the best.

Good replies. Yeah, you definitely can't wait. I know people who are in their late 30's/early 40's who are starting to get a little worried that they won't find a partner. I think you have to become absorbed in your daily routines - school, work, hobbies - and somewhere along the line, someone will come along who will complement your life. You shouldn't look for someone to COMPLETE you. You COMPLETE yourself. But someone who can enhance your life.

wlf, you seem to have a very negative outlook on it. It's not necessarily bad. If a girl really cares about you, she could care less - she'll be glad to explore those areas with you.

I've heard some girls say that they would love to have a guy who is a virgin, yet others say they'd prefer a guy with experience who can "teach them" some things. I think guys who lack sexual experience would prefer not to be with someone who's too far ahead of them because it makes them feel insecure, so they look to less experienced ones like themselves. What do you guys think?

Human beings have this thing where we just thrive on attention we get from people, even if we're already in relationships. Many of us just want more and can't get enough from our partners. This girl sounds like that type, dude. I've been in your shoes before, where one girl seemed to give me all the signals but it didn't change the fact that she already had a b/f and she loved him. Even if a girl is attracted to you it doesn't mean she wants a relationship with you. I think giving her an ultimatum to choose between him and you is not fair. She was with that guy already; let it be. If you're not willing to settle for friendship, move on. But if you are, be careful about declaring your feelings - because it might make the friendship a little awkward afterwards.

Does it mean not to settle for less in terms of looks, personality, or both? I've realized that I can truly say I settled for less in the looks department once with an ex, and it didn't work out, maybe because I didn't like her enough physically (but did get with her because of personality). Yet, there is another girl I was with who treated me much worse, but I was super attracted to her.. and to this day, I think of her much more. So my question is.. what constitutes settling for less? How do you know if you're settling for less or not?

If a girl tells you that you deserve someone better, it's a nice way of saying "I'm not interested, move on." It could either be because she doesn't feel the attraction, or like many girls nowadays, she thinks you're too much of a nice guy and she doesn't want to be held accountable for any emotional disappointments. If a girl is really interested in a guy, there's no reason why she would tell him this.

A few months ago, I posted here that I asked out this girl I met when I started college. I was very friendly - I would approach her in class and everything. She warmed up to be a little more, and since I'm attracted to her looks and intelligence, I said hey, why not ask her out.. so I did.. but to my dismay, she said "Good idea, but why don't we invite my friend Juan to come along with us.. He's been wanting to go." Juan is a friend of hers since high school and they would hang out together a lot at that time. After this happened, I hadn't even noticed it, but I became very distant around her, and she couldn't help but wonder what was going on.. It prompted her to e-mail me asking me what was wrong because she "valued me tremendously." When that little phase ended, things got back to normal pretty much. But this semester, since I have her for more classes, we've spent more time together, and she's warmed up even more. A typically shy girl, she now throws me little papers, chases me when I take a pen or cap from her, etc. The most telling signs seem to be that she invites me to go places with her. For example we're doing a community service project, and we each go in groups but she asked me the other day if I'd like to accompany her and her group. I find myself thinking about her a lot lately, and my question is this.. While I have time (before getting emotionally attached), how should I proceed? Does she appear to be liking me simply as a person and feels extremely comfortable in my presense, or is she showing signs of interest to be more than friends? If the it's the latter, i'd be willing to ask her out again. This has me baffled so I could use some advice.

How does a guy distinguish whether a girl who seems drawn to him likes him romantically, or just values him as a person (aka as a friend)? You might all say "she flirts with you," but flirting signals can be ambiguous sometimes. A guy might think it's flirting but again, it could just be friendliness. I'd like to know your opinions and guys are free to contribute.

one of my ex g/f's suffered from depression. It wasn't as serious as your situation, but it was still hard to deal with. There were days that she was really in the dumps. Let me tell you - I'm almost always happy, and this girl would get so depressed sometimes that it would make me depressed too, and it takes a lot to do that. Eventually she became a bit of a doormat and I cut her loose. It's not easy dealing with people who suffer from depression

Marx, if she doesn't end it with that guy in 1-2 months, I suggest you move on. You're wasting your time, and I've been in your shoes before. When I started college, I met a girl and got close to her very fast. She showed all the signs the girl you like is showing and more. But, she also had a boyfriend, and it wasn't until later that I found out she really cared deeply for this guy. Sometimes girls want outside attention from someone other than their partner to reassure them that they can still attract and endear other members of the opposite sex (the more the better right?) I'm not saying she doesn't like you; in fact, she might even be attracted to you, and i'm sure this girl was attracted to me because she did touch a lot too. But even if a girl is attracted, it doesn't mean she wants to get into a relationship with you. It's tough, but it's the truth man. My advice to you is - do not get your emotions involved. Good luck