Double J

Girls online can be pretty deceiving. I once met one offline that seemed interested in me, but I never really looked into the fact that she had recently broken up with her ex. Turns out she went out with me twice but then disappeared one day and never heard from her again. She just wanted someone she could use as a puppet to get her mind off her ex. Maybe this is what the girl is doing to you man. You've never even seen her pic - she could be unattractive and unpleasant anyhow.

I totally agree with OceanEyes. There's a saying that goes like this: "Don't make someone your priority if they're only willing to consider you an option." Either this girl is not that into you, or, she is but she's also into this other guy because she's keeping him around. Who knows - maybe she wants him as a safety net in case your relationship goes bad (Hopefully, she's not planning to sabotage the relationship on purpose). My advice to you is.. move on.. Good luck man

My advice to you is to put him down gently. Put yourself in his position - Would you like to be waiting around forever to know what a guy you liked thought of you? I'm sure you wouldn't. I'm not including you, but I've found that far too many girls won't tell the guy because they relish the attention they're getting; it boosts their self esteem. But that's just not right. Sure, if you never give him a response, he's going to assume you're not interested sooner or later and he'll probably move on. But why make him go through that.. just tell him you care about him a lot as a friend but you'd prefer to keep it that way. You'll save him a lot of time and effort, and he'll thank you for it.

My ex girlfriend had commitmentphobia. No matter how much she'd profess her feelings to me, she was never willing to settle down in a relationship. I thought it was something about me, but i've talked to her recently and she still talks about how she has guys after her and she has to let them down. She has insecurity issues. As for you buddy, if this woman is the woman of your dreams, you're going to have to conquer this sooner or later before she gets away. Is it because you don't want to settle down with one person and want to have your independence? Are you sure you truly love her? You have to analyze these things.

Someone said earlier that anyone (a virgin) who ranks on another person for having sex has insecurity issues. I agree, but I also think it goes both ways. The reason why so many people pick on virgins is obvious - virgins are different, they're not the norm, and it makes that person feel insecure. So what does the person do? He/She ridicules the virgin to feel better about himself or herself. This also applies to other situations in life. For example, if all of the guys in a middle school class are doing drugs, but one guy isn't, what is the group going to do? They're going to do their best to get that other kid to take drugs, because the kid is different. We always like people more if they think like us, dress like us, partake in the same activities, etc. And this just as well applies to virgins/non-virgins.

No, smacking them around actually makes you look insecure. It's like trying to display bravado that gets you nowhere. You can be nice, but just not TOO nice. Learn to say no, and if you have something to say, say it with conviction. Girls (even beautiful-looking ones) are humans too, they err and have flaws like the rest of us. And by busting on them in a playful way, you're reminding them of just that - that just because they were lucky enough to be born with good looks doesn't mean you'll worship the ground they walk on. Too many guys try to buy their affection by being overly nice, and some go as far as to convey that they're not worthy of the girl. I've noticed that girls hate it when guys seek their approval or make them lead. And neediness is a killer too. As long as you have a balance, you'll succeed.

I've realized that they do. Don't get me wrong - I don't mean being a jerk and acting disrespectful towards them. I mean being mean in a playful way, treating them like a bratty sister, and not caring what she thinks about you. This seems to send out all the right signals, and girls become more drawn to you. I'm always acting this way with a girl in class that I know, and she always tells me "You're so bad," but laughing and with a smile on her face. So to me she's not conveying that it's a bad thing. I guess acting this way really works on very attractive girls, because treating her like "one of the guys" is a challenge and makes you stand out. - Do you guys agree?

I met this girl from the internet in person about 10 months ago or so, and we met on my campus (She attended the same community college campus I currently attend, but she already graduated and transferred). Keep in mind she's 23. So we meet, and I definitely like her personality because she's super sweet and nice, and at the same time, low-key and rather reserved (The way I like girls to be). In all honesty, the physical attraction wasn't too high, but I still thought she was cute. She's super quiet (almost to a fault) and I had to carry the conversation from start to finish. Nonetheless I still enjoyed talking to her. Here's how I knew for a fact she was interested - right when I signed on later on, she sent me an instant message. I'm pretty sure this girl in not experienced in the world of dating. She had told me she was a virgin, the guys she had gone out with had mostly been from AOL, and the most recent date that preceded my meeting with her was 45 minutes! The main reason she didn't pique my interest was because I was talking to someone else at the time, my now ex g/f. Earlier this year, I also had several little flings with different girls. But now that I look back, this girl seems to have the personality that I really like in a girl - and she really seemed to like me for who I am, despite being 19 and her 23. I've been calling her again recently, and she seems to be a little suspicious about my sudden thaw. We've been playing cat and mouse lately - everytime I call she doesn't pick up, but she'll call back at some unexpected point - the other day she called at 3 AM and I couldn't believe it when I saw the missed call the next day. Yesterday I called, but when she called back, I didn't have the phone with me. So my view is that this girl is a private person, obviously shy and lacking in experience with guys. But she still seems interested I think - she went on a trip and called to let me know she had returned, but I don't know. Any feedback would be appreciated, especially from the girls.

There's a friend of mine that I've known since middle school, and we became greater friends in high school. I know for a fact that this girl has liked me for a while, and she's demonstrated it on different occasions - inviting me to movies, parties, buying me cards for holidays, etc. A mutual friend also told me that my friend had told her she liked me, but not to tell anyone. I just never really paid attention to her because I liked other girls and got involved with another girl in high school. My question is this: I love this girl's personality. She is a sweetheart, she is smart, caring, and honestly is everything I'd want in a girl for a long term relationship. She's even studying the same major as me in another college. The problem lies in the fact that I'm not that physically attracted.. She is not ugly - she just needs a bit of a makeover, and could shed a few pounds. I love the fact that she's so studious and all but she's not really concerned about her image, and for someone like me who works out a lot and cares about my appearance, I think that's a potential problem. You know it's not easy to tell a girl "Hey, you need to change how you look." I'm sure that if she would work on it, she'd look much better. What do you guys suggest? I'm in college and can meet so many girls... this girl's personality stands out though, and i'm not sure what to do. You know what they say - Go for someone that truly likes you and cares about you for who you are.

I don't know about you, but I've realized how I seem to like the sophisticated, reserved type. If a girl talks too much about sex early on, I lose interest in her. Being on a more conservative side, not only in looks but also in the manner a girl dresses, greatly appeals to me, although it's usually harder when the girl is a little too shy (doesn't talk, etc.). I'm more attracted to the "lady" than to the "fisky cat," although I wouldn't mind the friskyness going up a few notches when her and I are alone. - Do you guys echo these sentiments, or, what are your views?

I don't know about you other guys, but I've realized that when a girl I meet gets too much into the topic of sex, including her past sexual experiences, her fantasies, etc too soon, it turns me off. It makes the girl look easy and a little trashy. I'm attracted to girls that are conservative and get into this stuff when the time is right. I've noticed an irony - You know how guys think that by buying a girl gifts and showering her with compliments all the time it's going to ignite attraction, but it ends up having the opposite effect? The same thing goes for girls who think they are impressing a guy by being too sexually liberal in the conversation(s). Don't get me wrong - I'm sure there are guys who like that type of girl, but I bet my bottom dollar that guys who want a relationship would rather move on than settle for a girl like this.

I'm wondering what everyone's perspective on this is? I think it doesn't work. Someone once said "Why is it that the harder one tries, the more luck he seems to have," and that might apply in areas like work and sports, but it doesn't work in the world of love and dating. There have been times in the past where I've deliberately looked online and in school for someone, and it just doesn't work. I think your mindset should be simply to approach someone and make a friend, but forget about relationships and all of that. If it should happen, let it happen naturally. People are usually very keen when it comes to detecting desperation. I've changed my ways, and another good pointer for you guys - It's always better when you already KNOW that the other person is interested in you. Makes it much easier.

My question is this. Say you meet a girl and you talk to her for a certain amount of time on the phone. Everything is going fine, you seem to enjoy talking to one another. But gradually, you notice that the number of conversations on the phone starts to decrease and she doesn't seem to be around as much. She might be very busy with school/work and other stuff, but that is no excuse not to talk on the phone for at least 10 minutes. How persistent are you guys with girls? What does it take for you to give up on them; e.g., they don't ever call you, they don't answer the phone after 5 times you call? I'm sure that if this behavior is ongoing for far too long, most of us will lose interest and move on.

I think a girl needs to be apart from a guy once in a while and experience feelings of disappointment here and there so she can appreciate the guy more and feel challenged. That's what ultimately stirs those feelings of attraction

Not all of us do. Some like the more outgoing ones instead. I guess most of the time, shy girls seem more down-to-earth and less likely to be surrounded by a large group of people. So they're easier to approach.

My question is - Is a girl who is very shy usually not likely to show that she's interested in a guy? I know that a girl who's already been in a relationship can still be shy, but it seems to me like the ones who are really inexperienced (never been in a relationship or had a b/f) are the ones that find relationships, romance, flirting and other similar areas to be uncharted territory. So, it makes them reluctant to show interest because they might not even know what to do or how to do it.

I want to add something else on this post. I think that when we're dealing with physical appearance, sometimes it's not so much how they look that matters, but how they take care of themselves. For example, I probably wouldn't find myself with a girl who is 40 pounds overweight. Why? Because I lost 20 pounds this summer, and if I am at least putting in the effort to make myself look as appealing as possible, why can't the girl do it too? If you don't care about your appearance, why should someone else care? You gotta make the best of what you have.

This is mainly for the guys, but feel free to answer too ladies. Pretend that you meet this girl. You discover that her personality is wonderful - she's as close to perfect as you can think of. You're into the same hobbies, you have the same values and belief systems, etc. But the bad thing is that in the looks department, she's not exactly what you're looking for. She might not have a very pretty face, her body might be to robust, whatever. So my question is this - How much does a good personality compensate for looks? Yes, there has to be some degree of physical attraction, but it's also common for a person to become more attractive to someone else after they've exposed their personality. And remember, the less attractive a person is, the more likely that person is ultimately caring and down-to-earth. I've been with a few girls so far in my life, and I've noticed that what wins me over is the personality. The ones who were more attractive might have ignited my hormones but not my emotions the same way. Also keep in mind when answering that the older we get, the more looks fade.

I've heard many people say that once you've entered the "friend zone" with a girl, it's usually hard to come out of it, because from then on the girl will only see you as a brother type. Then again, particularly on this website, I've seen people say they've hooked up with a friend they've known for many years. In reference to the former case, I personally don't think it's impossible to come out of the friendship zone. I've noticed that you may show interest in a girl, and she doesn't respond but becomes your friend. And then when you start acting more detached, they usually get closer to you and even develop stronger feelings. What do you all think?

I tend to like the shy, reserved type, but recently I've noticed that it is not easy to woo these types of girls. You never know if they're not interested, or if they might be but they're just too shy to admit it. Just like some girls like being the one to turn the bad boy into mr. nice guy, I like being the one to get the shy girl to open up. I've noticed that in almost every instance, these girls are single and do not have much communication with guys if not on an almost superficial level. Do you guys think it's a good investment to spend a lot of time trying to get these types of girls to change? You know what they say.. you can't really change a person.. but I met my ex on those terms and it was nice.. I'm sure most guys are looking to settle down with this type anyway.

This is a very interesting topic. I hear many people say that you shouldn't look around too hard for love because you might get with the wrong person and miss out on the right one for you. On the other hand, others say that you must do your part and engage in dating to weed out the non-potentials because Mr. or Ms. Right will not come knocking on your door. In my opinion, you do have to date different people - How else are you going to know who suits you best? I have a friend who is not a fan of the dating game, yet he insists that he'll somehow bump into the right girl when he least expects it, just like in the romance novels. Meeting someone by chance and immediately thinking of them as a soulmate doesn't make much sense to me, because the person might turn out to be totally different than you expected. There's a saying that goes "the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." Obviously you're not going to kill yourself looking for a partner, but you have to put in some work yourself - browse dating sites, join groups, and become an active partcipant in other activities - this at least increases your chances. What do you guys think?

In my opinion, the better the personality, the less looks should matter, but they still do count. I like both blondes and brunettes; hair color doesn't matter, but I really prefer long, straight hair. It's so feminine. I also like for the girl to have a light skin complexion and a decent looking body - not overweight nor bony. Intelligence is a must, and like other guys who have posted, I don't like the overly flirtatious type. There has to be a balance - I don't like too loud and flirty, nor too quiet and closed. Many girls are so shy and reserved that, they might open up to you on some level, but they will still be too insecure to be in a relationship. She should also be caring, honest, romantic and all those other good qualities.

I think my strategy will be this: Call her tomorrow, but then when she gets back from that cruise, I'll expect her to call.. and if she doesn't, well, I'm going to start feeling like she's not interested. If she does, it'd be a good sign that she probably is..

This is a followup on a post I recently put up.. I met this very attractive girl Saturday night at my sister's wedding. Towards the end, I approached her and we had a good conversation. She asked plenty of questions and seemed very educated and polite. I asked for her number and she gave it to me. I waited until Monday night to call and she didn't answer. I called twice Tuesday night, no answer either. I said it would be my very last attempt tonight (Wednesday), and that's precisely when she picked up, finally. She told me that she doesn't pick up when unknown numbers call her, and especially does not return the call, so obviously she never knew it was me calling. Anyway, she was very nice, but apparently I caught her at a bad time - there was a lot of racket in the background. She was in her cousin's house and they were packing for a cruise they're going on this weekend. She still saved my number. She asked me if I could call her back tomorrow, or that she'd call me. I said great, nice talking to you, and that was it.. So the question is.. should I call her or should I wait for her to call me? I'm starting to think she isn't much of a phone person or something, but this girl seems very nice and attractive and I have a gut feeling I should pursue this. It'd be nice if she'd call - that's a reassuring way to know she's interested. Thanks guys

I met this very attractive girl at my sister's wedding reception Saturday night. I had a lot of confidence in approaching her and starting a conversation. She seemed to ask me several questions and maintained good eye contact. I said I would like to stay in touch and at first she told me to give her my number, but I was slick and took out my cell very quickly to put in her number in the phonebook. She gave it to me. Based on how she acted, does she seem interested? Plus, how long should I wait before I call? I think Monday evening is good considering I got it Saturday.