dikaia880

I'm a midwesterner raise on meat and potatoes, now I don't know how unhealthy your diet is, but it doesn't sound all that great... You are missing out on certain nutrients that everyone needs... By the way, what is the difference between a vegetarian and a vegan? I could never give up my meat....I mean human are omnivors (probably not spelled right, oops) we're made to have meat as well as fruits and veggies...Balance is the key to everything in life!!!

i just don't want it to come off as me doing anything toward's 'us'... If I knew it would just come off as a friends thing, great... I'm not really worried about sending the card, it's a nice gesture to let her know I'm still thinking about her and reinforce that there aren't any hard feelings...but the cd's may be a bit much... Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

I've been thinking more about this.... I don't know if they necessarily come back once you've moved on...sometimes they come back before, sometimes right when you are moving on, other times when your so far on with your life you kinda think...awww thats sort of sad their trying to get me back... I'll bet most ex's at some point or another miss their ex and think back at the good times and call the dumpee up...it's what happens at that point that determines whether the two end up together or not... Everyday I wonder if she thinks about me...well even though I can't convince myself of this...She has to think of me from time to time, probably at some point everyday I run accross her mind...but it doesn't change things... The ex always comes back, but they don't necessarily come back because they want to start it all again...sometimes they do though...

So I start searching for the perfect card and the perfect message... There's also an album (OAR's live double set) that I could copy for her, I'm not sure how that would come accross or if she even has it already... I'm pretty sure I once told her I'd copy it for her...I could make copies and say "I'm not sure if you have these or not, but I remember I told you I'd make copies for you..." Put that part in p.s. Is this a good idea or does it go overboard and make her think that I'm trying to get her back by doing so?

Okay I'll give you the thought Spatzy, Lord know's I've done it and do it all the time... Determined...I noted one thing on you post, if I knew how to quote I would but you mentioned that it's not like our ex's hung around to heal and I have been thinking lately.... When she broke up with me she called me constantly (more than when we were together, and she could say all she wanted about 'us' but when I brough it up she got upset... So I worry sometimes that maybe, I was there for her too much...I helped her get over me (I don't know if thats true) but I definitely helped her deal with not being together...I saw she was hurting, she would call because she wanted to hear my voice, I gave her what she needed...not because I was being a push over (even though thats probably how it came accross) but because I love her and I didn't want to hurt her by cutting her off...maybe if I had I would never have had to find this site... It hurts when I think about all I gave her, after the break, and I hope that in doing so I made more of an impact (i.e. she someday realises how good she had it with me) Time does heal all wounds, but some take forever...and I am scared that I never truly get over this one and it puts fear of love in my heart...I do not want to get old wondering what could have been...It would have been easier if she had just been horrible to me...

Spatz... Okay...I do know where you were coming from...we both, and I'm sure everyone else is looking for something we can hold on to, any little shred of hope...We all have it and want it... Heres my thoughts... Every relationship ends for a certain reason...in general we can class these reasons... For example...one person needed space or one cheated on the other...But when we get down to it there are always differences in every relationship from things that were said during the break up to things that were said when the two people were falling for each other...humna emotions can be so chaotic that other's experiences can't really help us all that much...with that said...If we were able to take every relationship that has ever occurred in the past, oh say, century accross the world and were able to put them into time frames of when they got back together (if at all) the results would be so ambigous that it probably wouldn't help much...and I think we would find that most relationships never get back together...does that hurt the odds that any of us might get what we want? I don't think so...it's possible that we all get our ex's back, or that none of us do....In my mind, the nature of relationships do not allow for playing percentages...that is to say I don't think if it was shown that, for example, 30% of relationships get back together after 6 months that we could apply that to those on this site and expect to get the same results... My Friends, some of us will end up with our ex's some of us won't...I wish we could all get what we wanted, but I doubt that will happen...All we can do is live to better ourselves as people, be happy as we can, and do what we can to win our ex's hearts (coming here for advice helps) and pray to God for happiness.... Best of luck all!

I must say I am struggling at this point... I miss her terribly and I don't want her to see that really... Maggie says that it shows her I still care and all that...well if I don't what would that do? No Contact is proposed for two reasons...to move on and let the ex miss you...no she broke my heart and with the situation soon becoming me being back in her town and my still fully beleiving I can show her why we stayed together when I originally moved away...there were no problems...just long distance and i think she scared herself with all her marriage talk (oh, but it never scared me, did it??? please see sarcasm!) okay whatever...heres my point...by not sending a card, what would she think, that I've moved on? that I don't care? By sending a card I fear I risk this...showing that I still care (she left me, I've told her the last five months how I feel, could she be taking that for granted?) showing her that I still want to be with her (could she not look at it as my ex who won't let go?) That I'mk trying to find anyway I can to make her miss me or remember the feelings? Okay this is no fun...If I don't send a card I'll feel guilty...If I do and don't get a reply well maybe that would tell me she really doesn't care (which, yes would hurt, but it would help me in healing) Could I be in a damned if you do damned if you don't situation here???

Oh Spatz my good friend...what a thread to start... UNFORTUNATELY...This/these are questions none of us can answer. I have heard of people gettting back together after years, or days, despite whatever may have happened between them in the past... But does this help any of us? NO!!! The only thing that matters to each of us is our own particular situation, and while other's experiences can help us, comparing those experiences to our own is simply comparing apples to oranges... i.e. this is what happened to my friends oranges so your apples will do the same thing... I hate to admit this, mainly because I would love to have answers to my situation, Spatz's, and everyone else's that I have followed for the past several months...I am constantly on here asking why, how, when...in fact I'll probably post a thread like that right after this... SO here's what I'm getting at...We each do what we do to make ourselves happy (or at least thats what we should be doing) and our lives will fall back into the place we all want them to be (whether with the ex, someone else, or we decide we don't want anybody) Time has all the answers....Just like hope, time is a double edged sword... It is hope/time that helps me, it is hope/time that is killing me... Sorry if this was tangent to Spatzy's original post, but I wish all of you the very best, there is seldom a person I see posting here that I don't feel deserves the things they want out of life...I hope you all (and I) find that soon...

Thanks for the replies... Spatz, thanks again...and I don't think I'll be putting that last part in there! It's hard at this point to know where I stand with her, and it's sort of killing me... I've put my feelings out there too many times to throw it all out there again, it wouldn't change a thing now if it didn't then... We haven't talked much lately, the last two weeks she was hella busy with work and finals in school, but she's been done since the end of last week and hasn't called...So is she being stubborn (i.e. he has a phone he can call me) Is avoiding calling me because she doesn't want to lead me on (a girl I hardly know, sort of knew my situation and told her not to lead me on, so she might be NCing out of not wanting to confuse me) Or she doesn't really care to talk? I don't know...too many questions in my head...four months ago I would have told you I would either be with her or over her..and now it's neither just stuck in a rut of thinking of her all the time!!! Hows this for a card.... XpetnamehereX, Thinking of you on your birthday, hope it's wonderful, talk to you soon! p.s. sorry about the name, couldn't resist! Always ~JC (my first and middle initial, which she calls me by) How's that? That'll get her to come running back to me....won't it j/k Hope all is well in your worlds!

Soooo....If you don't know the story look it up under my name...it's long!!! the short...4 or 5 months together in same town 3 or 4 months long distnace...she broke up with me (has said a lot why, but mainly I think she gave up and got scared as it would have been 2.5 years more Long distance and then marriage(which she talked about mind you)) well now it's been five months, she's given me a lot of mixed signals (I'm not over you, my heart is still with you, yada yada yada, they always end up her still not wanting the relationship) Well last month or so we haven't really talked but I did see her about two weeks ago and it was good light hearted fun (except I was drunk and tried to tell her I was finally okay with the way things are, which I had to send an email to clear up because I don't think it came out right) So anyways... A week from tomorrow is her birthday what should I do send a card, call, email, ignore it??? She'll be on the otherside of the country over her b-day and I doubt she'll have her phone so calling is out, she rarely checked her email during the school year and I doubt she'll check it much now that school is out, so thats sort of out....So I think the real question is this... Do I send a card or ignore the fact it's her b-day? If I do send a card what should I say? I was thinking "happy birthday XXX!" XXX being a petname I called her everynow and then that she didn't really like but we kind of joked about it... Any thoughts or suggestions would be great, thanks!!!

I'm going to have to rent Swingers tonight...I've seen it before, but I think i missed the point of it! As far as the exes coming back, mine came back after a month and a half or so after I ran into her in an odd way (long story, but it shocked her to see me) she emailed me a couple days later telling me she hadn't moved on and all this and that...I emailed her back and said I'd like to get back together and ended up blowing it...I should have acted differently to it...more like why should I take you back....well things went cold again I started to move on a little and she did it all again....well now it's five months since the break up and she's alll I think about (I mean constantly, night and day) She managed to drive all this hope into me, like tempering steel....it's so much harder to let go...I move back to her town in 2 and a half months and I have no clue what will happen...what if right away she wants to get back? what do i do...what if I move back and we barely see each other? It's been two weeks since I've seen her and in the past five weeks we've talked on the phone only a couple minutes...it hurts that she doesn't call like she used to (after the break) Well anyways, they do come back (after serious relationships mostly) not everytime, but I think a large percentage do at some point show regret or such and it's all about how we play it...do we push them away or do we pull them towards us by not caring? do we do what they've done to us (rejection) causing them to feel the loss and get attached like we've been? I wish I had done that....I should have asked her why she thought she even deserved to tell me she hadn't moved on...I wish after I realised that she can put her feelings out there all she wants without me getting upset at her, but I can't say a word about "us" without her getting pissed...I wish I could have put her in her place "you have no right to tell me how you feel, you left me, if you still have feelings for me don't tell me, show me..." Oh Well, I'm going to start a new thread to vent on! Bamster, it's good to see your name again, and that your doing well!

I understand a lot better now...While I do not believe that "eventually" negative will come from going out separate, in fact I see it as a positive...Unless you have a situation like yours... I hope I didn't come accross as condesending...just telling my opinion! best of luck

Yeah...she's probably just stressed with school...my ex and I talk fairly frequently, but haven't in the last couple weeks because she's in finals and it's hella stressful and dealing with an ex (whether on friendly terms or not) is not in their best interest at this point... wait it out until after she's done and then deal with it if nothing changes.

Wow Bri...thats a bit skeptical... Gem...It sounds to me like you really love him...how long have you two been together? How much time spent together in the same town? Eventually after college you need to get out on your own away from your parents anyways...The way I see it no bad can really come from moving, he has a good job and sounds like he'd be more than willing/able to help you out when money gets low...It's a tough thing to move far away after college...I've been in my city now for about 10 months and I hate it (smaller town boy in the big city, doesn't work for me.) If the situation doesn't work out then it doesn't and you can always move again...I say if your sure about this guy, the way it sounds you are, then whats there to lose? If you want to be skeptical like Bri, ask yourself this, when you went to visit him is there any doubt that he is faithful to you? I doubt he's already married or cheating on you if he's talking marriage and all that...I respect that he doesn't want you to move in until marriage... Best of luck, I know it's a tough decision, but sometimes you gotta let your heart lead and live for love!!!

I do know that time heals all wounds...but it doesn't always mean that the love you once had goes away... Also, in my case, I'm in a holding pattern...I will be moving back to her town in 2 and a half months, it pretty much ended because she couldn't cope with the long distance and missing me...but does that mean that when I move back things will work out? I don't know she doesn't know...but this I do know, until then I am stuck in this position, not being able to move on...once I'm back there and it either works or it doesn't then I can be free to move on if need be... so at this point the only thing time is doing for me is stretching my patience....it's very hard... When I was with her I was never wasting time, just living life like I had always wanted to...I felt alive...now I'm am back to wasting time for something better than this...this job I hate and this city I can wait to get out of...

Do what you've been doing...it sounds to me things went good...Look good (without looking like you tried, lol!) and just have fun and relax, things will work out how their supposed to! Best of Luck!

you apologized, leave it at that...what you did is natural...just ignore him and what will be will be! Good Luck!

yeah, I know it's hard...but just try to realise that your better than her...you wouldn't do that to someone, so why be friends with someone that would? there are people I see everyday that I'm not friends with...just give it sometime and try to keep that level head that I know you have and it will work out somehow... Best of luck!

I know how you feel about not wanting to move on...I feel the same, but I don't think it's that we don't want to, it's that that hope of the things our ex's have said keeps us from doing that.... I think the key is to find a way to be happy without having moved on, because we can't tell how long it will take to move on, or if we'll end up with our ex...all we can do is be happy and time will bring an answer, either way.... By the way I love your quote... I wish me ex would realise that!!! Best of luck and you know we're here to help!

Ash your right I don't know the back side of the story and I'm not trying to judgemental or all that... Princess you have given me a lot of advice and sympathy in the past and I was just trying to put out my opinion, without knowing the whole story... I can only speak from my experiences....that if I'm with someone and I'm out drinking I don't make that mistake, but there are those people that do...I guess I was standing up for someone I don't know, which isn't right or wrong... If he has cheated in the past or has a drinking problem then he shouldn't be going out alone...that's too much stress for you... but if he doesn't have that history then why can't he go out with his buddies...thats a healthy thing to do, there are times you need to be apart from someone, no matter how close you are... Him lying about going out is not the same as him lying about cheating...I don't think you can look at white lies and straight up lies the same way... Yes he shouldn't be telling those white lies to you , but for you to turn it around and ask if he's cheating isn't right...you should be able to trust him...but shouldn't he also be able to feel that you trust him? And don't take this the wrong way, but why can you go on a vacation without him and he can't go out for a night? (again I don't know the whole story, just going by what the post says) Relationships are two way streets and compromises have to be made...

Tough situation...I've been there a couple times, unfortunately... I think that you need to somehow cut her out as much as possible... If she has been doing all this to you thats bull...you, nor anybody, deserves to be toyed with...I think there are girls out there that know their popular and that they can get away with it...As tough as it is, esp. with feeling for her the way you do, I think you need to be somewhat cruel to this girl...cut her down a notch so to speak...make her realise that she's not better than anyone else and she doesn't have the right to toy with you or any other guy...Unfortunately i don't know how you would do this other than flat out ignoring her...sorry I know thats not much of a help... I've been following your story for awhile now and I feel really bad for you and anyone else going through it...I'm sort of in the same position w/ a few twists and it's no fun...Best of Luck and congrats on becoming a moderator!

So long as you have not been sending all kinds of letters begging and the such I would send it... Put closure on it for your sake...A letter like tht can do no harm... Best of Luck moving on, and come here...we're always eager to help!

He did lie to you, yes that was wrong... But the problem I see is that the "rule" of not being able to go out without one another is the cause for the lying...he is a grown man... If he cheated in the past I can understand the fears, but by not allowing him to go out he will continue to lie to you about going out... I think the big issue here is why can't he go out, and you for that matter, without the other? All relationships need their space, and everybody needs their own friends...

Sorry it's happening to you unexpected, but you will do fine! Good Luck and keep your head high! Oh and I like Delihla Rose...not conventional but it means something!

As I understand the "symptoms" are easily mistaken for other things... Your friend needs to take a pregnancy test, I don't really know if theres a time frame you must wait before they can tell, but go to a pharmacy ask one of the people there about them and how to use them...if she's not comfortabl go for her, but she needs to know so that she can start taking care of herself the way a pregnant women does...