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dikaia880

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Everything posted by dikaia880

  1. dikaia880
    Craig's right...you are busy let her know and try (maybe not all that hard) to squeeze her in, but if not do it tomorrow...Happy B-day!
  2. dikaia880
    Hey... I know it's a very very hard position to be in, but I wouldn't try to push her or you will probably lose her all together...Be there for her, keep on doing what you are doing for her and things will work out for you... Keep hanging in there...
  3. dikaia880
    Now your talking Danimal...you have the right mind set and the right understanding of NC...I like you didn't believe NC at first (not real sure I do now really) what I do know is that as much as I want to talk to my ex, it'll probably be awkward due to both of our insecurities...so I'd rather have her think of the good conversations from the past than the bad ones from now...Your ex is thinking of you and as time goes on the good memories stay strong while the weak ones deminish...give it time... You mentioned your suit of armor...The suit works good to get through the initial walls, we all need that suit to get through what for many of us, will be the hardest times in our lifes...but when the time come to take off that suit what matters in the end is that we have become strong under the suit... You put your suit on right away and when the time came to take it off and show the ex that you don't need it you came out skinny and weak... Put on some pounds so to speak so the next time you come out of the suit of armor your strong and ready to do whatever it takes... Best of luck...
  4. dikaia880
    hmmm...what do you want to do? Don't play games with her about time and all that...if you read Danimals latest posts you will find out that he over played the game.... If you are too busy let her know if not met up with her...why not? If you met a girl you liked and just started dating would you be too busy for her? I like to look at it that way, she's a new girl... Good luck...and how could they make you bring the beer if it's your b-day?
  5. dikaia880
    It's all so confusing at this point Spatz...it will be for awhile. As far as the sleep thing I couldn't fall alseep at night for a long time (a couple months) and I was actually having to take sleeping pills pretty much every night (not healthy at all!) now I'm able to hit the sack and fall asleep in a couple minutes, but I wake up tired, unrefreshed....It's always been like that for me, to be honest I can't remember ever waking up and not feeling wide awake ready for the day...I've had a couple people tell me I have sleep apnea, which is a major health concern in the long run, plus it keeps you from getting good sleep...so I'm doing something about it...I'm excited to be honest! I'm still debating whether to call the ex or not...in my mind theres a couple possibilities why we haven't talked. 1.) she honestly doesn't care and doesn't want to talk to me 2.) she is very busy 3.) She wants to talk but doesn't want to hurt me or lead me on 4.) she wants to talk but thinks it'll be awkward 5.) she wants to talk but thinks she's called enough and that when I'm ready I'll call... 6.) She's with someone else now and has no reason to call me... Arghhhh...damn lists.... I just wished I could call her up and ask what she's think, whats going on in that pretty little head of hers...Someone said well call on of her friends...yeah that won't come off making me look like a 7th grader (or stalker LOL) Oh I hate this...I just keep hoping and praying things will look up for me in the relationship aspect of my life (at least everything else is going okay for me or I'd be in trouble!) Scout, Spatz, the rest hope you all doing well!
  6. dikaia880
    It sounds like you do care for this man very much, and there is no shame in wanting security...the two of you have life "plans" that fit well.... I think one thing to ask yourself is this...What if something happens and you end up together but poor? how would you feel then? Doesn't sound to likely but it might give you some insight...To me it sounds like you care for him more than just a friend and to be honest I feel the best relationships blossom out of friendship (not all, but a good portion) Good luck and let us know what you decide! if it were my I'd marry....but thats just me....
  7. dikaia880
    I do already have an appointment at the sleep clinic next monday... I'm always falling asleep, and the tiredness definitely has a way of draggin down even the best of moods... I emailed her before, probably three or four weeks ago now...she didn't respond, but last summer she didn't check her email for three months, so it doesn't say a whole lot.... Last time we talked she called me on her way to work to thank me for the b-day card I sent her....we chit-chatted, but didn't have much time to really talk...She did say (in a voice that seemed rather excited) "You get to move back soon!" of course I could be reading into that...I mentioned I couldn't really talk about it and that the next time we talked I'd tell her all about it (sort of hoping she'd be curious and call) I guess I just want to hear her voice a little and try to re-connect a bit...see whats going on in her life...it would be nice just to know she's doing okay and having a good summer so far...It's just that in the past I didn't like calling her because it seemed forced, but when she calls me it's different...I don't know why....I guess I just feel like it's chasing her, and I hate that feeling.... At this point with the dating, I meet girls out at the bars and I've never met a girl in the bar scene that I've ended up liking...plus with only being here another month and a half it's almost pointless as there is no way I will ever get into another LDR!!! LOL So I could call her or not...the questionaire I have to fill out for the sleep clinic suggests that I ask a bed-partner some questions about my sleeping habits...she was my last bed partner and would have a lot to answer, but that would seem weird..."Hi, I just called because we slept together a lot and I have questions about how I sleep..." LOL oh well....tough decision...
  8. dikaia880
    I think your past love and into obsessed...She's already said she'd call the police...what will you tell them? "Officer, I know she says to leave her alone, but she doesn't mean it..." they'll love that... You absolutely Positively need a lot of time away from this to get yourself to where you can be in a relationship with her...and this obsession that "she still must love me" is not helping you in anyway, its only hurting you...before there is even a possibility of you two you need to do things for yourself...become stable in you new job and in your life... Best of luck to you, but please give it at least six months...
  9. dikaia880
    It is true that Love is not always enough...I see it with my ex...the pain of long distance and me not wanting to talk on the phone as much as she (I don't think I could ever have driven there enough, or talked on the phone enough LOL) was too much...she missed me too much...She was sorry she hurt me, but she hurt too... I guess theres a lot of uncertainties for everyone, those of us here, the ones we talk about and love...But what is certain is that God has plans and what happens happens for a reason... I hope my post didn't come off harsh, it wasn't meant to be... What I was getting at is this...you two may end up together...some talk of giving up hope...I don't think one should ever give up hope...but we do need to, at some point, stop trying....start building ourselves up, our confidences, so that when the time comes to find someone else our confidence is not merely a wall on a hollywood sound stage showing a building, but an actual building, one you can go in, live in, and trust in... I suggest no contact for you, as a way to heal...for her to heal...somepoint in the future when you both have gotten over each other maybe you'd be able to try again without the fears that now would hold both of you back... Getting over someone, in my mind, does not mean the feelings are gone, but the pain, the longing, the fear, the anxiety...thats all gone and when it is you are over someone...it takes a long time...I'm going on 5 and a half months and I'm not over my ex...because we were in contact up until a month or two ago... Get your life on track again...be the person your tried to show (the facade) let that become a part of you...and when the time is right (a long healing period must pass) maybe you could call to say hi...but don't even think about it for a long time... Best of Luck...maybe we can all learn from your experiences...thank you...
  10. dikaia880
    It just shows your a true sweetheart...but don't worry about him...he's better off with no date than a pity date Things are okay with me...I had a fun weekend I think I posted about a couple posts back...Had a girl all over me friday night, could have gone home with her, but didn't really want to...She was pretty attractive...It's just nice to know I can meet someone.... I don't know much about things with my ex...we've talked very very little in the past month and half or two months...For all I know she's dating someone, hard to think about, but I guess thats the way life goes sometimes if thats the case... Time is flying by for me, I think God answered my prayers on that one....I only have a month and a half until I move back to my ex's town (my college town) to go to graduate school...I've plans for pretty much every weekend until then and I'm about as happy as a heartbroken midwest boy can be! So in a month and a half I'll have more info on the ex, but I know this however things work out with her and I, I will be happier in that town earning my MBA, working ($$$ LOL) and being in a town where I know so many people and feel so much more relaxed with the pace of life... Next week, I'm also going to a sleep clinic to get checked out...I've never really been one to be wide awake and I've realized it's probably a sleep disorder...So by all accounts after they figure out whats wrong I'll be a much happier person, I'll be able to go out and be awake and have fun...I won't look un-interested when I'm really just tired, and I'll feel so much better (which leads to more smiles, which leads to a more open and friendly me) I talked to one guy I worked with who had all the symptoms I do (of sleep apnea) he said once he got treated his life turned 180...he's always smiling, wide awake, quick witted, and he says he see's his old self in me and said he'd be surprised if I don't become 100% happier with my life and self and all of that once I get treated...so I'm super excited about that...(even though I hate doctors LOL) I think i've started to take that corner...I still love my ex and want her back, but I do know if not I'll find someone else... I'm wondering if I should call her though...to say hi and catch up...I'd hate to get back to school and haven't had talked to her for months...maybe a little contact is the way to go...I just don't want an awkward conversation (the last one sort of was, mainly because she was asking me about work and quiting and moving back, none of which I can really talk about here at work...LOL) What do you think? sorry, got a little long LOL
  11. dikaia880
    I think that there is some validity to both the No contact and contact approaches...there should be a mix of the two... Where I think you went wrong...you need to take time (not 12 days) to actually change those things that caused problems within yourself...You can build up a facade in an hour, but what will you do when it all burns down? You spoke of your new found confidence, but you never let it become a part of you...it was a mask that you wore and when the point came to take the mask off it all fell apart again... there is no way anyone can put up a wall of confidence that isn't built on a sound foundation and expect to go through life with it...it needs to be built over time... No matter what you say you never had your ex back...she became attracted to you facade...and when the real danimal showed up she realized her mistake... There is a point at which, people need to realize that sometimes people just aren't in love with the person you are and you can't change that... If she was in love with the real you all you would have had to do would be to control your emotions (i.e. not beggin groveling, ect.) and she would have seen the real you and gone with it... She obviously doesn't love you, sorry, but twice she has left you....this time threatening to call the police if you call her again...she isn't testing you no matter what you tell yourself...she's trying to move on. Until you can be with her, as yourself not the "new confident dan" which is a lie you will never really be with her...why would you want to have to go through life lying about who you are? Beec gave me a lot of advice, he's a very bright individual...but you took his plans too far...you played games too long, you lost the game because of that...you over analysed your opponent, you over played the game... If you think of a sports analogy...the best professional athletes aren't the ones who think, they just do...simple, quick, smooth...A little juke to the left to get past the goalie....a quick hip movement to throw off the linebacker...When you start trying to do spins and straight arms, you'll end up losing the ball and the game... Danimal...I'm sorry, I truly am, but it is done...you need at least six months of no contact...not to win her back but to get back your self respect, your real confidence, your career, your life... She wants to move on, she's happy, if you love her you will let her be happy and leave her alone, for good...
  12. dikaia880
    Scout...if the other guy calls you just simply tell him the truth..."sorry but I had been dating and met someone else that I really like..." He shouldn't take it hard... Good luck with the new guy...I'm so happy for you...it's also nice to see yet another person on here who was so down before, get back on the horse and get riding again!!!
  13. dikaia880
    Hmm...scout turns dumpee to dumper...oh the irony! Just kidding scout...With the guy your not so interested in, maybe just stop talking to him? if you've only been out a couple times, I don't think he needs (or should expect) a big explaination...It seems to me if someone doesn't call you back after a date or two that it just wasn't there...I could be wrong though....if not that just explain to him that you thought you were ready to date but just don't think you are....how's that? good luck!
  14. dikaia880
    It all seems to start coming around fo ryou now spatz....I think you've turned that corner, speeding towards being over your ex and on with your life! Hopefully this pace keeps up for you...and when it does it'll be easy to look back and laugh at what your ex did and to laugh at the pain that has been replaced with joy... While I am not nearly over my ex...I've been going out the past couple weekends and have met a couple girls (all out of town and couldn't/wouldn't date them, but it is nice to know I'm wanted).. Friday night I was at a buddies lake cabin and we went to a local bar....this girl (well I should say woman as she was about 5 years older than me ) was all about me the whole night, dragging me around the place, dancing with me, buying me drinks, and 'showing' me off to her friends (that was fun!) She was very good looking, we kissed a little and had a good time...I could have goon home with her, I didn't, but knowing I could have gone home with her is sort of an ego boost...I'm still thinking of the ex...late saturday night I was sitting alone on the lake having a beer and a smoke and all I could think of was what my ex is doing now...I hate that thought, stupid paranoia sets in and you think she's probably with some other guy and it hurts...Oh well, at least I'm at the point where when I start doing that I tell myself to Man Up and think of the positives...how I can go out and met another...but I am now only a month and a half away from moving back and trying to start it up again (hopefully she's single when I get back so I can even have a chance!)
  15. dikaia880
    I don't know....I think maybe give him that time and space he seems to need...Thats about the best I can do for ya, sorry... Good luck
  16. dikaia880
    It does get draining...I'm on this site way too much at work...but it helps me get through...just reading whats going on with other people and giving whatever advice I can (even if it doesn't help LOL) helps me deal better...it helps me get my mind off my ex... Go have a great weekend, use this time to reflect and hopefuly forget about her for awhile...re-energize!
  17. dikaia880
    I think things are going good....your call this morning went alright, but try not to do that too much...It sort of shows you backing down or insecure about things...try not to over analyze the things you say or how she responds...you seem really good at going with the flow of conversation...just let that take over, I think it's a big thing that you brought up the "Fun" list, it gives her good things (and good memories) to think of on her trip...
  18. dikaia880
    I agree on her being needy, but she and this new guy did date for a long time in the past....I'm hoping this one lasts so I don't have to her about her anymore...it's been getting old for years now!
  19. dikaia880
    Shocked makes a great point...Why is it that all these girls need to go experience the bad before they can realize what great guys they have? I'm willing to put money on the fact that most of the guys who were dumped, that are on this board fit into that category..."I love you but I need to get hurt before I can really believe I love you".. why do women seem to need to test their love for someone? why isn't the emotion they have good enough? About her email, unlike shocked I don't think it's all that immature...it's thoughtful and nice....Hopefully it brings you some closure if it doesn't the new girl just might Good luck!
  20. dikaia880
    I think before anyone can really give you a good suggestion we need to know more about the relationship...how/why did it end, are the reasons fixable? Was (is) there mutual feelings (love?) How long were you together... What is the situation now with the talking? is it just checking up on each other, or is there relationship talk....are you or the other dating anyone else? The more info the easier to give suggestions...Thanks!
  21. dikaia880
    First off, thanks to both of you for being in (or going to be in) the armed services...I always wished I had joined, but couldn't get myself to do it.... LDR's are tough...but they work out more than people lead on... One of my old fraternity brothers has been dating a girl for 5 years...long distance the whole time...they see each other as much as they can and it works for them... Me and my ex broke up over the LDR because she wasn't emotionally stong enough to miss me... Believe me two people can be very much in love and not have it work out...but at the sametime in very well can work out.... Must's for LDR's.... Love, Patience, Trust, and Communication...with these four things you can very easily make it work out...
  22. dikaia880
    There is not awhole lot to do to overcome shyness...try going somewhere where you won't know anyone and start talking to girls...say your goal is to go up and introduce yourself to 20 girls.... You should really ask this girl out...I was in your shoes in college and I ended up just telling myself "Man Up!!!" and went up to a very popular girl (homecoming queen of a 13,000 student school) and started talking to her...we dated for awhile and I realized I didn't like her all that much...so we stopped dating and have been friends ever since....but if you don't "Man Up" as I like to say...you'll never know what will happen...and thats much much worse than a little bit of rejection... Good Luck, but ask her before it's too late... Think of all the things that will go right if you ask her out...not the one little thing that probably won't go wrong...
  23. dikaia880
    There is not awhole lot to do to overcome shyness...try going somewhere where you won't know anyone and start talking to girls...say your goal is to go up and introduce yourself to 20 girls.... You should really ask this girl out...I was in your shoes in college and I ended up just telling myself "Man Up!!!" and went up to a very popular girl (homecoming queen of a 13,000 student school) and started talking to her...we dated for awhile and I realized I didn't like her all that much...so we stopped dating and have been friends ever since....but if you don't "Man Up" as I like to say...you'll never know what will happen...and thats much much worse than a little bit of rejection... Good Luck, but ask her before it's too late... Think of all the things that will go right if you ask her out...not the one little thing that probably won't go wrong...
  24. dikaia880
    I like your thoughts on having you two right a list of positives, things that went right that will go right (or at least can)...Like I've said a couple times, while the negative needs to be addressed the positive needs to be put into the best and brightest light...Sort of Like Public Relations, not necessarily "spin" as some may call it...but more like a balance between optimism and pessimism...and keeping the scales tilted a little more towards the optimism... Maybe instead of trying to get her to focus on the things that went wrong on her trip have her do the positives list while she's on vacation...wish her a good relaxing time...leave her with a 'positives' mind frame from the last conversation so that she dwells on the positives over her trip...good luck!
  25. dikaia880
    Having faith can be one of the hardest things... I believe in my God...but there are times that seem so dark that it's hard to keep faith...I pray to God to give me faith, and it seems that it helps... Prayer has gotten me through some tough times...it's also helped me realise that my life isn't so bad and that the dark time is just going to be awhile... I also try to focus on past 'dark' times in my life and then I focus on how I've come through them back into the good times... I believe for every down turn there will be an upturn... Karma is something I wonder about...is it because I've done someone wrong in the past that where I'm at now is happening? My current ex situation is much like a past situation where I was on the other side, except I didn't give that girl all sorts of mixed signals like my current ex has given me...but I can't help but wonder if it's karma, and my past coming around to haunt me...hmm...it's interesting to think of Karma...but the problem in my mind is that if you ask God for forgiveness you will be forgiven and that can't be possible with Karma...hmm...more question in my head LOL... Faith is all inside and having positive thoughts during negative times...prayer, like I said, has helped me focus on the positives... Hope this helped? What do you think about Karma?
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