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avman

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Everything posted by avman

  1. avman
    Oooh and blueangel also has a fantastic perspective and wonderful insight on this.
  2. avman
    Your husband and you must present a united front to his daughter. At 11, she's going to test you, push the boundaries, be defiant, and just generally do what 11 year old girls do. She'll also play you and your husband off each other if she can get away with it. Talk to your husband about why this hurts you and what limits you want to set for your household together. Then the two of you together need to sit down with his daughter and lay it out what the expectations are, and that she is to give you respect in your own house. You can't force her to like you or be happy about the rules, but you can enforce respect. After that, it's up to both you and your husband to be consistent about enforcing the household rules and disciplining her if you need to.
  3. avman
    I agree with MollyElise. I think both of you getting your own places so that you aren't stepping on each other is a good idea. Try continuing the relationship on a dating basis instead of a live in boyfriend/girlfriend basis.
  4. avman
    Well if he's "almost" 19 then he's 18. And an 18 year old just doesn't have much experience with relationships, jobs, being "smooth", and all that. It's also pretty common for an 18 year old to change their mind a lot. What's important to them today might not be important tomorrow. This guy still has growing up to do. And he's going to change a lot in the next few years. Your age gap, while not extreme - is complicated by his young age. That's the real key. You're getting fairly settled in life and getting ready for marriage, kids, career, and so on. He's only just starting out and figuring out who he is and what he wants. I don't know that you two are compatible with where you are in life. Just my opinion.
  5. avman
    I don't think its a good idea to encourage a fight between these two. However I do happen to think it would be good for your daughter to learn how to defend herself. Whether it's your husband that teaches her or perhaps maybe you and she should take a self defense course. That's a skill that could save her life someday if she happens to run accross an attacker/rapist/whatever. Another option would be a martial arts course. There she will learn defense techniques, balance, and discipline. These are all very good skills to have and it works wonders for self confidence. If she happens to need to defend herself against an attack from this girl, well then she has to do what she has to do. But I do not think she should be encouraged to fight her.
  6. avman
    Due to going off topic and disrespectful posts, this thread is closed.
  7. avman
    Well my sons did it for around a year. My daughter only did that for about 6 months. When my sons went to preschool that seemed to nip it since they started to learn some social skills and get used to being with a lot of different people. They weren't as clingy and then didn't seem to prefer one parent over the other nearly as much. I know it hurts him when his son says he doesn't want to go with him but tell him that his son really doesn't understand what he's saying. Kids verbal skills are limited at that age and they just use whatever words they happen to know to express frustration, anger, etc. They can't really articulate their emotions so they lash out. Your son isn't trying to hurt his dad. He's just doing the best he can to express frustration at having to go to a different location. He just happens to be more comfortable with you right now so thats what he wants - and he'll be very vocal about it! As long as their dad stays very involved with them, yep that's true. Sons tend to look up to their father provided he's a good role model, but they always love their mom too. Hmmm yeah I was afraid of that. But it was worth a try.
  8. avman
    It is very common for kids that age to have a favorite parent. All my kids did the same thing. Two preferred my wife, one preferred me. It can be really hurtful at first but I talked to other parents and they said the same thing. It's a phase and they grow out of it. I think for now what you are doing is the right thing. Since you and his father get along and cooperate, then you both seem to be doing what is right for your son. Give it some time and eventually your son will get past this and be more willing to go with his dad right away. You might try taking your son over to his fathers place, spending an hour or two there, and then leaving. I realize that might make for a scene when you try to leave, but at least it's another option you could try. Get him involved in playing with dad or having dad read to him and then just say goodbye quickly and exit.
  9. avman
    This post locked due to flaming.
  10. avman
    This thread locked due to flaming.
  11. avman
    When your parents die, you'll regret all the trips you never made because "it takes too long" or "its too inconvenient". Your parents are in the sunset of their life and you really never know how much time you have. Try to come to a reasonable compromise. Perhaps meeting in the middle might work. Or alternating locations to split up the driving. Or fly. There's always a way if you communicate with each other.
  12. avman
    Topic closed for repeated disrespectful posts.
  13. avman
    A girl that young isn't really ready for a dating relationship. She hasn't matured enough and is still just a child. If you are 15 I'd say you shouldn't really be looking for a girl under 13-14.
  14. avman
    Every company I have worked for also had this in some fashion. Usually people are ranked on a scale from 1-5 or so with a 3 being "Meets Standard" or some other phrase meaning you are at expectations.
  15. avman
    Most people are naturally defensive about their performance. I've had to deliver news like this before as well and I would say 75% of my staff had reacted similarly. The ones who wanted the feedback and used it constructively were usually the ones that I didn't have to worry about anyway - they were already doing a good job and the feedback was really meant to take them to the next level and get them ready for promotion. Let this sink in with the staff for a week or two. Fresh news sometimes needs to be absorbed for awhile before people are really ready to accept it. Then bring them in one by one for a regular status update. As part of it, ask them if they have any questions about their review and then let them vent. You'll be able to tell the ones that now have absorbed it and are ready to work to incorporate the feedback from those who will not accept it. Those who are ready to move forward will have some direct questions for you. Give them direct answers. Give examples of how to improve their performance... "Jim, to improve your accuracy in your work how about having another team member that you trust review it before you submit it." Hope this helps.
  16. avman

    Condoms?

    avman replied to FallingTooFast's topic in Pregnancy

    I don't know of anyplace that has age restrictions on who can buy condoms. As others have mentioned, convenience stores, gas stations, grocery stores, drug stores all carry them. Good for you for asking about them. Please use them every time.
  17. avman
    flower99, some doctors will order an amnio or more comprehensive level 2 ultrasounds if they know there are risks of complications.
  18. avman
    None of us are doctors and we don't know your history. Only your doctor can give you all the facts and determine whether tests need to be done. I take it you are beyond early pregnancy now and are mid to late term. This makes it all the more vital to tell your doctor. If they know about this, then they can be ready to give the baby any special care it might need right from the time of delivery. If you don't tell them and the baby is born with problems then they will waste precious time trying to figure out what is wrong with the baby when you could have just told them in the first place. This isn't about you anymore. This is about your baby. You must be responsible now and tell the doctor everything. I would be saying this regardless of whether you smoke, drink, or anything else during pregnancy. Being a parent means doing what is in the best interest of your child - even if that means that it is not always in your own best interest.
  19. avman
    It depends on the drug, how much you took, etc. Unfortunately the risk of damage is the highest during the earliest stages of the pregnancy because all the major organs are forming during that period. You MUST tell your doctor about this. I know you are embarrassed but you must get past that for the sake of your baby and his/her health. There are some tests they can do later on in the pregnancy to see if there has been any damage and they'll know to look for certain things in the ultrasounds and other tests. Please tell your doctor. They will be able to advise you on what the true risks are and let you know your options.
  20. avman
    It is the psychologist's job to talk to you and get to the root of your problem. You don't have to worry about analyzing yourself to that level of detail. Just tell him/her what is bothering you and how things make you feel. A good psychologist will already have a way they feel works best for their patients.
  21. avman
    It really doesn't sound like your relationship was based on anything other than sex. And relationships like that rarely last beyond the early stages. You can't spend all your time in bed, no matter how much you both might try. There needs to be other aspects of you two as a couple that makes for a lasting relationships. Good conversation, shared interests, and respect as friends have to go along with the sexual chemistry and passion in order for a relationship to survive. You two didn't really turn into different people - you merely discovered the kind of people you already are. You don't sound like you really want her friendship back. You just want her back because she was great in bed. And you're going to have to let that go. It seems pretty obvious you two were not right for each other regardless of the sexual chemistry. You are jumping to a conclusion that you'll never again have your fantasies fulfilled. Well how do you know that? Find another partner that you can have a deeper relationship with. You will find that having a balance of that plus the sexual passion will be far more fulfilling than a girl who merely fulfills your fantasies.
  22. avman
    Sounds like taking it very slow is the way to go. From what you have described, going quickly or asking for some sort of timetable would scare him away. If he's only been to counseling 3 times then he is really just getting started. He has a ways to go before he really gets to understanding what is going on with him. Do you think suggesting some joint counseling would be beneficial? That gives you both a safe place to have some discussions about where things are going and discover whether there is an opportunity to reconcile.
  23. avman

    Trying

    avman replied to William55's topic in Divorce Advice

    Well, I'm still sorry this happened to you. But perhaps you have learned some important life lessons that will aid you in future relationships. And your situation posted here may aid someone else in avoiding making the same choices that you made.
  24. avman

    Trying

    avman replied to William55's topic in Divorce Advice

    Welcome William, I do sympathize with your situation. I think you are making good strides towards healing from all this. I'm sure it has been a huge blow to you. This is going to take time. 11 years with someone isn't something you just forget. I think you are doing excellent by exercising, cleaning, and continuing to strike forward with life. Resist the urge to withdraw and crawl in a hole because it does not help. Hang in there and please vent whenever you need to.
  25. avman
    Ok, well you haven't done the "worst thing in the world". You tried to be responsible using condoms and such but unfortunately no method of birth control is 100% effective. These things happen and you are not the first teenager to face this possibility. First of all, yes there is a chance she could be pregnant. Trying to calculate the exact odds and betting on an outcome is fruitless. Either she is or she isn't and the way to find out for sure is for her to get a pregnancy test. If she's already missed her period then you should be able to find out quickly whether or not she is pregnant. Like one other poster said, either go to planned parenthood or go to the drugstore and pick up a home pregnancy test. That will tell you whether you need to worry or not. There are other method of birth control available if in the future you have a condom failure. The "morning after pill" is something available by prescription if there is an emergency. If it is taken within 48-72 hours it is very effective at preventing pregnancy. But one final note, you need to understand that because there is no 100% effective method of birth control then there is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy when you have sex. Yes it is reduced by using proper protection, but it is not zero. If you are going to have sex you need to be ready for this kind of possibility.
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