nicapbt

I agree also with both of you. I just dont know how to handle it from here. Do I sit back and hope for the best? Hope he will come around and someday our feelings will be on the same page in the future? Part of me thinks we shouldnt even live together and he should find out what its like to live on his own.

I have been dating a younger guy now for sometime. He is almost 19 and I am 27. For the most part we have gotten along great, until recently when we moved into this kinda crappy house. I had to move because the other place I was rented was sold, and there was either the crappy house or the street. With two dogs..the crappy house of course won! Since we moved into this place, it sounds crazy but it's like we argue a lot. We argue about money, mostly because he is in school and I am supporting us both. Which was fine at first, because I feel like school should be his main focus right now and he wasn't actually 'living' with me full time. He was just there a lot. But now we do live together full time. And it would be fine if I could get him to actually help me out around the house to make up for the lack of help with money right now. But it's always a fight. He says he wants to help me, but he gets distracted or he starts doing something else. I guess that's an issue for me since I was raised in a house where even though we had a maid four times a week, I always had to clean up after myself. At the time I hated it, but now I am thankful I was taught to take value in my surroundings and do things for myself. But he wasn't raised like that; he was raised in a different sort of environment, where his mom does everything for him. Which is fine, but now it causes friction between us. Because I struggle to get him to help me, when I sort of feel it should just be done without question since he isn't helping out other ways. But he does not see it that way. I honestly believe most of our issues stem from money and once he has a job we will be ok, the problem is that I think before that happens we will be too far gone to save. So far he has told me that his feelings towards me have changed due to the arguing because he just gives up and doesn't care where the conversation goes when we do argue. And he says he has changed from the person I fell in love with. But he doesn't want to break up and says he stills loves me the same. Though I guess I sort of feel like how can that be true? Because to me it seems like he has placed conditions on his love for me, like he only cares about me when we don't fight. I mean isn't love suppose to be unconditional? Now that all being said, I am by far no angel in this. I have put him through the ringer by saying I want to break up out of frustration because I don't know how else to solve our problems sometimes. I feel a lot of pressure on myself to take care of everything and even more lately because it feels like I have to now fix the relationship myself. I have had two really horrible relationships in the past one just heartbreaking the other was so abusive my hip was broken and I was raped. I know I have scars inside and outside from that. I know I'm not perfect, and I can be very difficult to be with in a relationship. I scare very easy and I hate conflict to the point I get scared and break up with the person even when deep down I don't want too. I have to admit I feel I am sort of looking for someone to actually call me on it. Say to me I know you don't want to break up with me, stop running! Because all my ex's have known I do that and why. So back to my boyfriend, he use to always be at home and would text me a lot and just seem to want to be with me all the time. He use to send me flowers for no reason, and be romantic. But lately he is almost never home, though says he is just out working. He leaves his cellphone behind a lot now, and before he never left home without it. He rarely texts me anymore, never does anything romantic. And we rarely even spend any quality time together. I really get the feeling he doesn't even want to be around me. I mean we would go to lunch together every single day. And now we barely do once a week. Things have changed so much. He says he doesn't want to break up…and he did ask me to move into this new place with him. But his reasons are it will be cheaper, it's a nicer place and that's about it. And he even said he needed to know because if I didn't move he was having his cousin move in. Not exactly what I wanted/needed to hear at this point. I even told him that I wanted to feel welcomed, and loved. But still nothing, am I asking for too much?! He says that it's hard for him to show he loves me anymore because he has bad timing, meaning when he tries he says I push him away or get mad. Well he does have really bad timing, and isn't that smooth with his moves if that makes sense. Like I lean forward in bed and he grabs my * * *, it's cute but it's also like weird because it doesn't feel good. It's a little shocking and like whoa! That's not romantic! I mean women need to be touched in romantic ways..not fondled and grabbed, you know? And it's not like I haven't tried explaining that. I really care and love this guy. I did once see a future with him and he use to see one with me, which he has basically said he doesn't see as much anymore. He says he still loves me and so on. But our relationship is a lot for him, having this only be his second one. Thing is I am not by any means pressuring him for marriage or kids. I do want that maybe, but I've made myself clear not until we are BOTH fully ready. Before I didn't even want either one, and told him so. And he has always wanted both, now suddenly he doesn't know anymore. If I am pressuring him, I am for sure not doing it on purpose aside from asking for some help around the house. He says that he thinks about the money thing every single moment of the day, which can't be easy. But so do I, I sometimes even wonder how I will feed us. I mean it's not easy for me either. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry this post is so long. Thanks in advance for any help!