sisterlynch

You are really open with your feelings and with his. You are developing yourself and the next boy that you are involved with will profit by what you are going through. I think you do have a wonderful time with him and that is to your credit and to his that you can keep your composure during this uncomfortable period with him. Things will improve...share with him that you are distancing yourself emotionally from him and see what he says. That will tell you what the state of his feelings are too, he may feel bad about hurting you and the fact that you can protect your heart by distancing it when everything is up in the air and still get enjoyment out of being with him...that makes you a very big person inside. You have a big enough heart that you can handle yourself in this type of situation, that is very mature, not immature!

When I said that women are "failed men" I was stating something that some men feel is true that women because of our emotions and our periods and our ability to give birth are really less worthy than men. That is like a male way of hating all women. Because we do have certain wants and needs and men don't have the ability to touch their own emotions the way women do. So that leaves men feeling unworthy and unlovable. That is why I feel that this websight is so valuable, because you can hear other points of view from people who are overcoming their own personal barriers in life. We all have guilt and shame and have trouble admitting when we are or have been wrong. Talk to you later, Sean!

What do you mean by until I do give in or what ever? By this do you let yourself fall in love and then expect that they won't love you enough or the right way? I do believe that some people can never let themselves be loved in a relationship. I feel that you are searching for a deep committment and that is the type of relationship that you value, but it has never quite worked out that well and when it comes right down to loving yourself completely and revealing all of your dirty laundry those dark ugly secrets that you cannot even think about then you do something to frighten the person and show that you are a scared little child at heart. For someone to love you they need to know that you can share all your issues with them and let them work on that with you. That is what we do in relationships we share of ourself the ugly truth which not everyone could handle and let that person solve your problem or at least to realize that they have had that problem too. We are all in this big dirty ugly world together, there are only so many people in it to meet, or jobs to do or cities to explore etc...if you are always looking for something different and finding after a while that they are really all the same after the initial attraction has worn off then maybe it is the perception of them in you that you hate. Maybe there are two of you, one that you know and one that you think you know but is really this little kid that you can never completely control, and you think that everyone else has that out of control side too, but in reality we are all working on overcoming our disibility no matter what it is... Do you ever wonder why disabled people look so happy? I think it is because their disability is visible so they have nothing else to hide...the rest of us keep our disabilities hidden and can pretend that they don't exist. When ever you attract someone to you realize that as they get to know you some parts of you they won't like and then control those impulses, even if you need to use prescription drugs to do it... Allow yourself to forgive your past and try not to beat yourself up over every little detail. Trust that others will not hurt you on purpose...don't punish every girl who comes into the arena or you won't ever get past the first round.

I think that she is warning you to stay away from her or you may be his next victim.

I think when you are young you do try to relate to people differently. I think that you are still figuring out what you can and cannot do. I like to judge poeple by their actions, so If she broke up with you over some emails with your friends, then she is lying. She broke up for some other reason, either she is board and that is just what she does when she gets a little tired of someone or she found someone new. Don't let yourself believe that she broke up with you over the contents of some emails to friends, that is just illogical, and it makes both of you look bad. Ask her for the real reason or accept what I have told you but don't believe for another second that it was the emails that broke you up. If that is true that she broke up for the emails then she is shallow and won't have a happy future, so you should stay away from people like that...

We don't know you, what do you do as a hobbie? We deal with problems and issues here, so if you have a question about life, we talk about it so that it doesn't seem like you have to work it out by your self.

You have anger from a previous time that you have yet to resolve. You don't get in touch with your emotional side, only your sexuality with these women. You think that if you are attracted to someone then you can say or do anything that you want. You need to learn to listen with your heart, instead of always thinking what your next move is going to be. If you think into the future too much, you are cancelling out the other person's ability to think and change. I'm not sure, Sean, do you value these women, or do you see them as objects of desire? What do you tell them when they need someone to cry to? Do you see women as failed men, searching for completion that only you can give them?

She is honest enough to admit that she knows it is wrong and wants to do it any way (with him) because it is better with no strings attached, I think her honesty and morality is intact. It is someone who she already has known physically, so it seems likely that they still have some level of chemistry available to use on each other. It is obviously a period of transition between making their relationship stronger or weaker, but it is imposible to predict what the outcome will be. If we are valuing strong independent honest women, then we need to support this one if not necessarily compliment her on her jusdgement. How many times have we known that something is wrong, but it feels good, so we do it anyway? That is pretty common. We don't know what her boyfriend's intention is so she needs to protect herself if this is to continue. I see this as a short term transitional period, and not indicative of future behavior... I hope they continue to see each other as equals.

I am sure this happens all the time. How many divorced couples get back together after the rings come off? Relationships put you under a lot of pressure and he probably feels better now that you are not an official couple. How long do you want it to last? Eventually you'll either be back together with him or you or he will find others to love. I think that open relationships can work if you stay in the right frame of mind. If you start to depend on him act needy or overly affectionate you'll lead him off again. That is just how men and boys are. They like the chase, but don't want the care and feeding...

I think that you could try complimenting her a bit. Using alcohol may help. I still think that she knows what you want and that she is just pretending not to notice. Ask if she has ever been in love before and how that relationship went, she may have had some past scares that will open up if you ask her the right questions. Try to be really open to everything that she says which will make it easier for her to talk, let her say what ever she thinks of, it is hard to balance but try to be vulnerable without being needy. Ask what she really likes in a guy or doesn't. If you are feeling confident you could have her rate your relationship with her on a scale of 1 - 10. Make sure that she isn't actually in a relationship now...

He is a person who doesn't connect well with his feelings. Notice that you said you are lonely at work and now all these issues are coming out, when things were going well, you were distracted, now that you are bored, you are bored with everything. It is the working situation that is getting to you. What if he got out of the military and tried teaching or some other more rewarding job. I know that you won't be any happier without him. You need to "teach" him how to relate to you better, little by little.

When this occurs it is normally because the girl is not attracted to the boy. She is probably just using you as someone to pass the time with, like you are another girl. But because she is cute, she is allowed to use people like you. If you force the issue, she may go along with it but it isn't a mutual attraction. Just for kicks tell her you like her or try to hold her hand and see how strangly she acts! Keep your emotions out of it! You will only get hurt and end up feeling terrible. Let her know that you aren't interested in her. She knows that you are interested and she would let you know if she were also interested in you.

I think you really need a third party to help you work out your problems.

As long as you have reasonable expectations for what sex will bring then age shouldn't matter that much. If you are within 5 years of each other, like 17 and 22, you could be in similar places at your life. Life is an adventure and you shouldn't be overly cauteous or overly risky, either extreem is likely to have drawbacks. Be good to him and teach him to love you and respect you and you will do just fine!

I would be straight forward and honest with them both. Guy A, you have really hurt me but I still have feelings for you and I am not sure what the future will bring...Guy B, if you want a relationship with me you'll have to be a little patient while I get out of this other relationship. Yes, it happened to me and I broke up with A and have been happily engaged and then married for 17 years to B. The best thing is to let them both know how you are feeling about them and what they can expect from you. Don't say I will see you tomorrow if you know that you'll be with the other guy! That just makes people angry. Don't say I love you when that really isn't true anymore. They can handle the truth, let them know what they have done right and wrongly that got your attention. Don't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. Learn what it takes to make yourself happy, it is there, you know that you'll find it eventually!

People are all looking for attention; and somehow they'll get it. She doesn't know what she wants anymore than anyone else. People change their minds quickly and easily. She wants distance, needs distance, yet she can't get her attention from you if she doesn't try to reach out to you even if she is getting negative responses, at least it is a response that lets her know that she is alive. For some people, that is all it takes.

Life is just too hard when you are constantly worrying over every little detail. Men can cheat just as easily as women. You ought to plan to tust people in their fidelity. If you plan on listening to all others then you might as well never listen to yourself... The girl in your example has had repeated evidence that her man is not truthful, so maybe she likes the abuse...maybe she feels like her man is too good not to share...maybe she enjoys hearing his little stories, who knows... You cannot overgeneralize and say that a third party is smarter and more up on your boyfriend than you are...most are not that trustworthy when the only heart that will be broken belongs to someone else!

I hope that things turn out well for you! Good Luck!

I feel that you can move forward. It is necessary to let things cool off for a while and not press her to talk about it. I have heard for men the jealousy can be a turn on, but I am sure that is easier said than done. She needs to prove herself to you somehow, I sense that she needs to prove that she won't be unfaithful. Don't beat yourself up over it. Nobody knows how you feel, just keep working on feeling better and you will eventually make up your mind on what to do...

I think it is better not to see him at all anymore. He has a right to work through his first interest which is to his family. He may regret his sexual affair and is afraid of hurting you so he is keeping you on the back burner until he gets bored again. You run the risk of feeling used if you stay friends with him.. I don't think it will be good for your sense of self-esteme in the future if you stay with him!

He has a real nice way with words doesn't he? If you went would he go or would you go with friends? Is it legal to go at 17? I thought that you had to be 18. He sounds like he isn't mature enough to handle what he will be seeing so I would put it off for a few years until you are older. Can't you rent movies and see about the same thing without risking being outside those clubs at night when your safty may be at risk?

You need to feel real clear in your mind whether you believe him or not before you can move forward. If the only proof that he did something wrong is that someone "told" you that he did then you don't need to trust that person's judgement...9 times out of 10 it was really a misunderstanding. If your bf tells you the truth and you have no reason to doubt his judgement, then go with him and not the other person's word on the matter. The other person really had no right to tell you what was told to them in confidence...to make a long story short, they broke a confidence which should not have been told to you in the first place! If he cheated and feels bad then you can choose to stay with him still, it is your judgement at that point. He may lie to you or cheat in the future or he could be loyal to you forever. Love is a risk. You trust someone to use their best judgement in life and then forgive them when they ask forgiveness. You cannot predict the future until you see a pattern develop.

Make sure to have protection and that she is libricated before you get to the business of penetration. Don't have high expectations on your performance or hers, just like everything else you'll get better after more practice. Know that your feelings for her will change after the act. Her feelings will be different too.

It sounds like Attention defecit disorder. You have trouble paying attention, get bored easily and distracted easily as well. I think that you could tell a councilor at your school and they should be able to help. Maturing for real helps, most people as an adult can control their reflexes, impulses, etc. Try to sort out what behavior you have that can and can't be controlled. If someone complains about your behavior tell them you have ADD. Most will try to make things easier for you.

I wanted to add something to the above comment: people are taught not to listen to your inner voice now a days and it leaves you open to victimization by others. We all want our cake and eat it too, but only the very good looking people can get away with this. That is why Hollywood marriages never last more than a few years, it is because they have so many distractions all the time, it is difficult to say no to constant pressures. Those of us not in the spotlight can take time to understand what is going on around us, if we keep our head in the clouds then we will continue to take advantage of others and be victimized by the aggressive members of the human race. If the deal seems to good to believe, it probably is...develop your inner conscience and listen to it when you can...trust your better jusdgement!