sisterlynch

I agree with what the others are saying, I think that the good times will come eventually. I find nothing wrong with saying that it was great and that you enjoyed it. If you tell him that you feel nothing then it will hurt his feelings and he may take it personally. After a while if you still are feeling weird about it, then tell him and see what he says.

Tired? Make really clear boundaries, so that she can't contact you or come over too soon after you return from work, just say that you want to get settled in a little and relax before she comes over so that you will be in a better mood that way. Make sure that she leaves at the same time, and give her a little warning, like yawning and stretching and walking her to the door, so she knows when it is time to go. Sorry, you want to agree with the family and knock her off like the last guy did and want us all to tell you how? I must need glasses, I missed that the first time! I know someone who broke up with a girl for family reasons, and he revealed to me over the summer that it was a bad idea, and he still misses her terribly.

There have been some good points being made, and you are definitely in a tough place with a guy that is just not making any effort to be real with you. If the two of you can't talk with out it turning ugly, and he is just waisting every after noon, just sitting around day dreaming, then he isn't plugged in to the marriage. If he would not get counseling, you can go on your own. Eventually he will have to start to hear reality spoken to him, and he will listen, it just takes time when there are bad habbits being formed to change people. But you can change your own out look on life, and that will cause him to make changes too. Exercise is probably something that will help that too. I noticed that you were having trouble sleeping and that could be from worry or that the hormones have changed in your body. I think that he will change eventually, but you are going to have to make some reasons for him to change...you will have to change first, that is the hardest part.

He isn't polite. Look over this link: books.nap.edu/books/0309069882/html/28.html#pagetop It may help you to understand the situation from another view point... about "contingency and reciprocity"

7 women, doesn't that prove my point right there, DN? Cleverme, my best advice is to leave this guy, that sounds like a nightmare, I don't recommend leaving too often!! You can provolk change on their part, by making plans to leave whether you really mean it or not. Sometimes just hearing the words I am leaving or I wont put up with that --will provolk change on their part. The third child is with this guy, right?

What you are doing is hurting another human being -- you didn't know that he was married... But your feelings will still hurt and her whole life will be turned over. The child's life too. He gave you a ring, and he is still married to another woman?

How did you figure out that he was actually married? Do you know her? How would you call her? I would vote no, dont hurt her. I am assuming that she is already in a lot of pain. you would only be adding salt to the wound.

Dn, I was clearly making a generalization, why do you take everything that I say personally. You did this in the one about the guy making advances at work. I don't know where you are from, Mars? Men don't make the best parents. They live their life in the outer kingdom, women stay in the cave and rear their young, I realise that you have been indoctrinated into a world that denies the obvious, but I am speaking to the lady to give her emotional strength, or does that offend you too? That I may teach her how to put her husband in his place? Do you know what a stepford wife is? Someone who doesn't do a lot, like a trophy wife, they are a symbol, not a real human. If you had any intuition, we wouldnt be having this conversation, if her husband had any intuition, she wouldn't be having this conversation... DN, besides you have told me before that I was changing the subject, but you are now changing to another topic, why don't you start your own thread? Why do women need to respect men> that would be a good question. Then all the guys could answer you!!

I think that men like to do the impossible. They like to know that they can have anything that they want. It is the ID in them that keeps crying and wanting more.

Try out new experiences, don't let your past hold you back. You only need to find a niche in scoiety and define yourself, the meds help!! Try it, it sounds like a good one!!

There is no easy solution if he is putting his carreer before you and everything that you share, that is a problem. It isn't money that he is working for at this point is it? Why doesn't he try educating others or mentoring, it would take away some of his free time, but he might be a little more human when he comes home at night.

Have you heard the comercial where the parrot says "she is irritating, but I am desperate"? It is classic!!

He should be allowed to talk to the mom at least once a week. Waiting too long is probably making his problem worse. I am starting to sense that the dad is enjoying the drama. If he put up with the bad behavior of the other woman, he doesn't know any better. This boy sounds like he needs some peace. That is a good question. about taking a kid to the therapist w/out dad's permission. That also reinforces that it is the dad that doesn't want anyone to leave him...this is why he spoiled the other woman, lets the boy cry and act like a baby. He probably let things go in his first marriage too. My husband refuses to go too actually...not sure why...I went to one for a while, then I have been taking my son to one for a while on and off. Another thing that has helped us is that I have been taking psychology classes at a local Junior College. This really helps to reinforce what I have been feeling and thinking for years, but hadn't developed the proper motivation to stand up to my husband until the last few years. Men are not in touch with their emotions and intuition about family issues and how to develop our feelings about others. Does he become really close with people for no reason? It is really a self esteem problem that is for loss of a better word.."changable"--he feels one way about himself in one situation and one way about himself in another sitution....how does the guy feel about his own mother? That would be interesting to find out the corralation between how he interects with the mother of his child and his own mother... Does he ever exhibit a death wish? Either directly or indirctly? Like jumping out of air-planes, riding motorcycles?

What about taking him to a karate class? I started to take my son to this, and he loves it, he is nine and a half. The dad responding to the negative cries is partially guilt and partially a bad habbit that has been instilled in their way of relating to one another and it is something that will change as the two are more comfortable with the situation. If he is crying easily or for no reason, then I would definitely have that looked at, I assume that the kids will make fun of that or shy away from that... This boy is 8, right? Are you sort of petite? Is that part of the reason that this is uncomfortable for you to snuggle him or anything. I can understand that would be a problem if he is almost as big as you are, or something. My son is little, so I have probably babied him for too long. I have heard that kids that are bigger can have emotional problems based on their size, people think that they are older and expect them to behave that way.

Can you go over and talk to them? Just say hi and make a few jokes or what ever, then let the conversation go from there.

This is harsh, but Donald Trump's wife is from Slovenia..... or some place like that....

I would suggest to get it and maybe take half of the dose for a while, then see how it goes... link removed Try this link....

I am a substitute teacher and today I saw a kid that is similar to this child, except that instead of being clingy, he was more rejecting. Like if he had to wait seconds...he would say I am bored. This is not normal. Finally toward the end of the day he revealed that he was in a similar home situation, that his mom had left the state, and he was dealing with his dad's girlfriend...just try and see it from his perspective. He doesn't get that he is clingy. It feels normal to him. Another way of handling it is to maybe get a puppy or a cat that he can take care of. That would give him a living thing that he can bond with. Meet him half way, like say he can put his head on your shoulder for 5 or 7 minutes, then let him help you with the dishes or do some other task that he can earn rewards for. Does he have other physical or emotional problems -- like delayed reading or speech?

I kind of feel like the person has a choice, about what to do. They may not feel the same way that you do about themselves and feel lost and dejected most of the time. But at least they came to a desicion and are planning on sticking to it. You are right, they will live with the loss everyday for many years, then when another loss comes along, they will relive the other loss. Eventually they will get tired of feeling sorry and change their minds, and then they will be more in the open. What I can tell you is to respect their choices and make them feel comfortable talking to you, and you listen. If you can't listen then recommend counseling. Death with secrets is the worst.

I think that they are normally born that way. I learned in one of my classes that they used to cut off the incomplete genitalia...I feel for those victims!! Whether you are a male or a female or someone in between, you deserve to have a sex life and enjoy it.

I would seriously consider taking him to a counselor...I know that some people would not want to do that, but in life we are already doing too much as it is, if he had a counselor, then he would be getting the attention and affection of another adult too, so that would help. I remember going to my mom one time and saying I love you to her, and she said -- so what do you want, now? I stared at her and wondered why she would be so heartless. So she said -- that is what the other kids say when they want something, so I just assumed that you wanted something too. I guess I was probably looking for attention, and like you said she was doing her own thing and never wanted to be interrupted. At least I love you is better than some things that he could be saying, right?? How do you feel about him?

Yes, you are giving him mixed signals...take his snoopy doll and his cute eraser set and throw it out the window, but please don't tell anyone it was me that told you to do that, as it would be littering and you could be fined for that!!

Really avman? I am not so sure...he could break up with the other woman and wait a week, then ask her out, like a respectable gentleman would do... I still think the the nature of the gifts may have something to do with him still liking her and wanting her. If they were meaningless and she sensed that the relationship with this man is a thorn in the side of someone else, it is like she is advertising to him, at least, not to all others, that he can still be with her if things don't work out in his present relationship. Work is supposed to be about making a living or making a product or making something...not flirting or needing or wanting, those are emotions that get in the way of work, don't they?? I take college classes, and it is still clear which people are fresh out of high school by their behavior, and need to be the prettiest or the center of attention, but this doesn't fly so well in an academic situation, because if these women use their sexuality to get ahead it is clear to all others. I am not saying that it is totally his fault or hers, there is a clear suggestion in my mind that she is still with him emotionally...which she doesn't have to be. She didn't say, like I have seen in a lot of others that work brings them in close contact with the other person, but that he is still approaching her, sending her notes or whatnot, that makes his intentions clear. That is not an unwanted advancement? Even if she isn't feeling the emotional connection with him right now, I feel like it is better to be more clear with her boundaries...that is just my understanding of the male psyche, I don't have one, however, so I can only suggest she read between the lines. Or she could contact HR-human resourses.

The UN has no power to stop anything...why do you think that our country has had to go into military conflict in Afghanistan and Iraq, the UN knows of the atrocities in those places, but they don't have a policing power, only the power of suggestion. Our country holds more clout in the world than the UN, since we have the economic and military strength...unfortunately we have a reputation for not playing fair with other countries--well-deverved reputation, I might add. In a way it is something that cannot be stopped completely. There will always be military, there will always be poverty, there will always be people who are either taught or educated to sell their bodies in some form or another. Legalize prostitution? I really don't think that will serve a purpose, other than the old slipperly slope...

I would say that this is sexual harassment. He is causing you undue burden with his secrets and his role playing....calling in the middle of the night is pretty telling in my opinon. You are fense sitting too. You are allowing him to think that he can be with you and the other woman too. The presents are not the problem if they are not of a romantic nature. The problem is that he seems to be having his cake and eating it too. What is a slow climber? Does that mean anything specific? Ill-defined terms normally come from ill-defined brains...