digitaldiva

In a moment I'm going to make that phone call and tell her it's over. The other day I looked at my cellular phone and noticed that I had about 20 missed calls from her. There were about 5 on my home phone... I'm trying to get rid of my friend. You see, my friend and I are like fire and dynomite or alchoholics and alchohol. We have "too much" fun when we hang out. When I begin hanging out with her, I lose focus on the things that matter, like my career and not obsessing over not having a man. She goes on about 5 dates a week and always obesses over not having a boyfriend. Then I find myself obsessing over not having a boyfriend and going out more often. I've tried limiting the time we spend together. For example, I've tried going out to eat but not going to the club with them... So she deivised a plan. She'll come and pick me up from my house pay for me dinner then make me feel guilty when I don't want to go to the club and want to go home. Or I'll go and meet them out somewhere. Then when I try and go home she'll say, "I always pick you to go out with us, and no one else!!!" Then I feel guilty again... Now I tell you, hanging out with her is fun. We never have to pay to get into clubs or events and always have a good time... Also she dresses like a * * * * *. Like, a lime green mini dress with blonde/black hair and black pumps... Looong claw-like nails... Then she tried to give someone a lap dance while we were at a nice restaraunt, among other things. I've talked to her about this, to no avail.... Sigh, now she keeps calling me and calling me... You see I've tried this before... She threatened to fight me because I didn't answer the phone and she was "worried" about me. And there is no "getting rid" of her. She goes to every event in the city "every night". So I'm bound to run into her sooner or later...

I don't guess this reply helps much, but I feel the same way. I've been in the house for about the past 4 days. I had to go out yesterday and all I could think about is how much I just wanted to go back to my hole. It did not make me feel better to be out and about. I don't know what to do. If you find out fill me in...

Accounting clerk?! ew.... I'm doubt it...

Wow, I have that same problem.... I never believe anything good that my boyfriend says about me. I mean nothing.... And it's the same thing. I'm expecting him to find something that he hates about me then dump me for it. I really think it's inevitable.. I mean he's around beautiful women all day long. It's only a matter of time before he finds someone better than myself.

I'm so glad to get you guys perspective on this issue!!

Jesus, I just can't win. There seems to be a fine line between being too passive and being too aggressive. The best way to be would be assertive but I can no longer discern between the two. If I voice my opinion I'm being aggressive or a drama queen, but if I say nothing then I'm being a doormat by not standing up for myself. #1 For example: My boyfriend's friend hitting on me. I don't think this is petty, but I still think it's an awkward situation. I don't want to cause animosity between him and me, but I'd like to explain to his friend in a diplomatic way that his remarks are inappropriate. This situation completely blew up when I refused to give my boyfriend's friend a very affectionate hug at a party... A couple of days later my boyfriend brought it to my attention. I explained to him that his friend sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable; thereforeeee I did not want to embrace him tightly when I hugged him. He says that he was unaware of this, but then was upset that I didn't bring it to his attention or say something to his friend. I feel that I handled the situation by giving him a small hug and not an overly affectionate one. I'm still unsure what would have been the best course of action in this scenario. I'd liked to have to told him, "Leave the F*** alone, you a*hole!" Ahem... #2 example: Trying on a brand new, $5,000 coat, without the owners permission. My boyfriend invited me to a Christmas dinner at the home of one of the most well known entertainment lawyers in Atlanta. It was a late dinner and also casual dress. Suzy and John, whom own the house, are very down to earth and nice. I walked in, and talked to the guests and my boyfriend for a moment. Then they started talking about what John bought Suzy for Christmas and pointed to a monstrous Gucci bag on the floor. I asked, "What was in the bag?" One of the guests proceeded to show me what was in the bag. He showed me about 3 Gucci purses, candles, and then escorted me to another room to show me a beautiful shearling coat. He held it up and said, "Here, try it on so that you can get the full effect of how gorgeous it is!" Hell, I agreed, put the coat on, and then took it off. We then went back into the kitchen with the rest of the guests. The next blunder I'm pretty embarrassed about. I hate to even say it here! While having dinner one of the guest said that he was still trying to figure out what to give his girlfriend for Christmas... I blurted out, like a 3 year old on crack, "Why don't you write her a letter?" ](*,) A couple of people followed with a condescending laugh, and remarked that his girlfriend would leave him if whatever he'd bought didn't say Gucci, Prada, or Louis Vuitton. The embarrassment on my boyfriend's face was priceless.. I was somewhat embarrassed, but still laughed with everyone else. I've learned that if you don't make a big deal about things, other people won't either. My boyfriend's views on these sitution are, I basically don't know how to handle myself when we attend exclusive event, in other words, I wasn't very good at playing the political game. He said that Suzy could have walked in while I was trying on her coat, went into a fit of rage and banned me from her home. He said I shouldn't have tried it on without her consent, and the guy that asked me to try it on could have been setting me up so that he could tell Suzy what I did. He says he needs someone that's confident and knows how to handle themselves when the stakes are high. Stakes are high you ask? My boyfriend is an entertainment lawyer. If he doesn't form positive relationships with people and potential clients then he won't have any clients, and won't have any income; the relationships that he forms are very important. Whatever I do or say is a reflection of him, since I am his girlfriend. All and all, I do have a different perspective on our relationship since he explained it to me in layman’s terms. He says he wants me to give our "outings" the same respect I would give my job. Basically pretend like you're at work when we go out... I do want to be with him, and I actually would like to improve my communication skills.. heheheh.. But then, I felt like a little kid that had just been scorned by her father for misbehaving at his job! "How do you think that makes me look on my freakin' job?!" I never feel completely comfortable at these events. I am very articulate and professional, but I can say that sometimes I am at a lost for words while entertaining his pretentious friends. These people don't have anything to do with my livelihood. The celebrities we meet and the events we attend don't have any meaning to me. I go because he asked me to and I want to be with him. I've never been a groupie. If you have read this entire thread, you might as well give your opinion... =)

We've been dating for 1 year..... Oh and em.. something I sort of left out is that.. em.. he's southern baptist and I'm atheist. Not sure if I'm making excuses but I'll tell you. I met him at work and after about 1 week I had an accident and burned my leg with hot water really bad. I'm so self conscious about it. I know you guys think this shouldn't matter and I should just move on and not give it any thought but I can't imagine even dating anyone new and having to go through undressing in front of them. I know they should accept me for who I am and things but It is so embarrassing being that my body was flawless until this accident. 5'6, 130lbs 36-25-40. I can't believe I'm even on here posting this but I'm going mad either way... He says that the scar doesn't matter and he doesn't see it anyway but what will someone else think? If they run in terror then I'll seriously never date again! I'm an idiot

I'm at this point. I just feel a numb. I feel pathetic when I'm with him and pathetic when I am without him. So why not just be with him and suck up the fact that he just wants to be around me 5 days a week but not commit to me. He actually told me so. He says that "Right now in my life I can't commit." But you can spend 5/6 days a week with me? He doesn't want me bugging him about it all the time. I broke things off completely last night but somehow I don't feel better. He said that it was me that was having all the problems and I needed to do this for myself because he was handling things fine. How could he be so callous? Maybe it is me that's wrong. Maybe I should just go with the flow and not speak about our future. I have met a man that questioned the status of our relationship on a daily basis. Every day we'd have 1 hour conversations about where it was going. We had a lot of things in common but I couldn't even make myself comfy because he was always bugging me. The only thing I could do is let that guy go. So maybe I should do the same here. Just suck it up and not say anything about us. I should get busier with my career and other activities to show him that I'm not as needy as I sound. looking at phone... proceeding to call.. okay not calling...... I feel insane. My relationships are always extreme. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me but not someone that is desperate and not someone that is not open to a relationship at all or emotionally empty. Is there a such person?

I feel like what you're doing is wrong. You are having an emotional affair with another man. Maybe you should sever the relationship with your friend and work on things with your husband. What if your husband were to find out about your affair? Is he worth it? Good luck...

Sounds like the same guy I'm with ! lol.. I"m 25 and he's 37... When I first met him he said he wasn't in relationship mode... But he's actions spoke differently; we spend about 5 days of the week together. It's been 1 year and he still is saying that he doesn't know if he can commit to me.... I'm leaving him.

Why do I feel that I will be a failture if I leave? For some reason I feel like maybe if I stick it out and things get better for him then they will get better for us. I guess things could or it could be year 2 and he still is saying the same thing. I feel that he's saying to me "How could you be so selfish to even ask me for a commitment when I'm going thru so much in my life right now? You should be happy with what we have." When he makes statements like this, I don't know how to respond without sounding selfish.

Being with someone that is unsure of themselves or your relationship is like rough. You never know if the person is going to just leave at any point. Seems like you know what you want. I would encourage you to find someone with similar interest not somone that "doesnt' know what they want". Keep busy to keep her off of your mind. Go out with friends, do some volunteer work to help people and help yourself to feel better.

Is this the first time you've been physically abusive towards someone? I'd fist advise you to get help about this. Do you miss her or are you infatuated with her? Looks like she has moved on with her life. Maybe you should let her do her "own thing" for a while.

He will not commit to me. When I first met him he said that he was not in "relationship mode" but he did want a friend...I figured that no one wants to jump two feet into a relationship so maybe after some time things will change.. To this day we spend about 5 days a week together.I've stopped sleeping with him because I feel that he isn't passionate enough and he does this thing where after we sleep together he feels guilty and goes on a celibacy strike for a while. Now 1 year has passed and he still says the same thing. He calls us just friends. He gets angry whenever I ask him anything about the future of our relationship but when I do asks, he says that right now, with the straint on his career he can't give a serious relationship the attention that is needed. That makes it seem like I am attacking his career but I am not. But he still can't say that once he gets everything together with his career that things will be better with us.. I know you guys want to slap me but when I talk to him about it he makes it seem like it's my fault. I feel crazy. I just don't know what is and what is not acceptable with a relationship. Are all guys like this??

I'm unsure if it's him or me. He's 37 I'm 25. He just left his job 8 months ago to purse a real estate business. We used to eat out all the time but we never any type of activities. His excuse now is that he hasn't been making any deals and doesn't have the money or the time to spend on things that aren't of "substance"! On weekends he comes to my home or I'll go to his and we just sit around.We live in Atlanta, there are plenty of free venues and low-key things going on all the time. We don't have to club. A park or some other type of intimate setting will do just fine. Am I being unreasonable?

As I read back on my past post on Enotalone it amazes me how I never listened to myself... My conscience always told me exactly what I needed to be wary of when dealing with certain people but I just turned the other cheek... So here I am again. Trying to rationalize things when my conscience is waving the red flag in front of my face. So I'll tell you all the situation again. For the past 3 weeks I've been seeing a man that I met at a previous job. He's 36 I am 24. He is gorgeous. The type of man that you would see in a "GQ" type of magazine. I am aware that it is unhealthy to think this way but I at times I can't help but wonder why he seems so interested when he can clearly have any one he wants. We are affectionate towards each other but I don't want things to get out of hand. I refrain from being too affectionate b/c we are still getting to know one another and he is very respectful. The problem is this: He brings up things about his Ex girlfriend more than often. Not comparing me to her but just speaking about how it did not work out between them because she was not ready for a relationship and how he wishes it could have worked out. He has not spoken to his Ex since July. I asked him if he would go back to her if she came back into his life and he says he would not. I would like to get closer to him and I feel that he would like to get closer to me also. I don't want him to get closer to me b/c he feels needy or lonely then ends up dumping me once he comes back to himself or ends up staying with me out of obligation since he is decided to be with me. How will I truly know if he is "on the rebound?" Should I even address this and how would I address this issue without him feeling tha I am patronizing him since I am so much younger than he is? **Any perspectives will be highly appreciated** On the Rebound link removed

Another relationship is over and at this point I have done a sort of relationship resume and it seems that I am attracted to men that are completely unavailable. There is always something about them that completely prevents us from having a "serious" relationship. IE. girlfriends, out of state, or just and extremely busy schedule that keeps them traveling at all times.. Then it seems when something happens that makes them available I "bolt"... This goes beyond dating men that are "challenges". I'm not sure why I do this...Am I a committment phobe? Has anyone ever heard of this? Any perspectives will help...

They say that if something is "Too good to be true" it usually IS. I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months now. He's intelligent, mature, handsome, with goals and aspirations. We have so many things in common he seems almost like my other half...Unfortunately I had been trying to dodge the "religion" topic with him... I didn't think it was something that you just openly speak of when you first meet somone, but obviously it is or I wouldn't be here right now. He realized I had been evading his questions and finally asked me how I felt............. I told him that I didn't believe that the existence of God could be proved or disproved. He reads the bible daily and chooses Christianity as his religion. It usually is no bother to me if someone disagrees with my spiritual preference but this is different. I actually feel bad for the choice that I have made and I find myself doing all kinds of reasearch to find why he feels as he does and what I could possibly do to feel the way he does.... He has completely distanced his self from me. He shows me no affection what so ever and told me that he no longer sees me as being his partner since I do not aknowledge a higher power... When I think of God and the bible I think the whole "concept" is wonderful as long as someone doesn't take it to the extreme. I could actually apply a lot of the lessons to my life but not for the sake of going to a Heaven or Hell but just to become a better person for "myself"... Has anyone ever known of something like this happening... I don't really see it happening but does anyone see how the two of us could find some sort of "common ground" to grow from????? Please PM me if you have something more to say than just a post... anyone's perspective will be most helpful HELP!!! thankx....

I would really like "anyone's" input on this topic. This sounds trivial but this is very important to me. I am very selective when it comes to dating. I finally found someone that is almost a perfect guy. He is intelligent, handsome, funny, with goals and aspirations BUT- Se x with him is awful...I didn't think size mattered at all but he has a very small unit AND he has no clue of what to do in the bedroom... I've tried teaching but to no avail... I really like this guy but I wonder if I would end up cheating or just become fed up after some time... PLEASE ADVISE.....!!!

Hi Y'all- I'm the type of person who never knows where the he_ll I am going. When I had a car I would get lost constantly because I can't visualize where I am in relation to where I'm going. Like on a map.When I drive to the airport usually don't know the way I just follow the planes landing. I almost always get lost driving away from the airport because I don't have the planes to guide me. I've driven 50 miles in the wrong direction and only turned around when I crossed into another state or something. I've kind of always been that way. In New York I don't know where I am in relation to the other boroughs or where Long Island or any of it. And in the city I take subways everywhere I go and when I get out of the subway and back up on the street I have absolutely no idea which direction to walk in. I look at the street signs and sometimes I can get a general read on stuff but I always forget which avenues go North and which go South. And even if I know which way is North that doesn't mean I can figure out East/West. I usually get convinced of one way and walk in that direction for a half a block or so before realizing I'm heading the wrong way and then I turn around. I lived in the village for two years and would get lost wandering just a few blocks. It used to not be so bad for me in Manhattan because I used the Trade Center as a landmark. I knew when I saw the twin towers that that direction was South. They always came in handy for me that way. At work I'm constantly getting lost when going to work on user's machines. It is getting very embarrassing!!! I think I have a weird relationship with polarity in general. I think my internal compass is broken and doesn't lock into the poles properly. Is there a book I can buy or something I can do that will help me? **Jazmine

I've never been in a situation where I was in competition with a family member and a boyfriend. I feel that I'm competing with my boyfriend's brother. My boyfriend has stated it clear that his brother is not fond of me at all....I have no idea why. I thought his brother was nice and funny... This past weekend I went to visit my boyfriend and his brother was there. They were going to go out to a club but I couldn't go because the brother did not want me to. They decided not to go and we ended up staying home but that really really got underneath my skin. This is not the first time something like this has happened... I will not compete with anyone and I feel that we should end this now if it's going to be some sort of weird competition. I have spoken to him about this but he feels that I'm being silly.... what should I do? Just make sure to completely avoid his brother? won't be hard since they live 2 hours apart but then again my boyfriend and I also live 2 hours apart.

I'm not positive but I would imagine it would be very difficult. Seems like there would be tons of websites you could go to for support as well as online chat sites dedicated to people with HIV... try to do a search on link removed

I'm dating a guy that lives 2 hours away... about 3 weeks ago we made plans for me to come and visit on 5/13/04-5/16/04. I went ahead and put in the request to be off work.....I just spoke with him again about it last week. He says that he wants me to just come on Friday morning because he wants to take his mother out for mother's day since they couldn't do anything on Sunday. I believe everyone should do things for their mother but I also think you should follow through with plans.....This is the second time I have taken off work for him and he's changed plans on me....How could I go about bringing it up without coming off as being selfish or am I being selfish??

There is this guy that I am interested in... He host very classy parties around town for people about 23+ about 2wice a month.. When I go to the parties I speak to him and may chat for a minute but nothing serious.. For the past 3 months or so I have been talking to him about once a week. he'll call me and I'll call him... I am somewhat busy a pretty good amount of time but when I DO talk to him he never suggest going out.. He just suggest me coming to his home or me going to his.. One day I just flat out said lets go and catch a movie or something...then he says...well I don't really date..........not in a mean or arrogant tone but just says it...The most appropriate response would have been well what do you do?? but I just said well.. ok I'll call you later... I haven't spoken to him since this was a couple of days ago............Is the obvious right in front of my face or should I call him and proceed to make a movie date?

Jackson was a wonderful kitty. He was kind of like a little dog... He could fetch.. He turned flips and we played tag, hide and go seek and all kinds of games..! He was great... Then I decided to get new furniture.. I did some reasearch online and found many articles about male cats sraying new furniture and just spraying in general. I did not want him to spray my furniture or spray my new apartment.They say that it smells about as foul as a skunk and is almost impossible to remove the markings.So on Friday I said my goodbyes and took him to the vet. The operation went well but now he just lays around doing not too much of anything. He doesn't really play, or talk. He just eats, sleeps and purrs.... I hate him this way and I feel like such a horrible mother for doing this to him. Was there any other thing I could have done to prevent him from spraying in the future??