Daligal83

haha no I left the bar after a couple of hours cause I was cold and sick of it. I actually just had a long talk with one of the girls. Apparently they had a long talk about me after I left. They thought I was just upset about the cleaning comments and that I should have told them to stop. In my mind, defending my choice to help her clean the entire time was speaking up, but they saw it as playing along. I explained to her about how it was all of it and I felt like I was being put down. She apologized but said that they thought they were my good friends and it was ok and that I should tell them to stop if I'm getting upset. We're just all very different and what I see as speaking up apparently isn't the same for them. My reaction was to defend myself. Like for the cleaning, I explained that I was helping out a friend because she expressed frustration over it and she does work full time and go to school full time. Their response...we're not making fun of her, we're making fun of you! But I guess they saw that as me playing along. It's just hard becuase my friends from home would know that I was pissed. I don't have to explain to them. My friends here may like me and like hanging out with me, but they don't get me.

This might be more of a rant than anything, but I'm just fed up. I can't express how much I miss being at home with my friends, because even though I have some good friends here they're not consistently good friends. My friends at home accept me and love me and I don't doubt that. I have some friends here at school that I hang out with more than others...and they do a lot for me at times...but they are also SO critical of me, it's unbelievable. Usually it's just random lectures here and there about how I should have a car, how I don't eat right (they rarely actually eat with me so they have no idea), how I workout too much, etc. Tonight though, it was just too much for me. I went out with the two girls I'm close to, one girl's boyfriend and his sister who was visiting. They picked on me the entire time. First it was that I offered to help my friend clean her apartment because she moved recently, so that made me a sucker. They kept making comments like, hey my place is a mess, want to come clean it? Do you need to bring your own cleaning supplies? Don't forget the rubber gloves! Then I mentioned that another friend was letting me try on a couple dresses for when I go see my boyfriend for his department's semi formal. Apparently that was unacceptable, I should get a new dress for that kind of thing. Then they changed their minds and said I should be wearing the dress I wore to my best friend's wedding. I said it'd be nice to wear something he hasn't seen me in, so that's why I was trying on these dresses. They made such a big deal about how stupid that was and couldn't understand why I was doing it. I pointed out that borrowing a dress is free so who cares? Didn't matter. There was also that I workout too much again. I haven't even worked out the past two days, and they bring it up more than I do. There was ONE time last year that I worked out twice in one day, and they brought that up as evidence that I go overboard. Then one of my friends said that I was working out wrong because I lift weights, so she doesn't want to hear it that I'm gaining weight. I don't complain to her that I gain weight, and I want to be toned...so thereforeeee I lift. What's the problem? Then it was that I wasn't drinking enough. This is a constant conversation coming from one friend and the other girl's boyfriend. Apparently not drinking or only having one drink is "lame." I'm 23. I don't care if I'm "lame" or a "party pooper." That's all I feel like drinking. I'm not some undergrad going out trying to get drunk every night (no offense to undergrads). Can I point out that all this went down in the span of no more than two hours? I couldn't take it anymore. I basically stopped talking, and just went home. I feel like I can't reveal anything about myself anymore because it'll just come back to me somehow. Thanks to anyone who has actually read this far... As I've written this I talked to one of the girls...who said she is sorry, but will never ever comment about my life again cause it's none of her business. She's taking it to the extreme...but she's dramatic, that's what she does. Apparently they could all tell I was pissed, but just thought it was about the cleaning...

I'm actually reading all about attachment and bonding for two of my classes (I'm going into social work, specifically child welfare). It's actually very interesting. When a child is born, it craves forming attachments with its caregivers. At each age, there is a process as to how the infant and caregiver bond that is unique. I think that is why you can't just give up on your family. It's this innate bonding process that began at the beginning of life that doesn't even compare to that of a significant other. That being said, it's when the attachment process is disturbed that people form attachment issues and can't bond properly with others, even their own children.

I would go. It's a great opportunity to get out there and meet new people. Don't just assume it'll go badly. I would try to make sure you sit near your friend so you're definitely near someone you know. Then if everyone else does know each other, get yourself involved by asking questions about them. You can ask how they all know each other. Ask them what they do. Try to find some common ground with them so you have something to continue to talk about. I'm sure you'll have a great time!

I think I'm going to say it when I see him in person...if I can get up the guts. I'm scared he won't say it back. I don't think I can see him and not say it though lol. He's such a great boyfriend and I know it's not one of those situations where he's just like this in the beginning and it won't last. Since I've known him for so long, I know this is just who he is. Can I just say that I can't wait until I graduate and can move back there!!

Hi, I know I'm really late in this thread but I had to comment on this point. I was friends with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years before we started dating. I had never really felt butterflies with a guy before, but I definitely do with him. We've only been together a month, but we haven't seen each other for a few weeks (LDR) and I still feel the butterflies. Don't let the friend factor convince you that it's OK not to have those feelings. That being said, I completely understand not being able to give up yet. You just have to be ready. You'll know when you've had enough and need to take action. Good luck!

I just wanted to make a happy post. There ARE great guys out there. Luckily, I'm dating one of them. I'm having a bad PMS day and everything is putting me in a bad mood. I talked to my boyfriend for about 20 minutes, discussing how to get to him for his program's semi formal (we're in a LDR). I called him back probably 15 minutes later asking if he could talk to me when he left this bonfire he was going to, because I was in a bad mood and it makes me feel better to talk to him. Instead he talked to me while he was driving over there AND said he would still call me when he left if it wasn't really late. I can't see any other guy I've ever dated tolerating talking to a PMSing girl three times in one day. Just wanted to share that with everyone

OK I know this was mentioned awhile ago..but if you go to Spencers you can buy candy necklace panties and bras. We got some for a bachelorette party and I heard they're pretty good

The paranoia that's exacerbated by the alcohol also seems like he may have other issues that need attention. I think encouraging him to beat the alcoholism would be the first step, then to bring attention to this. I think once you check out the website that southerngirl provided you and you attend some meetings, it'll give you the resources you need to help your father through this. I would also suggest that you get your step mother to attend an adult al-anon meeting so you can support each other. Good luck!

I want to tell my boyfriend that I love him, but I haven't yet for two reasons. First is that we haven't been dating long. It'll be a month on the 7th, but we've been friends for almost four years so it seems like longer. I'm afraid that it's too soon for him and I don't want to freak him out. A mutual best friend swears he feels the same way, but I don't want to believe it until I hear it from him. My second concern is that we're in a LDR. I don't think it's right to say it for the first time over the phone and I should wait to do it in person. The thing is I've been wanting to say it for awhile now and I'm not going to see him until the end of the month. It's so hard not to say it! If I wait till the end of the month, I can do it in person and we'll have been together a little longer so it might not freak him out as much. Is this the right way to go? I'm not usually the type to hold in my feelings, which is why i'm torn. Any advice?

Maybe you should try something new in the relationship so you feel that you have more contact with him, like getting webcams or sending each other care packages. Can you plan a trip to see him soon?

How much of that year has been long distance?

How long have you been in the LDR for? It might get easier as you get used to it. Also, maybe if you talk to him right before you go out, you'll be more satisfied and can enjoy yourself more. It's ok to think of him and have him on your mind while you're apart, but you really need to make sure you still can enjoy other activities. I'm sure he wants you to be happy and having fun too!

Hey Anna! I know how you feel. I've only been in an LDR for a couple weeks, but it's been tough. When I first came back to school I was miserable. All I wanted to do was talk to him. But then I realized that it's going to make this time apart a lot harder if I don't go out and enjoy myself. I've found that the more I try to lead my normal life, the more bearable it is. I mean, I still run out of the bar to talk to my guy whenever he calls, but I can still enjoy my time with my friends. Just remember that the more fun you're having, the faster time goes by.

1. He's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. 2. He makes me laugh. 3. He makes me feel cared for. 4. He works incredibley hard. 5. I can act like a total idiot around him and he'll just think it's cute. BONUS: He was my friend for years before becoming my boyfriend.

OK, can I point out that your example has no actual validity? Your relatively close personal friends are not an accurate sample of society in it's entirety. Also, you cannot blame media for people's actions. Parenting and environment play a larger role in developing someone's character. It is when these factors fail someone that media has a larger influence. You cannot assume that females or males will cheat based on what they watch or listen to. I happen to love soap operas and Sex and the City, however I also realize that it's TV and not reality. I consider myself to be extremely loyal and faithful. Also...women and men are exposed to the same media so that cannot account for the difference. They listen to the same music growing up. Sure, men may not watch soap operas, but they do watch movies that center around sex and half naked women. Wouldn't it have the same effect?

I've been in that situation where a guy will show interest until I show it back. Then he does a 180 until I stop showing interest...and then magically he's back again! I think these types of guys like the attention and the game that goes along with it, but don't really want anything to come of it. It sounds like he wants you to be interested and have you as an option, but doesn't want to really act on it for now. You can do better!

Going out to the clubs and bars isn't always about drinking and going crazy. Most of time it's just another way to have fun with your friends. It's something more exciting than sitting around someone's house. She's just trying to have fun, don't read too much into it.

Thanks everyone I'm definitely going to use some of those suggestions to help make this work and I'm trying really hard to stay positive. We haven't talked much at all this weekend...but I'm hoping that during the week it'll be better since he won't be going out as much. It's funny because when I started school here last year I was in another LDR and I didn't miss him at all. It was a horrible relationship and we broke up shortly after I got here, but we dated for 2 years. I've been with this guy for a few weeks and I can't stand to be away from him. I'm taking this as a good sign

It really is agonizing. What was making it OK was seeing him labor day weekend...so now I'm just having such a hard time. Plus we don't have a lot of time to talk. He's already so busy with school and work and his social life that we maybe talk 10 minutes a day. Yesterday we talked for maybe one minute and I haven't talked to him today yet. I'm hoping we'll be able to find more time to talk on the phone once we settle into a schedule. This week I don't have class until Thursday so I'm going to work on putting together a care package for him. I'm getting all stupid and worrying that he'll lose interest since he's so busy and won't have time to keep this up....I just have to stop thinking like that.

True...I think I have a harder time with that because I once said "I really like you" to an ex and he laughed at me. Granted he was a huge jerk, but it was embarrassing. Maybe once we spend more time on the phone it'll come easier to me. We haven't had a lot of time to talk since we last saw each other...but I'm hoping once the start of the school year calms down we'll be able to talk more. I'm just having a tough time because he's already busy with school, work and his friends. I just got back and I don't have class until Thursday, my internship doesn't start until after labor day, and my social life here isn't the best.

I'm the type of person that if I love someone, I want to say it. I just don't want to say it too early. Not that I'll have the chance because we're in an LDR and I can't see him until the end of September...but I don't want to freak him out by saying it so early on.

What if you are in a romantic relationship already? Do you think the process of falling in love is faster when you've known the person for so long? I was friends with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years before we started recently dating. One part of me says I love him, but then my rational side kicks in and says it's not possible because it's too soon. I don't know which to listen to lol.

If you didn't have any of the lows or any feelings...how could you appreciate anything good? I'd rather go through hard times so I can really take advantage of the good times than go through life with no feeling whatsoever. And if things are really so bad...they can only get better (cliche, I know...I still believe it though). Did something happen today to make you so upset?

Do you think that if you are friends before you start dating, that you can fall in love faster? You already know so much about the other person, so it's not like starting fresh. I was just wondering people's opinion on this.