hoping

look dude, u lost faith in people, plain and simple. highschool can be very hard sometimes, especially when young people are immature and tries to place themselves above others by putting someone nice like urself down, but in reality, it is them who has the insecurity if you think about it. all i can tell you is that, hey, highschool isn't your life. from personal experiences, i wish i didn't waste so much time and effort with the people back in highschool, and i barely even keep in touch with these highschool friends now. you need to have some faith in yourself, forget "being gay" and rebuild urself. you have 3 quarter of your life ahead of you, and the best of your lifetime is still ahead of you, you only live once, live it up and live it large. i would suggest you completely disconnect yourself from negative people, memories, places and just tell yourself that you are starting new. you're not out there to impress anyone, you're out there to regain that piece of happiness u once had before grade 5. just like the above posters said, go to new places and try to meet new people. yes, easier said than done, but why don't you try to join a club of your interest? videogames? sports? chess? debate? whatever floats your boat! at the same time, you need to remember you do not need other people to be happy, when you are a positive, confident person, other people can sense that from you and i guaratee you will also want a piece of that positivity from you. but i understand being strong is a very general term, and is very hard when you feel alone. i would suggest you start with someone you can trust without any worries ie. you mom? you dad? your siblings? a close cousin? from my personal experiences, your family is one HUGE resource of affection and UNCONDITIONAL love. yes sounds corny, but it is so true that it becomes inapparent to people. confide to this trustworthy person, and slowly regain yourself from there. it is going to be a long process, but if you want that happyness bad enough, you'll c the changes soon enough, and your family will also start seeing these changes. just don't lost faith in yourself. one last thing, don't let people think for you. believe in what you think, believe what you have to say, and stand firm behind urself 120%. no one can do that for you, only you can. take it easy my friend and becareful with those drugs, dont get dependent on it.

thats the thing....i do know the boundaries....but i keep asking myself is it because of me?? that caused her to do these things? I guess i'm hoping things would change... and since we're on the topic of 3 yrs being a long time...i guess i'll fill u in a little bit about our relationship...extra short version... we went out for almost 2 yrs, many problems occurred near the end, me not paying her enough attention and not spending enough time with her, corrupted life style..etc... she fell out of love with me and did god knows what with another guy (who was her good friend) throughout march break...broke up with me 2 weeks after "clicking" with this other guy...ii had to find out by snooping around, found out she was gonna go 7 hours away to visit this guy at his university...etc...i asked her straight up "is another guy involved?" and she lied to my face... either way, we were broken up for almost 2 months...in which time i wrote her a letter that was my only attempt...she found out about this forum, started reading my posts, had her fcked up manager read my posts... she came back wanting to give this another shot at the end of april, i obviously wanted to give it a shot as well....i tried my best to change my flaws, but after her lying to me over and over again, and hving her friends butt in, and her manager...and everything...i just feel like she doesn't even want to protect me, and this relationship...even when im trying my best to protect her... she lied to me about going to ottawa, she lied to me about her manager, she lied to be about "not lying to me", she lied to me about anything and everything up to a month ago.... alot of these things have happened long ago, and she always just ask me why i cannot let go of it? well....what do u guys think? why cant i just let go of it? i have tried to talk to her about it...many times.... although all these happened along time ago....its like the last time we had a serious conversation about this stuff was 2 months ago...and i thought everything was fine, but 3 days ago i did a lil bit of "protecting" myself...i saw the sentence "paul(manager) felt awkward sitting in the same raft as me (gf) and him (me)".... that was dated about a month ago....now...why would things be awkward????? isn't that kind of suspisious? i dunno im rambling on again... thanks for all your replies tho!! makes me feel a lot better that finally someone doesn't think that its my problem...

thank you guys for the response...i didn't think i was expecting too much and i agree totally that these concerns are supposed to be the fundamental and basic building blocks of a healthy relationship... i did just throw out there the negatives, there are lots of positive sides to this relationship, but these are just some real bottled in stuff.... i am very happy to be with her, but at the same time, i look back at these incidences, and i look back at what has happened before, i question wether or not she is for real this time...do u guys catch my drift? i understand i'm supposed to have "faith" and give her the "benefit of doubt" for us as a couple to move past these terrible memories, but how can i if i was lied to over and over agian? and at the same time, finding out things one after another?? i KNOW i shouldn't snoop, but why is it that EVERY time that i snoop, i find something?? and how can i feel good in this relationship if she tells her friends and her weird manager (by the way he reads my posts so lets say whatsup to him) that i'm a psycho??? i know im not, but i CANNOT HELP but TRY TO PROTECT MYSELF....yes it sounds wrong, i shouldn't have to protect myself in a relationship, at least this strongly, but why do i feel like i have to??? what is worse? everyone around her tells her i'm controlling, and i'm this and that, and she believes them, even though we have been going out for almost 3 yrs! she doesn't even take the liberty and at least the decency to protect me...to stand up for me, like i would for her! every time i bring up what i think is legitimate concerns and issues regarding this relationship, it always blows RIGHT BACK in my face as like im trying to control her actions! let me ask you guys....is having a concern about her manager a controlling behavior?? is asking her pls have some decency and NOT tell her friends or whoever personal information of this relationship controlling???? I HONESTLY DON"T THINK SO... i understand i am an intense person, and she always say "nothing is ever good enough for you" (when we argue)...but when i have these kind of deep rootes questions....IS HEARING ANSWERS LIKE "I DUNNO" or a automatic "NO" a GOOD ENOUGH ANSWER?? its not even about these answers being good enough, its like she DOESN"T understand how hurtful these things are to me...even when i tell her "look i don't appreciate you talking to your manager about our problems", she will say "ok i wont, and i understand these things hurts u" but she would go and do it again! just for the record guys, she is not a bad person, money is really not an issue and i know she isn't the kind of person to try to rip me off, she has been taking me out for dinner...etc and i appreciate it... anyways at work, so lets hear ya'll feedbacks!! and thanks again!

by the way, i just wanted to say that i feel alot better now that i got stuff off my chest, it prevents me from bringing this stuff up to the gf for the billionth time this summer lol...thanks guys!

whats going on guys: i have so much on my mind, so i thought i come here and vent a little bit, im just gonna start typing whatever pops up in my mind, i apologize in advance if it gets a little incoherent... i went through a breakup, it has been about 5 months now, and surprisingly, i can still feel it here and there.... we're back together now for about 3 months so far, and i have never went through the rollercoaster of emotion like this before.... i will throw it out there and say this summer has been amazing with her, we went everywhere, but at the same time, i believe this has been the hardest time i ever had to go through so far... i felt betrayed, hurt, lied to and disappointed throughout this summer... from being lied to so many times, from being knocked down emotionally so many times, from being let down so many times.... at this very moment, i feel really tired, mentally and physically. i believe it's both parties' duty in a relationship to at least try to protect each other...and to stand up for one another....i don't think i'm expecting too much by saying that. why do i feel like that i'm the one trying to protect "us"? maybe her definition of it is different from mine, but how different can "protect the person you love" be? she has talked behind my back to other people, to her weird 40 yrs old manager at work, to her friends...etc...this has happened a while ago, and it's not like i'm not letting go, but certain things come up that reminds me of them, and on certain occasions, worsen these memories (ie. finding out her lies).... i have mentioned all these to her before, and honestly speaking, i STILL after all this time, feel that she just brushes it off thinking "not this again" like it never mattered to her.... for crying out loud, she told her unprofessional manager to look me up on this forum and read my posts, and then writes email to her making fun of my comments... since we're on the subject of this manager of hers...yes it bugs me, she still works with him....he is 40 some odd yrs old, divorced, screwed up family, 2 failure kids, and he is taking my gf out for drinks, pulled me aside on one occasion saying "i just see your gf as a really good person thats why i like to hang out with her....etc"....but remember guys, my gf is 21 yrs old.... see something fishy? im not discriminating against age, but im concerned on his motives and intentions.... yes, i can already hear it, that now it is my gf's duty to speak out, at least for me and for this relationship (since it bugs me).... but she thinks, at least this is what she tells me (god knows if its true), that her manager is just being nice, is really funny, easy to talk to...etc.... and that when he was emailing her poking fun at my painful moments (my posts), that it was "just in his character" to do so... she will agree with me that he isn't professional, these kind of things aren't acceptable...etc, but again, it always seems to me that after she feels that she has reassured me, she goes off and do the same thing again, with a difference, not tell me about it... it isn't like i want her to tell me EVERY aspect of her life, i understand everyone needs their own space, heck, so do i.... but i feel like the things she tells me, is alot more insignificant than some of her real issues or surrounding people/events...etc.... i feel like although she tells me all the time that she loves me, she would act like a totally different person to her friends, to her (definitely pedaphile) manager...etc.... and we went rafting with her work a while back, and apparently her manager felt "awkward" sitting in the same raft as her (and I), why would he? that leaves alot of questions in mind (i had to find that out myself, but as you guys can see, i constantly am finding out something, its not suspision alone).... and she expects me not to suspect anything at all! on another note, i feel like she's always so busy worrying about her friends and how they feel about her, that she completely forgets that i'm here...i mean yeah i understand feeling lonely and stuff when her and her friends falling out here and there, but its like, i strongly sense she just thinks its the end of the world, even though i tell her all the time "hey hun, im here, i love you"....i know i cannot replace people, but at the same time, shouldn't I as the significant other in this relationship, be able to at least COMFORT her?? i feel like now whatever i say to her is just not enough, that she just needs to hear it from other people, other than me. yes i understand it is extreme to say that, and i can already hear the questions "than why is she with you?" maybe she loves me for real, maybe im not just being blind to all these things, but than again, i might just be day dreaming... sometimes i feel that she only sees faults in me...after we got back together, she would make comments to her friends like "oh i feel like im finally in an adult relationship".... what the heck does that supposed to mean???? i made a HUGE effort to improve upon my flaws, and no i am not perfect, but i have honestly tried to improve upon the stuff that i felt were more my fault than hers.....i dunno.....and another thing, before she broke up with me, i used to buy her things, at the time i thought it was a way of showing affection...i would be DEAD BROKE with almost no food left in my fridge, and i would go and buy her a new cell phone for valentines day....cuz all i wanted was to see that happy surprised face when she sees it.... but she basically already knew when i walked in her room with it (this was a long time ago)... and she just pretended to be surprised that i bought her some thing, but really she was just happy that she got a new cell phone.... and what happens? she told her manager about it and they go and start making fun of my inital good intentions like "oh what will he get you for your bday? another cell?" and she would say stuff like "hmmm i hope not, i actually want an ipod" and meant what she said.... i know i may be a little extreme, but this is the kind of stuff that has been bugging me, but i keep pushing them back, farther and farther, and who can i talk to about this kinda stuff???? i tried to talk to a relationship counceller, and all she told me was that i was too intense and too controlling, but let me ask EVERYONE out there, WHO THE HECK DOESN"T HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF CONTROL OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP???? if you have absolutly no control, how can a relationship work?? im not saying control by one party, both parties has to have some kind of grip on the relationship in order for it to work! at least thats what i think.... anyways....thats my ranting session, its just one of those nights when all the horrible memories just pours back in my head... and all the unanswered questions (probably will never get answered) starts popping up again...i hate these nights, it makes me feel like how i felt when i was younger, when i couldn't trust anyone, and that even the closest person i hold in my life at the moment, can and did backstab me.... its the worst feeling in the world.... but i guess im just in love...

hey...although i'm younger and never have been married before, i sense that you are craving physical intimacy... why don't you try asking you husband to give you a nice massage, candle light and everything....it sounds to me your marriage needs a night of just you and ur hubby, reclicking into each other.... see how u feel after a nice massage with your husband.... if you still feeling like "straying"....i would suggest you look into what REALLY you want, r u craving physical intimacy? emotional support? time with husband? change of routine or scene? i would definitly explore all the options to try to fix the marriage before considering other male companions.... and if it does come down to other male companions, i would inform your husband ASAP, as it isn't fair for him to be out of the loop on this.... good luck to you

let me just ask ya... if he all the sudden decides to come with you....buy a plane ticket and rent an apartment and everything.... would u want him back? cuz i have a feeling this breakup is caused by more than just differences in your plans....

hey guys: well here's the deal....if u trace my posts, u would know that i went through a breakup, dealt with some very rude people after getting back together, namely her VERY unprofessional and crossing-the-line manager paul who reads my post (whatsup paul)...and now im here... anyways...basically i started working out again when the girl broke up with me.... which was the beginning of march....i'm just under 5'11 in height, and i weighed around 180.... keep in mind that i never intended to "lose weight" cuz i'm extremely comfortable with whatever i am, but i wanted to be healthy again...either way, now im here standing at just under 140 pounds.... i've been at 140 now for about 3 months now.... i try to work out everyday (balanced weight train and cardio, boxing every other day) and i eat not extremely healthy but selective.... now...how the hell do i get bigger?? im currently (estimating) at about 11% body fat percentage.... i don't really want that number to increase cuz its a b*tch getting it back down.... and i lift almost as much as a guy who weighs 170 pounds with 11% body fat... how should i go about this? should i overfeed? (over calories each day) or should i just keep at what im doing (work out, moderate calories each day, sometimes below daily need sometimes over), and just be patient?

i really have to give u applause for doing such a mature thing at a young age... think about it...ur honest with him, u know what u want...it is unfortunate that someone has to get hurt, but afterall, u r, like u said, 19, and eager to see what life has to offer.... i do not believe it's a selfish move... i think ur very intelligent for thinking ahead...and honestly.... as long as u can say "no regrets" on the duration of ur relationship.... ur doing just fine... sorry to hear about it though...must be tough

well just to throw in some guys opinion in here.... he should definitly respect your wishes regarding the whole public affection issue...but in my opinion, guys are more of a physical creature....so when he is with you out in public he obviously wants to show you AND the world how wonderful you are...etc....and guys' way of showing that? giving you a kiss! i think u two should meet at midpt....i mean to totally take that show of affection away from him is like telling you that you cannot tell him you love him in public....catch what im trying to say? maybe making out in public (especially in a bus) is a lil much....but in MY opinion it be kinda wrong to fend off a kiss.... but then again...he should respect your wishes and your feelings...

hmm... not to be over critical on the age issue here, but i mean at age 15 believe me you still have ALOT of things to see and UNDERSTAND... in MY opinion, i truly, sincerely believe that you THINK you're in love with this married man (which i assume is over the age of 25) only because he tells you all these sweet things....but hey....you are young and full of life, try meeting some guys around your age group....and THEN ask yourself if a married man, alot older than you, with a kid...is truly what you want....and love.... i am sure the answer is really within yourself...good luck.

but at the same time... if she shows u obviouse interest WHILE she's in a relationship....you really should evaluate the integrity of this woman... just looking out...

hey slvrknght8: i was recently in your shoes, and a few things you have to accept RIGHT NOW if you dont want everything to get worse. 1). People Change - you can't help that, especially at such a young age (18). 2). She is not the centre of your life - a healthy relationship consist of you having your own life, she having her own life, and you two having a life together. She is no doubt a part of you, but she is not you, you're you. 3). You WILL live without her - you are your own man and guess what? a woman is more attracted to a confident man. Besides, you thought you couldn't live without her, but if you're reading this, you're living, maybe not kicking, but living....right? 4). Pursuer & Distancer Theory - when she pulls away, you have to pull away. pursuing after her will only drive her farther away and see you as a clingy, no self-respect person. create an pro-longed absense, where you are not heard of, seen, talked about, around her....she WILL wonder what you have been up to and she WILL get curious, I guarantee you....this gives her an opportunity to miss you. this is what everyone is talking about, the NO CONTACT rule. However, its not a game for you to get her back, it is used to help get both you and her heads straight, and all the thoughts logicallized (a word? lol). If she comes back, you KNOW she is back for you, and not because of sympathy. Again, WALK AWAY A DIGNIFIED MAN. This is what i have to offer you....the next 2-3 weeks will be very hard, i am not gonna lie, it is going to be very painful. she will be on your mind 24/7. But ask yourself, do you want to be dogged by a girl? or do you have your own piece of mind? hold your head up, know you're all that....SHE was the one that was lucky to have you. it is too late to ask what ifs...it is over. look at it, and smile...oh and go to the gym. Hey...you never know, you're new found confidence gained from this pain may just be more attractive to her if she ever sees u again...BUT remember, you're doing this for youself, not her.... sorry if this sounds harsh, i really hope you pull through dude, chin up!

well... i definitly agree with everyone with the fact that this ex-bf of yours sounds very immature and hurtful. but at the same time, why don't you use this opportunity to better yourself, not just your appearance, but your self-esteem and everything...use these harsh words as a motivation, know that you are better than it, go to a gym, watch your progress as you get fitter and fitter (NOTE THE WORD "FITTER" NOT "THINNER")....going to the gym will definitly boost your self-esteem, or at least kick start the healing process! and you know what else that i have tried and did me very well? CHANGES....fashion wise! lol go to the mall...and buy that mini skirt that you thought was too daring, or that tank top that you thought was wayyyy out of line....throw it on, and you'll really c what a sexy piece of ACE you are hehehe... Anyways good luck to you, you sound like a sweet girl, dont let one fall keep you on the ground, its when you fall and stand back up you become better.

hey man.... unfortunately, there is no magic lotion or cream that can make a zit as big as you described it go away instantly... if you try to pop it over and over again, it is just going to get irritated and will actually stay there longer and possibly even leave a scar on your forhead. so i would recomment just leaving it alone, dont touch, dont squeeze, dont pop, just leave it be and make sure you wash ur face regularily... thats my best advice! good luck my friend

sounds to me like you have a little bit of trust issues....meaning when he tells you something you seem to need to "make sure" try taking his words in and believing it for once...it might be hard at first, but that is really all you can do, is trust him.... other than that, try communicating with him whenever you feel the need for "reassurance"... i shoudl really start taking my advice

for this thread, i only have one word "maturity"...

hehe not the best advice but.....get really smashed after u fail the exam! just joking, good luck dude!

a fcking immature, self-obsorbed, and above all, DISRESPECTFUL guy. I look down on both GUYS AND GIRLS who tries to take advantage of ANYONE.

hey buddy, listen, honestly, if what ur trying to achieve is to talk to a girl, all you have to do....is to treat them just like any other human being. Talk to them like how you talk to one of you guy friends....they are out there to make friends too. Keep in mind they might honestly just feel the same way towards you.....shy but want to carry out a conversation.... just be confident, and dont get discouraged at any sort of rejections, it happens to EVERYONE. I am sure u r a very amazing person, so just be yourself, and things will fall in place on their own, believe me.

well, im a guy... but i just think that you REALLY have to weigh the importance of these people in your life, and make a decision from there. if your gf is someone who you care about, maybe not love yet, but has an importance to you, her happiness with you should be one of your priorities... however, if you think these friends of yours has a higher importance to you, and THEIR happiness is what u value more, then i really think u should make that clear with your gf so u guys can either end things or come up with a solution to compromise..... either way....i dont think its fair to your gf for you to have these friends around often....she is a human being with emotions and feelings as well....but thats my opinion

hello guys and girls: I'm hoping, and I have been on this forum thing for quite a while now. Everyone here has been VERY helpful so i wanted to share my success story for those who are still in pain...2nd chances DOES happen...just depends on how both parties want to approach it! my success story has a VERY VERY interesting twist....haha so do read on!! First thing, like every other posters in this forum, I will strongly suggest NO CONTACT immediately after a breakup. It is for YOUR benefit so you can get your head cleared of any strong emotions and keep reflective thoughts constructive. It ALSO gives your ex (doesn't matter dumper or dumpee) a chance to reflect on your relationship as a whole and MAYBE realize what he/she truly had (you). This period of NC is critical for both parties to heal AT LEAST to a stage of clearity (assuming you want to get back together), meaning, NO RESENTMENT, NO ANGER, NO REGRETS. Any negative feelings will NOT be helpful towards either your new relationship OR your rekindled old relationship. With that being said, this period of NO CONTACT can vary on time length. YOU SHOULD NOT SET A GOAL, because feelings and emotions do NOT follow a time frame!!! Again, NO CONTACT is NOT for your ex to miss you, IT IS FOR YOUR HEALING PROCESS, so you can learn from this experience and apply it better next time. Onward with the story, me and my now gf went out for 2 years starting freshmen year of university. She was my first love and I was her first love, we fell madly in love in an instant. Maybe things went too fast? or maybe we got too comfortable....but in the end, March 3/2006, she broke up with me. Her reasons being "she was too dependent" need to "live" for herself and ABOVE ALL, SHE SAID SHE "FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME". This was my VERY first heartbreak so it was very hard for me to deal with, and I thought the phrase of "falling out of love" is a definitly sign that it's over. Anyways, I wrote her a letter 1 week into the breakup, telling her exactly how I felt, and asked for a second chance. Her reply wasn't what i wanted to read. thereforeeee, No Contact was the method i resorted to, knowing full well the benefit of it. Fastforward, after a month and 18 days of ABSOLUTE no contact, her and I run into each other at school (university). At this point I welcomed her with my arms open, again, with NO RESENTMENT, and NO ANGER. She welcomed me back with smiles. We make plans to meet up before she leaves for a trip on sunday, and I asked her to call. She called the next day several times, I missed the calls, and she showed up at my house waiting for me until i got home. We had a nice chat for about 2 hours, unfortunately i had to let her go because i had an exam the next day. Anyways, she called again after my exam to confirm the plans (out for a simple drink), and we headed off from there. I asked her straight up at the restaurant what were the point of contact on her part. She replied with "I never fell out of love with you, I missed you everyday". We addressed the issues and the reasons for the breakup in the first place, and she said "I know i can live independently WITHOUT you, BUT, I WANT to be with you." (so i guess the excuses of "need to be independent" isn't necessarily an excuse). I know, some of you might ask, how do you know she's not gonna do it again? my reply to that is....it is either you give 130%, or you don't give AT ALL. I know what i wanted, she expressed what she wanted, what was stopping us from trying again? I also asked her how do i know she wont do it again....her reply was "as much words as i can say, I will show you that through my actions." simple yet powerful. Anyways, we have decided to take things slow, one day at a time, and COMMUNICATION is something we are willing to work on TOGETHER as a couple. We both know we can live independently, yet, we both WANT each other for EACH OTHER, and not for the companionship. May I add as well, she had the opportunity to date another guy (who was pursuing her at the end of our relationship and also after the end), but she blocked him out instead and realized that her feelings for me were truly REAL. All in all, EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE on their own. I've been through the heartbreak just like you, it hurts like hell, BUT IN THE END, IF THINGS WERE MEANT TO BE, THEY WILL BE! and to the interesting TWIST everyone was waiting for, my gf came accross this very forum accidentally, and she read my every post throughout this entire time. So she knew what i was saying, she knew my strategy, and she knew what was in my mind, yet...she still decided that she wants to be with me, and me with her. so everyone, say hello to katharine "our hands were meant to hold" second chances are rare, but they happen.... if you truly love someone, set them free, if they come back, its urs to keep, if not, it was never meant to be.

and...how do i go about making sure she doesn't break my heart again??

i avoided her call becuz i have an exam today....and i didn't want to be emotionally invested before an exam....and at the same time...altho i didn't want to play games, i did want to see if she *meant* it when she wanted to get in contact.....u kno? so i was basically protecting myself in a sense....and when she waited for me at my house, it proved to me that she wanted to get in contact badly enough for me to let the establishment happen

hey guys, thanks for the input well bobo, she broke up with me a month and 18 days ago...has been NC all this time. she broke it off becuz she felt she was too dependent on me and was scared and upset that at age 21 she couldn't live a day without me (or something like that)....but the one thing that caught me the most was that she said she wasn't 100% there with me love wise....but what she told my roommate yesterday was that she never fell out of love with me, she couldn't see herself loving another guy (she hasn't been seeing another guy or anything)....and she felt that altho she broke my heart, this "break" was needed in order to get both of our lives back on track (we were both going thro extremely stressful stuff during the breakup).... i am definitly preceeding this with caution....i am really scared to put myself on the line again, i mean i keep thinking to myself....what if she's just lonely right now??? should i ask her that up front tonight by the way? i dont want to play games with her, i want to get back with her....but i mean i really dont know whats the best way to go about this....and another question i dunno if i should ask her......is that if she has hooked up (kiss, makeout...sex? etc) with any guys during this whole time........ pls pls pls give me suggestions and advice guys!!!!! really appreciate it