hoping

well as some of u kno....i dropped a letter off for my ex in her mail box after 1 week of NC .... its only been a week since we broke up....i just felt i needed to let her know how i felt....regarding mistakes during the relationship, how i feel about things now...etc...anyways i was expecting no response...but apprarently she has been in her room "writing me back" as her roommates has told me.....i dunno what to expect...well im expecting the worst...but i ddin't expect a response this quick....i dunno just thought i share my anxiety with u guys....what do u guys think?

hey bcuzitwasfun what about her saying "i need to see if i can be independent" as an excuse....whats ur opinion on that? valid? invalid?

well it also really depends on how her guy friends are....have u ever met them before? i mean us guys have an amazing talent at identifying threats...and if u've met them....im sure u can tell which one is the aggressive type....and when u do....take a baseball bat to his house n ask him to come out for a talk....lol just kiddin...but definitly go meet them at least once....u'll see wether or not u should even worry....

well....after speaking to multiple female friends....they all adviced me to do this 1 thing.....after a week of NC...they said...write her a letter and tell her how YOU feel, dont worry about how she feels, tell her what u've realized and what u've been thinking about.......and so i did....i wrote a letter to my ex of 1 week...just to mention, i was in a good state of mind...rational and clear....and i dropped it off in her mailbox..... all my female friends justified this letter becuz they said...sometimes not knowing prolongs the pain than when u know for sure...and by telling her exactly how you feel...in a letter...ur respecting her space and time...and if she responds well...its game...if she doesn't...at least now u know for sure so u dont dwell on ur feelings.... what do u guys think? just keep in mind i already dropped off the letter...

yeah i definitly hear ya....but i've mentioned somewhere before....i believe in making something happen for myself...and not let fate take me the entire way...u kno? if u dun fight for ur woman, who will?? u understand my frustration? half of me is agreeing with what ur sayin...and is actually plannin the same thing as what u said...but the other half is sayin, u have nothing to lose even if u try....but if u dont try...u might lose that chance...u kno what i mean?? just confusing....what do u think?

hey well i dunno if u will wanna live like that...tell u the truth...if i love something...and i still have it...i would do everything in my power to keep whatever i love....but i think that statement applies to u n i....i've only been single for a week so i feel ur pain bud.... nah ive been NC wit my ex from the very start...she hasn't done any contact not even slightly....i think the only contact she has done is changin her msn name all the time....i dunno...but maybe im just reading too much into things...but honestly...sometimes i feel that if i really want something bad enough....i should at least give it a try....so what im doing is NC for maybe another week....and c how i feel then...if i feel i can go on...ill go NC for another week after that...then if she hasnt contact me, im gonna try to establish a little bit of contact....and try to work my relationship back up from there....i dunno its all plans right now....but i think a break up as fresh n raw as urs....u should really just establish NC for at least a week....see how everything goes from there, then decide ur next move.... alot of people are strict with this NC stuff....i feel them, but everyone's case is different...if u dont fight for the girl u love, who will fight for u? some girls realize their mistakes when a guy fight, some girls gets pushed farther away...so it all really depends....judge ur own circumstance...but DEFINITLY at least 1 week of NC...then go from there... best of luck bud...

well what else do u guys think....how often do girls go back to guys if the girl was the dumper??

man...that long.....it seems so long....god....i feel like i cant even take another week of what im doin now....

hey dude... hang in there im goin through the exact same thing right now, my ex gf of 2 yrs broke up with me a week ago using the exact excuse "i love you and care for u soo much but im not in love with you"...and im still battling thro it... ur gonna have to accept the fact that she left...and any false hope will only hurt u in the long run...i've learned that by myself and thro the people here...i understand ur pain...it definitly hurts like theres no before...and i know u must miss her as i miss my xgf like crazy....but ur gonna have to be a man and tell urself u can do even better without her....u know what im looking forward to at the moment?? im 21 so i tell myself...there are 3.5 billions girls in the world...more girls than guys...odds are other girls will come along later on....but u have to concentrate on some healing right now dude.....KEEP ON MOVING to keep ur mind from wondering....i picked up an old hobby, boxing....u should go work out...or play ball...or something...you know? and im taking eveyrone's advice here...with the NO CONTACT rule....dont talk to her..email her or anything for a while...1 side of it is to allow urself to feel again and heal...the other side is to see if she cares enough to check in...if she doesn't....what good really is she for you? sorry to be blunt but thats what i've been telling myself....but again...dont wait around for the phone call....BEST WAY I'VE FOUND TO DEAL....is to meet NEW people...or be better friends with people that u were just acqintences with....NEW girls WILL take ur mind off of ur exgf....just know ur own boundaries....cuz u dont wanna do something thats gonna hurt u more... anyways thats what i can offer for now....im going thro the exact same thing...so im strugglin still just like u....anyways keep me posted on how things go with u buddy...and honestly....as stereotypical as this sounds, right now is the time you show yourself that you are a grown MAN...let me know dude and hang in there...dont rely on alcohol! if you love something, set it free, if it comes back, its urs to keep...

well ive been reading ur posts...and u guys are amazing with the opinions and advice....well how long should i keep up NC before i make a contact? she broke up with me and it was a 2 yrs relationship....its been a solid week as of now

any comments at all?

honestly...if a guy is shy...show a little affection to him...show him that u look at him even if there was a crowd....if he was just shy he will pick up the hint and have a good chance of maybe acting on it....but if he was just not interested...he would ignore them....obviously hold urself back from throwin urself on him...cuz u dont want to get hurt

well ye i was real smashed last night....im glad i posted here instead of callin her....i definitly had the urges too tho....well DBR i've been reading ur posts n such...and im the same way as you, i believe in making things happen, and not ride on fate to take me the entire way...obviously if its meant to be its meant to be...but sometimes it takes the braver person to try to reconnect to make something happen....well at least so if there IS any chance i dont just let it pass by....u get what im feelin? at the same time i totally understand the NC rule u guys are stressin...so where is the balance between the two? and it has been a solid week of NC...and i have done alot of thinking....and ive realized that I am at fault for the couple of month before the breakup....i was heavily involved in playin poker...i was playing it professionally...that means 8-9 hrs a day...plus i go to school...and plus an actual job...and when i do have free time...i went out drinking with my friends....in another word...i took her for granted for a while...and i have admited to myself that i did.....so....knowing that a partial reason for change of heart was becuz of my neglect....maybe if i make some effort it would work...i've quite poker completely.....i dunno see what u guys think...

well....im smashed right now....i just wnet out with soem friends....but nothing i did helped me forget her....i was speakin to 1 of my best friends that is a girl...and she told me if i truly feel the way for my ex...i should not give up and when she calls...try to get her back....and she said i should just try....her reasoning being....dont let her walk over ya...but if u do feel for the chick still....definitly try to get her back cuz u got nothin to lose...and if u try...at least u know if u can get her back or not.....im really catering towards that idea....i miss my ex gf so much....im smashed n im holding myself from calling her right now..(3:30am).....well what do u guys think? should i take a stab at it when she calls (whenever that is)?

point taken

well i've spoken to her best friends...and her bestest friend who happens to be my friend as well....and they all told me the same thing...she didn't do anything behind my back and wants nothing with this other dude....should i believe them? i mean they are actually my friends as well but u think they lie to me to protect her?

whats that naive idea? maybe u can clue me in

i hear u guys man....alright ill do just that...thanks for all the info...ill definitly post more with updates and whatnot....if theres anything else anyone has to say it be greatly appreicated as well thanks guys....and ye guy instinct is as sharp as a fox

yeh i understand....but i dunno....what if she wanted to get back?? or if she realized she made a mistake? and i also read alot of older posts from this forum....what about that theory about "distancer and persuer"? and alot of people on this forum said that i should be nice to her and let her know if she calls that it was nice taking to her..etc...

ye i understand what u guys r saying....just a little hard to face it....so i guess dont answer her calls?

and what do the girls think about her excuses for break up (not sure of being in love, need time..etc), waht do they mean? should i be friends with her??? well she said she is going to call me when she is ready or something....she put it as a "break"...so even if she called me....i shouldn't talk to her? what about friendship?? i dunno sorry guys im just kinda new to this whole love sheet...im 21 and i've always did hit n runs never long relationships...n this was my first....

what does NC mean? and i know she loved me....but i dunno...so should i just let go then? and never speak to her again?

well hello all...im new to this forum...but im glad i found it... just like everyone elses experience....im hurt from a very recent break up....I hope i can get some sound advice from all u verterins.... i went out with this girl for 2 yrs solid...no breaks...just 2 yrs straight....she was the first girl i ever felt so strongly for...i was her first love and she was mine, we had our arguments here and there but they never turned into anything major....she just broke up with me exactly a week ago, with the reasons "I dunno about being in love anymore" followed by "i care for you and love you soooo much, but im not sure if im in love with you" well first of all....i have no idea what that mean...to me they are the same thing....and second of all...to me the breakup happened really suddenly...im sure she probably been thinkin about it for some time but i thought everything was going really well....anyways, i had to rush to work that day so we couldn't finish the converstion, but she called me the day after to talk, and explained to me again that she dind't know if she was in love, and need time to figure some things out, and i asked her if we get back together...she said maybe, who knows what the future holds....well i definitly felt the hurt unlike anything before....i asked her if there was a guy involved...she said no...she just wants to be alone right now....but sometimes guys gut instinct is really accurate....so being the dumb * * * i was...and being irrational...i broke into her email....and found emails of her talkin about how this other guy was so sweet and how she was falling for him harder n harder.....obviously i confronted her...and she denied cheating on me (she went home for march break, which was an hour away from where we live)...but she did say his presense did have a part in questioning her relationship with me........its been a week now....i havn't spoken to her at all....no emails, no txt, no phone calls...only time was i emailed her the day after the confrontation n told her the last 2 yrs was really special to me...and blah blah...and she emailed me back saying the same thing....and said we're the bestest friends where ever we may be....oh and just to add on to it....she kept telling me when we spoke that she really wants to be friends...and she cannot imagine her life with out me....but she broke up with me.....now my questions are....in this case...does it seem like i have any chance of gettin back with her, when she didn't deny the possibility? and what do the girls think about her excuses for break up (not sure of being in love, need time..etc), waht do they mean? should i be friends with her??? how long should i wait and give her "her time and space" before i make contact? what are ur opinons regarding this other dude she spoke of in her emails?....i understand i shud give her her time...but i dun want to leave it for long enough so she forgets about me....i dunno im just hurt n confused....and its my first time being in a serious relationship and being in love....so pls pls give me some advice....sorry its a lil long