tigerwalk

screechtires, Thanks for the reply. Playing devil's advocate, has anyone heard of a woman actually offering clear, non-ambiguous communication as the dumper?? I know plenty of guys that have done it, but no women.

All right, I just got an email from my ex for the first time in 6 weeks (to the day). It was a forwarded funny one. Is there anyone out there that thinks I should respond? BTW, the last time she sent me emails, one was a forwarded funny one and the other (six weeks ago), she was concerned for my grandfather that was just in a wreck. If you have read any of my earlier posts, then you know I took this as an open door and tried to initiate contact with an all out assault that made me fall flat on my face. I don't think all of that would be appropriate this time, just wondering if it's a girl's way of keeping open to something one day.

If you feel like you have nothing to lose by trying, and can handle the rejection if she doesn't respond the way you want, or at all, then I say go for it! After a month of NC between me and my ex, she sent two emails on a Sunday & Monday. I took that as an open door, bought flowers & a card and took off work early to meet her on that Wednesday. She never responded to my messages or texts so I left the flowers & card on her doorstep. I never got a response so I drunk texted her on Saturday night. I finally got responses that she wasn't ready and to leave her alone (since I was drunk texting a lot). If you can accept a response like that, then go for it. Otherwise, it's best to wait.

Hoping, It is my belief that it is very rare for a girl dumper to go back to the guy. If not rare, then a whole lot less common than a guy dumper going back to the guy. As the guy dumpee, I feel like my only chance to get back together with my ex is to leave her alone. If she contacts me, great. Otherwise, we almost have to start all over again. Try down the road to ask her out for dinner, have a light conversation, and take it slow. But, that's down the road a bit. Before I do that, I need to get to a point that I will not be devastated if she says no.

Solo,I agree. Hoping, There are going to be a lot of ups and downs over the next few weeks and months. I'm 30 days into strict NC after about a month of loose NC divided by a full blown attempt to express my love for her. I had a great few weeks, but it's been a rough past week. I know it will get better for me. And it will get better for you too. Here's a strange feeling: Sometimes, it almost seems like I would rather see that she has someone new in her life just so that I could put hope to rest. Although, that would be a very difficult thing for me to handle. If she's not for me, maybe the right one will come very quickly.

Thanks Haley, I do believe that men just want to get away. When I've been the dumper, it's usually just to get out out of something that I wasn't gung ho about in the first place, or I probably was settling for being with someone that I shouldn't be with and realized it once I was in it. For me, as a dumper, it has usually happened pretty early (max two months) into a relationship. I did have a 3 year relationship that I ended, but only after I met the woman that I would marry. As for that marriage, it sounds eerily similar to yours. I do believe she checked out a month or two before she left. In fact, the wek prior to her leaving was one of our stronger times, I thought. When she left, it was the biggest shock in my life. And, you're right....there was nothing I could do to get her back. As much as I tried, she did not want to. In this current relationship, I don't see her checking out quite like that. Maybe a couple of days before, but that's about it. In fact, she called me the day after the breakup just because she "hadn't talked to me that day". Now that was over 2 months ago and we have had little contact (none in the last 30 days). I still have to drive by her house on my way home, and I can't help but look. Last night, she had her front door open and I caught a glimpse of her at home, by herself, cooking dinner. It just makes me want to send her an email letter telling her what's going on in my life and that she should respond only if she wants to. Nothing pushy at all...just giving her a chance to know that I have been working on things since the breakup, but open-ended enough so I don't have any reason to get my hopes up. I still don't know if it's right for us to be together. I do know that we had a lot going for us and wanted to give her the first right of refusal (for lack of a better term). Sorry to drag out the response, but I just felt like I needed to vent.

Thanks solo, Tonight will be four weeks of NC for me. Being the dumpee, I still feel like I need to be the one that initiates anything if we are to ever get back together. I feel like waiting a little longer. I have a b-day next week and I don't feel like I should contact her until after it.

I am beginning to believe that as a dumper, a woman is much firmer in her decision to break up the engagement. It looks like women will end the emotional relationship before the actual breakup (a couple of weeks before) and then use the rest of the time to justify it to themselves. By the time the breakup happens, they are sure that it's what they want to do. Bottom line, I just don't see women that are the dumpers re-establishing contact. It seems like that if there's going to be a chance to revive a relationship that the woman ended, it has to be then dumped man that establishes a little contact, slowly, after a period of NC. Kinda like the start to a whole new relationship.

I don't think her actions were necessarily justified, however, she knew that you had doubts about the relationship the entire time you were together. Once you got closer, she felt as if she needed to find ou what else was put there. Knowing that she would rather have you, I would feel thankful that you did not get married and this happen 2 yrs down the road. It sounds like the Friends episode, "But we were on a break!" lol I suggest that you both take things slowly, follow the signals that you are giving each other and communicate!

I think what you are doing is just fine! Trust your judgment, but don't let your heart get too far in front of your head. As for what she is going to do next, sit back and let God fight your battles for you. I know He is already doing great things in your life!

Ok, but what about the posts that say if you do nothing, then nothing can wrong?

Good for you....the main point that has been proven is that there's always more out there!!!

I agree with it depending on each situation. I just have the feeling that a guy dumper going back to a girl is more common than a girl dumper going back to a guy. I have no idea whether or not that it's anywhere near accurate though.

Here's an issue I see popping up over and over again. I don;t think I've seen any posts about this so I'll ask. What is the difference between a male dumper going back to the girl and a female dumper going back to the guy? Here's what I see but have no real answers for. Men are generally the initiator in the beginning of a relationship. Men must ask the woman out. When a man breaks up the relationship, are the chances of getting back together better than if a woman breaks off the relationship? I have not seen many posts where the female dumper comes back to the guy. Do you think this is an insecurity issue? Does she think, "What if I go back to him and he rejects me or has moved on? I don't know if I can do that!" It's kind of the same way a relationship starts. Men have a lot more experience in asking for a date and either getting a yes or a no. I know there are several questions here and I've got some more ideas of my own! I would like to know what you all think.

Hunny, Let go all you want here. That's what these forums are for. Just to be able to talk to you guys helps out a ton!!! Imagine all the stupid things we would do if we didn't have each other to vent to!