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xtina

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About xtina

  • Birthday 02/08/1989

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  1. Im sorry to hear that lovereality.. thanks for sharing
  2. I'm not seeking for advice. But i really miss my mother.
  3. have no idea - google it or something
  4. in real life? i really respect her. she is a very caring, happy, funny and adventerous person. Very easy to talk to, and always tries her best to make everyone elses life better (not concentrating much on herself). And I can really relate myself to her.
  5. haha yeah.. just thought someone could give a second opinion
  6. I usually have very vivid dreams which interpret stuff about how im feeling, or stuff that may happen and should look consider about. This night i had a very weird, simple and interesting dream. I woke up in my bedroom, and looked at it; it was all white, unused, the walls were has a bit of mold, dusty, some furnitures gone and it's mark on the wall (due to dust), but other furniture remained. The room was also a bit bigger. Here, there was this very caring person i met recently. I was questioning her why my room was like this out of the blues (me being all confused). What she did was simply go around and ask what happened, and she managed to get my furniture back. Out of the blues, my heart started beating hard and fast, like trying to get out of my body, and i was freaked out, and was on my knees with my hand on my chest. She helped me get through it. Other random things happened in this dream, but this episode was what really incraved my mind. I started thinking about what it could mean, and came to the conclusion that the room represents my messy life, where stuff are missing, like parental love and care. She came into my life, and will in the future help me get through hard times and get this love and care back. It looks so straight forward, but i wonder what you guys think about this. How would you interpret it?
  7. I do smoke joints occasionally - but i dont think thats the source of the problem, because i dont smoke much. The paranoia did emerge gradually... the older i get the more awareness i have about myself and whats around me.
  8. thanks you guys for the different advices - i will be considering each one.
  9. ok, so maybe your not the skinniest girl in the neibourhood, but man not eating makes you unhealthy, makes you get a low self-esteem, it just makes like worst, because the only thing you will end up thinking about it food. Also, the faster you lose weight, the faster you will gain it. Dear, please think about this. Don't starve yourself. Eat healthy stuff - it will make you feel better. I know its hard in the beggining, but once you start it's much easier, you'll feel better about yourself, and no more cutting! Ive been in both those situations by the way, and i know its hard and not fun.
  10. My mind is killing me. I'm a danger to myself and its getting me crazy! I'm becoming paranoid - always hear someone behind me when there is no one. I also try to get into people's head and try to find out how they think, how they are, what they would think, etc, etc, etc, and this had made even more paranoid - if i do this what will they think, what if i do that? Then i cant stay at home, im not confortable with guys, and im always paranoid about where they are looking at, and i always think they are seeing me naked or something - like being abused in they mind. I take showers every single day, sometimes 2 a day, sometimes even 3 times because i feel so disgusted! Then there is also the fact that i analyse too much! people tell me stuff, my mind starts going somewhere else.. i always ahead... like a teacher dictating me something, i start thinking about what it could mean, and forming all these random theories, and then i have to concentrate in writing it, but i simply cant because im not really listening... This type of stuff is getting me nuts! I can't live like this... always paranoid, always thinking ahead, not being able to concentrate, not being able to live at home with my father... i feel so alone, and there is nothing i can do about it.. i tried to not think like that, but it has come to a stage that my mind is in such a mess i dunno what to do with it, how to think, whats moral, whats right, whats wrong. I just want to end my life! i hate thinking like this... and i know i will regret if i try/do it. But i dont know what else to do. Whats wrong with me?! why cant i simply be a normal human being?! im so scared.
  11. Dont cut! dont start again! dont even think about it! and woman - eat. make yourself healthier, and make your parents and boyfriend happy... youll end up happy and you wont be thinking about cutting.
  12. I would... no problem! but then i would try and get her out of the closet while dating and making her more confortable
  13. yeah you do sound angry... Thanks for the comment and all.. but what?! Among the many things you said, the weirdest one was the last one - there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with every girl you see - where did you get that from?
  14. yeah sad and stupid - can't help it, and he doesn't diserve it. My father is like the oposite of my mother - she used to shout at me and hurt me and all, and my father was always there to protect me. However, my step-father did in fact hurt my mom, and i hated being alone with him, because i was so scared. Everything disgusts me about my dad; the way he eats, talks, walks and breaths.. its very unfair and i feel so guilty. Over the years i have tried to not care about these little things, but i can't do it anymore. so what im trying to say is that because of my past with my step-father and other guys who have abused me, and because i was always independent, did everything alone basically - i grew up fast and all - i see my father as any other 50 year old single man who wants a chick. And this thought, this feeling, makes me digust him - but i partly know that he is not like that...
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