waylon

I agree with you I think that something did happen in her past but she's too stubborn to admit that there may be deeper undying issues here. What do I do though..? If I discuss it with her she gets upset and says its all I think about. So its pretty much a taboo subject. Do you think that over time her perception will change..?

Yes I could do that... This isn't about just wanting relief though, its about being able to explore the sexual aspect of our relationship and I would never get that from doing that... I'm not talking about jumping each other like rabbits all the time here, I'm talking about being able to express myself sexually from time to time. I feel that its important. BTW We don't have conflicting sexual desires so its not as if either of us would be engaging in an activity that is morally offensive to the other.

I did discuss it with her and she says that it has nothing to do with her past... She says that this has never been an issue in her past relationships and that I am the first guy she's been with where this has been an issue of conflict. So now I'm feeling like there's something wrong with me.

Right... I've been dating a girl since January 1st 2006 which makes it almost 3 months. Things progressed extremely fast which in retrospect may not have been a good thing. She moved in with me after the first month (I know it was incredibly fast)... Obviously the fact that we moved into together so soon had its consequences. The whole honeymoon phase of the relationship came to an abrupt end but our relationship did deepen in other areas. I was previously in a 4 year cohabiting relationship, so I know all the ins and outs. Lately we've had a little friction in our relationship which has left me a little confused... My girlfriend has reached a stage where she is feeling that she would like to have less sex (we are having less whether I like it or not). She feels that we should be building on other areas of our relationship and she is afraid that us completely exploring our sexuality with one another will eventually destroy the relationship. So here I am, a guy who actually enjoys fooling around with his girlfriend feeling a little rejected and frustrated. From my point of view I cant see how sex is going to destroy our relationship, its not as if we only have sex and do nothing else... I also really miss the physical aspect of the relationship when I think about how it was earlier on. At the moment we're still having sex but its very infrequent. I'm enjoying it because its a lot more intimate than before and I really do feel connected to her when we're at it. I just feel like I have no say with regard to the subject, I cant initiate and I feel like she is in total control when we are having sex. I feel pretty confident with my love making skills and I feel a little trapped in the sense that I cant express myself sexually. Am I wrong with regard to this..? Is she correct in assuming that us having a really passionate sex life at this point in our relationship is going to destroy it..? I'm totally in love with her and have felt this way basically since the first day I met her. I just don't understand why because she's reached a point where she views me as marriage material all of a sudden she's concerned about our sex lives. Why do we have to restrict one aspect of our relationship to make another grow? Why cant every aspect of our relationship be 100%?

Well did my first body-for-life upper body workout... Almost died! Had the weights all wrong, with all those sets I definitely cant go as heavy as I used to... Gonna have to rethink my weights.

Got the book over the weekend as a gift from a friend... Must say the prospect of doing my entire upper body in one night is rather daunting, especially considering the sets are 12,10,8,6,12,12 pretty scary stuff... Then again as the old saying goes no pain no gain

My word dunno how you do so much cardio! Did 20 minutes cycling earlier, really missed the pumped up feeling you get after doing weights...

Thanks for the advice guys! Looks like I'm gonna go the body-for-life route, my training partner is a bit depressed cos he's not seeing results on our current routine. He's 32 whereas I'm 25 so I guess it makes it a bit easier for me to see results earlier... I think we were lacking the cardio aspect, I've definitely gotten bigger the last two months on my current routine but I'd like to lose a bit of fat now (not that there's much). Previously we were only doing 5 minutes cardio a day, basically warm-up which is obviously one of the reasons why he's not seeing results my current routine consists of (reps are 12,8,6): Day 1: chest and triceps chest 1. dumbell bench press 2. incline dumbell flys 3. cable crossovers 4. pec deck triceps 1. close grip pulldowns 2. dumbbell extensions Day 2 back and biceps back 1. one arm dumbell rows 2. wide grip pulldowns 3. close grip pulldowns 4. dumbbell pullovers 5. pull ups biceps 1. hammer curls 2. alternate bicep curls(seated) 3. cable curls Day 3 shoulders and calves shoulders 1. dumbbell shoulder press 2. side raises 3. front raises 4. bent over raises 5. shoulder shrugs calves 1. seated calve raises 2. standing calve raises 3. one leg calve raises Day 4 quads, hamstring's and abs quads 1. leg press 2. leg ext 3. barbell squats hamstrings 1. dumbell lunges 2. lying leg extensions 3. straight legged deadlifts abs 1. normal crunches 15 reps per set 2. twist crunches

Has anyone on this site done the body-for-life program..? I'm busy reading the book and it seems pretty interesting. Went to the body-for-life forum the other day and the people seem so supplement obsessed. When I think about how much money these people are spending on supplements I get totally put off the program. For me one of the more appealing aspects of bodybuilding is taking control of ones body. When you're spending so much money on supplements it seems more like your body is controlling your mind and common sense... Dunno maybe its just South Africans who feel the need to use every new supplement on the market when it comes to working out. Is there anyone else on the site that prefers to work-out without swallowing a million pills each day..?

Dude you're crazy! I've done my fair share of illegal substances when I was a student... When I look back I realize how fortunate I am to have come out ok. Everyone of my friends ended up in a rehab and one of them died. My best friend that is like a brother to me is in a Rehab for the next year and a half... He, just like you started with weed and then gradually worked his way up to heroin... If his friends and family hadn't caught him out he'd be dead by now. The doctors said that if he had carried on like that he would have been dead within a month. Believe me you don't want to end up like him, he's thrown away so much and he has nothing to show for it. He's lost out on a promising career as a lawyer. He's never allowed to come back to my city again since it would be too much of a temptation to hook-up with his old "friends". They even forced him to change his first name so that that connection with the past is completely destroyed. He lost his fiancé, of all the friends he's made throughout his life he is only allowed to have contact with myself when he leaves the rehab. Do you really want a future like this..? Don't think that it couldn't happen to you, it could. When we were younger my buddy and I would always discuss how stupid some people were for using heroin, since its an instant addiction... All it took was for him to hook-up with the wrong people... Get out now while you can and drop your lousy "friends" they're only trying to drag you down with them.

Rammstein!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kinda have the same problem, relationship_couch is correct in recommending a book to help you out. I find starting a conversation to be the most challenging part, from there it tends to flow... You need to force yourself to talk to people, you'll hate it at first but in time it will get easier... Don't think ADD is really a problem here, I was diagnosed with it as a kid. As far as I'm concerned its not really a medical condition its just a way for doctors to punt that evil drug commonly known as Ritalin... I remember when I just finished studying my parents forced me to take up a door-to-door sales job (since I struggled to find work in the IT industry at first and they refused to support me anymore). Now if you think your current situation is bad imagine going to strangers houses and trying to sell something to them when you're not welcome... I hated it but I forced myself and eventually I got quiet good at it and was promoted after the first month. People are always uncomfortable with the unfamiliar but in order to succeed you need to push yourself...

Guess you guys are right, im just being silly... sparticus you really made me laugh with your interpretation of being old!

I agree, moved out of the house when I was 18, did the whole tertiary education / partying thing. At 21 I was earning more than both my parents and thought I'd met the right girl to settle down with later down the line... Grrrr now I'm back to square one. The single girls I know round about my age are only starting their careers now and are nowhere near where I am at. Maybe we just grew up too quickly.

no offense but wait until you're a little older and your priorities will change...

Right, dunno if anyone else feels the same but here goes... Lately I've been dwelling on the fact that I'm getting older and I'm single (after coming out of a 4 year relationship 4 months ago), all of my friends that are my age are either married or engaged, some are even expecting babies... It kinda sucks I'm starting to feel like an old single person the other day I noticed a gray hair and totally freaked out... Guess I'm a little annoyed with my ex it kinda feels like she stole my youth. We met when I was 21 and she dumped me when she turned 21 which quite easily means that she could be married by the time she reaches 25 and here I am single... Grrrrr. Another annoying thing that I've noticed after deciding to date girls a little older is... The girls I've met between 23 and 26 years of age are so comfortable in their singleness that they don't really want to get attached to anyone. Guess I have this fear of still being single by the time I reach 30. I know it sounds stupid but I'm seriously afraid of reaching that age... Think it comes down to the fact that everyone in my family was married before 25. Times change, I guess. People get married later nowadays but it still bothers me somewhat...

I'm sorry but as far as I'm concerned it sounds like he has it made... Sure he pays the bills but it still sounds like he's treating you like a slave. It doesn't seem like this guy appreciates you. Has he even asked you how you feel or is he just worried about himself the whole time..?

She feels uncomfortable around you because you remind her of what she did to you and she feels guilty about it... Being friends with someone that dumped you is like keeping your dog after it has died...

Yeah I'm doing the fitness thing myself, except im trying to get bigger Picked up 9.7 lbs in about 7 weeks. For me the working out thing works best, nothing beats the rush one feels after a workout. Making new friends also helps a lot though...

Have you confronted her about it yet..? What she has done is totally unacceptable there's never an excuse for cheating. Whatever you do don't allow her to justify her actions by saying negative things about you.

We all know denial is one of the earlier stages of a break-up, most of us go through it. I feel that the "getting back together" section does foster false hope and can facilitate in one staying in this emotional state far longer than needed. That's how I feel anyway.

Don't use that line "you love him but you are not in love with him" its such a cliché and it tends to confuse the hell out of people. Just tell him you made a mistake and you're not interested. Also don't fuel his emotions anymore, you'll end up making it more difficult for the both of you.

I agree, think for the first month all I wanted was for my ex to come back... Eventually you start to realize that unless you come to terms with the fact that they're not coming back you'll never find peace again. I usually steer clear of the "getting back together" section because I don't want to fall into that trap again... Good post!

The ultimate question would be... If you really love your boyfriend why are you even considering this..? He's not a car that you can just trade-in for a better one, its wrong. Everyone has the ability to fall in love with more than one person. You need to understand that it can happen and make sure you take measures to prevent it. If you're happy in your current relationship you'll set up boundaries for yourself so that you don't develop feelings for another. Playing with fire usually gets you burnt...