VeRiTaS

Ummm.. hrrmm.... Do you like pain? Do you ever get angry or upset? My post pretty much should have got you really pee'd off and made you think about things. It didn't! Amazing! How does he interpret you letting him keep your cell phone while he is with someone else? Lets see......... HE THINKS YOU ARE AMAZINGLY SPINELESS! HE THINKS YOU WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET HIM BACK! HE KNOWS YOU ARE WAITING AROUND FOR HIM AND HE WILL CONTINUE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR KINDNESS FOR AS LONG AS YOU LET HIM! Did you hear that? I hope so because I was yelling at the top of my lungs! Take the phone back. You are a doormat that loves being stepped on. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Start getting your life together today or you will be in the same place a year from now.

Nothing! She's fishing. You are hungry and looking for something to nibble on. The bait is right there in front of your face and you are getting ready to bite. Know what happens when you swallow that lil' mealworm? She's going to take you off that hook and toss you right back into the water. Yup, she just wants to take a look and congratulate herself on her fishing expertise and toss you right back where she found you. Would you like to be the catch of the moment just for the day, or the prized trophy Bass she wants to show off to everyone? You make the choice. The text was simply a greeting. No I miss you, no I am thinking of you, no mixed signals. Stop thinking about it because it is already setting you back. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RESPOND.

RAH.... READY? First, put your right hand out to your side palm up. Now, extend your left hand in the same manner, palm up. Good! Now, relax. Put your hands to your side. Relax your head. Good. Now stand there real still. Don't move a muscle. You are doing excellent! Now, practice this a few times in the same steps. When you are very comfortable with it, I want you to move to a mirror. Before you do what we've learned, close your eyes and then repeat the steps above. So, by this point, you should be in front of a mirror, after extending your hands with palms up, close your eyes. Now relax and and put your arms to your side. Now, I want you to open your eyes! What do you see? If you can't see it, I will tell you what your ex sees. He sees a puppet and he my dear RAH, is holding the strings. You are right where he wants you and you are doing it over and over again. Your ex is the puppetmaster and he is damn good at it! You both make a perfect team. He lures you in, sets the strings and then lets you go. When he wants you to perform, you are ready, willing and able! And what does it take? Not very much if you ask me. Let me tell you what I see. I see your ex not willing to let go of you. This puppet is trained and he gets to play with it when he wants to. Why get rid of it? NO WAY! He is going to keep this puppet ready and waiting until he finds a better one to play with. Yes my dear RAH, this will happen. You see my dear, I believe you weren't always a puppet. This man did have feelings for you. As a matter of fact, I would say he still does. However, after the breakup, you never stopped chasing. You never made him suffer the consequences of breaking up with you. He may have dumped you, but never lost you. If you really want this guy back, you might have a chance. In order to do that, you have to cut those strings. By your posts, I don't think you can do that. To this point, you have been nothing but WEAK! YES, WEAK! He has called your bluff everytime. You threaten him with NC and you have never held your end of the bargain. He knows this now. He knows you are too weak to keep to your word. In all honesty, he has probably lost a lot of respect for you. You tell him you are not going to speak to him, and all he has to do is send a SMS or call you up and you are back to being his good lil' puppet. You know what was weak? I'll tell you. That lame email about the olive festival. And you fell for it. Ohhh.. how sweet! He stood me up for a day at the olive festival but did all this research on olives that probably took him a whole 10 minutes to google and put together. PATHETIC! You traded in hours at a festival with his company for a POS email. Then the lame excuse about how he couldn't call you becasuse he was sick! Hmmm... See a pattern here? I do and so does he. Now, I will only tell you once. If you want this man back, stop being his plaything. Shut him out without telling him. I'm sick of hearing about him and his BS Rah texts and so should you. The weak shall perish! Remember this. You are looking for instant gratification. Take his leftovers now and you will regret it later. Or, you can be strong and lose the guy. I will tell you without giving you false hope, that you might have a chance. But judging by your past reactions to his string pulling, I don't think you are strong enough to resist the urge to do the dance when he starts calling. remember THIS: Your only hope to have him want you back is to get your diginity back and shut the door in his miserable face. YES. SLAM THE DOOR. You can do this by absolutely ignoring any contact by him. If you can be strong and do this, you just might get him back. Doing this will do more than all the words you have wasted. No MoRE warnings, no more threats to do NC. Slam the door now. 2 weeks without any contact by you will work wonders. 1 week will not be enough. You will start seeing him feel like he is losing control in a matter of days. Give in at this time which I think you will do because you are weak, and your chances of ever getting him back drop to zero because it only proves you are too weak to ever gain control of the situation. Now, you choose. If you really want him back, you will have to do the hardest thing you have done so far. TWO WEEKS RAH! Just two weeks and you will know where you stand

I find it disturbing to find my posts in defense of my position have been deleted. I see no violation so here it is again: Did I tell everyone to let go? Did I say all situations are hopeless? My post was by no means an end all solution for everyone's situation. I also don't have the time to read each persons individual circumstance before telling them to let go or not. As for being harsh, perhaps a good dose of reality is better than a sugar-coated pipe dream...

False hope hinders progress. How did I respond to people telling me to "get real?" I woke up is how. After 5 agonizing months. The problem was not enough people telling me to "get real." You see, people like yourself didn't want to give me the truth. Instead, it was easier to feed me with cliches like if it was meant to be, she will be back. If it's true love, blah blah blah... You know why people do that? Because they tell you what you want to hear. Yes, people do that. Do you know why? Because they think they are doing the best thing by not giving you the truth. They don't want to hurt you and tell you it's over! She is not coming back. Move on! This is a disservice in my eyes. Yes, these forums are for support and we all want to give lots of group hugs and want all the owies to go away. How about a good dose of reality along the way? I hear it works wonders. In some cases, it's been known to actually expedite recovery. Give it a try sometime....

5 weeks... This my dear is usually the honeymoon stage. By his behavior, I would think you were an old married couple by now... You know the kind, the two who go out to dinner and are looking at everthing but eacother! Yeh, that couple. Here's the truth: If I'm really into a girl, I am going to make time to see her. I am going to make plans in advance and not call the day that I want to hang out. If you made that offer to come over and help me cook, I'm going to make damn sure you stay for desert! Get my drift? Sounds to me this guy is getting bored. Maybe you made yourself too available in the beginning. If so, the challenge is over. You've been conquered and he's looking for another mountain to climb. You really like this guy and want a shot at seeing where this could go? My advice: Rekindle his interest. Make yourself unavailable. Blow him off for awhile. Don't return his calls the same day. If he calls to do something the night of the call, tell him you have made plans and offer another day. If this doesn't make him come a knockin, consider giving him the big heave-ho because you don't need the aggravation!

HERE YOU GO! SLAP! Feel better? I do! You screwed up. At least you can admit it. Now, think very clearly. You've caused this girl a lot of grief. If you truly love her, wholeheartedly, undoubtedly, absolutely, you have one option. You will tell her. Do you know why? If you don't, you will regret it for the rest of your life. So, you can sit on yer as* and keep thinking about it, or go out there and do it. What you have to make sure of is if you really do love her or if you are just missing her company and all of the usual habits you fell into. If you tell her you love her and by chance, she comes back to you, you better make damn sure you will not hurt this girl again. If you do, she will HATE you for it and so will I and everyone else who knows the both of you. So, here's the plan: You are going to think about all that has happened and how much you hurt her by never letting her know how you felt about her. You are going to search deep in yourself for the reasons for not telling her before and you are going to make absolutely sure she is what you want. You are going to feel the pain she has to the point that you know how you made her feel so that you can explain all of this to her. You got that? Now, since you are on speaking terms, you are going to meet for a nice dinner. Then after, perhaps when you are both alone aferwards, you are going to tell her all that you have been thinking about. You need to make it very clear that you are not telling her because she has moved on. You need to let her know that you have always loved her and you need to explain your insecurities to her and explain to her what a wimp you were for not telling her before. Then you are going to let her know that you deserved to be dumped for being such an inconsiderate fool. You are going to tell her about all of the sleepless nights you have had thinking about the pain you put her through by not reciprocating the love she gave you. Now, you will feel so much better you got that off your chest. What happens after this, assuming she doesn't beat you with a lightpost or fall passionately in love with you on the spot, is leave her alone. Get it? You are going to disappear from her life. You will tell her what you had to tell her and you are going to let her know that you don't want to complicate her life any further. That whatever she decides to do to be happy is okay with you but that you felt it was something you had to do to get closure. Congratulations! Now really leave her alone and show her that you do love her. Give her all the time she needs to figure things out. PLEASE stick to this. Do not contact her. If she makes contact with you, you are lucky and there may still be a chance. Only time will tell at that point.

I have an answer! Don't tell him anything! Why you are wasting your time thinking of what to tell an ex AFTER he has already found someone else is mind boggling to me. Why do you want to keep him in your life? That is the question you should be asking yourself. Hmmm.. Let me guess... I know! Maybe if you are really nice and say lots of nice things while he is shagging the new gurl, then just maybe, he might come running back to you!!! WRONG! Go ahead and tell him how "glad" you are that he is with someone else. Since you are planning on keeping him in your life, you might as well solidify your new relationship as friendS. Yeah, that's right. Not only does he have the benefit of a new girlfriend, but his now he has his ex in all her loving grace standing there by the sidelines rooting him on! WOW! This guy has just won the award for LOVER OF THE YEAR! He must be doing something right. Now, how about you get some of your self respect and dignity back and keep all the well wishes for someone who really deserves them. It certainly isn't him.

Hawk has given you the best advice so far. Can you hear the bird singing? I CAN. Let me translate: HE WILL NOT BE THINKING OF YOU DURING THE HOLIDAYS. I've read your story Ren. As harsh as it is to tell you, your ex is NEVER coming back. He was over you a long time ago. I think everyone here wants to tell you, but no one wants to make you miserable. So, I am doing you and everyone else here a community service. Kind of like you do by helping all of those cute lil guinea pigs. You sound like a really sweet person. Too sweet if you ask me. You know why? Because you can't see anything negative regarding your ex and your relationship. You need to wake up and take off those rose-colored glasses. YOUR EX IS OVER YOU. I see no indication that he will ever come back. He has moved on and you are now the forgotten. He is not sending you any mixed signals. There should be no confusion in your situation. From the sounds of things, this guy sounds like a real loser. Go hang out at more of the Ren Fairs and find some guy whose interests are more along the line of yours. You and your ex are as incompatible as a caged guinea pig and a pot bellied pig.

SELFI!! HERE I COME!

Your blog painted an image of an absolute wreck... Why not just put in ad in the daily paper saying what a mess you are and how you can't live without her? Let everyone know.... Tell them all you can't eat and can't sleep. That you are weak and will not eat until your ex comes back to you.... Your attempt to get a reaction out of your ex worked wonders! You got a reaction but you also gave her more reason to realize what a smart decision she made to dump you n the first place. She feels guilty. Her card had two words in it. How about another slap in the face! Yes, may I have another? You have just suceeded in pushing her further away even though you may not realize it..... I bet you are still entertaining the idea that she must be thinking of you and really does care if she sent a text, an email and a card!!! Well, you are partly correct. She is thinking of you, just not about what a mistake she made by dumping you. She is thinking what a pitiful guy you have become. Now, get a grip, start eating and stop analyzing. She doesn't want you back.

Good folks, I have been lurking for some time and have gone through my own heartbreak. It's been 7 months for me and I don't want my ex back. I did at first, but after 5 months of NC by her, it finally dawned on me that she wasn't coming back. Some of you people here really have no clue. I've read story after story. A few situations are hopeful and there are others that the chance of reconciliation is absolutely zero. It is a shame that some of you choose not to see it. To hear you have been waiting months and some of you even years! Come on! If you have heard absolutely nothing from your ex for months, chance are you won't be. All of this mindless rant about making them want to come back by ignoring them. The only ones getting played are yourself. If you ex is still in contact with you, by all means, keep doing what you are doing. You might have a chance. But you other folks who keep obsessing when the ex doesn't give a damn and has made no effort to contact you are wasting your lives over someone who is not even thinking of you. Get mad, throw stones at me. I wish I would have listened when I was told this. I didn't. You can learn the hard way or make up your mind to really let go and stop wasting your time fantasizing how NC will bring back someone who could care less where you are or who you are with.......

You saw it in her eyes? Wait, are you sure you weren't consumed with madness and maybe looking in the mirror? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING? She told you there is someone else. She is dating someone. You know what that means? She is probably sleeping with him too! You know that that means? She has probably been sleeping with him too! YES, that's two times to make sure you got it. Not only has she been sleeping with him, but she has been sleeping with you. Now, get off the self pity train and realize what a fool you are. You are still pining after this beast who has been using you for sexual gratification while seeing someone else who she is also more than likely sleeping with too. GET A GRIP! This girl is not worth a pot to piss in. SHE IS USED BATHWATER. Water filled with stench and bodily secretions from the other guy she is sleeping with. Now, are you still so in love with her that you want to drink the bathwater of this creature you find so heavenly? I DID'T THINK SO! Now, focus on the pain she has caused and her evil deceptive nature. See her ugliness and imagine her with this new guy. That's what it's going to take. No more sleeping with her! YoU GET IT? Unless of course you don't mind dipping your pen in filthy ink..... STOP NOW!

The only thing you are going to be remembered as is the doormat that was so comfortable to wipe her feet on. You need to stop giving a damn how she remembers you. She is done with you and you know there is someone else. Now, get rid of her and start getting over her or you will pay dearly. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you continue to let this woman live with you, you are going to experience the ultimate in self-destruction...... 7 YEARS! Couldn't she wait till she was out of your house to start sleeping with someone else? Gimme a break man..... Save yourself while you can.

Yeah, you are crazy. Crazy for letting this woman live with you. The writing is on the wall! Close your eyes and continue with your ignorance, and the burn is going to hurt twice as much when she finally moves out after telling you she has found someone else. Preserve your dignity and act like a man. You are being used and your ex has already moved on. You know it and your feelings are not leading you wrong. Phone off when she gets home, her feelings have changed, an invitation and hotel rates!!! Come on man.... There is and has been someone else. Now she is just taking you along for the ride. I've seen it all before. Now, get this maggot out of your home. If you don't, I promise you more pain than you have ever felt.