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jna35

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Everything posted by jna35

  1. jna35
    Well, you've taken the first step by admiting that you want it to work, so that's a good thing. The hard part is moving on from the pain and betrayal. I don't know why he continues with contact, he may not even be able to give you a decent answer to that. The more you harp on it, the harder it's going to be on you and I am not saying that to discredit your feelings. What I mean is, what good is becoming of you reliving this horrible experience over and over in your head? I know it's hard to stop the playing and replaying of the whole ordeal, but try to replace it with a positive healthy thought, whatever that may be. Don't let yourself go there. I had to literally say out loud, "NO, I am not going to do this!" every time I began to bring it up or replay it in my mind. Give yourself some time though. You have a lot to process and like I said it's not going to happen overnight, but it will happen. It was several months for me, but everyone is different, so you may be able to move on tomorrow, next week, or it may be several months from now. I would sit down and talk to him about how it all has made you feel and let him "own" his stuff and take responsibilty for his part in all of this. Figure out what got you guys to this point. It was probably a cumulation of things. Stick with the counseling and don't beat yourself up because this was something he did and it's not your fault.
  2. jna35
    Yeah, it sounds all too familiar, but you are going to have to let it go or risk losing your husband. I know you are hurting and heck yeah, I'd be p.o.'d too. Granted he shouldn't have kept in touch and he was waaaaaay out of line and did some hurtful things, but the question remains, do you want to work it out with him? I guess what I trying to say is that at some point you are going to have to make a conscious decision to either let it go or remain angry with him.
  3. jna35
    I agree with Avman. Cuts that won't heal can be a sign of something more serious. I'd get to a doctor asap.
  4. jna35
    What about Clearasil. It's fairly inexpensive. If you like the natural route then you could try a littl tea tree oil. Just don't use anything harsh because you don't want to overdry your skin either. Also, stick with non-comedegenic products and an oil-free moisturizer.
  5. jna35
    Don't take it personally, your wife may need a "bigger" penis due to having weak pelvic floor muscles from having kids. So maybe she doesn't have as much feeling there as she used to. Also, it sounds like perhaps your drives are off and each of you is on a different side of the spectrum. Maybe her hormones are playing a part in her lack of drive. That said, if the new toy is fun for both of you, then I say go for it and have fun!!
  6. jna35
    No, I hadn't read any of your previous posts, but I do understand what you're going through because I went through basically the same thing about 13 years ago except there was no alcohol involved in my situation. We also had existing issues that led up to his affair. It's normal to want to know all the details, but not necessarily in your best interest. Do you REALLY want to picture everything in more detail than you already do? Mine kept in touch too and that hurt VERY deeply, but remember that he is with you now and she is in Canada, right? Does he want to work on the marriage? More importantly, do you? I would definitely recommend against an affair for revenge. What purpose would that serve except to put your marriage in more jeopardy and cause everyone more pain, including you. It will get better with time. Has he apologized to you? Is he trying to help you get past this? The trust can be rebuilt with time, but it's a slow process and you have to be open to it. It's easier to hold onto anger than it is to let it go. This situation is still really fresh for you, so it's normal for you still be angry. I would be too and you have every right to be. But until you are able to release that anger, it will continue to eat you alive. I would keep going to counseling and even maybe one on one, just for you to help you get a handle on your feelings. Things can get better, but both parties have to want it bad enough. I really hope that things work out for you.
  7. jna35
    I agree with Dannysgirl. Believe me there is PLENTY of time to have children. My goodness, you are only 16 years old. I was 18 before I had my first real boyfriend and I was scared too. Now, I have been married for 17 years and have 2 great kids!! Being naked and that open with someone takes trust and that is built over time, so sloooooow down and take it one date at a time. Enjoy your teenage years and don't do anything that you are not comfortable with.
  8. jna35
    I like it neatly trimmed so the hairs don't tickle my nose. I don't like it completely shaved off because then it is prickly. As for other hair such as on arms and legs, that doesn't bother me. I guess it's a personal preference, so I say if you like it all shaved off then more power to you!
  9. jna35
    I'm sorry for what you are going through and your feelings are perfectly normal. I have been there before, so I know those feelings all too well. My best advice to you would be to stick with the counseling and work on letting it go and what got you both to this point. Keep the lines of communcation opened. Concentrate on your marriage. Yes, it happened and yes, it hurt, but until you stop throwing it in his face, you won't be able to move past it. Realize that it is not going to happen overnight. For me, it took a loooong time, but I finally realized that he didn't deserve to be punished forever for his indescretion and that he loved me, not her. When I was finally able to forgive him and her, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and our marriage was made stronger. Good luck to you and if you need to talk please feel free to pm me.
  10. jna35
    I agree with Annie24 on this one There are soooooo many little holidays now I can't keep them all straight! I agree that they were developed by Hallmark as a way to get even more of our money and maybe our poor guys in trouble for not remembering. I wouldn't get upset about it. It's not a "real" holiday like Christmas or even your birthday. I don't know anyone who celebrates it either. I've been married for almost 17 years and we don't celebrate it. That said, I think it was VERY sweet of you to bake for him and make him feel special. I still bake for mine and he really appreciates it. My mom always says it's not how someone treats you on a special occasion that counts, but how they treat you every day of the year that matters.
  11. jna35
    Doctors sure are quick to take your money, but slow on diagnosing! Poor guy!! Well, keep going. There has to be someone there that knows what they are doing!! I would suggest at least the blood work up and an xray wouldn't hurt. If it starts in his arm then maybe even an orthopedic or is that the kind of doctor he is seeing already? I hope he feels better soon!
  12. jna35
    I'm definitely not a doctor, but it sounds like a hernia or severe muscle strain to me. Have they biopsied the lump in his stomach? Have they done a complete blood work up? My friend has an abdominal hernia and is having it removed this month. She has a huge bulge in her stomach and is in a lot of pain too. I don't know, I would get a second and a third opinion if necessary. Also, has he considered alternative care, like a chiropractor? My family has been helped tremendously and if you find a good one they are worth their weight in gold!
  13. jna35
    I'm sorry for what you are going through; that's a tough one, but you can't let your parents live your life for you and decide who is "good enough" for you, only you can decide that. I can't believe they would be so insensitive towards your feelings and his. Personally, I would follow my heart and if that meant my family disowned me, so be it. IMO, a true family loves and supports you unconditionally. And the fact that he "might" get cancer is ludicrous!! NO ONE is immune to that horrible disease and to give up on someone because of that is extremely shallow and a poor excuse in my book. And his looks, that is a ridiculous reason to let someone go!! Maybe once your family sees how much you love him they will come around and if not, just be happy!
  14. jna35
    I feel for you! I think parenting gets MUCH harder as they get older. I don't know as if there is anything else you can do about the clothes since she's getting them from an anonymous friend. Definitely share your concerns with her in a loving way and let her know why it's inappropriate. What is the school's policy? Will they suspend her if she gets in trouble again? It's a shame that this boy has so little respect for her and you for that matter. More than likely he has none for his own mother. If things don't stop and he continues to bother her you can always get a restraining order and maybe speak to someone at the school as well.
  15. jna35
    At 14, where is she getting money for the "inappropriate" clothes? Or is she wearing regular clothes inappropriately? Borrowing them from friends?Is she leaving the house like that or changing when she gets to school? I sure as heck would put a stop to that. She needs to understand what's acceptable and what's not before she gets herself into more serious trouble.
  16. jna35
    I agree with Melrich. Be there to support her and let her know she is loved. As for the clothing, is she buying her own? If not, then I would certainly set some limits on what I would buy for her. Try to ignore the inappropriate comments her ex is making. He's more than likely just trying to get your goat.
  17. jna35
    It's different for everyone, but I would say mid-20's to around 35. I'm sorry about your medical problems. I think the idea of having your eggs harvested and frozen is a great option and worth looking into. I definitely wouldn't have a baby until both you and your boyfriend are truly ready. It's a HUGE responsibility. Good luck to you!!
  18. jna35
    I am REALLY sorry about your dad's insensitivity! I have experienced that too with some of my family members. Unfortunately not all people view "furbabies" as part of the family, but they are to me and it's quite obvious that you loved your kitty VERY much as well. I know the guilt you are feeling all too well! My kitty had been seriously ill and we were out to dinner waiting to hear from our vet about a blood transfusion. Well, my husband didn't think he needed to leave his cell number, so there we sat while Wiener crashed, eating chicken!!! I was anxious and so we left for the vet earlier than what they had told us and when we got there, he had just lost his fight! I stood there and just cried. The guilt can be so overwhelming, but it is NOT your fault. I kinda feel like he knew I wouldn't be able to handle the decision of "putting him down" or dying in my arms and did it for me. I honestly think they know. Your kitty was so lucky to have such a loving home and she is with you always. I think your scrapbook idea is beautiful! My husband bought me a purse last year that has Wiener's photo on it and it means the world to me! I also had him cremated so he is still with me. Give yourself some time and I am here if you need to talk.
  19. jna35
    It sounds like you are talking about control and the various degrees of it. I will do what I can to make my husband happy within reason. I mean, I don't have a problem cooking for him, he does it for me too. If I am getting a drink, I always ask him if I can get him something and he does the same for me. As for letting him control every aspect of my life, down to the types of clothes I wear, to quit a job, and when we have sex, that's a BIG no. I wear what I like (although I value his input; he knows that I will wear what "I" like) and sex should be a mutual decision. I'd say I would draw the line if he expects me to give up who I am as an individual. Relationships are give and take, but I am not going to give up who I am for ANYONE.
  20. jna35
    My husband buys them for me all the time, no biggie. I say if she's not feeling well go to the store and buy her the tampons.
  21. jna35
    You are just going to have to make a conscious decision to let him go and work on your marriage. It may be hard, but not impossible.
  22. jna35
    Well said DN.
  23. jna35
    Other than just getting him out of your head, you may want to try counseling. It's not a healthy situation and no one deserves to be second best in their marriage. I witnessed this firsthand with someone in my family and it tore it apart. Don't even consider going down that road.
  24. jna35
    OMG, I am SOOOOOO sorry!!!! I definitely know what you are going through!!! I am so so sorry for your loss!! I lost my best friend almost 2 years ago and to this day I still cry when I think of him. I would say to just give yourself some time to grieve. PM me if you need to talk- I mean that. There are also hotlines that deal specifically with pet loss. I have never called one, but have seriously considered it. She was your best friend and you lvoed her very much, so it's normal for you to cry and feel sadness. You will always miss her, but it does get easier with time; I promise. I send you a hug and again I am really sorry!! Take care. Here's a link to some info that might be helpful if you want to tlak to someone about it. link removed
  25. jna35
    Well..... first off, if he has already cheated on his wife several times, what makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you too? You say you love him, but.....geez, it's your cousin's husband. HUGE red flag there! I'm not trying to make light of your feelings because I know you are hurting, but to be perfectly honest, it sounds more like infatuation to me. You have a beautiful family and I would be very careful not to jeopardize that. Marriages go through all kinds of stages and there will be times throughout when maybe the passion wanes a bit, but you say you still love your husband. I guess you have to decide if your marriage is worth the effort. If it is, then I would get this guy out of your head and concentrate on making your marriage work. If not, then leave your marriage, but don't interefere in his because that will only bring more pain to you and your family. Good luck!
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