Billster240

So about a two months ago I started seeing this gal from work....long story short, our first month was awesome. Had TONS of stuff in common, connected on so many levels (physically, mentally, sexually), have pretty much the same work schedule (meaning we both work two jobs). Blah blah blah.....in the end.....just insanely awesome. So with me having kids and the way that I broke it off with my ex, a bit of baby's mama drama came to a head resulting in her taking a step back from the situation and actuall both making us realize we moved a bit quick in some fashions. She decided it would be best it we put things on halt so to speak and have me take care of my *edit* that I needed to take care of in my life....and then we would once again....pick things back up. Now I know things won't be exactly the same, but she still tells me everything she ever wrote in her e-mails...she still means....just that we need some time to sort things out. BUT......the past month since that has happened.....outside of work.....nothing, zip, zero, zilch. No phone calls, e-mails....nada. Again....whilst at work things are cool....friendly so to speak, but I don't see what I used to with her. That look in her eyes when she saw me.....the fun goofing around we used to do. I mean.....when I can get her away by herself for a bit....I can still see sparks, but nothing like I used to. Should I worry.....should I not deserve to atleast know that she still cares and has hopes for an "us" so to speak? She is a very strong willed person who says what's on her mind, seemingly knows what she wants, and is not one to play games.....so those facts lead me to believe I have nothing to worry about. But....actions speak oouder than words and I......just don't see it.... Here are some of the things she wrote me thru various e-mails...just to give an idea of how much raw feelings were there. "You know what?!?!? it was weird not having you around very much today, i've just gotten so used to seeing you that it was really weird today" "By the way...you looked so freakin hot last night...and i dont care that you were dirty. you were cleaner then what i was gonna do to you!!!" ..".i cant tell you enough how much i want to be with you.".. hahahaha...god you are hot...i cant stop freakin thinkin about you...and you think i drive you crazy.....huh......im going nuts over here "hey and soon enough i will the be the norm too....i want you to be happy...it makes me feel good that i make you this happy....i can see just the differnce in two weeks from how unhappy you were to now....i cant wait till it is all said and done....im just so glad you are happy with me…" "you are so cute..i have never had a guy that is so into "me" it is an awesome feeling!" "this is so great i am so happy...hehehe..". "Hey hotty!!! whats' up!!! i have to say about tonight is oh my freakin god! hahaha...you are so *edit* awesome...im keeping you, she doesn't have a choice im stealin you! hehehe..well anyways...i just want you to know how much you mean to me..i am so into you.....it is so freakin crazy...i just wanna say thank you....you are......omg!!!! hahahaha...im cummin just thinkin about it...and i know this is only the beginning" "hey baby! im glad you have had a good time so far...and yes, we have only just begun.". "i do know how happy you are i can see it all over your face and im sure so can everyone else" What do I do....I tried NC...but I really don't think it applies to me... -Bill

Thanks for the reply Polaris......I was wondering why nobody posted an answer, but after reading my post over a few times, it seemed I answered my own question. That and I have talked to a few females about this telling them every last detail and they too have all said that it seems she just needs some time to step back as well as to allow ot me "take care of my sh*t" (in her words...haha) and then things will move on from there. She has told me over and over again that I made her realize that how well a man can trrat a woman (due to her being scarred in her last relationship) and that I give her so many things she has never had before in a guy....so.....in the end....I know she doesn't want to throw that away. We had only just begun....*sigh.....in due time I suppose. -Bill

My main concern is whether or not NC applies to my situation or not. Most posts I read are in regards to folks being ex-boy friends or ex-girlfriends. Well in my case we never had that......we were aspiring to be that. We had an un believable first month together, but than my ex reared her ugly head and caused some drama making the future hopeful take a step back. This is when she had told me that she still loved me and wanted thier to be an "us", but I need to take care of my past with regards to my ex....meaning finalize things with her ect. She wants me to find out who I am without her so as that we can start things with a clean slate. Since then contact has been minimal. I work with her so we still have a blast goofing around at work and whatnot (as well as some good conversation). But that's pretty much it....no e-mails, no phone calls (well a few, but short and sweet), and no hanging out after work. My question is this......regarding our situation....even though she has asked for space, is it ok for me to be reassured that she does still indeed want things to pick up again. I mean....she tells me she still means everything she said in her e-mails and everything she has ever said to me in person and I truky believe she means that (I can't see what with the unreal start that we had and all the things she said...that she could just forget about it all)....so I have that to go on. Am I just over analyzing things and worrying too damn much. Should I just step back and let things progress how they may. I have discussed this situation to half a dozen females and they al question as to what my worries are. It simply sounds like she was a bit intimidated by my past, wants to make certain of a couple things, make sure I take care of what I need to....and then things will commmence. Discuss

Thanks for the replies all......I don't completely shave down yonder....I do a nice trim, even things out. I don't shave under my arms or my legs, ect.....just arms....and again...trim my chest I guess in the end all is good.....just bothers me when the person I fell in love with (and her to me as well)....always drops the "metro" line and states "I have never been with a guy that shaves his arms"....what's the big fricken deal I tell her. Until you walk in on me with a cack in my mouth (which would never happen by the way)....hush up woman with the gay references...LMAO!!! Thanks again all....you rock!! -Bill

ANy help Dave....with regards to my last couple of posts. Let me what ya think.....and I'll leave ya alone for a bit....lmao!!!!! -Bill

Well.....I can see your point in regards to women being creeped out that you have less hair than them, but I'm thankfuly not all that bad. I guess my main issue is with the select few that assume your less of a man because you shave your arms.....again....throwing the gay card. I think another reason I get worked up about this is because my new found love always ribs me about it....and says "if you didn't like me...I'd swear you were gay". Then again she has told me that it's really sexy when my arms are "freshly shaven" so to speak...lol I know I shouldn't really care in the end....just bugs me for whatever reason. -Bill

I also wanted to clarify (because I'm not sure if I did) that in regards to this NC ordeal......is it used for an ex that is trying to get back into your life or is it used when "space" is needed? I ask because thru many posts I read the girl/guy always has thier ex trying to call them and work things out...or want to talk. Well....in my situation with regards to this new girl I met it's not exactly the same way. I will again state that we were never "together" so to speak...meaning there was no break up per say. We just decided to put things on hold for the time being due to them moving to fast and pretty much her having her defenses up due to her thinking I'm going to get back with my ex.... And since this has been implemented......she never calls, never writes back my e-mails, answered the phone once in awhile. That and on her MySpace account is quite happy pointing out the fact that she enjoys being single, enjoys going out with the girls and flirting with boys and that "guys are too much hassle right now". How should I read that....I know she cares about me and she tells me she wants things to work out between us, but in the end......do actions not speak louder than words...in regards to her going on dates so soon after we decided this "space" was needed. Why ask for space in hopes of us working things out....and open yourself up to other people (guys in this case)? Do people fall out of loce just as fast as they fall into it? I know I sure as hell don't.... So that's the point of NC.....just not care what she does.....do right for me and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be type deal? -Bill

OK...here's the deal. I trim downstairs as well as my chest/stomach and was wondering if women enjoyed a guy who took care of himself or if they like massive amounts of body hair....or they simply could care less either way. I think body hair is nasty and I know these days most women completely shave or leave the "landing strip" as they say. I figure most fellas don't want to go searching thru mounds of hair to find the goods.....so why not give women that same treat? I'm an avid gym goer so shaving my arms is another thing I like to do....well....cause I think itlooks nice that way and actually from what I have seen...the ladies like it too. But the few who don't always seem to play the gay card or the newest...."metro" card. Can a guy really not take care of himself, like to be clean-cut, dress nice, ect.....does it really strike that many women as odd? Anyways....my point is....ladies, do you lose your mind and think the husband or SO is a fairy if he decides to trim up down yonder? -Bill

Well.....I have decided to start NC as of this morning. It's going to be very hard due to me caring about her so much, but in the end truly think all will be fine for the both of us......I honestly and truly believe what with the the fantastic start we had, things that were said and the utter raw emotions that were felt.....that she will want to come back to that. I'll continue to work on me for me.....to be a better person (going to therapy right now). One more question though Dave.....after she asked for her space, she apparently went out on a dinner/movie dte with some fella that asked her out from school? I questioned her about this and she said there was nothing there (it was just a date in the end). That and I also over heard her talking about how she was going to go out with her high school sweetheart (that she hasn't seen in years and who lives about an hour and a hlaf away). I asked her about this as well and she actually seemed annoyed when I asked her about it saying "what are you so worried about....don't be stupid"..... In the end there is no way in hell she could think about starting up another relationship with someone else....so....dammit....looks like I worried pretty much about nothing. Your thoughts....anyone? -Bill

Yeah....she did indeed ask for space. And like so many others, it's so painful going from one extreme to another with regards to contacting her (writing e-mails and phone calls). See...when we met she had told me she had pretty much written of guys for the time being, but then I came along and swept her off her feet (in her words). We have so much in common, made each other soooooo happy, and generally completed each other so to speak. She told me I have alot of qualities that she has never had in a guy before. Being so into her as a person, knowing how to touch her, make her feel good, ect.....and she did the same for me and that made her even more happy....knowing that she made me happy.... Unfortunately with me came a bit of drama with regards to the ex....seeing as how I have kids with her. She was so affraid I was going to go back with my ex "for the kids sake". I told her over and over again that I have no desire to do so.....I love my kids and all, but my unhappiness with my ex was driving me bonkers and I couldn't see going back to that situation.....staying in an u healthy relationship. So with regards to that she has had her worries.....and she told me from day one that I need to get my sh*t together....only then will I truly know how she feels about me. Then of course we still rushed things, the babies "mama drama" occurred and we are now in the position we are in now......space on her part being needed....*sigh I will tell you though Dave....I have alot to look forward to though. After the space was decided upon, we went to dinner one last time. Alot of things were said.....she reassured me that she thinks about me all the time, understands how happy we were together and that.....when my issues are worked out and out into the past and I know who I AM WITHOUT MY EX.....things will continue on. And when I dropped her off at her apt......we exchanged small kisses (on the lips baby...haha) and I told her I loved her (we had been saying it anyways). She looked me dead into the eyes and didn't say I love ouy......but told me that WHEN she does say it again....that I'll know that it's real and for good....I cannot tell you how happy that evening made me. So in the end I have that to go on.....as I said...we're casual at work...have fun....and even though she doesn't call or e-mail like she used to.....I still see it in her eyes how much she misses me. Bah....I guess that's it for now....before I get upset....dammit I love her so much and this NC stuff blows.....but it's what has to be done. Thanks again Dave.....you're a wonderful person!! -Bill

Hey SuperDave.....I just wanted to real quickly thank you for unbelievable words of advise. I recently broke up with my ex of 6 years (well....2 months ago really) and started seeing this absolutely awesome girl at my new place of work. Anyways....long story short...we got off to a wimsical start to say the least, but kinda found ourselves in over our heads with regards to moving a bit too quick with our feelings (among some other things that transpired)....but......the 'ol space issue was brought up. I was told by her that when I get my issues taken care of (with regards to my ex) and I know who I am WITHOUT her....then things would pick back up. Until then....she neeeds her space. I can't tell you (although you seem to know quite well..lol) how hard it is to give her her space....specially when I think back to how completely amazing things began. I have been writing every few days without getting replies and calling ever so often to see how she is doing. She hardly ever calls me, but when I see her at work...it's quaint....we goof off together and have some fun. Anyways.....my question is this....should I write or call her and let her know why I won't be doing either of the two for the next (enter time period here) or just implement the no calling/e-mailing policy and go from there. She is quick to point out that she'll be watching me....and ALWAYS drops the "actions speak louder than words" line......what should I do? -Bill