Puddle

I think I can generalize. If i meet 1000 girls and all of them are how I describe, it's not just bad luck. There is something else in play there. Especially when I HAVE seen a considerable difference in girl's attitudes from certain countries. But once these girls move to Finland, they change. They become Finnish. I'm not saying I believe there is a country where all girls are exactly what I want. They are rare everywhere, but I believe they are extinct in Finland. There is no sense in comparing Finland to America. America is huge with an incredible variety of people. We don't have variety over here. If you move here you better learn to live how we live or you will be an outcast. I feel this way about Finnish women because of the women I've met, and I'm definitely not the only one here with this problem. Most of the men just deal with it by settling for someone. They've given up on finding someone better. Someone worth loving. I really don't think men are any less romantic than women. Men just need someone more special to show it to.

I live in Finland, and I completely ignore all finnish girls. I will not give any of them a chance because I think I have them all figured out, and what I know about them doesn't intrest me one bit. I hate the culture here and I believe it can't spawn a girl I would like. I think through this I've started to hate how they look as well. Even though I can find some of them attractive, I feel the attraction is purely sexual, which is not enough. They're not beautiful to me, because beauty is not about looking hot, but about something that comes from within. Basically this is about morals and what it is people want from relationships. I'm overly romantic. I hear this all the time. I don't put women on a pedestal, I build a pedestal big enough for both of us. But everyone else seems to be sooo much more casual about it. People expect relationships to end in a few months, and sex doesn't mean much. No not everyone thinks this, but everyone I could be physically attracted to does. So I'm planning on moving out of here. However, because of practical reasons I can't just yet. So now I'm stuck in here alone. It would be better to just change how I think, but how could that be done?

I feel like an 80 year-old grandma, knitting in her rocking chair and cursing those little bastard kids who have no morals and don't give up their seat on the bus for me. Sadly, I'm not a grandma. I'm a 24 year-old man. But I still feel people are immoral, disgusting or just boring. I don't have ANY friends outside of the Internet, and not that many here either. I'm not unsocial when I'm forced into social situations, such as in school or work. I'm more extroverted than most people. But when it comes to doing something other than what I have to, I have no intrest in it. I never go to any social gatherings. Not because I'm too shy or something, but because I don't want to spend more time with those people or meet more people like them. I realize the benefits of social networking and all that good stuff, but doing that I'd feel like I would only use them to get something from them, which does not spell real friendship to me. I want to be able to respect people and truly appreciate them. I feel this is completely impossible with women as every time I've had a female friend they've developed "feelings" for me. I don't think a man and a woman can be real friends on a deeper level. But what about the men? I've never known men who are very good friends and who haven't been that way since they were children. Friendships between men are very hard to form it seems, when you're talking about something other than "beer buddies." I want someone to talk to and spend time with just for the sake of spending time together, not because we have something to do, which is how it always seems to be with men. The problem is that I give no value to shallow relationships. Just like where you go do something together regularly etc... I've noticed that when you do that you never really talk about anything, but tend to concentrate on whatever it is that you're doing, and that's so frustrating to me. I want to get to know who I'm with. What they think and feel. I don't care what they do for a living or how well they play basketball or something, I want to know what they respect, what they want from life, what they feel when they see a bunny... That sort of thing. Stuff you don't give a very detailed answer to when you're out concentrating on something else. So... What to do, what to do?

I couldn't find everyone's views on this in any post so I'll just ask: What's your personal definition for love?

Sounds like men see you as one of the guys or just a friendly girl. They don't see you in a romantic way. Hard to say what causes this, maybe you're too funny and extroverted which intimidates men? It's easier for a man to ask a girl out if he knows he's on top of things. If the girl is very loud the man feels she's just being friendly. I don't think it's a good idea to look for friends first. But that's me. If you feel more comfortable that way then you just have to broaden your social circle, and that you can start with your female friends. It's very hard for men to make the next step and ask for the number. We're no different than women. We need to be almost sure she'd give it if we ask. That's hard to achieve. A lot is in the body language. You have to look like you're just waiting for them to ask. Create spaces in the conversation where asking for it would fit well. Look at the time on your cellphone for example. This will bring the phone to the conversation and make him feel pressured to ask for your number, because maybe you have someplace you have to go to and that's why you wonder what time it is? So he has to make the move now and not wait indefinitely.

I don't think reviewing anything will help. It won't bring out the courage to do anything - atleast with me. The moments where you find someone worth talking to always come as a shock. Even if you can think of the perfect thing to say, saying it is the problem. It really doesn't matter WHAT you say anyway. I also don't think it's good to even think about this stuff beforehand. More you think about it the more you'll be afraid to do anything. As a woman Caterina should just lure the guy to talk to her. Go do something that would make it easy for him to comment on. Drop your lunch on the floor or yawn loudly or something... anything. Words are harder to produce than actions I think, plus this will place the weight of the conversation on the guy. He's the one who has to come up with what to say, you can be more passive, which is easier.

Everyone is disgusted by someone at some level. Why is that so terrible? If a girl has lost her virginity she might not disgust me as a person, just the act she did will. I can look at her and not be disgusted, but I can't look at her for the rest of my life. Is obsessing about something always pathetic? If it is I'm pathetic, but so is everyone else. There is no correct view. One can think what might be the psychologically healthiest view though. It's probably not mine. However I don't think it's an overly tolerant view either. Being a "tightass" about all this stuff atleast enables me to appreciate that virgin girl if I ever meet her. If I treated everyone as equals I probably would've had about 600 girlfriends by now. Atleast I know what I want, which you can't say about most people. Maybe I'm not kind. But chicks dig guys with attitude.

I was trying to find out if you ever do anything unselfish? If you make him a sandwhich it's not unselfish if you expect him to make you one next time. I'm talking about making the sandwhich (or whatever) only because you want to please him and that alone makes you happy.

How far are you willing to go to please your partner? I'm basically talking about submitting to what your partner wants. If he wants you to make him a sandwhich, will you go make it? If he wants you to wear certain type of clothes, will you wear them? If he wants you to have sex with him, will you do it? Will you quit your job? Or stop seeing some of your friends? Etc. I want to know how often you are willing to do these sort of things, if ever? Where do you draw the line? What is something he can't seriously ask (or expect) you to do? And what exactly is healthy behavior here? I've met people who'd do pretty much anything for their partner, and some who would never submit to anything just out of principle.

If you write to those beautiful women who seem very nice in their profiles the truth is that these women aren't real. They are fake profiles added to the site to attract new members. I think most of these services allow you to browse through the profiles for free, but you can't write to the members. So you pay to write them and the emails never go to anyone. Cruel but true. You can't find serious relationships through these sites - unless you have no standards for the girl's looks. The girls are afraid of your profile. The girls answer the guys who don't take the site seriously, who have the attitude "write me or don't write me, I don't really care" because girls are afraid of the commitment of writing to someone they know is interested in them.

I don't care if she'd volunteer for causes or something. I don't want her to be a treehugger, just have good solid morals. I don't think I ask anything of her I'm not myself. Ofcourse there are things that I can't be simply because I'm a man, but I'm not a bad person either. I'm caring and extremely empathic. I don't think anyone who wasn't would be this serious about these things. I'm tall, dark... and some have said I'm handsome. I can't evaluate my own looks. Some like short blondes that look feminine. I'm not talking sharing intrests here, that's not the topic. And there are no places here that would have some sort of gathering of girls like this. If there would be ofcourse I'd hang around that place all the time. People can change, yes. But like I said this is mostly about emotions and thinking about her being with someone else, which I can't stand. Plus I'm talking about so young girls I don't think they've had so much time to change after doing something "bad." You don't change right after you do something. There's an emotional shock after what you do that can repell u from doing similar things again. Those feelings can fade and be replaced with the old morals that enabled you to do it in the first place. Have you ever heard this before: "I'll never cheat again!" Look at the statistics on that. Most do it again.

5'6" girl should be about 110 pounds or so. That's ideal. If a girl of that height is over 130 pounds I won't be interested. I prefer a girl to be slim, not muscular, just in good shape. I don't like big boobs or butt either. I like small hips and small waist. cichild_chick might get those comments because she has big bones. They can make you look disportionately thin. I don't like big bones either. I think many guys do though. They want that "full" looking girl who has some butt and boobs but isn't "flabby."

Yes, his views are healthy because he doesn't really care about virginity, he just likes it. If he would he couldn't just give it up so soon. He's 21 and already given up! The want for a virgin could never have been very strong, and that is the better way to go. But it's not a choice. I too can say I'm more interested in finding a girl who's not sexually premiscous than a virgin. Simply because a premiscuous girl is more disgusting to me. It doesn't mean I like non-virgin girls. It's like election day in the US - picking the better of two you hate. You can't justify someone losing their virginity by saying there's a lot of stuff happening in life. All we really know about people is their past. I'm supposed to ignore it? Sure, it might make me a happier person; ignorance is bliss. I don't think it's something to strive for though. I judge people by who they are. They are constructs of their past.

Oh, I was talking about the article, not about Levy's work. I'd be a great feminist: I hate sex. Sex is responsible for the moral downfall of the western society! And now it's creeping its way to Asia as well, which I hate so much. I don't think Europe is a good place to bring up kids because of all those Dolce & Gabbana posters. 10 year olds know what sex is and that it feels good. So they want to try it. But obviously they can't understand the psychosocial effects of it. All countries and continents have their problems, I'm just sick of this one in particular.

Meeting for the first time? What does this mean? How can you have never met her before? Did you got to know her in the Internet or something? If you really haven't even met I think it's crazy to do any of those things... How old is this girl? And why are you rushing it so much? What are you looking for? If you care about her, take it slow. She's confused about her past relationships and you might blow it by jumping the gun. Plus it's more romantic than any gibberish you can say on a first date. If you really want her to fall for you before you've even met you have to think about your priorities a bit. You talk about her like a conquest, not like a human being. You sound like a player. Yes, players get the chicks, but do you really want this girl to think you're a player? If she's into that, fine. But if she really is a nice and "careful" girl she'll only be offended, and disappointed.