Glorie

Sorry to be the dissenting opinion, but I think an 18 year old man sleeping with a 14 year old child (or planning to) needs to take a good long look at himself, be a man and realize it's not appropriate. If he had "great respect" for her he'd step away and let her be a teenager instead of encouraging an adult relationship she's not emotionally ready for. Anything else is just being selfish.

My guy said the L-word to me very early on, before I knew if I loved him. It's been one year since and now we're planning our wedding. Some people fall hard fast; you're the best judge of this guy's intentions and sincerity, and of your own feelings. Just be careful not to rush into anything like sex or moving in together - if it's really love, these things will happen all in good time.

It's the people we're closest to that we tend to hurt the most, isn't it? I think you feel you can be most yourself with your mom because you know she loves you unconditionally - no matter what you do she'll forgive you. If you're aware of your bad behaviour towards her, that's the first step. If you usually give her a snippy answer to her questions, try counting to 5 before you speak and really make an effort to be patient. Treat her as you'd treat a friend.

I think if you move in with him, he'll have no motivation to get married. I agree with those who say take your time. You're only 18 and have so much life to experience and independence to develop. There's a whole world out there to explore and at 18 you have the freedom and potential to do anything.

Is this a U.S. thing? I feel very silly but I've never heard of Sweetest Day. How is it different than Valentine's Day?

I'm concerned you might have some real self-esteem issues. Who's been making you feel you're not worth more than this? Not trying to be preachy, but seriously, please do some thinking before you do anything.

Been there. Not suicidal but definitely thinking that if I were to just not wake up one day, no big loss. But you know what? If you hang in there, your happiness will come. My life now is a million times different than it was even this time last year. Please don't give up. sometimes things have to get really dark before you see the light.

How much are you bleeding?I had some spotting for the first time this month. I'm not taking Alesse but another brand of birth control. The doctor said that if it's just a one-time thing I shouldn't worry. Illness, increased stress, stomach issues if you eat something that doesn't agree with you - all of these things can cause a "blip", can cause your pill not to absorb properly one day during the month. She said in spite of that, the protection is still there. Made me feel a lot better. That being said, though, everyone is different, so you should see your doctor to make sure everything is ok.

If you really don't see how cutting into your own skin is a problem, you definitely need counselling. Please get some. People do care about you and you can learn to be healthy and whole if you get some help.

Oh yes. End this now. No one is worth putting up with that sort of behaviour. If you wanted to deal with childish ranting you could babysit a two-year-old instead. Better to be alone and at peace than being in a relationship and being verbally assaulted.

Yeah. Lay low for a bit and let him come to you. I don't believe in game-playing, but I think in this case it's good to let him wonder where you are and what you're doing. He has to know you have a fabulous, busy life all on your own, that you're not sitting around waiting for him.

Umm, how old are you? How old is he? Is there a reason why your parents won't let you date? You've got the right idea bringing friends along, but if they're going to leave you guys alone in a non-public place like a hotel room I think you could be putting yourself in danger if you don't really know him well. I think it's better to be a little cautious at first. Can't you tell your parents you met someone and want to date him? Why can't *he* be the one who visits *you* and stays in a hotel? Then he could meet your parents and not be this mysterious guy. Not trying to be a prude - heck, I met my fiance on the 'net - but if you're very young you have to be careful. There are a lot of freaks out there. You don't want to go all the way there and find he just wants to get you into bed. I think if he has good intentions he will come to you a couple of times, and get to know you better, and get to know your family and friends, before asking you to go visit him. If he were just a local guy I wouldn't suggest it being so formal, but for a long distance thing, I'd have to feel really comfortable about someone for me to let him rent me a room. I also think he shouldn't pressure you to "be alone" so quickly. If you do make this trip, tell him ahead of time to bring his buddies along on your outings, and just hang out as a group. You can tell a lot about a person by meeting his friends. If you do these group things a couple of times, eventually you'll feel comfortable going to see him on your own. If he's mature he'll be willing to take things slowly. Hope it works out!

Sorry, I have no idea how this reply ended up here! It was meant to go somehere else.

Of course he *can* quit; he just chooses not to. You've got to think long term: do you want to rely on a pothead to help you to pay bills one day? To make major decisions with you? To raise kids with you? To be your confidante? This guy will drag you down, fast.Think of your own dreams that you have for yourself, and how a partner who gets high will hold you back. Ultimately you need a man, not a boy. I would tell him you care for him but can't commit to him until he straightens himself out - gets off drugs, and gets a job or goes back to school. And yeah, yeah, I know there are pot users out there who can "handle" it and are contributing members of society, blah blah, but you have said that it bothers you. And if it does bother you, you shouldn't have to "get used to it" or spend your time babysitting this guy and his dopey best friend. You can do better for yourself, and owe it to yourself not to settle.

Ummm, he thinks *you're* weird? Any guy who'd ask a girl a question like *that* one is gross, high school student or not! Wait for a guy who has a little more respect.

Do what feels right to you. I appreciated the fact that my fiance hadn't been with a slew of women before me. Sex isn't something to be taken lightly; it means nothing if it's just a physical act.

I'm 33 and have no desire to raise a child. I'm fortunate that the man I plan to marry feels the same. Personally, I think far too many women have babies just because they think it's what they're supposed to do, or because their "clock is ticking" or their family expects it or whatever. I feel you should only become a parent if your heart desires it, and if you want to committ to this child for the rest of your life. It's not something to go into half-heartedly; you wouldn't be doing yourself or the child any favours. I know that my own mother gave 100% to me and I have too much respect for motherhood to head into it without the same enthusiasm. Good for you for knowing yourself, and don't be ashamed!

Dump him first. You can do much better than a guy who'd ask you to have sex at your age. Muuuuuuch better. Trust me.

Skipping over the fact that you are only 16 and should really reconsider having sex at all, I'll comment on #4: You should always carry a condom if you think you won't be able to control yourself. Be SAFE and assume you will always need one.

Getting old? Losing your looks? You're 23!! Honestly, relax and don't stress about marriage at such a young age. Lots of early marriages end up disastrous and the man and woman both regret spending their 20s tied down; now is the time to enjoy your freedom and independence. I don't mean sleeping around! Travel, find the career you are passionate about, continue your studies, meet interesting people, do whatever, just do it for yourself, and you will be a more well-rounded, confident, and happy individual who is emotionally ready for a relationship. If you are struggling with confidence right now, you're not the only one. That's what your 20s is all about - finding out who you are. Work on building your self esteem through doing things you enjoy and are good at - this is how you'll meet people. You say you're not a good conversationalist - keep working at it and this is a skill you can improve. It will come with maturity, too, because as you get older you'll be more comfortable in your own skin and as a result find it easier to talk with others. I believe that love comes when it comes; when it's your turn you will meet the woman who loves you just the way you are,and isn't that what you want rather than having to be someone you're not? I found my guy when I wasn't looking for a guy - when I stopped stressing about being single and just started living. I had my own interests and my own life and thereforeeee more to give to a relationship. I'm in my early 30's and after all I've experienced and accomplished in the last 10 years I don't regret for a moment not getting married early. I guess what I'm saying is, work on becoming the happiest, most fulfilled single person you can be first and foremost; then you'll find that love will come. And you'll know it's the right time and the right person. Good luck.

If he lies perhaps you should be wary and take this more slowly. As to the other issue, he's said that he wants to marry you, and that's nice, but that's not a proposal. I don't think it's appropriate to start making wedding plans until he's actually proposed, and if you're talking about wedding stuff now, you may be scaring him off before he has a chance to ask you. Please think hard about whether you want a lifetime with this guy or if you're just getting excited about planning a wedding. I'm not trying to be flippant, some women actually fall prey to this and end up making a huge mistake.

May I ask why you wanted to move in together so quickly? I don't think that will help the relationship at all. I think you need to get to know each other better without that pressure of being common-law. No wonder she's not feeling comfortable. I wouldn't want to move in with a man who hadn't told me he loved me. honestly, if you think it's "too soon" for that, it's waaay too soon to be living together. Not trying to be snarky, just my honest opinion.