huszar

Um, I normally say "Hi". Pick up lines are retarded. It isn't hard to make conversation, it's pretty easy to pick out something that'll interest them. My approach, I don't think it's flawed.

I appreciate the advice. It's just a crappy situation for me. I'm almost 21, feel like I'm going on 30 because I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Like I said, I'm a smart guy. I feel like I have a lot of good qualities but people at this age don't care. I'm an intellectual at heart, and I figured I'd run into people who appreciated that, but I really haven't, so I've kinda had to hide it to even converse with some girls. I guess one of the big things is that it is kinda a blow to my ego. A girl walks up to me, and starts talking. Usually it's "Is your friend single?" *Grumble* Sure. Trust me, I know where I stand on the food chain. I'm kinda biased towards attractive people anyway because I think most of them have bad traits, so I have no problem settling. But it doesn't seem reflexive. I have no clue why people would think right off the bat that I ain't up to par, especially when the girls ain't so hot themselves. It's like a bum turning down a free meal because it ain't made right.

So I'm decent looking guy, average height, average build, nothing's really wrong with me...yet in my social groups I'm having no success at all in the dating world. I'd say I'm a pretty smart guy. I work as well as go to school, so I have money now especially after a few promotions and will have a good paying job when I finish college. That being said, I have no clue what's wrong. I get the feeling a lot of girls see me as damaged goods or something. My friends try to hook me up all the time and the girls always pass on me and try to get with my friends. It sucks because I end up becoming the butt of a lot of jokes when it comes to my apparent ineptness with girls. I wish I could say it was my social skills, but I'm in a frat, and I work customer service, so I'm awesome with people. Everyone thinks I'm a good guy. Even the trashy girls at my frat parties don't hit on me unless they're severly trashed. It's like they know a dirty secret about me, except there isn't one. I've been rejected more than I can count, and have never succeeded in chasing after a girl. My only "GF" was someone who came onto me and used me for money while she waited for someone better. After a few years.. compund that with missing all of my high school dances because no one would agree to go with me, and missing "couples" only things that my friends like to do is realllly starting to make me really sour, and even somewhat hateful towards women though I don't show it. What really worries me is the promise that "it'll come", and that I just have to wait. I find it really insulting that I should have to wait for people to choose me as if I'm a leftover option. Being picked last is not a tempting proposition. I feel like I'm behind a glass wall because the people who I am attracted to (women) simply regard me as not good enough for them. Like they want to have all their fun in their younger years, but that fun doesn't include me. My parents are starting to become mildly concerned. They always ask when I get back from school if I have met anybody and I always answer "No". At first I think they thought I was gay but I'm not. But they're attempting to steer me towards people themselves, and it isn't working either. I've even tried online dating, but with failure and a couple bad stories to boot. How am I supposed to endure this? I watch people meet mates with relative ease...break up and find someone new within a few months who, even if it's not a serious relationship, at least enjoy my friends for the people they are. I feel like that if I'm going this long alone there's a serious problem. Would you say it's true that maybe some people are meant to be alone? I've given up chasing and feel guilty for being attracted to women because I get rejected so frequently and feel that any attraction I keep will just make me feel worse about my situation.

Hey, you're not alone. We all feel lonely at times, especially when, as a fellow Greek, you see such shallow behavior in people., but you gotta hope for the best, and do as well as you can. I can assure you that there are good people out there waiting for you who will accept you for the person you are, but you have to believe that you can find them. When you start believing you are f--- up, etc. is when you let the negativity win. And you cannot, at any cost, let that happen. You owe it to yourself to be happy...don't let spiteful or bad things get in your way. Just remember to stay strong...it'll get better someday, I promise.

I'm thinking of doing the same thing. My father is an agent and supports it. Always think ahead when it comes to chances to enhance your skills. It makes sense to get your license for many reasons. -You can do it part-time while going to school or working another job. -You build direct sales experience, which means if you are going into a business oriented field you have a greater chance at snagging a higher level job. -You learn legalities of housing sales, rentals, and code, which means people can't screw with you when it comes to getting/maintaining a house of your own (my dad laid the legal smackdown on our lazy contractor) If you carry yourself well and continuously build on a foundation of knowledge and experience, you can do well in sales. If the age thing deters people too much, as far as clients go, perhaps you could just be a leasing agent for college age kids. For what it costs, it's definitely something that is useful and expands your options for the future. I'll probably be getting into some classes this fall/winter myself, so I'd say go for it. If you find it's not for you, you can still throw it on a resume. 8)

Depends. Attractive people worry about how attractive they are because they know how much it amounts to cultural capital. Hence, a girl with a cute face and a nice rack is less likely to be overweight than a girl with a with a deformed face and no breasts, because the first knows that if she doesn't stay in shape her social standing greatly decreases. I know people who put up with a lot of crap just because their mate was attractive enough to be out of their league.

Meh, not much you can do but wait. If that pic is real, you shouldn't have to wait long. Just hit some social scenes and everything will be gravy. The trick is sorting out the guys who just want to hit it from the guys who want to hit it but also enjoy talking to you.

I really think that that piece was written as propaganda to help keep up the illusion that nice guys win somehow, because it's the women who leech on nice guy behaviors while in return giving very little who benefit the most. I've been there, and I feel sorry for those who haven't snapped out of it.

Sorry to hear all of those bad things happening to you. It's really common for some older people to critique a girl's weight...and they usually don't intend to be mean, they're trying to spark a reaction - it comes out wrong. I think she is concerned for you. For the older generations of women, attracting a man was the number one priority. Understand, there is nothing "bad" with being overweight. But there are a lot of negative health problems that can result later on in life. Losing excess weight isn't a beauty issue, it's one of health. Getting down to a normal weight range can improve many thing for you most importantly your lifespan. If you work to lose weight, and it WILL be hard, but ANYONE can do it, your self esteem will shoot through the roof. You will FEEL healthier, FEEL more attractive, and FEEL better about your life in general. And you know what? You have already come so far overcoming what happened in your childhood. This is just a minor obstacle for you. Just take the courage to go out there and make your life better.

Yes, if anything a good number of men AND women are convinced to think the opposite with media representation. Look, Homer needs Marge (and sometimes Lisa) because he's a moron. And when they do commercials on TV dinners, they'll advertise the ease of use for a "dumb" man to use it. In relationships, the guy is the "clueless" one, the girl is the protagonist. These are all media perceptions that are frequent and very biased. And we grow up with it thinking that it is true and alright. Would there be a version of the Simpsons where Homer was the one who kept Marge out of trouble? Could Apple Computers market their new model as "So easy even a WOMAN can use it?" Or would feministic people lash at whomever created those broadcasts? One of the problems of this era of political correctness is that you aren't allowed to challenge the "ideal", even as somewhat unrealistic that ideal has become. I don't see how thinking of men as ineffective and dumb in nature is supposed to progress society anymore than thinking of women as timid and weak, like in times past.

Thank you. I liked the fact that someone chose to venture a topic like this, it's very rarely discussed. There is a good number of guys who will do anything and everything for a pretty face, or because they don't know any better. Guys like that are easily manipulated into thinking and acting a certain way. Sex is a powerful commodity, and women are usually the ones who control it. I actually had an argument with a friend recently (long story short...he used to be a dancer so he spent his entire youth almost exclusively with girls) where he claimed that "women were better people than men because they want relationships and passion and guys don't". Knowing the girls who he hung around with (very promiscuous, cheated frequently, no long lasting relationships) I have no doubt his negative perceptions were reinforced by his situation, and that they carried over from those girls who seemed messed up in the head. What I meant by the last paragraph is that in addition to a number of WOMEN who make these claims, you have a number of MEN, for whatever motivation will also agree with or at least not stand up to the negative personifications. In standing up you will get blasted by women and men alike as a sexist for all intensive purposes. A good example is the President of Harvard and the negative attention he has gotten in the press for "sexist" comentary that in my opinion was supposed to be rhetorical and thought provoking on the status of women in society- not something to be taken as a statement of position. Everyone was on the guy anyway. Ladies, don't take this the wrong way. I ain't hatin', I think feminism has caused a great disbalance, but it was inevitable and only because we didn't have any way to compensate for the societal changes and THAT is why things seem to have gone haywire.

Ask her and talk to her about it, of course don't be like overbearing or you'll look creepy. Worst thing that can happen is she doesn't like you back. If she DOES like you then she'll want something. And then you wouldn't be wasting your time wondering. It's hard to be straightforward, but once you have any success using this method you'll never lose faith. Beating around the bush just increases the stress, ya know?

Hahaha

Back in the day it was a HUGE status symbol to have a car, because so few had them in school. It's not so much now, but yes, if I roll in the parking lot with a 'vette I would expect to garner more female attention than another man unless he was a far better physical specimen than myself. Basically the bigger the difference between the norm and what you have, the more attractive you become. So having a slightly nicer car than the other guys won't be as big a difference as the difference between a Prelude and like an M3. Work on your game some more to make up the difference if you are lacking the monetary superiority, k?

I did a term paper on the latent effects of feminism in Western society, and one of the issues I talked about was how men have increasingly receive blame for mutual problems and are put down often in today's media. While what I'm writing wasn't covered in the paper really, I think it's relevant given anecdotal and material research. That's because many women don't want to blame themselves or their shortcomings for their failures in an age where having it all is the ideal. "Lack of communication" and "scapegoat" concepts are what they use to justify not being able to attract or keep the idealized man. A majority of women are often approached by men if they get out enough. It's just that the guys aren't good enough for the woman. I've watched girls ENDLESSLY chase "hot" guys thinking that his failure to appreciate them was due to botched communication, as opposed to his not being very attracted to them. The next day I'll watch that girl on the dance floor blow off 3 not-so-attractive dudes who wanted to dance and then come back saying a few weeks later that "nobody" approaches her. She lamented being pursued by "losers", while she wasn't herself very attractive. Back in the day, chances were you might be one of 9 eligible mates for a girl, so you were more likely to get a shot out of necessity - a 100 years ago most people never traveled more than 14 miles away from their home, so it was slim pickin's. Now though with cars and such, it's easier for people to hold out for someone they think would be better because distance is increasingly a minor factor. The average woman today could be hit on by dozens or even hundreds in her lifetime, and still be single. It's a seller's market, but when people can't sell the goods for the price they wanted to get, they'll make excuses to feel better. To me, this idea partially explains why people hook up so easily when drunk. I think we can be attracted to a wider variety of people than we realize but we are culturally conditioned to go after people who will make ourselves look better. Terrible self-esteem is ruining us.

The fact that you find anal stimulation pleasureable has nothing to do with your sexuality. Your situation is not unheard of, after all, the male prostate gland is stimulated when pressure is exerted against it through rectal insertion. If you've seen the movie Roadtrip then you'll get the idea. In short, there's nothing wrong with you, and what you find pleasureable is not out of the ordinary, regardless of what sex you find attractive.

Deepdown I know you're right, it's just that I realize that that I've become what I swore I would never be...I've been rejected by numerous girls and it has always pained me...and now I am the one who must reject...and being a victim of rejection it hurts so much....I feel almost like a criminal because I know that in the end another person is getting hurt and I don't know what to do...thats my issue...Hurting another person feels so wrong, being the person who's always been the receiving end of it....it makes me so sad for the other person....it makes me feel rotten to the core.

Recently I've began talking to a girl online through a dating service, and though I find her attractive in the intellectual sense, she showed me pictures a while ago that proved very misleading from pictures in her profile she sent me earlier... I swore I would never be a jerk but I am not attracted to her in that way now despite a deep mental connection...I feel horrible because I know what it is like to be judged for such trivial things...but I cannot see myself with her...what should I do? I've been alone for a long while and I find myself rejecting someone for something aesthetic and I feel horrible....please help.

The best thing to do if you don't like somebody and you absolutely KNOW their intention is to tell them the truth. It saves them much heartache in the long run.

I'm so very sorry about your situation. I personally think the best thing to do is to see a marriage counselor, if he cares he will agree to see one. Just remember one thing...IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

In answer to the original post. Yes. But not all guys will fit that description, so it's up to you to make that judgement.

Yeah, well, here's a question for yourself: Do you feel like you deserve to be liked? From what you posted, I believe you think you do not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, when we get hurt it is natural to put up a wall to prevent the same things from happening again. You need to open up a little more and enjoy the fact that people indeed DO like you. Take it as a compliment. I think you'll find that you really have nothing to fear at all.

I believe you can, however, you should contact a physician about sexual activity while pregnant...he can give you the low-down on what is good for you, while keeping your baby safe.

Hey, anytime. You should stick around on these boards, I'm sure you have some advice for some of the folks on these boards too. It's people helping people. Yes, it's easy to see why you are so hurt...it's not as if you were being pushy...HE was making a lot of those major moves first. He has had commitment progress in the past, eh? Now, I wholeheartedly believe in giving people chances, and you obviously did. You not only worked on HIS issues with him, you made yourself vulnerable to him by loving him in return, and that probably makes you feel unappreciated. People do things for a lot of weird, sometimes irrational reasons. A lot of times it won't make sense at all. And it's frustrating, because we all wish there could be a cold, factual "reason" but most of the time it never actually exists. But remember, you gave it your very best effort. Absolutely! And that's a good first step towards healing. Think of the positives, and the good things you brought to the relationship. I can already see that one of them is compassion, and another thing compromise...those are very good qualities. Try to see things in a more positive light. See yourself as a catch! If he "dropped" or "abandoned" you...his loss! Now you're an eligible mate for some lucky guy who'll be much more accepting of what you bring to the table.

I'll try to help... From here on out...no self deprecating remarks about yourself. He says it's final, so It must be very hard, but from what I read, I cannot see why you think you did something wrong. You obviously tried to make it work, through the use of counseling AND dialogue. You DID the right thing. It seems to me that he may have some issues with himself...but like I said, you gave it a reasonable effort, which is all to be expected. You cannot change what another person feels and does...that's for him to decide. I don't know what's going through his head, but saying that he loved you, and then a few days later effectively taking it back does not seem like the actions of a person that is totally sincere. It CAN be hard to tell someone who loves you that you do not feel the same however, and maybe that was his issue. Note how I said "HIS" issue. Don't use the ending of a relationship as a critique on yourself. You need someone who doesn't try to push you away, and who accepts all the effort you put into things. Not someone who says hurtful things whenever you get into arguments. There is a grieving process involved in relationships, so it will hurt for a while, but that time will pass, and you will be able to better assess your situation. And no, just because things aren't perfect will every man run away. A good relationship is compromise.