huszar

You obviously feel very strongly...but look at these points. 1. She has a fiance already. 2. She is a cheater, though its not your fault. 3. She is going to have a kid. And there are two ways this is going to come out. One is that she stops seeing you, because this can't go on forever. The second is that she leaves this guy for you. Either way its negative. She couldn't stay faithful to her fiance, and I doubt that for long she will stay faithful to you. And forming a LTR with a kid involved makes it worse. No matter how much you want to think otherwise, once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve someone who thinks highly enough of other people to not do that. Plus, you are the third person, and when you continue seeing this girl you contribute to the problem. If you walk away, stop answering her calls, and go looking for a GOOD woman you will be much happier and it will not weigh on your conscience. You are only 21 and there are much greener pastures for a person as yourself. I hope you take these points into consideration...I think you should walk away. Think more highly of yourself, no good girl would ever put you into that situation.

Sorry if this isn't quite coherent I've had a few brews Most "nice guys" are not nice at all. Look at the things most of them say when a "jerk" bags their girl of choice. "He could never treat her as well as I could." "She's stupid for ignoring me and going for the guy who'll hurt her." "He doesn't respect her like I do." Truth is, most nice guys WANT the same things as jerks do. "Nice guys" want to get freaky too. But they won't go for it and hide behind the guise of "nice". Most of you nice guys are jerks sans the fortitude to go for what you want. You are jerks without confidence. You are no "better" a person than the guy you try to belittle. Problem is, he doesn't care, he's the one having the fun because of his ability to at least TRY for what he wants. A "true" nice guy is someone absolutely happy with who they are. They don't stew within themselves over their inability to attract somebody. They still have the guts to tell a girl to go jump off a cliff if she's not holding up her end. Furthermore, women are not objects. They are no different from you, and there is no need to place them on top of a pedestal. A relationship is made of two equals, not a goddess and a worshipper below her. Want to know why that girl doesn't like you even though you were "nice" to her? Do you respect yourself? Obviously you don't if you walk on eggshells to be perfect for that other person. If you are putting that much effort in, they should be trying equally as hard to make YOU happy. And she probably isn't. And girls want to have a good time! How the hell can that happen if you aren't even confident enough to do what YOU want? You exude no energy to her, she is not going to be excited. If you met a girl who was submissive to you 100%, wouldn't that get boring? Yes, it would. You make it not a challenge, she knows you will submit to her will, and eventually lose respect for you. No one respects people who are submissive, so stop it. Fate isn't for the meek. Ever read a history book about someone who played it safe and tried to please everyone? No. Because that attitude gets you nowhere - you'll always be someone else's doormat. And that's not a good life. I personally guarantee you that if you stop being full of yourself, let go of these "fantasies" you have about the perfect person, be honest about what you want and go for it you will be 100% more successful. People of all kinds get together everyday, that means you have a chance. But YOU need to make it happen! If you wanna win you have to play the game!

I appreciate the reply. Hmm...you were right, I'm not much of a flirt. At all. It's really not my personality, don't get me wrong I'm not a robot though I like to party and have fun but...is that a deal breaker for most girls? Anyone else?

I've dated a few girls...at best I go two dates with them. My longest relationship lasted a month. I'm not a virgin, so I'm not oblivious to gender relations, but... The odd thing is...things will go incredibly well, with a lot of the right chemistry, but eventually the girl meets someone else very quickly, all of a sudden I don't hear from the girl anymore, where as I would constantly be receiving calls messages etc. This has happened quite a few times. I would like to say objectively that I am somewhat attractive, and am in better shape than most . I fancy myself a very smart guy with a bright future, and I'm doing alright for myself money wise for a 20 year old. I'm in a frat and have good connections, so I am pretty well known, though I don't limit myself to one social group. Must the problem be my personality? I'm a bit insecure at times as a result of my childhood, but most people wouldn't know. I'm pretty friendly and generous, well-read on a variety of topics, and am relaxed and nonabbrasive. I make sure you have a good time when you're with me, friends and otherwise. I'm not cut out for the one night stand deal that college usually is, but on the other hand, I can't keep someone for a long term period and build a relationship, which is what I would like and feel ready for. Also an issue, a friend of mine made the observation that people naturally don't respect me and that while he does, he wishes others did more. I don't know why this is. I stick up for myself, and am willing to make my opinion known, I'm not malicious in any way toward anyone either. Does this lack of respect naturally contribute to my problem?