11flower

Thank God for this forum! When I need to get stuff off my chest, I can do it here, moreover anonymously. And whether I get replies or not, it still helps to get it out. Today that "other guy" sent me an email. (What? LOL!). It is amusing and I'll go into more detail. But first I have to say that I read it to my husband and asked his opinion. The status is now that my husband and I want this guy to not write and out of my life in every way and are on the same page re: this situation. This guy has told me to never write him, yet if he gets the notion like some king Tutt, he writes. More like King Butt. oops, scuse me. My husband gets the notion the "guy" wants to keep something going, whether the "guy" is insulting, manipulating or not. He just has to keep something, maybe a conflict going? A power turn on? I don't know. The thing is that this guy is also on the same newsgroups I am on and read. He recently began to insult 2 other people during a discussion with disagreements and opinions and that. The disrespect bothered me, becuase it was belittling and demeaning, and was downright rude. So, though I'd not made direct reference to this guy, I brought out the fact that it's not acceptable to belittle and demean, as everyone deserves to be treated with respect overall in *most* cases. So, I get this email with subject line "Advice", in which are his "just move on" (duh, ya' think?! ) and "be healed from your state of mind and troubles" crap. (Nice try, Bozo). He mentioned our "attempted friendship" and that I am trying to malign him publicly and write things about him where "I know he will be reading". For God's sake. No, this time, he dug his own pit and a few other people agreed as to his disrespect. I caused none of their reactions, as he is trying to imply. *He* did. But sending me email trying to manipulate and accuse because he doesn't like dealing with what and who he really is...laughable, amusing. He is one person I wish I'd never chosen to keep in communication with and now I see even more why this is so. One of the few true nightmares in my history. However, per my husband's advice, I answered a post of mine to which he replied, but in a professional impersonal manner. ( What a puke! ) If he wants me to move on, why doesn't he do this? Why does he keep writing me and accusing me of trying to malign him? Icky people. I relearn daily that it's important to steer clear of people you feel bad around, who facilitate your wasting your precious time, and who are just nusty stink buckets who pretend they don't have any responsibility for their actions and will never have to confront what they are. They try to throw it back on you, as if there is nothing they've done wrong. Is this antisocial? Borderline sociopath? Definitely narcissism and difficult to deal with. Time will tell about this person, and there is nothing more I will do, as it's out of my hands now, so to speak, other than dump it on you folks who are distant because it helps me. 11Flower

Okay, one last thing. Your friend should get some of her singing to disc and send it out to producers, radio stations, friends, organizations, whomever. She should put together a resume or discography of who she has worked with. Does she have a website with all pertinent info about her? Is she willing to work as a background studio musician? Does she sightread? Has she ever written any tunes? Has she put an ad in the paper for vocalist jobs? What about her? She needs to put together a way to market herself and be willing to play with people anywhere that is [/i]acceptable. If country western is what she likes, I bet she could have a great chance at this. What about open mic. night? Talent shows? Again, the more she gets out there, the more the chance of her being heard by someone who may hear her and want to offer an opportunity. But she shouldn't waste her life doing what she hates doing. If she loves to sing, I'd say look for people and musics she loves to sing and go from there. She can do it. 11Flower

I would be interested in opinions from musicians or singer who actually are pursuing this endeavor. It might be different looking "in" from the outside, rather than being "inside" the house and talking about it, sharing opinions from that perspective. Your girlfrind should pursue *her* dreams and not listen to what discourages her. I agree that she shouldn't have to change her body shape or weight unless *she* feels better that way and wants to. Are you sure you are not merely projecting the possilibity on her? Or , are you seeing the genres and venues that she *is* pursuing and adding up by those measures? It is your friend who needs to assess what she wants to do and the price she has to pay to do it. She should not by any means do anything other than what is in her heart to do. Her heart will tell and direct her, and maybe you as her friend. There will be many discouraging "voices" she will hear along the way. Only she can decide which does apply to her and her life and what does not. Everything else which doesn't apply she should throw out and not listen to, and continue to take the steps necessary to attain what she wants. 11Flower

This is a really good topic to talk about. As to your friend, if I were her, I'd do my best to get out there, advertise and put my name out there. Be exposed as much as possible. Take the acceptable opportunities given her. Volunteer if she is able to for fund raisers and that. I am also a musician, studying to be a darn good jazz musician/composer. The only goal I have at this point, being that I have a whole family and occupational goals as well, is to put my music to disc and keep playing somewhere occasionally to keep my skills tuned, as well as lessons. (I'm taking a break from lessons to study for a final though now). Oh, I also sing, but have little opportunity to do this till I pursue it more. When I get some charts to disc, I could eventually hire some good musicians to record it live. I also know people in the industry who will hear my music once it's on disc. Also, if it were to be recorded and released is when it could be sent to radio stations for airplay. Get the gist? Does your girlfriend have plans to record? Networking! Keep getting to know people out there. My piano teacher's wife is a fantastic jazz singer, writer, multi-instrumentalist, very talented woman, and plus size. My teacher is a bit overweight, yet a somewhat well-known jazz pianist in this area of the states, radio figure, and sought after educator to a degree. Neither of them are no less attractive; they are an attractive couple. This lady also has a show as a DJ on a jazz station and does free-lance work as well. I guess why I'm telling you this is that I think you're girlfriend could consider looking in other venues, not only the pop thing, if that is indeed the venue genre she is primarily looking. Another guy I work occasionally with shared his story: He had written songs and auditioned with some big names somewhere in Nashville. He was told that he was "too old". Go figure. He was only around 30 at the time. So, he takes jobs leading bands in churches and is excellent at stage presense and connecting with the audience--very important and takes a talent to do that! Point in case, in some genres and venues, sex is part of the sale and success. So, I think it's also looking for jobs while not limiting yourself to opportunities and not being afraid to get your name and talent out there. The more she is heard by many different people, it's likely she will eventually have more opportunities. Let's face it, the pop scene gets rediculous to a point. The cosmetic glamorization that goes along with music such as the Britney Spears, Denise Aguilara, etc., are such hype. Aguilara has a fantastic voice and is a phenomenal singer. Look at what she has to sell to keep people buying her records? If I were your girlfriend, I'd find many, many different genres to become proficient in. That way, there'll be more opportunity for recognition. Her weight? Let's just ignore that for now. Get her to make the most of her pretty physical features. There are ways. Get advice as to clothing and flattering the positive features. A woman does not, nor does a man, have to be lean and thin to be very sexy and attractive, you know. Get her looking in different venues and being more marketable that way. If she wants to lose weight if she can't live with being a plus size, then why not go for this while she is still pursuing getting her talents and name out there? "Seek what you are seeking, but not where you are seeking it." -Wisdom From a Monastery Every successful name had a mountain climb to endure in perseverance. It's hard work, but well worth rewards, if not for just the joy of doing it! 11Flower

I agree with everyone. She is abusive. Keep away from her. Drop her as your friend; clearly, she's not your friend. Tell her to STOP talking to you that way or take a hike. She's taking out her problem 0X on you and you are buying it. What she's doing and saying is clearly her problem, not yours and it's not you she's mad at. Unless..she might be jealous of you about something or other. Anyway, you don't need anyone in your life like that. Life is challenging enough. Stay away from people who make you feel bad. Not good for you to be around anyone like that. Life is short so hang around people who respect you which obviously the girl doesn't. Okay? If you keep hanging around her, your self-esteem will be further affected, as well as your whole quality of life. She's not your friend. Drop her off at some corner somewhere reeeal fast man! 11Flower

Frankly, I think this is a good social skill to have. I have never taken dance lessons and want to. This also builds confidence and helps a person just loosen up and have fun. Good for the soul and mood. So it's a healthful thing to do. Go for it! 11flower

This may sound rediculous, but what if he just withdrawals because of some emotional memory that makes him fearful of being controlled by women? Just a thought which I don't know applies or not. 11Flower

I know the pain of losing a relationship with someone you love. When I was single, this happened to me. That was many moons ago at 18-19 yrs old and hurt like hell. It's so hard also for you because he loved you and your little girl and took her into his heart. His having left you means he left both of you, similar to breaking up a family. To me, this is why relationships which don't require a commitment or have a conditional commitment can be so painful. People can just be together, have sex and give and share their deepest most intimate self, and then just get up when they want to and walk away. Hurts like hell. I think it was a pretty selfish move on his part to do this. If you keep seeing him when he calls you, he may keep sexing you and this takes advantage of your vulnerability right now. I think the best, most healthiest thing for you and your daughter is to get as far away from him as possible. The pain will subside in time, as has mine. Now I wonder how I ever got into the situation that I had and am glad I never married the guy afterall. If you can possibly distract yourself, try to do things you like to do, like I don't know, going to a show with your daughter and doing fun things like that. Your little girl needs you most right now, especially. Take time for yourself and go to a spa, salon, buy a new dress and treat yourself as you deserve. If you can, buy something for yourself you've wanted and not been able to. You've invested so much into this guy. Now it's time to invest more in you. I'm tearing up on your behalf. I know how much it hurts. (I'm an empathetic person. ..scuse me) Try to get out and do things you enjoy. 11Flower

Well, you could have posted the pictures up. I mean, it wouldn't have been your fault that some doofus took naked pics of himself and took the risk to send them. Exhibitionism? Was the guy a closet voyeurist or homosexual? I mean, c'mon! Give me a break! 11Flower

Haaah haah haah! LOL, I L R A H A Y! No naked guys, but if you had seen the email, well... some things connote nakedness whether or not there are photos of naked people. Echh! Whoever got off to that one definitely has a voyeurism hangup. But words can be as voyeuristic as seeing a photo sometimes.

OMG that has to be the stupidest scam I've ever heard. Like you're going to give your PIN and ATM. That's the utmost of DOOOFUS! 11Flower

Ha ha, thanks Cynder. Appreciate it. That was exactly my point. And here I thought I was a doofus. LOL. 11Flower

Well you all are getting bored with my ventings by now. FYI and in case this would ever happen to you, I'll report it: Today I received a harassing email via Yahoo calling me filthy names, stating that I'm cheating and if my husband doesn't that he does and that God sees my heart and will judge me for all the trouble I've caused. Duh. God will judge everyone. The "trouble you've caused" statement in the first email made me suspicious. Trust me, these statements did not come from a Christian or person who loves or is trying to be like Christ anyway. They came from just the opposite yet the words had such religious content. I forwarded them, full headers and all, to Yahoo abuse dept. as well as my husband. So if I'm cheating, we all know it by now. LOL. Being a tongue-in-cheek person with having a dry sense of humor, I wrote back saying my husband encourages it and will he be judged too, as well as would he (the sicko writing) like to join in on the fun. He responded "yes" my husband would be judged; then he wrote back saying something the "other guy" might say, very similar. I then told him I reported it and would take legal action if necessary once it is traced. I also wrote the "other guy" (the cybersicko) and told him if he is sending harassing email, it's noted and reported. It kind of sounded like that guy, BTW. So, here is real cyber email abuse with an aggressive, hostile and who knows but violent intention afterall. 11Flower

Yes, but most people aren't looking beyond the end of their nose. If everyone thinks like you do it could save a lot of disapointment. Funny thing that I know some people who think they'll never end up older and less attractive and even call other people ugly. 11f.

Get Lipton tea bags or any black or green tea bags after making tea; put them in refrig to chill them, put them on your eyes for oh I don't know...15 to 20 minutes. Watch them bags disappear! I read in 'Fitness Magazine' that you can actually use (please sit down for this one) Preparation H to decrease puffs and bags. Well, I don't have hemorrhoids, LOL, but I've tried this and it works a little to decrease puffiness. Cucumber slices on your eyes and take a nap. Decrease alcohol intake; it makes your eyes and face puffy. Are you allergic to anything you're eating? Check that out. Tea bags may work very well.

All I do know about getting rid of wrinkles is that it seems to me that one can't "get rid" of them. Even at your age, I wouldn't worry about it unless it just bothers you so much you can't stand it. Then is when you'll have a better quality of life trying to decrease the appearance of them. It's never too late, but people do it every day with facial muscle exercisers you see advertised on t.v.; facial exercises (there are several) including those for under eyes; cosmetic surgery, antiwrinkle creams, and especially enough sleep as was told you and the right diet. Please listen to getting enough sleep and check out your parents and grandparents as s2s said. All of the suggestions together can keep your face and you young depending on your own physical makeup and what works best for you. Health food stores have good books for this sort of thing too. No, it's never too late! It's more likely that you won't get rid of them, but at least decreasing them might help you feel better. 11Flower

True about the genetic component. There is nothing we can do about the genes we inherit. But we absolutely can rejuvenate and build mature cells even into our 90s if we work at it. I can cite a reference from the "Body Rx" fitness program but would have to look this up and the bood isn't handy. This program was designed by an MD. It's a matter of what we have to do to enhance whatever it is we need to. It's a matter of how we enhance it, what we use to deter the aging process, and targeting the areas we need work on physically. Facial exercises are another way to keep facial muscles taught and skin elastic. There are books and videos for face building, believe it or not. You can google and find them if you want. After all, you can have a great and tone body with a young body-age and not have as young of face. You shouldn't give up or ever be discouraged. If at long last you can't live the few wrinkles under your eyes, you can always go to a dermatologist and get advice from him/her. Don't settle; do research and be willing to pay the cost for good health and good looks. Make the most of what you have as far as you can possibly develop yourself to be as attractive as you'd like. Don't forget the Vitamn C--muy importante. My sermon for the day...

That should have read: Munch a munch whole fruits for snacks" And Take a good branD of multivitamins. Oh, sun screen 15 during the day.

Yes, use moisturizers to the max. I heard that girls should start using night cream moisturizers at age 16 even! Also diet is very important. Do you drink a lot of coffee and caffeinated products? Do you eat well and exercise? Get enuf sleep, as TouchNasty said? You should definitely increase your intake of vegetables and fruits. You can do this by juicing, salads, muching whole fruits. But the best way is juicing whole fruits and vegetables. My skin clears up and looks brighter when I've taken carrot-apple-orange juices, spinach-pineapple-touch of mint juice, beet-strawberry-apple juice. These are all delicious, even if they don't sound like it. I am as we speak drinking spinach pineapple. You don't even taste the spinach, esp. if you put enough p.a and wholejuice this in a base of some fruit juice. Take a good brank of Multivitamins too! Vitamin E is great for wrinkles. Vitamin C is found is young elastic skin. Another secret is to use anti-stretch cream, which I read in a magazine actually reduces wrinkles. This has worked a little for me, though I don't have too too many at this point. Your undereye wrinkles probably don't look as bad as you think though. 11Flower

RayKay, Well it makes me feel better to know you've heard this from doctors what with so many people having anal sex. I wonder how guys feel about this. How is anal sex to a guy with regard to nerves and stimulation? (Tells you how many times I've had anal sex) I tend to go for every other way. 11Flower

Ah yes, but there's more to tell.. Okay, I have an incredibly ditzo-idiotic confession to make. I um...did a little extreme no-no. Yep. I did. Bad, bad me. . There you go, I reacted for you, whoever's reading this. But seriously... I did a bit of impersonation, which I recently admitted to him. Now bear in mind that my husband is privy to everything. Anyway, I said quite a few provocative and sordid things. I did this partly to get back at him, I think, anyway. (It takes some of us so long to grow up )It was very cathartic and relieved some hurt from some abusive and very unkind remarks he had made, which are usually so unnecessary. I laughed to tears for a few days. I know, I know what you're thinking. It was crazy. Anyway, he did find out it was me. As I said, I think his gf may either be a member here and/or does read this list and supposedly showed him an email I'd posted about him being abusive, emotionally and verbally. He may read the list anonymously for all I know, yet said he doesn't. He lied about other things, why not that? He responded with two emails. He sounded insulting and slightly threatening and manipulative, saying that I'd written him telling him how he still turns me on (part of the persona) and then insulted me. He mentioned how sorry he is that I "fell in love" with him and *he* "rejected" me and that it all ever happened. Then he proceeded to council me on what I should be doing with my life. Yet that part sounded rather good-willed, yet could also be him somewhat manipulating, using what works best with me to gain control, if this makes sense. The thing is, yes, I had feelings. The other thing is that I have many emails in which he repeats that he requited my romantic feelings and about our romantic feelings with one another. So, he's acting as if it were just me and never him. Well, I realise I wasn't in love with him, rather infatuated at a rocky time in my marriage. I believe the whole thing makes him feel powerful. In other words, he can finally reject. I think he has been rejected quite a lot by woman at different times. so this validates him, putting him above. I'm one more woman he gains power over. He is an overweight, not that attractive guy, though not totally unattractive. He told me, "you old bag!" Now that sounds funny because yes, I'm 48. . But nowhere near a bag. I have more people telling me how attractive. Recently, a young guy, a clerk at a store was surprised and asked me re: my age and said he thought I was in my 30s. I age gracefully, I guess. So, I am and appear much younger and more attractive by far than this man does, despite my 48 yrs. I guess I'm validating myself, and don't need to validate this, but I think he says this cause of how he feels about himSELF. He's got a huge belly ( I have a few photos of him) I certainly don't. I've never been called an old bag before. LOL, esp. by a blind man, who is overweight, bald, and socially inept and challenged and who has never met me yet! LOL. My husband said, "If I lost you to a bald overweight blind guy, then go ahead!" LOL (he was joking, of course) Looks don't matter as much to me overall (except when it comes to my own)tee hee! Anyway, in the last fictitious persona, I advised him to stop cheating on his girlfriend. He lied in the last email stating he'd never verbally or physically done that, yet he had by email with fictitious person by responding in kind with sexual overtures and replies. Now, who's lying? I have too many of his emails. I will never show them directly to anyone unless it became a legal issue. But I have them if I need them, and one never knows. Today's chapter in the saga has come to a close. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Ha! LOL. All true. 11Flower

GettingOverIt, You're the best. Thanks. All the very best to you and yours in your future. And I'm betting you'll have this. Double kudos 2 thumbs up! 11F.

One more thing, if women do Kegel exercises, it will heighten the sensation when making love. Also, a position on all 4s with him behind you is an amazingly effective one. All vaginal penetration, of course. I hear also that guys can find this an amazingly great sensation. 11F.

I disagree with anal stimulation for achieving orgasm. The rectal walls are somewhat fragile and not exactly made for penile penitration ( sorry to you folks who are into this). I understand that this sort of penitration can cause future problems, something like hemorrhoids or other conditions. The G spot might be different for each woman and has to be found. Anyway, the rectum/anus is not the best place to insert anything healthwise. As for multiple orgasms, I once saw a show where an older lady was discussing her sex life and claimed she had orgasms 5 and 6 times. I mean, this just isn't real. I'd think that after that much stimulation and climax, the bod needs to rest awhile, unless the orgasm is an incredibly deep and complete one. I think orgasms vary in my own paraphrasing from superficial to partial to good to very complete and deep or intense. It depends. I also agree and would heartily emphasize that it just does not happen for most women every time they have sex. It is not wrong that orgasm isn't achieved. In my case, I've been making up for years with too few and my love life is much, much better and consistent these days. 11Flower

Spartan, But as far as your hobbies and working out in the gym and activities like these, wouldn't you still want to continue them whether or not you met a soulmate? It sounds that you might be very into your hobbies, but your soulmate may not be such to you. I'm not trying to mock you, but why should a soulmate, when you meet her, take the time away from fitness goals and interests as if she were just another one to add to the list? 11Flower