11flower

Yeah, DN, But the thing gets me most is fear of money. Well, I never! I can't for the life of me figure that one out.... 11flower

topophobia - fear of places levophobia - fear of left or objects to the left aerophobia - fear of air chronophobia - fear of time apeirophobia - fear of infinity chrematophobia - fear of money polyphobia - fear of many things Hmmmm.... .

Hi EOA, Well, do you have a plan as to what you're gonna do about this now that you've pinpointed a possibility for why you had the dream? 11flower

I am wondering whether the answers you've already been offered might not be just the answers you need. You sound frustrated to a degree. Well, my first question is how is your love life with your husband? How is your intimacy as a whole? Is there something you feel insecure with to with anything? Is the love life fulfilling? Are there areas you guys need to bring to the table and look at and discuss that aren't part of your love life? It sounds you're trying to work something really important to you out, and it's screaming at you, but it's maybe not what you think it is. As to the intensity, you know, doesn't everyone at one time or another in their lives have this sort of release? I agree that dreams are all parts of ourselves and our minds are constantly working out stuff and solving problems. So when sleeping, the subconscious still is at work. It's interpreting all the data you take in day to day and comes up in symbols. Ok, we know this. So what do these symbols mean to you in your life? Some may be obvious; others not as. So watch for feelings and memories and stuff that comes up during your busy day. See if anything reminds you of the dream and compare the images with your emtions or reactions and even write these down. I wouldn't worry about the eroticness of the dream at all. I wouldn't feel guilty that it wasn't your husband. I am wondering that well, again, there's an area between both you and husband that isn't being fulfilled; questions to answer; time for the next level between you two, and this will take some working out. But that's just my opinion and thoughts about it, because only you would know or be able to discover this if this were so. Does any of this ring a bell? 11f.

Wow, Luciana. Pardon me, lol. But I'm also at my prime at 48 and love sex and havin' a real good time with it, moreso than I ever have in life with my husband. Glad someone can sympathize! LOL So it's good to see someone else in this time. I really hope the best for you two. Try to get him to talk about it and confide in you and be a safe place so to speak for him to talk about it with. It could help break whatever fear barriers he may have. No reason not talk about ex's since you two are to be married, is there? Will keep you two in thoughts and throw a few prayers for the best outcome. 11flower

I haven't read all the replies from everyone. But it sounds like everyone is pretty right on in general, IMHO. For many guys, I'd think the female parts are a visual turn on. Human body is really quite beautiful, and why he would look away is a concern. It occurs to me...I wonder if he was forced to see something in his earlier years that scared the hell out of him, or abused him visually or emotionally? Have you asked him openly why he seems afraid of this part of your body? I mean, I've heard stories people. In one book I have, there's a mention of Mom acutally seducing her son in one way or another, trying to control a part of the relationship so she can hold onto her son. Weird, but true. Another story I've heard is that a boy, not more than 3 or so was brought into the bathroom while Mom changed tampons. Sick. But some kids have memories...you know. You should ask him Luciana, because this may continue into your marriage and it won't be easy to sort it out if it gets in the way of a truly fulfilling and dramatic sex life together. 11flower

Maybe you're into something you're not convinced you want to be. There's nothing wrong with you, so stop thinking there is. When you meet the girl of your dreams, there may be nothing you can do about getting an erection. Stop forcing the issue and approach your relationship from another angle. Do other things together instead of demanding of yourselves something you might not be ready for. 11f.

Thanks GettingOverIt, No, I don't think he has that much control like your putting it, or as it may sound he does. Okay, I agree with the NC and that's not really a problem with me his being a sleezbag of sorts. It's just that I hate being accused of lying and needed a place to vent. It's just that the other day, unsuspecting that there would be illwill being that he sounds benevolent in general, I wrote him a professional question, and he beneficently answered it (he's a musical instructor and I'm a musician and student as well). I thought there was nothing more to be concerned about the recent past. How was I to know? I really didn't; and thought I wouldn't get a response like this. I don't meet too many people who really want to hurt people, as most people are pretty good, even if hornory, you know? And I am looking to reconcile bad things between any person at all and me if I can. It was a mistake; he's trying to throw it back at me, writing back accusing me of lying, trying to cover his tracks and wanting me to take the blame for some trouble my posts on this forum caused him and his girlfriend, as if he hadn't lied, but that I'm trying to slander. All I"m trying to do in my life right now is lay all cards on the table. I hate someone setting me up like this in ANY case to take blame I am not responsible for. This forum has helped me a lot and I again need a place to vent and why not? Can't help if anyone's reading it or not. It was a mistake to ask him the question. It's reconfirmed that there are some poisonous snakes associated with anything to do with him and they come out--this is how it makes me feel anyway. Yet, I don't know that I may get another email eventually trying to do the very thing you're talking about--attempts at control and accusation to shift blame. He really doesn't have that much control and I told him that if he tries to do anything legally that I will come up with the bucks and legal councel to defend myself as ferociously and brutally as I have to. And I will and can easily most definitely do this. I hate being accused of anything that is just not true, and I'm not lying and wouldn't about anyone and haven't withheld vital information as alleged. I mean, read my posts! I don't think you have to worry, really. It's just I don't get people acting like this. Again, I just don't meet many people who do this sort of thing. NC it is, GettingOverIt. Thank you for your concern. 11Flower

I have one Pilate video, and one DVD. Both of them are taught by Ana Caban. One is intermediate, and that' hard enough. Another is advanced, and I can barely do some of the exercises. It takes immense strength to hold legs up straight at 45 degrees w/ feet in Pilate position (knees rotated outward) and pull upper torso slowly near toes and slowly go back down while still holding legs up. Jeez! But yeah, I end up sweating and feeling great after this workout and there's some great exercise moves there. There's probably a lot of excellent Pilate VCRs out there. You have to choose your teacher and workout. 11flower

Hee'all there, Hey. Like, it's not that I've not gotten advice, professional foot treatment, home-herb therapy, etc. for my foot. My foot has been healing, but still hurts and keeps me from doing the high-intensity aerobics I need to lose the 20 lbs I want to. (Hey, no laughing...I mean, I'm told that you can't tell I've gained 20 lbs, okay? ) Okay, okay. I'm doing light-impact aerobics, pilates, free weights, alternately. Anything other than recumbant bicycle hurts the d*** foot! Ouch! ..sorry Hey, does anyone have advice other than what I'm doing and have already tried? I don't want to go back to the podiatrist because he'll shoot my foot full of steroid and who needs this? Well, as last resort maybe. I'm doing Lobelia and Mullien decoction compresses, which are excellent in like reducing inflammation. So, anyone else have any more ideas? Gotta lose; gotta run; gotta go! Go! Go! Nerd #2, 11flower

Hey Dragongirl, As I said, have to agree! That's for sure and it shows on me as well because I need to run more and do aerobics. Tee hee LOL! No, no argument there. So, yes, running is I think her answer and but if she wants to add a few abdom exercises for toning, this would at least help strengthen. Again from what I hear, there's nothing like running for overall health. You'll get the butt, leg, and tummy, not to mention cardio muscle health. Hey! 11flower

I have to agree with Dragongirl. Running will do it everytime (and diet). Running gets your tummy, legs, back, and butt and you will most definitely see results. 11f.

Oh, I should add that you can easily work up to 80 to 100 abdominal exercises about 3 times weekly and it doesn't take that long. Just do your repetitions doing about 20 per round, and switch sides. Do another exercise and alternate sides till you've done a 100 or so. This goes a long way! 11flower

Yep. There are tummy flattening exercises. Strengthen oblique mucles, and more than that, lower abdominal muscles, moreso than upper abdominal muscles which are given too much focus and attention, according to a physical therapists words to me. If you don't know too many exercises, examples follow: 1. On back, knees bent, bring right elbow to opposite bent knee...actually raise knee to meet elbow halfway. LOL. Repeat on opposite side for 10 or so repetitions each. 2. Do the bicycle type thing like the above exercise. Legs are held straight out or 45 degrees or so from ground, but don't strain your lower back or arch it too much in these. One knee to opposite elbow, twisting body so that elbow reaches one bent leg at a time, while holding opposite leg straight. 3. Do sit ups and oblique sit ups (#1 above) while sitting on a stablility ball. You get double the workout that way. 4. Pilates can be easy to very difficult and is designed for strong flat tummies and back. I do all of these above, but not enough (IMO)! You can look for exercises on internet, buy a stability ball and do exercises for core strengthening exercises..Core meaning the deeper muscles in your abominus rectus, top of legs, butt, back, and even up into the chest. You need good strong back and tummy for good health now and later in life. Hope that helps, 11flower

So, he's angry at you? He's still angry? It sounds you don't know why though. I wonder if he feels guilty about something. 11flower

Hey, Fred, You told me I am lying about you. Nope. Not lying. Now listen. I posted this on another forum. You just have to stop what you're doing and try to believe that some people may want your good in life, not demise. I'm not your enemy, dude. I never was your enemy. I won't be that now. Go on with your gf. Be healthy. Admit your mistakes. If you believe in second chances, it could be that you haven't even had yours yet. You need to stop BS-ing; you know exactly what I'm talking about. Stop shifting the blame. You can't change what you said; it's past. You can't change anything past. But you can change your future. So, change it! We are behind you all the way as you do, whether it's inconceivable to you or not. If you're gonna be a jerk, fine. But we do want your best. Stop lying. You know better. So, be better. You can have your dreams, but you must be honest about your actions and mistakes. You know better! Fred and Martha, I wish you well. But be honest. 11F. The story is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Hokay, So...tell me I'm crazy. Thanks, I needed that. . No, I didn't. Here's the scooop! Scoop of what? Not ice cream...I tell ya'. I was accused today of lying about everthing that happened, about "withholding vital information." Wooah. I thought I'd confessed everything. But the guy, I guess I should name the poor chap, ummmm....Fred. Fred decided that I lied about everything here on this forum, withheld "vital information" ( I guess that means that I didn't tell all of how I participated), and impersonated someone. Well, I did impersonate. I didn't lie about that on this forum. I thought I'd expressed as much as necessary. It was not a lie, friends. My husband does know all this. All of the above he said I'd done "could have ruined his relationship with his girlfriend." And that would be on my head, he said. Hm. No, I don't think so. It would be on his. I don't however believe that I withheld vital information. So, I told him I'd make good here. I told this group everything I think in the way I participated during the impersonation. I know how bad it is to impersonate. It's downright stupid and unfair. But if there's something I made him out to be that he isn't, I'll make good for it. I was as much a fool as this foo. But he still refuses to take responsibility of sorts for some actions on his part. I won't recap these. He still wants to try to cover his ways. Believe it or not, this is sad for me. Somehow, I do care about this dude's wellfare. He's still with his girlfriend and sounds happy. Why shouldn't he be? But if he lies to her about what and who he is, is that my fault? No. I told him that his actions are on his head, and that mine are on mine! I told him that the past is the past, and in other words that to his girlfriend it no longer matters. It shouldn't matter! Now doesn't that sound like a second chance of sorts? I hate being accused of lying, as I just don't do this sort of thing. I'd have to change alot to out and out slander or lie or say someone said things they didn't. I can't stand that sort of thing. Those who know me well would be able to attest to this. I also have emails with his responses in them to prove his responses. It sounds he's still reading this forum. I reassured him no one knows his or his gf real name. What's the deal? Why's he so scared...it sounds that way anyway. See the attempt to escape responsiblity for actions on his part? It's sadder to me that he wouldn't just say, "Yep, it happened like that; it was a mistake. I'm no longer doing this sort of thing. Let past be past. I'm happy in the present relationship and never want anything to threaten the present relationship." Etc. I encouraged him even to do this! I told him to do all he can to keep the relationship with present gf and why not? But you see what I'm dealing with here? I care about all people even when they're as JACKED UP as this guy. I can't help it. Maybe I'm a fool. But I want him and gf as happy and healthy as can be. So, you see, being a doofus has its good side. LOL! So and so, if you're reading this, I tell YOU, stop lying. Be honest about your mistakes. Get over yourself. Do nothing to threaten your girl and you. You can change! You're not a half bad person when you want to be. Just admit your mistakes and know you must mean more to someone in this world than you know. You don't have to worry any more. No one's gonna take that away from you. But you can threaten all what good you have and lose it. I don't want this for you. You have to want this for yourself whatever it takes...and what it takes should be done honestly. If not, you will lose it. And that will be on no one's but your head, dude. 11flower

Yeah, but if a couple wants to try to make a go of staying together and work it out, there will be a way to do this. If they'd been together a long time and need some of the old out for the new, they can find new things to do together in their love lives, in their adventure lives, and just as if they were platonic friends. If couples could just give one another space, easier said than done, maybe they'd learn new facets one about the other and become interested again. Changes, as you said in different words, must be allowed for, lest the dreaded dead-end come about. All easier said than done. 11flower

Volution you are awesome. Thanks. Excellent! 11flower

DG, You've explained this all very well. LOL Just want to add that that spot you are talking about is called the .perineum-- the space between the anus and scrotum or vaginal canal. 'Scuse me I'm not trying to be condescending here. 11flower

You know what, this reminds me of fibralgia (pain of the muscles). It's very painful I've heard. You should go to the doctor and find out what it is. I haven't read all the other replies, but someone may have said this by now. I'd like to hear about what you find out. There are things you can to do curb the pain. It could be many different things, but I wouldn't go thinking it's as horrible as cancer till you've actually been diagnosed. Please let us know? Thanks. 11flower

No one ever said this is easy. It's a rock and hard place for the guy. No one has heard from him since. But since he is married, doesn't he owe this to his wife to be honest? I thought I'd fallen for someone during a rock part in my marriage. I had no intention of ever actually exploring this relationship in actuality, but feelings at one time were rampant. I had to be honest with my husband, because my husband is my friend. I had at least committed to be his friend by marrying him. So, I explained the truth to him in hopes that something might change. Since the last few months, I have changed, my husband has a little, and our relationship has improved, but not perfectly. This gentleman would do well to be honest about his feelings in one way or another in a gentle manner with his wife. People don't have to blast people to destroy them. They should say things like "I believe there's been trouble in our marriage and I want to talk about it." Every person deserves honesty with respect, whether or not they stay together. You never know but what there's so much more to the picture and just even the tip of the iceberg with his wife. She may have been thinking the same thing all along and want to change the status of the relationship. But he won't know till he tries to find out all what's going on with him, her, them together. Just my thoughts, 11flower

Cassandra, So, you've answered your own question. I really think that you know best in this situation, being that you're the one in it and who has to live it or make choices, as well as pay good or negative consequences for those choices. All best to you whatever you do, 11flower

Wow, I don't know Cassandra. Another poster mentioned to put some distance between you and the guy. I wonder if this is the best thing for you. He sounds controlling to me. If he doesn't get it, he may not even be willing to get it and just won't listen to you. If he's not willing to consider what you want, do you think it might change once you agree to be his girlfriend and date? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to put distance and see him a later date when things have settled down. Is this what you are thinking of doing? 11flower

Oh no Cassandra, there's no problem. That's okay--you didn't sound mean, I just thought I may have to you. No need to apologize. So glad you worked it out with your friend. Beside, friendships will be what lasts when all the romance wears off after being together so long. I mean, you don't always love your friends, you get mad, you get exasperated, etc. etc. So, I've found it's the friendship that actually lasts through that all. Good work girl! You go! 11flower