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marolua

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  1. marolua
    So you see Ilse, a MA and a Ph.D , you and I are both crazy Well I have to do something to relax I know, but there is a further dilemma in forcing myself to do something, like sports, or any activity.. I don't know how to explain it, but I am the first child and all my childhood has been the period when my mom and dad sent me to a course, swimming, basketball, gymnastics...many many many. And I am that girl who has been fed up by being her decisions made by her parents and just crying I don't want to go..!! I wonder whether there is a name for this paradox in psychology, but I just can't stand up and start a course on yoga, aikido, go to the gym anything like that. I just take a long walk when I get too fed up. You have been a having a cold, and I have been having a backache that prevented me from sitting in front of the computer, it still hurts but at least I can sit now. I don't know why I am feeling so lonely, I have a lot of things to do, all of my friends and my family are expecting me to do something, I don't have a boyfrined and probably won't have any soon. Lonely but strong, keepwalking but just want to cry...! It would be better if I just shut up and go to sleep.. ps: I read your post about the past. I think you will have a great relationship with this guy in the following years, I just feel it. And also congratulations for the candidacy
  2. marolua
    I know this is a late response, but I just wanted to write something about this situation. About me: My boyfriend committed suicide when I was 17 and he was 19. I knew that he was going to die, I know that he will commit suicide, but I let him to go. After this experience I went through a similar 'I don't feel anyhting' period. I think this is sort of a 'so what?'situation, why live? why die? why wake up? why sleep? nothing changes. Don't read that book, I read it, it might work for some people, but not for you, you are strong enough to live with your pain. Pain improves some people, and I think you are one of those. (Improvement need not mean something positive) I just wanted to say that there is a difference between 'I don't feel anything' and 'This is nothing compared to what I have felt'.Also if I were you, I would not go to the therapist. If you can find a really smart one, which might work, but otherwise talk to yourself, it is better for you. Lastly, why are you wanting to be normal? What is normal? Why do you want to feel? Do you think that you restrain yourself from getting hurt? I don't know why I am asking these questions, thus I will just stop here. I can see that you are having fun with life That's good!
  3. marolua
    Well, I agree with you Hollywood, God may not love you these days, and even if it loves you that would not make a difference in your life. I sometimes feel the same way you do, every person has a plan to do, and I am just looking around to figure out what I can do with other people, but usually nobody invites me, but sometimes they do. For this issue, the key is you should give up all your wishes, something like I can stand on my own even if nobody cares for me! I will go on even if there is no light at the end of the tunnel! This kind of thinking is hard I know, but I was in a worse condition than you were, no one to talk to, have fought all my friends, broken up with my ex, I just wanted to die..and there was only my mom who constantly listened my depression. But things got better for me, and they will get better for you!! I know it seems impossibe, but trust me, things get better! About the question of why God wants to make you stronger in this way? May be it might be better to think about yourself rather than the God, think why should you set yourself a depression in this age at your life? What would you like to make yourself learn? Whatever happens, don't give up, life is a much easier thing when you comeover a depression You will see
  4. marolua
    Ilse, I can very closely feel what you feel, I am feeling the same way although I don't have a relationship, my past disappointments make me avoid a relationship. Just as you, my ex made me feel how unimportant I was and the schedule thing that was the same also.Since we have broken up, I have been thinking about solutions to avoid this past-predicts-present dilemma. It seems that you-we- need to construct an awareness of the situation to distinguish between fears coming from the past and our current disagreements with the one we are together with. You have the right to get angry with your boyfriend in a reasonable way, but you should find some way of stopping the thoughts in your head. My solution is, whenever such a crisis comes, divide yourself into two pieces, a child and a mother(any caring figure) and listen to yourself. Ask why are you angry? to yourself and speak to yourself, this might seem funny at first sight, but believe that has worked for me many times. such a conversation may go like: Mom: Why are you angry? YOU: Because I have the fear that I will end in a desperate situation again!.. The trick is that you should not act as your mother, you should think like what would you say to yourself if you were you own mother. Hope this helps, ps. don't forget to be late sometimes, don't let him always be the latecomer to a date
  5. marolua
    I think you have handled rejection quite well, so that means that you are not that much inconfident as you think you are. I think you should set a goal, such as going to university at this poijnt of your life, acquiring your goal will make you feel more confidence about yourself and will improve your self-esteem. Don't bother yourself with the girl, keep on your life, set a goal and achieve it, it will make you feel better!
  6. marolua
    Hi annie Well I am in the field of political science, and I took a lazy day yesterday and I half lazy day the previous day, today I have to work but I have to read 9 articles and a full book just for this week I think the key is taking some time off, but friends does not work, since all of my friends are in the midst of depression, and friends whom are also working towards a Ph.d are at the united states, so it seems I have no one to get drunk May be I am thinking that I am taking too much work to do; but when I don't have anytthing to do, I get depressed, Life is hard without a Ph.D you know.. I know that these days will pass, hope I will be alive when I finish this Ph.Dmania one day
  7. marolua
    Jut to keep it short, I am working as a graduate assistant and the projects classes and assignments are raining towards me, it is not possible for a normal person to read and write all the stuff that I a m supposed to handle. The problem is not that I think I can not handle the jobs that I am required to do, but that I will have no life left if I handle them. I know that I need a job, and I really like this job but there must be a way out of this dilemma.. all my class-mates think that I am the best in handling these issues, but I need your advice to overcome my life. There is too much to do, and I don;t want to make myself sick whilst trying to do the jobs. What would you say? Thanks a lot, a small note, I am in the midst of a Ph.D!!
  8. marolua
    I have a job which is full of stress, and have been struggling with the torrible pain in my back -for 3 months now- which hurts whenever I sit. The problem is this does not stop, I have gone to a series of doctors, all of which said a different thing, some said do not do any sports and some gave me some small exercise. So I began to do exercises, but whenever I get down, the terrible pain begins, than I began to get more depressed, and then comes the vicious circle!! I have realized that my mental situation affects my body immediately but I don't know how to get out of this circle? Any advice on how to reduce stress? or how to cure this pain is welcome, and let me add that I am not that kind of a person who enjoys going to a club, a sports activity or stg. like that, in other words I really don't know very well to make myself feel relaxed..I only like to have a walk on my own, but I am not sure whether it is good for my back? or makes it worse? Please help, I am starting to think that I am like those old old people who alwys speak of their pain!!
  9. marolua
    Thanks all for advice I don't know whether I am doing the right things or worng things, but as far as I know there is no 'right' or 'wrong' on especially matters regarding life. I hope that things will get better as I grow older.. Thanks again,
  10. marolua
    I am so happy for you Miya, I hope that you keep on having dreams for the rest of you rlife. One thing that I find most incompatible with me was to have a dream, it seems you are on better track than the one I was in. Hope, everything will be fine throughout this week! ps: remember if you put too much energy on whether things will go wrong? question, then things will go wrong, stay positive then everything will be alright!
  11. marolua
    I think the way you see things has become to affect the way things happen. That means, since you think that you have had a love that you did not deserve, you begin every relationship thinking about your past relationship. Extend your view about life, and about relationships. I once had a boyfriend whom I treated bad and have understood later how wrong I was. This realization did not bring him back, but sooner or later made me get out of the deepest hole that I have thrown myself into. Take this as a period of personal growth, one or a two years does not mean a 'loss', try to balance your soul. Try to accept yourself with the mistakes that you think you have done in your past relationship, those were not mistakes, they were only occasions that will eventually make you grow, change and transform yourself. Take every pain as a motivator for change.
  12. marolua
    I know that seems to be a funny question, but I turned 24 a couple of days ago, and I just don't feel like 24, I know that it is a young age, but I just haven't understood how the past SIX years have passed, I still feel that I have recently started to attend university. Whenever I have to make a decision about my life, I ask myself what would I think of this if I were 30, 40 or 60. Extending one's perspective is a good way for making decisions. So my question is for people who are above the age of 24, when you look to your past, is there anything that you would like to change? In other words, what do you advice as an art of living for me at the age of 24? I really wonder how this age seems like when viewed from a perspective of a person who is above or around 30? ps: I would especially appreciate advice about 'personal growth' and finding the "Right ONE"( if there's any
  13. marolua
    hi, I really can understand what you are going through, Writing a thesis is the days in which you begin to think about your life again and again, asking how did I come to this point? I know since I finished my MA thesis four months ago! My field is political science and I am sorry that I can not give some input on semantics, but it seems to me that writing a thesis is a similar hard road for everyone! Here are some advice, hope it helps 1. forget about planning, planning makes you try to do things on time, it is horrible to wait for the insight to write a perfect sentence or give a good example. This is bad when you have to finish a thesis in less than a month, write what ever comes to your mind, you can and will have time to correct them later. 2. Do not forget that a master's thesis is not so important, at least it is less important than writing a Ph.D thesis. You do not have to be perfect, just try the best that you can. 3. When you get too stressed, stop and give yourself a "break", a real break, eat some chocolate, try a small walk, get into the shower and do not hurry!! 4. If your mind stops don't push it to work, let yourself relax, you deserve it 5. Even if you were surrounded with people with whom you can talk about your specialization, you might still feel isolated. It is a bleesing that your advisor understands your topic, mine was not even aware of what I was struggling to write about! Good luck
  14. marolua
    I agree with Breea about breaking up, you do not love her you just do not know what to do without her since you are still growing up, this is normal. But I think you should tell her what you mean while breaking up, I can feel how she is gonna feel when you break up, do not forget breaking up is not the worst thing, but how you break up is very determinant in your and her further realtionships. just a note: if she is the FIRST for you, don't expect to forget her immediately, it might be more difficult for you than for her.
  15. marolua
    First, I appreciate your courage in facing your problems with other people. I think you have made the first step, identifying your problem and wanting to change it. But as you might guess changing oneself is one of the hardest things in the world, despitre everyone saying that it is possible right away! Trying to overcome this problem gradually and about taking pilss I agree with you. I once had a major depression together with panic attacks, and I know how it is hard to force yourself with being with other people. you should first understand whether this is personal trait of yours, which is possibly not because even the most asocial person can pretend to be with people even for a short time(I do). It might be sort of a disease a depression or panic attack or stg. like that, which would make it a big harder to overcome. But there are still ways, whenever you feel lost(irritated, nervous), take deep breaths, just imagine that you are FINE, since you are actually fine, only your brain is telling you there is some sort of a danger, but actually you are not your brain, it is just a thinking mechanism of yours. I think everything will get better for you, acknowledge that you are in the midst of a tunnel, and although it may be hard to see a light at the end of it, keep walking. Good Lock
  16. marolua
    We are born on the same day, and whenever my birthday comes closer I feel down and down may be that has also happened to you I would very much like to help you, but I don't think I have the right answers for your questions, since the I have some unsoluble questions also. Is there love, will we ever find it, I am not sure. But things will change one day, we have to believe it...
  17. marolua
    Getting over an ex is easier for some people and harder for others. I am one of those who never can forget about her ex, any of the ex's. 3 months might seem like a long time, but isn't since the first weeks you have a greater hope that he will call you back, but around three months one might realize that he might never call you back. Well, that might be true. The last time I broke up with my boyfriend, whom I still haven't forgotten, led to a schedule like this. First month: ofcourse he will call me, I will wait and be here for him when he calls me back. Second month: What is he doing, nothing can make him happy than me. Third month: What am I gonna do if he does not call me? Fourth and Fifth months: I should find another person to keep me busy until he calls me back. (I started dating a man who listened to my endless stories about how I missed my ex.) Sixth month: He called back, we started dating, I felt he was no longer loving me, I couldn't forgive him. One year: I broke up with him. Now it has been two years since the last broke-up, I still sometimes wake up with a pain in my stomach which shows that I have seen in my dreams. Some of us never forget the ones we really love. But I survived, so will you. Just get out of the bed, and keep yourself busy, that is the only way to let time pass. Good luck.
  18. marolua
    I feel lost. I don't now what the problem is. everyhting seems to be fine, but isn't fine. I am tired of playing the " I am fine" game. Things are getting worser as I grow up, and I am not sure whether they will ever get better. I don't feel that the people i love are loving my unconditionally. I am trying to do my best. Love myself, love others and smile to the mirror every morning. But the mirror does not smile back. I am constantly thinking of things that have happened in the past, knowing that I can't change anything. I think that if I can not correct my mistakes, I won't be able to have a better life. The problem is I never stop thinking about my mistakes in the past. I do them over and over again. Is there anyone out there who hated to be herself, but gradually get over this. I don't think that I can be happy with myself any more. I need help. From where?
  19. marolua
    I think you should tell him, but wait for the appropriate time to tell. May be you could wait for the next time he asks you out, and then tell him about the situation. In these kind of situations, telling the truth is always better than keeping a secret. Moreover, I think you should figure out whether you are ready for a new relationship? One month is a very short time to begin a new relationship!
  20. marolua
    This might seem a rather strange, and I really like to know whether anyone else has felt like this. At the end of a day, today, which was full of conversations with people who are nice and whom I really like to speak to, I feel exhausted when I am back home. Does this happen to anyone else? I think over and over every conversation that I engaged in, constantly thinking things like: Oh, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have told that, I should have listened to the end of that sentence, Was that a stupid sentence...? You can guess how hard it is to think in this way, I don't know why I do this but I know that this is not the way every person ends the day who have spoke to me today. Is this bad, am I just judging myself for nothing, or is this a way to self-improvement of just lack of self-confidence? What do you think? thanks for any comment..
  21. marolua
    Some people are jealous and some are not. But if one likes a girl, than certainly he would feel bad when he hears something like this. So don't worry that you will be in trouble if you love a girl. But try other things that can help you control your temper. good luck,
  22. marolua
    I am not sure whether 'charisma' always means self-confidence. Sometimes just being aware of your deficits but not letting other people to touch your problematic areas means charisma. Also, charisma does not always mean many people around you. 'Charisma' can also leave a person alone. Only way to solve these kinds of communication problems is only through accepting yourself as the way you are, which is life-long process. And don't forget, out of 100 people only 5 of them are charismatic, but the rest of them do not always bother themselves with lack of charisma. best
  23. marolua
    I agree with Jetta. Talk to someone about this situation. And never forget you are not the first person that is going through a depression, just try to distance you from the depressed part of you. age 18 is usually a terrible age for boys,so stay calm, these days will pass, trust me
  24. marolua

    Being Lead on

    marolua replied to traz's topic in Dating Advice

    Well I think you should first decide whether you like her or not. You might really like her , or you might be getting influenced because of her flirty manner. If you decide that you like her anyway and want to be with her, then decide whether you can face any negative results. The problem with beginning a relationship with a friend is that you may lose your friendship if the relationship does not work. If you can take this possibility, than there are two ways that I can think of. 1. Directly talk to her, tell her that you are getting some signs from her that she might like her, but are not sure. This option needs courage really but can be better and more impressive if you can speak with the right words. 2. Have less contact with her, call her less, see her less, do not hang out with her, and wait whether she will ask you what is going on. One last thing, once I had a boyfriend in another city, whom I really liked but could not see very often. I also had a friend from school, whom I really liked, but just wanted to be sure whether he would go out with me if I broke up with my long distance boyfriend. The boy from school did not ever understand what I was meaning to do, so we couldn't get together although we liked each other so much. I don't say that this girl might be thinking in a similar way, but honestly you can never guess what people(especially girls) havein mind without talking to them Good Luck
  25. marolua
    Well, she is trying to have someone to know something about her. May be you should talk to her about things normal, but I do not hink that you should say her to stop self-harming. This does not work. You are not her boyfriend, if you are than things ought to be different. Good luck, there is nothing worser than having to do something for someone, when you do not know to do the right thing.
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