I broke up with a girl I had dated for a year a little over a year ago. I just wasn't ready for a relationship. She was such a great girl, but I took her for granted. I cheated on her. I just wasn't mature enough to give her the love and respect she deserved. And looking back, God, did she deserve love and respect. I learned my lesson quickly when I asked her to come back a few weeks later...she told me that she found another guy. Six or seven months later they moved in together, and now I think that they're engaged. And now I can't find anybody decent. I'm much more generous now, and I make sure to ask what my dates want to to (I never did that with my ex). But I just get treated like dirt. Two girls I've dated since her actually picked up other guys while we were on dates. Several have just fallen off of the face of the earth. Others have just been plain mean to me. I've begun to think that my ex was my only chance at a good relationship. Compared to the girls I've dated since her, she was a goddess. And she was so good to me. But I treated her badly. And now that I treat girls better than I did in the past, I get walked all over, just like I walked all over her. Every day has gotten worse. I never stop thinking about her. I've become a heavy drinker and smoker. I feel like my ex cursed me. I just don't know how to stop suffering. I've tried to stop dating all together. I've tried trying to keep the faith the I will find someone deserving of the love that I should have given my ex. I've tried counselling. I've tried medication. I've tried religion. But nothing I do stops the suffering. I just don't know how to go on.
