Cassie

Hi guys, I've known this guy for years and years, as he is one of my brother's best friends. I guess throughout the years, he's always made remarks to my brother on how hot he thought I was. Well, recently I confessed to him that I had feelings for him. Things got intense between us that night, then he slowly backed away. He told me he was a player, a manwh*re, and was enjoying his freedom right now. He felt he would only hurt me, and wanted for us to be friends. I was fine with that, although I felt frusterated because my feelings went much deeper than friendship. I told him to give me time to properly readjust my feelings in regards to him. And that was that. Now, I see him around sometimes when we are all hanging out, and sometimes he makes the most hurtful comments. None of them are deliberate, but they still hurt to hear. For example, a few weeks ago a mutual friend asked him (rather suggestively) how his previous evening went. This guy I have a crush on said, "Fine, but I drove all the way out there and never got a piece of a**". (I have no idea where 'there' was, obviously some girl's home). Then some of my friends laughed and said, "wow, it must suck to have driven so far and not have gotten any". I just sat there quietly, shuffling my feet. I didn't really know what to do. It hurts alot to hear that kind of thing about someone I care about. I don't want to know about all the girls he is happily sleeping with. My question is, should I be avoiding this guy all together for now? It almost feels like I'm being stabbed in the heart by all of his careless comments. Or should I suck it up and realise he's not my boyfriend, thereforeeee I really have no right to be upset?

Hi guys, I didn't feel like trudging through 50 some pages (no offense), so I apologise if I am asking something that has all ready been stated. PADreamer, what were you taking meds and therapy for? And do you feel your therapy has helped the condition? Also, I should add that I am still a virgin as well, to whoever is one here! And I am reaching the mid 20 peak soon, eek! (Just turned 24 a little over three months ago).

How expensive are these things? Therapy and meds, etc.? I'm suffering from terrible depression right now but I'm also on a very limited income.

I am so extremely shy and withdrawn sometimes, so it is great when a guy recognises that and slowly coaxes me out of my shell. It usually takes only a few exchanges, like one very recent one I had with a new guy I met in a group setting at an outdoor concert. Him : "Hey, why are you so quiet?" Me: "I just am. Does it bother you?" Him: "Well, you are the only one not talking!" Me: "I'm sorry, I don't mean for you to think I'm rude. I am just a very quiet person." Him: "That's all right. I don't think you're rude. I'm just very loud. Let's talk!" Me : "All right. What would you like to talk about" Him: "Where you from, etc. etc. ..." (we start talking) Now that guy is someone I see often, and someone I consider a friend. He has also opened up to me quite a bit on some of his more personal issues. The one problem is, I suspect he might have a crush on me now, and I'm not really sure how to deal with that.

Thank you guys, from my heart. I was experiencing a severe panic attack tonight, and was ready to rush myself to the hospital. (I'm always convinced that I'm dying). I couldn't force myself to calm down, and trying only made it worse. Instead, I settled into bed with my laptop and browsed through over twenty pages of this forum, to try and get my mind off things. Reading everyone's topics and the insightful replies helped calm my mind and made me realise that I'm not alone in experiencing many of the things I'm going through right now. ((((hugs to everyone tonight)))))) You all inadvertently helped me through a very traumatic night, thank you!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, DepressedOne. My dad is really weird like that too. He is forever talking down to everyone, and he is also enormously religious. Because my brother and I aren't a part of his religion, he views us as 'dead bones walking'. I know the pain of not having proper communication with a father, who, in my opinion, should be there to love and guide their child. Is your father around alot? Perhaps you can use your comp when you know he won't be snooping around in your private messages. It sounds like your dad should see a therapist as well.

Hehe, all right, I'll sit tight for now. Thanks alot Beec, for taking the time to offer your male insight. You're the best. By the way, I haven't incessantly been calling or writing. I called him once last evening, and once about two weeks ago. I wrote him one very short email at the beginning of this month, requesting that he return my umbrella to my brother the next time he sees him. (which he hasn't yet, the bastage.) My instincts have been telling me to stay away as well though. He seems seriously spooked. I have this huge fear that I've managed to chase him away forever. I'm not sure the rest of the forum is interested in hearing more about my pathetic love life, so feel free to PM me when you return.

Hi Beec, Well I wish the situation was that good (him being infatuated with me and all), but this guy refuses to return my calls or emails. I have no idea how to coax him back to me, as I would like the opportunity to spend time with him. I'm really at a loss here on what to do. If you could PM me with some suggestions, I would be extremely grateful. - Confused Cassie

Yes it's possible. When I was younger, I had a crush on Lotor, the Prince of Doom from Voltron.

Hi Beec, I really like him and if there is a chance for us to see if something could work between us in the future, I would like the opportunity to find out. I guess that means I'm not completely ready to give up quite yet, sigh. (Foolish, foolish girl.) I feel as if I have no choice but to move on for now because he clearly isn't ready. I feel sad overall about the situation because I feel I've only managed to push him further away from me, instead of drawing him closer like I initially wanted. I would do anything to take my words back now. I feel at a loss for what to do, and would like to hear a male's perspective. What type of challenge would you suggest directing towards him? For now, I'm laying low and playing nonchalant while I continue working on controlling my emotions.

Yes USABabe, I've known him a very long time. He has been a part of my life since I was 10, and I am now 24. It is extremely painful, and I would do anything to take back my words. It really sucks that our friendship meant so little to him. I honestly didn't think revealing my deeper feelings would push him so far away so quickly.

*cries into a tissue* Your story was so romantic. I will keep you and Laura in my thoughts, and hope everything will work out for you both. Thank you for sharing, and please keep us up to date.

Actually what Gogol says makes sense, at least in my situation. The guy I was referring to above had told me we could never be together because he was afraid of hurting me. He also told me he wanted us to be friends, although he has avoided me like the plague since. I guess I did ruin the friendship by revealing my crush on him. Oh well, his loss then, I suppose. Pfft, men. I hope you'll have better luck with your situation, USABabe.

Hi guys, my last update on this situation. I hung out with Jay a few times last week with some of the other guys, and he clearly was extremely uncomfortable around me. I pretty much just acted as if nothing ever happened between us, and treated him as a friend again. I am a bit bemused because he won't return my calls or emails but if I watch him closely in person, his body language sometimes subtly shows that he might be into me. I talked with my brother last week, to figure out what the hell was going on. My brother said, "He thinks you are hot. He has only told me 100000 times since he's known you. He didn't know what to do when this gorgeous girl revealed her feelings towards him." I just shake my head in amazement. Never ever will I reveal my feelings for a guy in that manner again. I've never seen anyone run so far so fast in my life, hehe. I feel really bad now because I'm afraid I've permanently wrecked our friendship. At least now I know I wasn't completely crazy in thinking he might be into me. Guys are weird, sigh. I am just going to move on, because Jay is clearly spooked and I don't want to damage things further, in hopes that him and I can one day be friends again. Girls, don't make the mistake that I did !!!

Hi USABabe. I had this exact thing happen to me - and with a guy that is 25 years old! I revealed to my friend I've known for years and years that I had a crush on him and, after kissing me and calling me for a few days, he completely disappeared! Now he won't return my phone calls or emails. The funniest part is, when I do see him around, his body language clearly shows he's kind of into me. The other added twist is that he is my older brother's best friend, which makes it even more awkward. I talked with my bro about it because I can't figure out what the hell is going on. My brother said, "He thinks you are hot. He has only told me 100000 times since he's known you. He didn't know what to do when this gorgeous girl revealed her feelings towards him." I just shake my head in amazement. Never ever will I reveal my feelings to someone like that again. I've never seen a guy run so far so fast before in my life, LOL. I don't know now if I've totally blown my friendship with this guy, which hurts somewhat because I thought we were better friends than that. Hang in there, and hopefully everything will work out in the end. Guys can be, well, just WEIRD, no matter what age, sigh.

I wouldn't send it personally. I did the same over a recent circumstance with a guy who hurt me badly. I couldn't sleep at night, and wrote letter after anguished letter about my feelings and hurt. But I never sent any of them. Instead they are tucked away in an online journal. Sometimes I think about sending one or two, but I always stop myself. And I feel proud of myself for not doing it either. Its true that by sending your letter, you are giving this guy something he clearly doesn't deserve. If your letter is 14 pages long, then there must be ALOT of unresolved issues in your mind. I would find personal peace with those first, and let what is meant to be happen as it will. I'm in no way a psychologist though.

Hi DepressedOne. I completely agree that people can be callous and just downright cruel, all in the name of serving their own interests. It used to bug me alot, but I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that we can not control other people, and humans are fundamentally flawed. I deal by trying to do the best I feel I can in a given situation, and giving to others when they are in need. This has come back on me so many times though where I've been hurt, so I've built up a type of immunity to it. I try to remain compassionate and surround myself with positive things, in order to feel at peace with what is. You, like myself, sound like a sensitive creature, and I believe that eventually you will discover that some decent people do exist. It takes time to find them, and each one is a gem in their own right. We unfortunately can't change the world, but we can make the best of our lives and what we have.

One interesting thing to note from my own personal experience; I had been gone from my home town for almost four years while studying abroad. When I returned home three months ago, almost all of my old girlfriends were married. And guess which type of guys were snatched up first? All of the independent nice guys from school, who were capable of being in a stable relationship, and who could properly support their families. It's a bit discouraging for me because all of the bad boy party types are the ones still single in this area, meaning that I may have to travel overseas again just to find a potential date!

Like some have all ready stated, I wouldn't mind if my future beau had a sexual past. Although I'm still a virgin, I wouldn't judge a future relationship based on whether he was still one or not. I would love that person fully for whom they were, and that would mean embracing such faults as a possible promiscuous past. A person's ability to remain faithful and loving is much more important for me than an issue of past sexual history.

"All the good guys aren't taken.... your attracted to what is not good for you....... most of us are.. male or female.............. " ---------------------------- This statement is so true. *sighs* I've found myself attracted to a guy that is horrible for me, yet my attraction for him is there all the same. The worst part is, I've given up ample opportunities to be with nicer men, simply because my heart isn't over this person yet.

My first kiss was when I was 11, and my first deep (french) kiss was at 13.

I am also quite shy, but if you have an outgoing mate who is aggressive with the ladies, use it to your advantage. My best friend is soo outgoing and I let her attract the men if we're out together. Then, if there is one in particular that really interests me, I subtly and slyly move in while she is entertaining the others. 8)

I find my peace of mind sitting on my laptop (like I am now, lol) and reading through forums such as these. They are a good reminder that I'm not alone with my mental illnesses (anxiety and depression) and personal hardships, and always serve in lifting my spirits. Some other things; when everything feels really chaotic inside my head, taking a long drive and listening to music instantly relaxes me. Reading a good book can also be very relaxing. Taking a long hot shower, or spoiling myself by brewing a good cup of tea and honey are all little things I do to try to find my inner peace. Exercising also boosts my mood tremendously, and I am looking into trying some yoga classes soon. One other thing; traveling. I love to travel, and there is something absolutely exhilarating to me about sitting in a busy airport, en route to another place that will be filled with new experiences and people.

Hi guys, I don't know if I have a psychological problem or a fear of intimacy, but I am 24 years old and still a virgin. I just haven't found the right guy for me yet, and I view sex as both a very intimate physical and emotional bond that I only want to share with that one special guy. My virginity is really not something I want to throw away just for the sake of trying sex. Right now I've just stepped away from a very long term relationship - (he was a virgin as well and thereforeeee never pressured), and now I am preparing to dabble into the dating scene again. But I'm not sure how I should approach the issue of my virginity. All of my friends have been sexually active for years and years now, so I feel awkward trying to discuss the issue with them. Many of my girlfriends lost their virginity as young as 11 years old. I did talk with my older brother, and he was shocked to discover I was still a virgin. He said he would die to find a girl like me, lol. He is also always reminding me not to take myself so seriously, not about this, but on many other things. I do feel as if I'm finally ready to be intimate with someone, but I also feel scared it has taken me so long. I feel years behind everyone else in that regard. I don't know, sometimes I feel so confused. Have I been taking myself too seriously in regards to sex, and do I perhaps have an intimacy issue?

Marriage material, grrr. I hate this term with a passion, although it is a huge compliment I suppose, from a guy's perspective? I hear this alot from my guy friends as well, in regards to myself. Or they say I'm a 'keeper'. Which, translated loosely, means; we don't want to be with you right now because we want to have fun with bar sl*ts for as long as we can, then we expect you to be waiting around for us when we're ready to finally commit, if ever.