brave

i'm 15 and i am in love with a older guy and he as a girlfriend i don't know what to do anymore

Another question from a dangerous mind this time I am not lost about what is love but where it is gone. It was there it does exist and it did exist in our real lives it was here last year in every inch of my being it still does but some how we lost the warmth and some how I lost the sense of it. I ask to myself if I still love her or as they put am I still in love with her ? I dont know the answer now, maybe after sometime many months later I will know ; or as the people say depends who writes the history or the facts. IT started like a flame as it always does , she was every thing to me when she was around she was the World and I always forgot about everything but her, but that is the truth isn't it that when u r madly in love u forget about everything and u just remember the feeling the sense of being with her in her warmth . Or may be its just the feeling of being in love with love and the faith we have and the trust we evolved the blind trust and then on one beautiful haunting day everything ends , cracks because of something unknown to u before or even un-thoughtful before. Isn't it the fact that love is a blinding phenomenon when u love someone u dont see any negatives because everything is so surreal in its own sense and u dont think anything bad may be happening in near future because your present is your future and it is longevity and the eternity of the sense and of the feeling but then may be I am agreeing with the fact that us human beings fall in love again and again as we grown to un-love people and fade the feeling of being in love. Well then it was over how it ended I dont know the love has gone some how we both tried our best to hang on to it; we tried to be friends, to see if we can grow the feeling again .The sparks the emotions and can do without the hurt but u know when once u loose trust u loose faith then there is nothing else but just fading away period thats why people say that when u end something u should have a closure like a proper burial to someone so that the spirit wont haunt you and in ur memories they live but u let go of them slowly and slowly. Here well here my friend lies the problem the dilemma of being me as I havnt let go of some one who left me who died many many years ago and she left me with out my unborn child and I havnt parted with her memories then how come I be so easy to forget about this one the new love I had just few days ago and she was so real so close and everything was so perfect and not from the day one . Differences that make one relation ship grow also kill the romance in us the love in us day by day nite by nite and distances grow when u r close but not there any more in ur hearts .Sharing is a word that cant be used if u have to share ur heart with someone else or something else in this life or any others. TIME heals they say well I will try and see if this time it does work it hast for last quite a few years . May be we are better off with the thing called love maybe emotions are the inflictions in this life maybe we can just survive without it and just go by the casual feelings attraction we have for many of each others and we can exist as the social animals we are being. Cliché'' so many in us that we start to live the others lives and we forget what we are and what we are all about individually. Remember Nancy ? I remember her ...She was totally and unconditionally in love with him and he knew that he had the power over her he use to beat her so bad every time hurt her and after every 3 , 4 months use to kick her out of the home and where else she would end up except my home I was the only friend she had as all others had gave up on her .As after all this mess he use to go out with other girls even Nancy friends and when he called to apologize she would go back to him. I tried in vein many times that she is doing wrong but she always went back until one day he went too far and she never came back to me as she was dead. I always ask my self if I could have done anything more for her ? where was her love where love was gone for her ? No one will ever know . He will come out of prison in few years and will start a new life what about Nancy ? what about love ? . Love ! what is it and where is it if it is gone . Where can I find it now its so unreal. Should we be cruel to end all of it to go back as friends could we be friends ? after what we had before ? of course then at the same time i ask myself what we had ? some sittings some close moments and dreams and in my dreams they were so real they are still real because I saw her in them ...was she having me in her dreams in her future plans was that the reason that love is gone ? or something else or is it just the fact that World is not a fairy tale and nothing ends like fairy tales in this World. In my world when I am in love everything is in love and everything is so happy so beautiful .My cat feels it when I am in love or pain or sadness creeps on me she always tried to comfort me when I feel sad or melancholic in my own terms why my happiness has to be so lonely has to be so sad. When we are happy isnt it the most beautiful thing in the world and isnt we suppose to smile laugh levitate in emotions yet my happiness was sad my loneliness is happy .My love was hurtful painful and my friendship is happy. Cliché' more cliché in our World. But then when I come out of my fairy tale world this world tried to portray itself as nice and beautiful understanding every inch of my thoughts and i try to mingle in it only to get hurt again and again and again. Until finally I give up and go back to the place I belong the fairy tales because there everything is imaginary but they live happily ever after they have no sadness in their World. Flowers never go away they have the scents and! smells of heaven and innocence . My violin instructor looked at me with funny eyes when I told her I cant continue ...how could I tell her that my inspiration is gone .She was my inspiration she had all the happiness I had and somehow she took that with her. And all I am left with is insomnia our favorite word as it gives us immortality over dreams what good dreams are if they are not real .If I have to dream I can go back to my fairy tale world and can dream there. Don't tell me you never dream about the island that is always in my dreams in a blue ocean with so many palm trees with so much silence that u can hear the birds sing and the ocean waves singing and dancing on the shore. Where you and your love are alone to built a World of their own. Where there is nothing but you and the word US. How much that word means when you are there in that dream away from all realities all sad happiness things but just calm and passionate beings. If you havnt dream that island yet you should hurry do it soon before you wonder where love has gone because then it will be too impossible to think and not dream.

She sat where many had sat before, gazing down over the lip of the cliff, down, down to where the dark waters shimmered in the soft moonlight. Dark and welcoming, yet every now and then small star lit crests of surf spoiled the stillness of the surface. She did not remember the drive from her house to Beachy Head. Her eyes had been so full of tears, her heart filled with pain. She had been numb to the world outside. Climbing the hill to the cliff top, she stumbled on the grass made wet by the evening shower. Her jeans soaked from the grass, as her face was from the tears that fell from her eyes. The fence and signs warning of the dangers of the cliff edge did nothing to stop those who had a mission at this lonely spot high above the still waters. She looked down once moren into the welcoming depths far beneath her, without knowing it, fiddling with the thin gold band on her finger. When had it started, why had it happened, her mind was a turmoil of non understanding. Still photographs of the last months flashed in and out of her thoughts as she tried to get them into some form of order. She had been happy, so very happy, her life had seemed complete when she had found Rob. It was one of those chance meetings at the local bar she sometimes went to with her friends after work. They had been there making the normal fools of themselves, she had been laughing with the others at their jokes and comments about the men in the bar. Suddenly she felt the hairs stand up on her neck, quickly glancing around noticed a pair of blue eyes trying to avoid the fact that they had been looking at her. She smiled at the man who was obviously a little embarrassed at being caught looking, staring at her, a shy half smile had been returned, before the rest of the girls caught on and immediately had started to make her blush by their comments. That had been the start, it had been several weeks later that he actually came up and spoken to her as she had stood at the bar, it being her round for the drinks. "Caught you alone," he said with a little laugh. Charged by the drink, she answered, "If you want to catch me alone, phone me." Giving him her phone number. She never knew what got into her to have done that, but something told her deep inside it was the right thing to do. She had waited and waited for the phone call, and when it came her heart danced with joy. Their first date was a magic night of being with somebody who was to be part of her life for a long time. The evening merged into the night neither of them had wanted to end. They had talked and discovered, kissed and learned, she knew at the end this man was the one for her. That date turned into a romance, the first night they had laid together after making love, she had known what heaven really was. Rob was everything she had ever wanted, everything she had ever needed, he was her love. The days turned into months, months to a year. On the anniversary of their meeting he gave her the sparkling ring that now she twisted round and round on her finger. They planned and started trying to save for their future, both got second jobs. Together they worked out what they needed for a future home for their much-wanted family. The times together got shorter, their loving less often, they were both tired, but she knew it was for the best. Then came the phone calls. It was strange at first calls with nobody there when she picked the phone up, calls asking for a wrong number. At first they had laughed about it, now she realized that it had been a warning sign. One day he told her he had to go away on a business, coming back a week later, looking tired. She had sensed at that time something was wrong, something was there lurking deep behind his eyes. Then when she got home from another long day at work, he was not there, she gave a sob, peircing the chill night air. He was not there that night or the next, she had called all her friends, called the hospitals. She had realized when she had looked round the house that despite them living together for some time, there was really very little of him left in the now empty rooms. Rooms where they had loved and laughed, lived and planned, empty shells of a romance. She heard nothing from him this last month, nothing, her pain grow as her worry turned to heartache, everyday she checked with the hospitals, police and friends. Each day she received the same lack of news. That was until tonight, until she came home early from her job. Feeling the pain too much from the sad looks and "trying to help" remarks of those who cared for her. He was there when she opened the door, packing up what was left of his things. He had looked totally embarrassed to be caught. She rushed into his arms, which automatically went round her though felt cold and unresponsive, she kissed him, but got nothing back in return. He had simply said "I'm leaving. I have met somebody else. I am sorry." Then he turned and left. Ten words that had broke her tattered world asunder, ten words that lead to her being here, now, looking down into the welcoming arms of the sea far below, where life would no longer hurt, where the pain that filled her heart would not be there any more. A night birds cry ripped the silence as a splash sent ripples accross the silent sea far below, it was over. Slowly sinking into the dark depths, something gold reflected in the moons soft beams. She stood up feeling the weight gone from her heart as it was from her finger where once a ring had been placed. This night the sea would not be her home, this night was the start of rebuilding her life, She would get through it, she would find that one person who was meant for her, she would start again. Once more she looked into the darkness of the sea and thought she caught a faint glint of gold deep from its depths, this was not the end, it was a new beginning. p.s i hope you like it

If I can endure for this minute Whatever is happening to me, No matter how heavy my heart is Or how dark the moment may be ... If I can remain calm and quiet With all the world crashing about me, Secure in the knowledge God loves me When everyone else seems to doubt me ... If I can but keep on believing What I know in my heart to be true, That darkness will fade with the morning And that "this will pass away, too!" ... Then nothing in life can defeat me For as long as this knowledge remains I can suffer whatever is happening For I know God will break all the chains That are binding me tight in "the darkness" And trying to fill me with fear ... For there is "no night without dawning" And I know that "my morning" is near.

tell him he will understand

about a year ago someone i really really like move away and i haven't seen him for a some time i know why he move but do i go around there or leave him to it please help i don't know what to do anymore

that was great

Sweet lady with dark and dusky eyes and hair that's hued with ravens wing, when I'm with you my spirits rise my heart will leap and sing. With tender look and gentle touch, oh, if only my world would part and leave just you I love so much. Is my love for you and unrequited quest? If so my heart will break, my soul will rest.

someday you'll cry for me, like I cried for you. someday you'll need me, the way I needed you. someday you'll miss me, like I missed you. someday you'll love me, but I won't love you.

I sit and wonder has it all been a lie as I cry and wonder why you say you care do I dare believe in you tell me is it true can I believe in you?

First time I met you I knew that I wanted you I got you and yes we fuss and fight but that never changed my love for you and we grew so much in love it was so hard to keep it inside but the day you wanted to end it by saying you dont want me no more after a year and five months I didnt understand it and now a year and five months still dont understand

:sad: It's been a bad day I'm getting used to it now another sad day I'd cry but I dunno how I'm drowning in thoughts of how things used to be my chest was shut tight complete w/ purity It's out in the open should've kept to myself I'll learn from mistakes take my heart off the shelf my soul has now fled it's my body alone and it's far too much hurt for my heart to come home I give it up now there's no way to win w/o you here my world still spins It's been a bad day I'll try to let it not show another sad day and I'm just letting go....

Life in its madness, Killed my soul... The eternal hope within my heart, Gone, alive no more Bitter laughter hides the pain of broken dreams and shattered hopes of weakness and self pity The void, all welcoming feeding from my tears of sadness The light of life all but gone I live no more But my tears will exist for eternity For all to see, for all to know I gave up my faith for twisted passion A never ending nightmare Spiritually dead... A black void Cavorting with nothingness [/img]

i saw him to day i just want pass him he as everything i what all i do is fell in love the wrong guys why did fall in with him i know it's was wrong from the first day i saw him but he as a girlfriend please help i love him soooooooo and last night i didn't know want to do tell him where to go or leave him and let him get on with it and he as a girlfriend that doesn't make things better

don't know what to do i just wish he hadn't come last night i felt sick when he came in to the car park i know he as to see his friends but why now i really love him he as everything i what but he as a girlfriend i really like him but i don't know please help i love him soooooooo much i don't know what to do i haven't seen him for year he what away in march and he didn't come back but last night he did i don't know why why did fall in with him i know it's was wrong from the first day i saw him i didn't want him to come back i just wished he had gone i know he dosn't love me all he cares about him and his friends i know he as got have friends it gets to me sometimes and last night i didn't know want to do tell him where to go or leave him and let him get on with it and he as a girlfriend that doesn't make things better all i do is fell in love the wrong guys