Cassie

Hi Jenny. I think you need to seek out your inner peace and beauty again. Another thing that may help you feel better about yourself physically may be joining a gym. That way you can look your prime, and it is a healthy solution as well! Exercising is also an excellent natural way to boost your mood. I've been considering some yoga classes for myself, maybe it is something you would find helpful? Good luck with everything, and keep us up to date on how you are feeling.

Hi guys, another update. Jay and I went to a concert together last week and (surprise surprise) he was wasted and flying high again. I couldn't get my umbrella into the park holding the event, so Jay walked me back to the car while the rest of our group remained at the gates. He was being very flirty, more flirty than I've ever seen him be with me. We were just goofing around together and somehow we got into a conversation about us again. He told me again he couldn't be with me because of my brother. I told him point blank I thought it was a mistake for him to view it that way. Then he said, "I know myself and I know I will only hurt you. I don't want to hurt you." I felt really bummed, he must have noticed and then he said, "It doesn't mean forever." (?? wth does that mean??) I've been really sad since, so I've put him on NC until I can get better control of my emotions. He is still incredibly immature and I really can't figure out what his deal is. He did call me afterwards and ask for me to call him back, but I never did. It just hurts too much to be around him right now. If anyone has any advice on how to get over this, I would love to hear it. I still can't get this guy off my mind and it is severely driving me crazy.

This may sound strange, but I notice a person's aura right away. Eyes are also of powerful interest for me. Other than that, a person's smile and mannerisms can say alot about who they are, and if they are someone I will enjoy spending further time with.

Wow, all these guys seem to be into the quieter, more sensitive ladies. That gives me a small bit of hope. I'm an intellectual artsy type, who is very reserved and shy. Most of the guys I know seem to be drawn to the loud, flamboyently dressed ladies who typically can be found in the bar scenes. (We are talking an age group of mid to upper 20's). It's good to hear not all men are like that though.

I have a friend who craves constant attention from guys. She is an enormous flirt and keeps the 'nice' guys on the sidelines so she always has an option open if her other love interests fall through. It is a bit fascinating to watch her in action. I am a very quiet, reserved shy girl and the most annoying thing is, my friend is always trying to hook me up with guys I have absolutely no interest in! I'm fine with being single, and I wish she could be as well. She tells me all of the time how needy of attention she is, and I find it kind of pathetic.

My advice is, go for it. You will never know how things could have turned out unless you try, and if you don't try, you will be left with that feeling of wondering what could have been. I would also suggest keeping both relationships as separate as possible. If you're careful about it, you should be able to have a fulfilling relationship with both your best mate and his sister, without letting them interfere with each other. If things do go wrong with the sis, if you treat her well and with respect, hopefully you will be able to remain on good terms. Good luck. 8)

All right guys, a small update. We were all sitting in the garage together, my brother and his band, and some of my friends. My friend Kristen had brought a girl with her none of us had met before, named Jenn. Suddenly Jenn turned to Jay and asked, "Is she your girlfriend?", while gesturing at me. I almost died! Jay laughed and said no. I shyly ducked my head and said, "All right guys, let's get back to the music". (Jarrod, who is in the band, was sitting next to me playing the guitar at the time). Later, Jenn pulled me outside and apologised profusely. She said she had no idea about our situation and didn't mean to have put her foot in her mouth at that moment. She then said the weirdest thing. She said, "He likes you". I was like, "Huh?" She insisted he liked me, and said she was very perceptive about picking up that type of thing in a room. I asked her to clarify whether she was positive it wasn't vibes coming from me towards him, and she said no. Then she repeated again, "He really, really likes you." I was freaked out after that, hehe. Jay called me yesterday while I was in the shower, and my cell phone logged his call, although he didn't leave a voice mail. I think he was sitting in our garage at the time he made the call, so I have no idea why he didn't just come inside the house. I think I am going to work up my courage and ask him out on a formal date, perhaps to a coffee bar or something similar. That way we can have an opportunity to spend some time together and talk, while being sober. It could be fun. I just need to work up my confidence now to do it, hehe. Wish me luck guys.

I found your poem quite haunting and beautiful. A poetic soul should not censor his artistic expressions. The hell with what others think, your poem is a piece of you, be proud of your writing and never change for anyone, no matter how harsh the criticism. I applaud you for sharing your work with others.

Oh my lord. The planets must have been aligned tonight or something. Jay came over tonight, along with the rest of my brother's old band. They set their equipment up in our garage. I haven't seen my brother this happy in ages. I was supposed to go out tonight, but I invited my friends over instead. My dad, who is usually extremely unapproachable and untight, sat with them and had a few beers with the guys. My brother has been dreaming of a night like this for years. Then my father hugged my mother before going to bed. They haven't shown affection to each other for as long as I can remember. Oh god, and Jay. I am in love with him. I came outside to tease my dad when I heard he was drunk. Jay and I locked eyes from accross the room, he could see the joy in my face, and I could see it in his. And something passed between us. God, those eyes. It is as if I can see my future reflected in them. Later, Jay and I sat and talked for a bit. It felt so damn right. He gave me a huge hug before he left, and promised to return early tomorrow. I just shake my head in amazement over this. I thought I had ruined our friendship by revealing my feelings to him so openly, but it seems that in some small way, he can feel my vibes, and he understands and accepts. After Jay left, I felt tired and left for bed. The stars were so bright tonight. I spent a few moments gazing up at their wonderful luminescence. Then I made a wish or two. What a strange, strange night. Thank you everyone, for your thoughtful replies and advice.

Hi guys. This is my first post ever here on these forums. 8) I need some serious advice for a situation I've found myself in. I will give background first, and I apologise for the length of this post! My older brother has been best friends with this guy Jason for years and years. I grew up with Jason and have known him since I was 10 years old. (I am currently 24). I can remember my brother approaching me when I was 11 or 12, saying that Jason had a crush on me. I laughed and waved it away then, because I had no feelings towards him other than friendship. I can distinctly remember one day in school looking him over from head to foot, when he wasn't aware I was doing it. He used to wear black rimmed glasses, and I can remember thinking he was a good looking guy, but not my taste at all. Fast forward through the years; Jason continued to be a huge part of my life, since he remained in close contact with my brother. They were both musicians and formed a band together. They also started drinking heavily, and dabbling into the drug scene. I was very different at that time, more straight edge and only casually experimenting with drugs, which I hated. During this period, Jay became a serious pothead. He started hanging with a rougher crowd. We remained friends, but started to drift apart slowly. One day, about six years ago, I was at the movies with one of my girlfriends. We were walking down a dark hallway, when suddenly I heard someone say my name from in the shadows. It surprised me, and I looked over to where a man was kneeling down and cleaning. It was Jason. I can remember feeling startled when I saw him. It was so dark, I could only see his eyes, and at that moment it struck me how beautiful those eyes were. He got up and asked me how I was. He asked me how my brother was doing. Apparently they had drifted a bit apart as well, and he seemed sad about it. Then he said something along the lines of, "You and I should talk more as well." I was a bit shaken by the event, because I hadn't thought of Jay in years. And I certainly never saw him in the light I saw him that night, after seeing him again after such a long time. I think it was at that moment I began to realise I had feelings for him, feelings that went much deeper than friendship. I felt a bit disconcerted by the realisation. I also realised he was now a 'bad boy', in the sense he was a huge partier and had developed into a womaniser. My brother once told me, "You're into Jay, eh? You better enjoy sex then, because that guy is a sex freak." My heart sunk to hear this because I was a virgin, so I pushed my feelings aside and pursued other relationships with nicer, more tame men. Fast forward to my being 18; I got involved in an ugly relationship with an older guy that turned out brutual. I had stupidly left home to move in with this guy in defiance of my parents, and the situation became ugly. One day I called my brother crying, begging him to come pick me up. My brother came and was upset to see the condition I was in. He also said to me, "There is someone who would like to see you" and drove me over to Jay's house. (gulp). It was great to see Jay again, and we hung out that night. Gah, I'm making this post a long babbling one. Let me try and push through it faster. To wind things up faster, Jay and I almost hooked up around that time. He told my brother he thought I was 'hot', and 'marriage material'. Things got in the way again somehow, and we never hooked up. Instead, I pursued another relationship, and once again we drifted our separate ways. This time, my relationship and adventuring heart took me overseas for four years. I was engaged, became married. But I never felt happy or fulfilled. My mom and I talked once, whilst I was overseas. She said, "You know, the strangest thing happened the other day. Jay came into our house and pulled up a chair in front of me. And he just kept looking at me. I said, 'Yes, Jay?' And he said, 'Is your daughter really never coming back?'" I laughed at the time and wondered why he didn't contact me or write. That memory stayed with me though, and started to haunt me a bit. Finally, after two and a half years of marriage, I told my husband I wanted a separation. We remain dear friends, but I just wasn't happy. I returned home from overseas, to give myself time to heal. And now we are finally up to current events. I saw Jay again upon returning home, and I realised I was undeniably attracted to him. I felt confused because I also realised I wasn't in the position to pursue another relationship. I needed time to heal mentally. But I couldn't shake this guy from my thoughts. I approached my brother about it and he suggested I speak with Jay, open and honestly, about my feelings. I left a voice mail for Jay, requesting that we could have a one on one chat while we both were sober. This was about four weeks ago. The next day, Jay picked us up for a huge party that happens every week downtown. He approached me about my voice message, but we were both drinking heavily. I told him I wanted it to be when we were sober, but he said, "No, whatever you have to tell me, tell me right here and now". I stupidly did so, probably because I was so wasted. I confessed to him that I have had a crush on him for many years. He put his arms around me and said, "I think you're a great girl, but I could never be with you in that way because of your brother. And I'm no good for you. I'm a man wh*re." I replied, "That's cool, Jay. I completely understand. Just give me some time to properly readjust my feelings towards you to mere friendship." Then he leaned in and kissed me. (!!???) I was taken aback at first, and didn't know how to respond. Then he kissed me again, and this time I responded by kissing him back. For the first time, I felt powerful desire, and things got very intense between us that evening. I think it freaked us both out. I still see Jay alot, and I don't think I am dealing with it very well. I get very emotional when I see him, and when we are out together, I feel very shy and awkward. My emotions feel so out of control right now. It seems as if he enjoys spending time with me, but yet he is also enjoying being single. Which is where I need advice in controlling my emotions. I get so insanely jealous when I see him flirting with other girls, even though I know it's irrational and I have no reason to. I feel hurt when he doesn't return my emails or phone calls, yet I know he's freaked out too. But I can't figure out what is going on in his head. He'll hang out a bit, and it seems like his interest is piqued. Yet he shys away at the same time, as if he doesn't want to confront our situation head on because he is confused and doesn't want to give up his freedom as a bachelor. My brother and his other best friend know how I feel for Jay, and they believe I deserve better. I also feel I deserve a man who will make me happy, and right now my feelings are being channeled into desiring Jay. Is there a way for me to get past this? I am so confused myself, I can't figure out why I've become so attached to him when I know he is probably no good for me. Yet at the same time I want to scream in defiance at those who talk down about him, because I don't feel they are any better, and I wonder if they are jealous because they know how I feel towards him. Gah, I'm so confused. Jay will always have a special place in my heart, but I desperately need to find a way to let him go. I act so stupid around him now! He tells me it is all right, and gives me reassuring hugs, telling me to please not feel awkward around him. But my emotions run wild every time I am around him, and where alcohol is involved, they tend to come out. I just wish he would give me a straight answer as to how he is feeling, without me feeling as if I have to corner him about it. Any advice on this situation would be much appreciated. I feel so confused in regards to my own feelings. One of my brother's friends once asked me, after observing a bit of the situation, if I was in love with Jay. He warned me again that Jay was no good for me. At the time I laughed and thought it was ludicrous he would think such a thing. But sometimes I wonder ... I want to let go, yet at the same time I want to hold on and be there for Jay as a friend, because I care about him so damn much. What is going on, why can't I let him go? The thing that hurts the most is, my out of control emotions are only hurting Jay's and my friendship. When he tries to get close and talk, I find myself pushing him away. I wish I knew what to do.