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wellswomyn

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  1. wellswomyn
    Wow, Princess, that was quite a lengthy post! I think I get the idea though... First of all, I want you to know that it is perfectly normal to explore bodies as a child, and is often encouraged in some societies. I'm sorry you felt you were punished for it, because the fact is almost everyone has played doctor as a child! Now on to your relationship with your friend... It is clear that you both have a very good connection, and are important to each other. I think that what you are saying is that you think that she has a crush on you, and knowing that has made you think about the possibility of being in a relationship with her, even though you have never considered being in a relationship with another girl before. And so this makes you feel excited, but also scared. Did I get it right? Okay, here is my advice: 1) be honest with her about how you feel, but also be careful not to mistake her feelings for your own. (When you say "i love you" it might mean something different than when she says it, and you don't want to lead her on. 2) try to think about what it might be like to be in a relationship with her, how it would feel to kiss her, to really snuggle with her, to eventually disclose your relationship to your other friends. 3) don't be afraid. i thought i was bi when i was 15, but as soon as i kissed my first girl i knew i was hooked for life!!! no more boys for me. things will work out for you, just relax and be true to yourself. Keep us updated!
  2. wellswomyn
    I agree that you are doing everything fine so far, but I think at some point soon you also need be clear about what you want. I think it is perfectly fine for you to say something like "i like hanging out with you. Want to grab some coffee thursday night? It'll be fun!" because for this to go anywhere, at some point she will need to take some action, say she wants to get to know you better, hang out with you. I think there is always a danger in trying to date a straight woman, which isn't to say don't try, just be honest with yourself about whether it feels right to put so much energy into it. you shouldn't have to convince anyone to go on a date with you. they should just want to do it because they are drawn to you. i hope it works out! (and i wouldn't worry about the age difference)
  3. wellswomyn
    I agree. My current girlfriend felt the same way. She's 13 years older than I am, and although I thought she was hot and she thought I was hot, she was really apprehensive about even going on a date. Turns out, when we are together, neither of us even notice an age gap. (Not even when the man at the chinese restaurant said "mother and daughter, right?") LOL I would suggest finding a way to hang out with her in a group and see what her vibe is like. If she's into you, sometimes the flirty energy is all it takes to persuade someone to relax their "dating rules". Good luck!!!! K
  4. wellswomyn
    Rao, I just ended a very long relationship with similar circumstances. In fact, i think you just wrote MY story there! My ex was always very sarcastic, did not want to be intimate, and generally made me feel not very loved or respected. But it was so hard to leave it, for both of us, because it was all we had known for so long. And we were stuck, or so it felt. The problem for us (and this may be different for you) was that we just were not in love anymore. I mean, we loved each other, we were best friends, we cared for each other, but there definitely wasn't that sense of "i am so in love with you i would do anything to make you happy and i know you would do the same for me". Instead it felt more like we were both following the same routine, having the same arguments, being secretly angry with each other. I totally understand how you feel. Really, I do. And I agree with the last post that you probably need to spend some time apart from her, for starters. Have coffee with a friend twice a week. And be as honest as you think you can be with her. Tell her that you feel like you are spending too much time together and that it would be good for both of you to spend time with other people. See where that leads you. Good luck, K
  5. wellswomyn
    Pippin, you don't have to be eighteen, so go check out link removed. really, if nothing else it will give you something new to explore online and take up some time and distract you. Poor 'lil pip. I hope you have a good week. Oh, I just had a thought... your last post was very free-flowing, kind of a stream of consciousness writing. do you journal at all? it can be very therapeutic, and it sounds like you've got some stuff to work out. you might want to give it a try, just be sure to find a safe place to keep it so you don't worry about anyone finding it. hugs, k
  6. wellswomyn
    Pippin, I wonder if she had the same idea about prom as you did. Maybe she really just thought you were going as friends, or maybe she really isn't that into you and just used this as an excuse to go party with other people. Either way it sucks. Sorry you had to deal with this on prom. You must be glad you didn't tell your parents though. maybe you should try to meet some new people. have you ever checked out link removed or link removed? it's a good way to find other lesbians nearby. you'll be okay. forget about her. she sounds like she's not worth all of your energy anyway.
  7. wellswomyn
    I don't really have any advice beyond what has already been offered here, because I think they all had really good things to say. But I wanted to just comment that I think your life experiences have indeed made you very mature, and this is evident in the way you have expressed yourself very clearly in your post. I think that if you really weigh out all of your options, you will see what you need to do to put your life on the right track. i think you are at a very important junction in your life. but you seem like a smart girl...
  8. wellswomyn
    Hey Mick, I know you didn't have a question and probably weren't looking for advice, but I just can't help myself sometimes... I think you could really benefit from some direction in your life. Try this: 1) What would make you reall really happy? Dream big, really think it through, and then write it all down. 2) Make a list of what you could settle for. What would give you enough happiness to feel fulfilled with your life. Write it down. 3) Lastly, make a list of things you need to do in order to achieve #2. Let us know how you are doing. Only YOU can make you happy, and only you can break the cycles of deceit and baggage.
  9. wellswomyn
    Hey Lauren, I'm in a similar situation. My partner and I are about the same size, only she looks thinner but I weigh less. I guess that evens us out a little bit, but we still have a habit of obsessing about our weight (she more than i). She stopped wanting to have sex for a long time because she was too uncomfortable with her body. Some things we have done to feel better are: Eat healthier food Go bike riding together Agree not to talk about weight issues for two weeks straight The last one really helped a lot. I think that for a lot of women, worrying about body image becomes a habit. The trick is to break the habit. Have either of you read "The Body Project"? I think it is by Joan Jacobs Brumberg. Have a read... it will help you put body image in perspective. I sometimes feel that as a feminist lesbian I have a responsibility NOT to obsess over my weight, but that is much easier said than done considering all the media images of anorexic women. But that's a whole other can of worms... Be open and honest with her. Find out what she would need to do in order to feel comfortable enough to be intimate. Maybe leave all the lights off, and let her leave a shirt on. pm me if you need to talk.
  10. wellswomyn
    I understand that your confusion is creating a sense of urgency to define yourself, as that is basically what adolescence is... finding out who you are. The most important thing to remember is to ask yourself lots of questions and be open to the answers. When the time is right you will know. If your friend Josh is easy to talk to, you could just ask him if he is going through the same thing. A lot of my straight guy friends told me that when they were 12 and 13 they would have wet dreams about guys, and although they were open to the idea, the feelings eventually subsided. take care!
  11. wellswomyn
    Hereiam, You asked a lot of questions, so if we didn't answer one please repost. I do not know if you are a lesbian, and it is quite possible that you haven't had enough experience to know for yourself. I just saw a great movie last night called "Chutney Popcorn" that is about an Indian woman who is a lesbian, and her family. It was really good and I suggest you check it out. There are some very sensual scenes in it which may help you work through where your desires lay. My doctor said that sometimes an oral contraceptive can help reduce facial hair. All women have it, but some have more than others. You are not weird or anything.
  12. wellswomyn
    Hey Butterfly, I totally don't think you are weird at all. Some women have very specific movements that make them get off, and nothing else will do! At least you have figured out how to do it. Have you tried to add different kinds of toys into your sex play? It sounds to me like you need a lot of clit stim to get off (which most women do) so why not get a smaller vib that you can wear during regular intercourse. (link removed has one called the 'butterfly', by the way...) Also, maybe you could practice masturbating in different ways, to see if there is any other way that might do the trick. Have fun!
  13. wellswomyn
    Hey, I don't know what you are looking for exactly, as it sounds to me like you have already talked about this at great length with several people. I know what it's like to come out early, have such strong emotions, and feel like you are going to burst. It sucks, but at the same time you should feel really good about the fact that you have already found someone who ignites such fire inside of you, even if it is not reciprocated. If you are looking for an opinion on your situation, here's what I have to say: Ranin might be curious, but you really need to give him time to think about everything and just take it all in. Leave him alone for a week, then casually call him up and do something low key together like see a movie. If you want to pursue him, you need to make him feel comfortable and relaxed around you. Don't get so caught up in YOUR needs that you disregard his. It's a fine line, but it an important one to respect. The more pressure you put on him, and the more desperate you sound, the less interested he will be in exploring anything with you. It sounds like you are actually pushing him away, becoming the annoying 13 year old that follows him around. Don't be that kid! Be strong, think this through, and try not to act impulsively. I hope this helps a little. Has anything new happened since you posted?
  14. wellswomyn
    I agree that children are almost always happiest with their parents. What are the actual reasons that you are unable to properly take care of your son? Do you have a job? A place to stay? Food on the table? It really doesn't take much to make a kid happy, it usually just takes some creativity. I know life seems hard right now, but you really should be asking for ideas on how to better your circumstances, rather than seeking permission from strangers to give up your child. If you give some more info, I'm sure we can help you figure out the best solution.
  15. wellswomyn
    From a womans perspective, I am glad that you guys acknowledge that girls like different things and asking them is most important! Good job! Tricks of the trade: The key is to stimulate the clitoris, which you will feel by sliding your finger up through her labia. (It is a round area that feels like a bump about the size of a pea.) Make sure she is well lubricated as you are doing it. some women aren't as wet as others, so you may need to lick your fingers every few minutes to help things along. go slowly, feel around, be gentle. Try using different fingers/combinations. After you do it a couple of times, you will get a feel for what she likes. It can be really hard to get a girl off with just your fingers. As her questions while you are doing it, like "is that too hard? is this hard enough? do you want me to try it a little faster/harder? how about this circular motion?" using your mouth in addition to fingers will probably be a sure way to get her off, but that's for later on. take things slowly and enjoy the learning process.
  16. wellswomyn
    SweetGemini has a great point: your body is not ready for it. Girls typically aren't even capable of having an orgasm until their late teens. This is even more incentive to wait. If it's not gonne feel good, what's the point? If you are still curious about how it would feel, why don't you try masturbating? You can't lick yourself, but you can probably figure out how to do everything else all by your lonesome. I started doing it at 13, but still wasn't able to have an orgasm until I was 17, and believe me I tried! If your boyfriend is pressuring you into this, break up with him. There are so many good boys out there who will treat you like a princess!
  17. wellswomyn
    I used to fool around with my friends in high school, and although we never went all the way, we still did some pretty heavy stuff. I have always had close, open, honest relationships with my friends, and the whole "friends with benefits" concept really worked for us on those lonely sleepover nights. I don't know how you feel about the fact that she has a boyfriend, but I don't think there is anything wrong if you two just fool around a little bit. Sex might be too much at first though, so start small if you want to persue this.
  18. wellswomyn
    xsidx, For me, being gay has to do with more than just sexual attraction. I knew I was gay as a young teen, way before I had any real sexual desire. I just always felt more comfortable with women, and can relate to them on a much deeper level. I have had many close friendships with guys, but it's just not the same for me. I have always known that I would eventually end up with a woman, even though I did 'experiment' with guys in high school. My Point: Don't worry about what you may or may not be, just take time to explore yourself. When the time is right, you will just know. btw, I have never regretted the fact that I'm a lesbian. I have had some really great relationships, and mind blowing sex, and am still close friends with several of my ex girlfriends. Not to say that homophobia and gay bashing doesn't suck, but for me it has been worth the struggle to get to where I am now in life. Take care, kim
  19. wellswomyn
    Well LifeTooShort, I have one question for you: Are you happy? If you like the way things are between you two, then it doesn't really matter whether or not you may be gay. Don't get caught up in labels, they only hold you back. (I know lots of people with same-sex partners who still consider themself straight, but happen to be in love with another woman.) You mentioned that you have kissed, but do you want more? Does he? Could you talk with him about it? (I guess that's more than once question...) I think it is entirely possible that you are soul mates. It is so rare that we find such close connections with another person. You are very lucky! gay kisses, Kim
  20. wellswomyn
    I agree that finding fun activities to do is key. Do you like to ride a bike? Go for a 15 minute ride before dinner every evening. Do you have a dog? Take her for a walk every morning. Just find something that you can really enjoy, because that will be the motivation to keep with it. I also find that listening to music while walking/jogging/biking helps keep me from getting bored. Water. Don't forget water. We often eat because we misinterpret our thirst as hunger. If you drink more water, not only will you eat less, but you will be able to get rid of a lot of toxins in your body that may be inhibiting your weight loss. I don't generall like the taste of water, so I add a few lemon slices, which makes it very tasty. I hope this helps.
  21. wellswomyn
    Okay, let me see if I get this right... You have been together for a couple of years with three breakups in between. You live together, share a bedroom, and she is paying for everything. You just finished school. You are almost ten years younger than her. It seems to me like you are trying to figure out if you should get a job in california to be near your best friend/ex, or if you should realize that it is over and move back to PA to make your life. Tough decision. Is there any chance of you two getting back together? What if you stay in cali but lived apart for a little while, or at least share a 2 bedroom apartment so you have some space. The next couple of years will be very weird for you no matter where you are, as you are transitioning from 'kid in college' to 'adult in the real world'. It can be really scary, and I think that not only will your job prospects be better out there than they would be over here in PA, but you also have the benefit of a close friend who can help give you the stability and emotional support you will need. Talk it over with her. Stay there and get a job. Pay your half of the bills, as this will help even out the relationship. It sounds like you may indeed be codependent, but you can definitely work on this. Go out and meet some new friends, and spend at least one night away from your ex every week. Give yourself space to grow and learn on your own. This is only my take on the situation, but I hope it is a little helpful.
  22. wellswomyn
    Here's a tip: When you are going down on her, put a couple fingers inside so you can get both clitoral and "G" stimulation at the same time. Position your hand so your palm is facing your chin. This will angle your fingers perfectly on top of her G spot. This is the best position I have found to learn how your partner orgasms. You can see, hear, and smell what's going on as it happens. Once you can get a 'feel' for it, it will be easier for you to tell if she cums while you do other things, such as intercourse or fingering. Good luck, and enjoy...
  23. wellswomyn
    Amen, Laroxes. I've always enjoyed giving oral to a woman that I have a strong emotional attachment to. I find it to be more intimate than almost all other 'acts'. As for the smell/taste, it can change daily depending on where the woman is in her cycle, what she has been eating, how much hair there is, if she's feeling well, etc. In general I love the taste, but when my partner is ovulating or fighting off a cold it becomes a little too musty for me. I have always found that older men/women I have been with enjoy performing it more than younger ones. It might be a maturity thing or, you know, an aquired 'taste'. (gotta love the puns.) ~K
  24. wellswomyn
    klapowcius, I had a really hard time in high school finding other gays to hang out with, let alone date. I tried hanging out in a coffee/bookshop about 20 miles away because it had a large selection of gay books, so I figured some gay teens would eventually pop in there as well. Didn't work, I just looked lonely and creepy. I eventually met some local gay teens through a peer HIV education workshop, and although they lived too far away to maintian close contact with, it gave me hope. I met my first love at a Methodist camp, at a time when I was really not looking to date anyone. It was the summer after my freshwoman year of college, and I was enjoying my independence and newly found queer community. (Yay for women's colleges!) Anyway, she basically just fell into my lap. As soon as we spoke to each other, we were hooked. The rest was history! My current girlfriend and I met at a gay bar. Sounds so cliche, but it worked. We've been together five years. My advice to you: Just go out to the places that you enjoy, be they Barnes & Noble or Starbucks or biker bars. The right guy will find you. If you are looking for a more substantial relationship than a one night stand, stay away from bars. You seem really great, by the way, so any guy that finds you will be lucky indeed! gay kisses, kim
  25. wellswomyn
    klapowcius, being a lesbian, i have much experience with this situation. (since stereotypically lesbians tend to mutually break up and still continue living/sleeping together.) i have often found myself caught up in my own jealousy as an ex starts a new relationship. even though i may know that we would never work out, it still hurts to see them move on. what gets me through it is knowing that everything happens for a reason, and every person in our life will contribute to who we are and how we see the world. i think you should really just focus on how to strenghten your friendship with this guy, and know that if you two are meant to be together, the time will come. it will feel right, unforced, no convincing needed. and if you two don't end up together, you will still have a wonderful friend who knows you better than most people in your life. stick with him, be supportive, and in the meantime, go out and date. even if you don't find a new boyfriend soon, it will help you out a lot to focuss your energy on someone other than this guy, at least for a while. gay hugs, kim
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