Pippin

Alright, I went in for a physical this morning. As usual they took my blood pressure with the cuff, then gave me that look as they took it off each time(They took it several times). That is nothing out of the ordinary for me. They finally decided that they wanted me to try some things for it. The doctor looked at me and said, "Kid, I love you to death, so I'm going to say this as bluntly as possible: Get your * * * in shape." So he has told me that I need to lose weight. And then of course he spoke kryptonite out loud and told me I had to give up my 18 year caffiene addiction cold turkey. So if anyone has anything that could help me. For instance like a diet or work out plan that has actually worked, not one of those ones that everyone says it does but then you try it and you gain weight from it. Or any kind of ways to cope with the lack of caffiene. Thanks for at least reading this.

I understand that it might end up as a flame war, I hope it won't go to that. And I agree, everyone IS entitled to his or her opinion. I just added in the part about the bible because that is the only argument I have really heard a lot of that actually has sustenance to it and it’s still just kind of a goofy reason to me. They are entitled to it, but to me it doesn’t justify anything. I am just curious about reasons people might have to be against it. I have been trying to at least see the other side of this argument for a long time and I still can’t come up with anything. Thank you for at least taking the time to read this BellaDonna.

Ok, this could end up coming back to bite me...I'm not so sure I understand why people are against gay marriage. Obviously I support it, since I don't understand the opposing view. If anyone can give me a real reason that gay marriage should not be allowed, let me know. By real I mean: Don't use the bible to say it's wrong there are 6 times it shows homosexuals screwing up and I think it's 362 of heterosexuals screwing up.

I am speaking personally but I'm sure other women agree when I say I don't like having a piece of floss stuck up my butt. I'm not trying to prevent tooth decay in my butt. Just get over the underwear. You aren't having sex with the underwear. They are just there until you take them off of her. It's clothing my man. Get over it.

No crusin, Weezy means Borderline Personality Disorder. There is a difference.

You say you love me. I wish it was true. If some how I could only believe you. You've thrown around my heart, Broken it a time or two, Never stayed to help pick it up, or to offer any glue. I've been hurt too many times. You enjoy it all too much. You've stayed and had your fun, You've broken my heart for the last time. This was written straight from the heart. Tell me what you think.

9 months and 3 days

252 days or 8.4 months since I have hurt myself. 76.5 hours since I've been to a mental institution.

Well I appreciate your opinion. lol. I keep telling myself that she is immature and playing games and stuff but I can't help it. I wake up every morning and my heart still feels so strongly for her. I don't know. lol.

Ok, this is long and involved and confusing. So I'll explain the best I can. I met and fell in love with another girl, named Kole. Sounds simple enough, right? Nope. She was dating A guy named Adam. And a girl named Meri. Don't ask me why she was dating both of them and don't ask me if it was cheating. I have approched that and it's more confusing so. I told Kole I liked her. She obviously said it wasn't going to work out at the present time. Meri and I became good friends. Eventually Meri and Kole broke up. Meri had come to live with Kole and her family because of reasons that are not relevant to the story. They still live together. So the Adam boy. He became a bit mad that I liked Kole. Which makes sense. And I assumed that since Adam was ok with Kole dating Meri it would be ok for me to go out on a simple date with Kole. So I asked and she said she had to ask Adam, which I find absurd because Kole is her own person and VERY capable of her own decisions. But anyways. I had attempted to kiss Kole at one point. With first kisses I believe you have to take a risk. Some people prefer not to be asked if they can be kissed, seeing as it ruins the mood or whatever. While some prefer to be asked. So with a first kiss you must risk this on your own judgement: to ask or not to ask. I chose not to ask, because I had observed and made that decision. Well obviously I was wrong. Anyways, I didn't get the kiss, I got the in for a kiss and she moved to the side and kissed my cheek and hugged me thing. So Adam found out and gave me a blank threat. That "it had better not happen again". He never clearly defined what "it" was. So later on I decided that "it" was attempting to kiss her without asking. So sometime later I asked and had no avail. Well Adam got all pissy about it. And someone, which I kind of suspect to be Adam(I know it's wrong to accuse and it could have been a coincedence), started calling my cell phone at random odd hours and hanging up. I would have called back but the number came up as a "Private Number" so no number was recorded. Around the same time I started getting half threat/half harassment text messages. I don't have the cellular plan to text back so I called the number back with responses. The texts were: 1. Adgjmptwbehknquxcfilorvysz(which all I can gather is it is just doing 123456....) 2.I pwn joo *a bad word that is female dog*(which I translate from leet as I own you *a bad word that is female dog*) 3.Heh dont make me laugh 4.You should know already 5. Karma sux 6. Lol good 7. I hope you realize you are to never talk orgive rides to kole again(which didn't happen) Then things kind of settled for the summer. I forget what we got in a fight about but Kole and I were fighting at the beginning of summer school. It was basically she needed a break from everything. And I actually defended Adam at this point, because she wanted a break from everything and she was going to use Adam to "keep her afloat" which wasn't fair to him. But anyways, we got over it and were doing tech work together. And so was a guy I used to be friends with. His name is Matt. Well Matt started to like Kole. And Kole needed a job and Matt worked at Six Flags and got her a job, so they drove to work together, she cannot drive yet. Matt and Kole started to fool around. And eventually Matt felt that Kole should have to choose between him(Matt) and Adam. I had thought from time to time of giving her an ultimatum like that between me and Adam but I realized that number 1 ultimatums suck and do not work out well and number 2 it wasn't fair to her. So Kole told him that she was going to wait until she could drive herself to work before she made a decision. Which was a smart thing to do because he was her ride to work and she didn't want to screw that up. So they continued to fool around. And as time went on Matt became more violent. Like he would grab her wrist and not let go. And one particular time when they were fooling around he reminded her of something her ex-boyfriend Andrew had done. Her ex-boyfriend Andrew raped her. She has told me that Matt reminds her more and more of Andrew each day. Anyways over the summer Kole would only call or talk to me when she need something. Which was always the same thing: "Can you take me to Adam's?" So stupid of me but I took her whenever I actually could. The other night she called me to ask me a favor again. It was if I could come over because Matt was coming over to talk and she didn't want to be alone, because he scared her. I couldn't go because it was late and my parents were a bit pissy that night anyways. Tonight I was talking to her about school things, because we go back to school tomorrow, and she told me that her and Adam broke up. So naturally I was doing the happy dance while I was talking to her about it. Then she said she was already dating someone else. And she said it was someone I knew. So I guess and I was right. It was Matt. So, we avoided the topic for a little while. She asked me if I was upset. And I told the truth. I said yes and no. Then of course she tried to hurry me along and wanted me to expand on that, which I was trying to do. I was having a bit of trouble putting it into words. And she got a bit pissy when I didn't expand right away, so I told her to chill out, I was working on it. So my reasoning was: no, because it was her decision, no, because hopefully Matt won't threaten me in half leet. Yes, because you said you were scared of him. Yes, because I am a bit jealous and I am not sure I was even considered in your choosing of someone. And there are more reasons but I haven't put them into words yet. Am I wrong to feel this way? I mean is it wrong for me to have my own feelings and reasonings? Because she sure makes it seem that way. I'm sorry, this was a rant but I just want other's opinions.

I'm glad that you stopped, but the ear thing isn't good. Poking a hole in your ear still consitutes as self injury. You should really think about not doing that. It's just replacing things. Instead of your arm it's your ear and instead of a razor blade it's a needle. So, I would try to avoid that.

I need to learn how to read don't I? lol. Thanks.

190 days tomorrow. I hate it. I want to soooo bad. Especially now that I am going back to school. It's not that I hate school, I just can't stand some of the stress that goes with it. Though it's better than summer break. Parents 24-7. I just wish I could do it. I hate these urges. Any suggestions on something to keep me occupied would be great.

I agree with darkblue. My drill coach always tells us to eat complex carbs before practice. Complex carbs are otherwise known as starches. Things like peanut butter, bran, oatmeal, bagels, pasta. They are all good things to eat for a slower energy release. Hope this helps.

Tigris, I'm really glad you stop and that you got help. And dealing with your sexuality definitely isn't fun along with every thing else. I know the feeling. Though it must be even more of a challenge now that you are out of your teen years physically. But I'm glad you stopped. It's an addiction that I wish we could all have never seen.