princess_fireball

DancingHamster could you please enlighten me on what you meant by saying "If so, I'd say "love" is an educated emotion. Infatuation is ignorant." Also in general if it is infatuation how much time does it take for this feeling to go away? Several months....years even? And as for the being comfortable thing, she has told me that she is more open with me than with anybody in her entire life. So, that is really good thing....still yet our conversations aren't rolling....it's basically me trying to get her to talk by just rambling on and on about something. However, that is fine, at least then she is getting to know me that way....and when she's up to it, maybe she will start a conversation on her own. Plus this is the first time that she has even really dated anyone and she's not really a socialite....spends most of her free time on the computer or watching tv. She also doesn't have many close friends. So, I figure, like I have read on here just give her some time to open up. Hopefully, time is all she needs. Personally, with myself I think that I have only been in love once before. I first meet him in january of last year. We hung out a lot and then the spring semester was over and we didn't see each other as often. I started to miss him and eventually I realized what it was. I was always happy to get his emails, thought of him all the time, got a warm feeling inside, etc. I have always heard if you can imagine spending the rest of your life with just this one person then you are in love. Do you guys think that that is true? So, with this other person I have the same thing going on, but we have only known each other for like four months. And have been dating for and month and a half. What do you guys think now?

sorry my bad....i'm not much of a speller obviously...that and i type fast so i don't catch the way i word or spell....well words....lol. And I am willing to invest all the energy that I posses.

Okay say that you start a lot of causal conversations, but the person on the other end doesn't say much at all to carry the conversation though. Given that this person is really shy, but shouldn't they still try to carry on a bit of a conversation with you or even start some of there own and ask questions to get to know you more?

This is a general question, at which I really really would like to hear some good answers. What is the difference between infatuation and love? How do you know if it's love or infatuation? You would think that I would know this, but I have never been in a real relationship for over a couple of months.

Okay, so we have been dating now for like a month and two weeks. The first couple of weeks were great for us; however, even then I had my issues(being jealous and thinking that she was going to leave me once she found a nicer looking girl or guy). It wasn't until the last couple of weeks or so that she realized she had some issues. And these issues happen to be her inability to share how she feels with someone and that she gets upset and depressed if I don't devote all my free time to her. I mean she has picked argurments over petty stuff like me asking her too many questions or if I ask her if she loves me...just stuff like that. I guess that maybe it upsets her that I would even think that she didn't. But I have told her several times that I am insecure about the whole thing, especially sense for the most part she oogles over actresses and singers. But she is getting better about keeping that from me, which is good cause I really don't wanna hear about how cute or sexy another girl is. Especially, if it's my girlfriend that is saying it. And I too think I am getting better at handling it; however, I still don't like hearing it....who would? But anywho, I ask her why she gets so mad if I am gone for a few hours and can't talk to her and she tells me that she has abandonment issues. You see her dad left her and her mom when she was like 12...he then reentered her life a few times...and then left again. He then died last november and now she feels that everyone that she loves is going to leave her and she gets upset if anyone devotes their time to anyone other than herself. I mean I don't mind spending all my time with her, but I also need some time with my family and it upsets me that she can't seem to understand it and that she gets mad over it. I can understand it from her perspective though. These issues I hate to say how progressed into a communication problem. Sometimes I feel as if I have to watch what I say just to not get her upset and others well I just let it go and tell her what I think and then well she gets mad at me about it and then she doesn't talk to me for a while. I have always thought that open and honest communication is the best and that it's the only way to work things out cause things won't go away unless you talk about it. I hope that eventually she sees this and understands that this is the only way a relationship can work. Unfortunately, she has never been in a real relationship before, so I am just going to have to be patient and wait on her to open up. Which is what I am going to do...I will wait on her forever if I have to. Slowly but surely I think that we are walking towards more of an open relationship, heck she has even told me that she has shared more with me than anyone she has ever known. So, that's diffinitely a good thing. On my part I have never had problems telling people how I feel...I am a very blunt type person. She told me to give her some time and that is exactly what I plan on doing...giving her time. On the upside though I am diffinitely for sure that she loves me or at least thinks that she does even though she can get mad at me for what seems like days. I know for sure though that I love her and that the phase thing would have been over by now. I wanna make things work between us and I know that they will in time. I really love her and it pains me to think that if we break up that it would be over something that we could have talked about and worked out. And also another things that confuses me is how can you be sad and depressed when you are in love. I mean it only happens when I am not with her...but still shouldn't she be happy that she has someone to love and to be loved in return. Also, when do you think there is such a thing as showing too much affection...cause when I am with her I just can't seem to stop hugging/kissing/touching her...at least when nobody else is in the room. I am afraid that I am driving her away due to it. She tells me that just because that she doesn't show affection the same way that I do doesn't mean that she doesn't love me. I also think I need to get out of this habit of saying I love you whenever, the thought of it pops into my mind. However, there have been a few times that I have kept the thought to myself...at which was really really hard. So, do you guys think that saying the three worded phrase is best kept to a min even though you are thinking it most of time when you are around them? Hopefully, though in the coming weeks since we will be spending more time together eg going on a break to mostly seattle and olympia(her home town) will bring us closer together...pychologically speaking. Other than those few things, things could not be better between us. I love her and she loves me...what more could you ask for. Okay, I realize this is an extremely long post and so I will stop here even though I still have much more to say. But if anyone care enough to hear more about it just message me. PEACE OUT! Crystal

Okay, well told you guys that i would update the situation and i guess i should have sooner, but well not all of us have a lot of time on our hands. But anywho, she came back like a week and a half from her vacation in the united kingdom just to see me. So, anywho I went to see her that very weekend. And yes, we did kiss like after staring at one another for like 5 hours. That was the most intense 5 hours of my life i must say. Initially, I had to make the first move. I started to kiss her on the cheek and eventually kissed her on the mouth, and then frenched her. After i finally let up she just looked at me shocked as ever. A few moments later i tried to again, and she wouldn't let me french her again. So, I just tortured her some more til she let some of her self control go. Which was like 20 minutes later. I have to say that our first kiss was very sweet and short. i think i really did shock her, well i know that i shocked her cause she told me i did. she also said that the reason she waited so long to kiss me was because she wanted me to kiss her that way if i regretted it it would be my own fault. But two weeks later, we are both blisfully happy and totally in love with one another. We talk to one another all hours of the day when we can't see one another. I don't think i have ever been happier. However, there is only one thing that bugs me...my jealousy. I cannot stand it when she talks about her ex or how cute an actress is. Randomly sometimes she will just start talking about her, given she was her best friend in high school, but still does she have to bring her up especially since she hasn't talked to her in almost a year...and they have been broken up for almost two years. and really i would not call what they had a relationship, as in a dating one...cause they never went out with another, never kissed and to beat it all never held hands. But still it bothers me cause she is talks about how cute she was. And i ask her do you still have feelings for her and she is like no...she is like i feel nothing for her now. But like i said she hasn't talked to her for almost a year, plus she has told me that she has deleted all contacts with her..like she said that she deleted her off her icq like six months ago. but still if she has no feelings for her anymore why does she keep talking about her? As for how the broke up well, the girl ditched her...she was afraid someone would find out and so she went and got herself a boyfriend. I don't know i guess i am just paranoid that she will find someone else. Other than that things couldn't be better. Well, guess that's it with the update. I will post more when i get the chance. Later tater!

Personally, i think you should wait it out. Don't advance on it...wait and see what happens between A and B, cause i don't i would want to play a part in them breaking up. Also if they break, i would not jump right on it. Friend A may still need time to get over B and besides B will be mad at you and think that is why A and B broke up. Needless to say but i have been through the same thing recently. I fell for one of my bestfriends roommate, only problem was he had a girlfriend of two years. He teased me a whole lot, while he was still dating her and he even told me that he didn't love her anymore and he wanted to be with someone that treated him good. Someone like me. He even broke up with her a few times, but always ended up going back, cause she threatened to kill herself. He was a wimp. But anywho, she found out about us cause she had read some of our messages we sent to one another....she was not happy at all especially since we were all friends. So, now we don't talk to one another at all. So, if you still would like to be friends with both of them i would sit back and see what happens...don't interfere. Hope that helps.

Thanks to all of you for the great advice. I have considered what all of you have to say and well i have taken the chance. She told me sunday night that she really did love me...finally after all this time....but it was only after she had a friend tell me and then i messaged her back and told her that i knew. Then later, like monday morning, 2 am, i finally told her that the feeling is mutual. So, now we are both on cloud nine. I could not have loved her more after i told her how i felt. And well, she had really jumped out her depression and is even said that now she is considering just skipping her trip to london and coming home. However, i told her not to that she should go, that i would still be here and talk to her everynight...at which i have for like seven hours everyday for the past four days. Now, though she is worried that is a phase and that i will leave her, and well i really don't want it to be a phase, but is it possible? She has told me that she has never kissed a girl, so really i don't see how she thinks she is bi, so i guess when i kiss her we will both know for sure. I asked her how she knew and she was like i don't know i just do. Anywho, we both have told all our friends and they seem happy for us and well none of them hate us or anything for it....which makes me feel even more better about it. So, right now i am extremely happy that she is happy, they only thing that depresses me is that i will not be able to see her for almost three weeks. By that time if it is a phase shouldn't it be over, cause if you think about it...if it is not love then won't it pass with time and you will think less and less of the person? I can tell you know though for the past week or so i have been falling asleep and waking up thinking of only her and then thinking of her all day...until i can talk or chat with her. I miss her so much , but at least i still can hear her voice from time to time and usually then i start to feel better. But yeah, I am done with the update. I will let you guys know more, as well I know more. Thanks for your guys' advice, it has helped me out greatly. ~Crystal~

Thanks for the advice...i think that is what i needed to hear. I think i will go with what you said and tell her how i feel about it, cause afterall i am the open one when it comes to comparing us two. However, I will not be able to talk to her for like a month since she is traveling to England at this very moment. But I guess i could call her, but then again you don't tell people that kind'a stuff over the phone. Also is it normal to think about someone every hour on the hour, cause i have been like that since i left her house on friday. And i haven't been able to talk to her since saturday and well it is driving me insane. Also I have given it a lot of thought and i think i could see myself with her for the rest of my life...that is how well connected we are...we have spent night after night talking when we should have been asleep hours ago. I have never talked to someone as much as i have her....never. She has even told me she couldn't imagine life without me cause she said that i have brought her out of her depression and that i have opened her up a lot towards people. We have even talked about moving away from KY when we graduate from college and living in WA together, and eventually moving to another country cause we really don't like the US or our president. Okay being random, what do you mean by really snuggling her. Cause when we sleep together i am laying right on her chest with my arm around her squeezed tight and my leg proped up on hers and her arm is around me. I have never gotten that close to any of my boyfriends, oh course I have never stayed the night at their place either. Anyways, believe you me that is the only way that i can sleep with her, any other way especially if there is any distance between us i cannot sleep. Is that what you call snuggling? Also from your post I got the notion that maybe i should kiss her, just to find out if i would be "hooked for life". Is that one of the ways you can find a clear yes or no answer to whether or not you like the same sex or not? But anywho, she has hinted before for me to kiss her. You must know the show the L Word, well she loves the show. But on the show they have some kind of list that shows how everyone is connected and she is making one and then she started whinning about how she was not connected on it and well neither was i, but a lot of our friends were. But anyways she said that WE needed to start working on the list. It shocked me and then i responded with WE can start working on it next semester and then she was like WE need to start working on it now. And so we discussed it for some time going back and forth and finally she just quit buggin me about it. But i figure this way i can kiss her and i know what it's like and well not make her think anything differently other than it being an attempt for us to get on the list. And hopefully then it will shed on light for me as to what direction i need to go in. Truthfully i am not concerned what my friends think....i know that they will love me regardless, but my family is another thing...but if it turns out if i am bi....i think that is one thing that they don't need to know. Another thing is I am not really scared about it, I generally accept change really well and well the only thing i am afraid is of being alone, snakes and the dark. I just want to know if I am bi or not. Cause if i am i think our friendship may need to grow some, and if not i need to stop leading her on so much, cause i do not want her hurt. But yea, sorry my posts are so long winded, but i generally talk a lot naturally. However, I will definitely keep you all updated. Again thanks for your advice and thanks for reading that god awful long post of mine.

Okay, I know that there are a lot of posts like this and well i have read most of them hoping that they would help me out a bit...but atlas they have not since every ones experiences are so different. I guess I need to cut to the chase. Last January, a few friends and I had a snowball fight on our school's campus. One of my friends invited this girl, and well I really had a good first impression of her...unfortunately we never talked much afterward until like two months ago. And the reason behind it is even more unfortunate. She had bailed my roommate out of jail not once but twice, so she was in my apartment like at 3 am in the morning not once but twice and there I was talking with her and trying to calm my roomie down. But any who it wasn't until then that I found out that she was bi, cause my roomie told me. And to be truthful it didn't bother me, since i had already formed an opinion of her and that was that i thought that she was cool and i really wanted to get to know her since we really had a lot in common. But not long afterward she started to hang out with two of my really good friends and so naturally i saw more of her. Like we hanged out like everyday. But yeah at first she didn't like the fact that i was always around cause her first impression was that we were too different to get along and well she told me that she thought i was a witch. At which i can be since i tend to just run off at the mouth and say what i think and think of the consequences later. But now she tells me that she can't imagine me not being around. And that she is glad that my roomie got put in jail cause she would have never gotten to know me since she was friends with my roomie for like two years. But anywho, a lot has happened within the last two months and i tend to tell all, so i can get the best advice as to what is going on here. So, now like two weeks into us hanging out and being around one another like 4 times a week. And at this point in time I have grown very attached to her, cause I tend to be a quite a clingy person with all my friends and well I get used to and attached to people very quickly. But one night my roomie and I visited her dorm room and I casually mentioned something like she thought that I was a witch and well her mood drastically changed from laughing to barely talking. So, I knew I said something I should not have, and at this point in time she would not tell me why she was mad. So, I stared at her for like three hours straight hoping she would tell me what was bothering her cause I was sure that it was me she was mad at and I cannot stand the idea that anyone is mad at me. But that did not work, cause she acted like it was totally freaking her out, but still she did not keep me from staring. Then as it got later like two in the morning I started to hug her, hoping that she would just totally freak and tell me…but two hours later nothing…so finally 5 am came and still nothing…and well my roomie made me leave since it was so late and she was tired and well I was too and I had a statistics exam that afternoon as well and frankly I needed to study. So, I let my roomie pull me away and well I had lost. Usually people will crack after so long and tell me, but not her. After we left her room my roomie told me that I had better watch myself, that she may end up liking me, although I was not her type as my roomie told me. However, later I found out that I was her type, cause she told me herself what she tends to go for and well she described me to a t, which kind'a freaked me out a bit. And then like two weeks later some things went down with my roomie, and well I could not stay in the apartment anymore. So, I stayed with her. And as bad as this may sound we had to share the same bed, which really was no problem for me cause I have slept in the same bed before with her and another girl when we all went camping. Plus when my friends would come over and spent the night we would sleep in the same bed, so I really thought nothing different of it. Plus I kept forgetting that she was bi. Yea, I know how could you forget that, but I did….i tend to take such things as minor details since I have always been very liberal and open minded to new things. But yea, I will not sleep in the floor forget that…so really I had no choice but to sleep with her. And well, since it was a twin, so we were extremely close and I mean close like my nose was like four inches from her nose. But that didn't bother me. What bothered me was one night when she said she loved me and then she mumbled to herself why do I always fall for the straight girls. Oh course she saying that she loved me really didn't bother me either since I always tell my friends that I love them. But she kind'a said it out of the blue. And what really surprised me is it didn't really bother me when she said this, instead I said I love you to and gave her a big hug. Until this time, I really had no clue that she liked me….just some very suttle hints…but nothing as direct as this. So, anywho I stayed with her in her dorm for about a month, that is until the semester was over. And for like a week neither one of us slept well cause we were very used to sleeping with one another. I mean seriously I had all my stuffed animals in bed with me and I still had problems as did she. As I said before I am a clingy person who enjoys giving hugs and well just touching people…can't help it it's the way that I am….we all know people like that. So, I would always hug on her and well she even lets me, which was a surprise to the people around her cause she is not a huggin' type person. But now since I have known her she hugs a lot of people and she doesn't even think about it now. Also she loves to tickle people, especially me for some reason. Oh course I give my share of it as well…and I think it is just the funniest thing in the world to watch people swarm….cause I guess I am mean or something like that…atleast that's what she tells me. She also tells me that I would not be myself if I were not rude, crude, and sarcastic. So now we are jumping to this past week. I spent the entire week with her since we decided to go camping get again. This time it was just her, one of her guy friends, and myself. Her friend only stayed one night though the rest of time it was me and her. And well during which time she finally admitted that she thought that I was cute and that I had a nice butt…at which I was flattered….guy or girl telling me this I would be flattered. Plus she hardly ever opens up and tells people stuff like this cause she is very very shy. And even though our air mattress full I ended up laying just about right on top of her and well she didn't complain and I love to cuddle with anyone….well just about anyone. And so for about a month I have been searching my own feelings and well I am kinda stuck. Cause well, there have been times when I have been extremely jealous when she has shown interest in another girl. And that was when it hit me, what if I was bi? Also there have been times when I just want to kiss her and make her feel better cause she has been getting depressed a lot lately. And I think a reason for this is that she wants to tell me that she really likes me that way, but thinks that I will not want to be friends with her and that I will hate her. She has hinted at this for some time now, but I think I will play stupid and let her tell me. Or if I figure out which way I float and I will tell her. I don't really know…at this point I am really confused. I really love her, but I am not for sure if it the same way that she loves me. Also I have never felt this attached to another girl before, so it is very new to me. And now through all my heterosexual relationships I am thinking that maybe I am bi. Of course though, since I have started dating I have had no sexual relations with either sex. I have only dated a handful of guys and only really made out with a few at which I did enjoy, but would never go past that…cause I would always get too afraid and wanted to wait and have sex after I was married. Also, I am or at least I used to consider myself a religious person….i am not to sure now. I know my parents would freak if they knew what was going on with me now and my friends would too, so that is why I prefer to post this on here….hopefully people here have a bit of experience with this type of thing. As for this next part I am just going to throw it in for the psychologists. But for my childhood experiences there are a few, all occurring under the age of 7. Let's see I remember several times making out with a male cousin and then with one of my mom's friends sons…both were around the same age as me. And well there, there was just a lot of kissing on the mouth. We never got caught either. And then with my step brother when I was six. Unfortunately, for my parents I guess they thought it was okay for a six and four year old to sleep together. But yeah, my step brother and I did a lot of things…just about everything but intercourse. Cause we didn't really know what that was or how it worked at that time. But eventually, I told my step mother that I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. And of course she wanted to know why and so I told her that he was making me do things that I didn't want to. So, then well lots of things happened, one of which resulted in me living with my dad and stepmother since according to the courts my mom was unfit. Also, when I was like three or four my best friend and I got naked in front of one another and well just looked at one another in front of a mirror. And yes, we got caught by her mother. And we were grounded from one another for a long time or at least it seemed. Also a female cousin and I would play doctor, where we would examine one another. We too got caught doing this and well it was ended and at the time we didn't really understand why cause we did not see it as wrong. But anyway tell me what you all think about my situation and what you think I should do about this girl. And if you need to know anything else I would be happy to give any information cause well I am not shy and well blunt. Thank you for reading.