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SLBG

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  1. SLBG
    Ok, so the ex emails me this morning as she said. I keep the conversation light and dont mention the relationship. She asks about what Ive been up to but I keep it to yeah im ok, things r great. So she emails a few times, just letting me no she has her new place close to work and has only spent 4 nights at home????? I reply, thats great a new place, sounds great. Then she asks what my plans for the future are, I say Im not sure dont want to say to much want to keep things a secret in case they fall through. The she drops this on me: I thought we didnt keep secrets!!! u got a new girlfriend then and cant decide wether to move in with her or not? u should go for it! Just cause it didnt work out with us doesnt mean it wont work out with the new one! Im happy for you that you have found someone to love again! ( i dont care if u have im just asking ) (her name) Wow, that came as a shock. So I reply: Hi, No, I don't have a new girlfriend, haven't found somebody else to love again and I'm not looking. You no how I feel, I don't have to explain it. Deep down in your heart you must no that. Sorry If I didn't make myself clear before I kinda thought you knew how I felt. A lot has changed, we have changed. Im not keeping secrets, just got a lot to sort out. slbg So what do you think, did I mess up or was I right to tell her what I did. I dont want to play games with her, just didnt understand how she could think I was moving on so fast. Do you think I should of lied and said, hey I have got a new girl she great. Throughout her emails, she spoke about how great her life was, she just emailed again saying shes got a long weekend Wednesday through till monday. Im not sure y shes doing this, strikes me she wants a reaction or to make me jealous ???? It was nice talking to her, I played it cool. I found out more about her than she did me, so that was a result. Kept my answers short & sweet. So what do you all think ? slbg
  2. SLBG
    Hi Mr. Six, You said: "I know to keep it short with her and just to tease her with the emotional fulfillment....but how long or how much is enough? For example in a possibly 3 hour conversation, do I kill it after 1 hour citing that "I am busy" as an excuse?" I don't think that 1 hour on the phone then killing the conversation is keeping it short. You cannot talk to your ex for an hour, its about 10mins max then you cut it short and tell her you have things to do. Also you ask what else you can give her that no one else can replace? The answer is you, you are not replaceable, she cannot just go out a meet another "you" I think you have to play it cool when u talk with her, don't mention the relationship just be her friend. She loved you right, so she wont forget you or want to replace you. You just gotta hang in there, in time she will realize what she missing. slbg
  3. SLBG
    Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm not angry, was just venting a bit. I do have mixed emotions, I love her but don't know if I could handle getting back with her. It's a strange set of emotions I no, Im in two minds. I'm gonna have to play it by ear. I don't even no if she will email me 2morrow. If she doesn't I wont initiate communication. If she does email me, I'm gonna let her do the talking. Will be vague about what ive been doing but let her no I have not been sitting about all weekend alone. I don't want to make her jealous, I don't need to tell her I've been out meeting girls or getting drunk. What would that achieve. She wants to play games and tell me she been out all weekend getting drunk. I've been there, seen it and got the T-shirt. I don't have to go out all the time getting drunk, I found enotalone. She's running away from her problems, drinking and smoking. But the problems will not go away. Thanks every body. Slbg p.s GeeCee, I'm from the UK and so yes its tennis I play too.
  4. SLBG
    Hi Nimrod, Ive gotta say I agree with u on this one. If u wanna win back your ex u gotta work very hard. Its not gonna be easy but if u stay strong u increase ur chances of winning them back. Just remember, you cannot change theirs minds, they have to make there own decisions. Good luck slbg
  5. SLBG
    Hi GFinn4982 & Slugger742002 Welcome to enotalone. The first thing you should do is read this post: link removed Once you have read it, you will have a better outlook on your situations. Hope this has helped. slbg
  6. SLBG
    Hi K8tie Kool, Like I said before, Im in the same sort of situation as you. All I can say is I do not regret what I did. I will always be there for her and their will always be a place in my heart for her. Im not gonna give up on my ex, if I truly love her why would I. I will not be treated like a doormat, I will not let her play me. But I no that one day, when she really needs help she will look to me. I cannot forget the sacrifices I made for her, the hard time we went through. If its hard for me to forget its not gonna be easy for my ex. My ex crushed my self worth, and destroyed my self esteem. I will build myself back up and maybe I will feel differently In time. Thanks for posting ur story, at least we are not alone. slbg
  7. SLBG

    Safe Sex

    SLBG replied to SecretsGirl's topic in Sex and Romance

    Hi SecretsGirl, Im glad u both waited before having a sexual relationship. My ex fiancée made me wait 6 months before we had sex……AHHHHHHH. But it was well worth the wait (trust me no that) Wish we was still 2gether, Ive missed being close with her. Sorry thats another story. Good luck. slbg
  8. SLBG
    Ok, So I don't no if u have been following my posts but I have been split up from my ex fiancée for 6 weeks. I started no contact 3 weeks ago and on Friday I accidentally sent her a blank email (don't ask u wouldn't b able to do it if u tried) So she immediately replies to the email, just saying hi, take it ur email is working, how have u been. Sorry forgot to mention, I set up an auto response saying I couldn't access my email, didn't give any reasons. She emailed me about 2 weeks ago and must of got the auto response. I didn't reply 2 weeks ago, wanted her to get curious and initiate contact herself. Well, when I get this email Friday I think to myself should I reply? So I send back a mail saying: Hi, yes I am now able to access my email Slbg Bang, she replies back within 5 mins, again she is asking how I am, how are my family and what I have been up to. I then decided enough is enough and did not reply to this email (I promise) Again within 15mins she has sent me another email. Saying: I'm off now so I will email you on Monday for a proper chat! Hope you have a good weekend! I'm off to get drunk!!!!!! (Here name) x She can only email from work, she does not have Internet at home. Well I'm kinda pleased as she put a kiss by her name or was that just an X ???? I don't know, not reading any thing in to that LOL. Found it strange why she had to tell me she was off getting drunk, did she want me to react? Or just annoy me? Well then, she is going to contact 2morrow, probably just to find out what I have been doing. I don't think she is gonna tell me she has missed me or nothing like that. So, what do u think ppl. Should I reply to her email/s, just saying yeah I'm ok, or should I ignore her? I've really looked forward to her emailing me Monday, but I don't want her to no that, I don't think she has been looking forward to it. If she wanted to talk, why couldn't we talk over the weekend? Oh sorry, I didn't realize, she's far to busy at the weekend to speak to me. She's got a social life now, the weekend is all about going out and getting drunk (sorry just got a bit angry there) I am angry that she only wants to no me during the week, she doesn't need me at the weekends or out of work hours. I no what ur all gonna say, she using me. What I don't understand is why is she using me. She left me, her decision, sounds like she wants me but doesn't want me. I'm not a toy, I have feeling. Do u think I should tell her to stop treating me like rubbish. Or just ignore her. I'm fed up with all these games. slbg
  9. SLBG
    Hi buffalosoldier, If I was in your situtation, sadly I am not. (3 weeks into NO CONTACT and Ex hasn't called once) I wouldn't answer his calls all the time or reply to email straight away. If you are always available to him he will use you, if you aren't always available he will get curious and will have to work a lot harder. He made the decision to leave, now let him take responsibility for his actions. Don't be a doormat. When he is ready, he will contact you and tell you he has made a mistake. But until then I would distance your self from him. Let him miss you and see what he has lost. slbg
  10. SLBG
    Hi lebkaren, Just a few questions about ur post. U say girls take time to forget but if their love turns into hurt then it will eventually turn in to hate. What did u mean by this? Do u think that if my ex loved me but I hurt her that she will start to hate me? Secondly, you say that it will take my ex about a year to get over me properly. She has already found a new boyfriend. He probably beats me on looks but I don't think he could beat my personality. We shared 5 years 2gether, I stood by her. Do u think that she can forget me so quickly? slbg
  11. SLBG
    If u stay friend with an ex, I don't think that its like a normal friendship. From past experiences the Ex will only wanna talk via email or phone. They don't want to meet up. They want to keep in touch so they no what ur up to but that's it. How would they explain to their new partner that they are going out for the afternoon with the ex. Come on, if my partner told me she was going out with her ex I would be very curious. Don't think I could just bite my tongue and not say anything. I think most ppl are like this, who would want there partners going out with their ex? Might just be me, but I think we all feel this way. Am I wrong? Oh, and please post parts II and III slbg
  12. SLBG
    Hi detox5 We are all here to help you. I think she has been loving all of the attention, you are not 2gether n e more but u r still there for her. All im saying is u need to back off, how can she miss u if ur always around. Girls love attention. They love to be chased. But b careful, u could push it to far and blow things. Like I said b4, back off, u no she needs time to gather her thoughts. If u love her u must give her the time she needs. I have a really good feeling about this, trust me. slbg
  13. SLBG
    Well done medtranusa, I think you made the best choice. I think he was trying to play you, he wants to keep u on the back burner while he tests the water with his new relationship. Don't let him treat u like a doormat. He has to stop messing u around. Stick with NO CONTACT, let him make his mistakes. Be strong, he will be back. But don't take him back until he is finished with the new girl. Don't play his games, if he wants to play games let him mess his new girlfriends head up. Ur better than that. Good luck, keep us informed slbg
  14. SLBG

    Safe Sex

    SLBG replied to SecretsGirl's topic in Sex and Romance

    Hi SecretsGirl, Well, I would advise that you always use condoms. Its not only the risk of getting pregnant u also have to protect against STDs. How long have you been with ur boyfriend? How old are you both? I would only recommend that you do not use protection if you have been in a very long relationship/married or are trying for a baby. Sex with a condom is the safest way, don't risk ur own health/life. Hope this has helped. Remember the pill is only used as contraception. It doesn't protect you from STDs. Good luck, enjoy ur self but STAY SAFE. slbg
  15. SLBG
  16. SLBG
    Hi all Its not the size that counts its what u do with it. maggie18, my ex fiancee was very top heavy, they just kept getting bigger. Then they started to give her a bad back. she did consider a reduction, but never got round to it. Now she walks with an arch in her back. God pays his debts So it may seem like it would be great to be bigger upstairs (for women) downstairs (for men) but at the end of the day we got what we got and we shouldnt want to change it. I no it sounds crazy, but my ex fiancee had large breasts but Im more of a bum and legs man. Not that u wanted to no that LOL slbg (feeling a whole lot better)
  17. SLBG
    Hi Gee Cee, Only just noticed ur from the UK. I cannot believe I wrote that, what was I thinking LOL slgb
  18. SLBG
    Hi detox5, Ok so she started the no contact, I think u need to no, the dumper cannot start the no contact, if they don't talk to u its coz the don't want to. Im a lil confused with ur post, u say that no matter what u do she doesn't hate u. Why do u want her to hate u ? If u still love her and want her back, getting her to hate u isn't the right way to go about thing. I no u must be confused and emotional, we have all been there. I think sending her a txt was a lil bit 2 soon. She talks to a friend and says hi, you wait a few days and then send a txt. If she wants to play games then let her play them. What we need to do is work on the strategy… Keep us informed, if u need n e advice just ask. slbg
  19. SLBG
    Hi majord23, Just give her some space. She probably felt like u was moving to fast. Hope u can sort something out about the tickets. Good luck slbg
  20. SLBG
    No it will not getter bigger. sorry. slbg
  21. SLBG
    Hi detox5, Did you tell her that u wasnt going to contact her ? Did you tell her not to contact you ? If you started the NO CONTACT then all she has done is initiate contact through a friend. The only person who can break the no contact is u, thats if u started it. If you told her u wasnt going to contact her, and that she mustnt contact u then yes, she will be breaking the rules. Sounds to me like she has been missing you and wanted u 2 no she still cares. Maybe she wants u to contact her. DONT DO IT. If she wants to speak to u, let her contact u. Im sure she will be curious. Just hang in there, its wont b 2 much longer and she will be contacting u. slbg
  22. SLBG
    Hi spiderman_56, If you have broken up with your partner then having sex without people is up to you. Do u think that ur ex will be giving it so much consideration ???? I dont think they will. Its always harder for the dumpee, because we live in hope the ex will return. We dont want to ruin our chances or risk them finding out when they return. If the dumper, has no intention on getting back with you then what difference would it make if you sleep with somebody else. Even if they do want to come back, u wasnt together at the time so u wasnt cheating. U was moving on just like they wanted u to. I might of got this post all wrong, but thats my opinion. Dont let the ex control ur actions any more. If u want great sex with somebody new go for it. If the ex comes back and they ask if u have had sex with anybody else I would tell them the truth. If they ask the question they must be mature enough to except the answer. If my ex returns I will not b asking if she slept with other guys, I dont want to hear it. All that would matter is that she chose me. Her new boyfriend doesnt no what she likes, its only sex between them. When I had sex with my ex we was making love, I knew what she wanted and hit the spot every time. I was kind and considerate towards her and always made sure she was having a great time. When she sleeps with somebody else, he will have to find out what she likes, how she likes it and where she likes it LOL. I already no, never had any complaints either. slbg
  23. SLBG
    Well said SincerlyHurt, "I've got everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose, she's already gone. That realization makes it so much easier somehow." I totally agree, they are gone and they are not coming back. If you think this way things can only get better. If they do come back then thats great, but if they never darken your door again what have u lost. Thanks SincerlyHurt u really summed things up well. At least for me u did. slbg
  24. SLBG
    Hi Healing, Well said my friend. Today seems to be a very positive day, have been hearing from other ppl on this site and we all seem to be doing very well. I have just been packing the rest of my ex fiancees things up, I did try to do it the other week but found my self crying and listening to love songs. So I woke up this morning & decided, enough is enough. We have put ourselves through enough and its time to move on. I cannot explain how I feel today, but is very much like you are feeling "Healing" My outlook on everthing seems to be alot better, im dealing with things and moving on. I agree with what you say, if you make ur ex miss you and they return was it for the right reasons. If my ex fiancee ever returns I wont to no that she came back for me, coz she loves me, needs me, wants me and is commited to me. I dont want her walking back into my life just because she misses me, I miss my old job but I wouldnt go back to it. I think the power has shifted for me, I dont need the contact with her n e more. I can live on my own, I am a great guy, with a great family and good friends. At least we no we made mistakes and looked for advice, we all found eachother because we was looking for support, advice and ppl to discuss our problems with. What effort have our exs made, I no my ex hasnt made any effort to find out what went wrong. She will never except her share of the blame, she will never take responsiblities for her actions. So who is the looser ? Not me, I no what I did wrong, Im not perfect but the next relationship I enter I will see the red flags early and have the skills/tools to deal with things. While we will all move on, enter new healthy relationship with people who love us for who we are our exs will be left behind. They wont have dealt with things the way we all have. We are all winners, we deserve more in life. slbg
  25. SLBG
    Hi Babetears, Well I just wanted to tell you something that happened with a previous ex girlfriend of mine. We dated for a year about six years ago. Things were really good between us. I think she was my first real love, actually I no she was my first love. So after a year being in a long distance relationship she decided to give up, she never gave me any reasons just said she wanted to be single and enjoy her life. I beat myself up over the breakup for at least 8 months, didnt no what I had done wrong and couldnt move on. Couldnt contact her, didnt want to contact her. So after a few years she gets in touch, I had met my now ex fiancee and every thing was going well im my life. She asked me If I would visit her and so I did. When we met up, so much had changed, she had changed and we had both moved on. After an hour of catching up she told me she wished she had never split up with me. I told her I didnt have n e bad feelings towards her and that their would always be a place in my heart for her. I then asked her why she left, why she hurt me and never gave me the closure I needed. She told me that she was young, and thought the grass was greener on the other side. Now that she had seen things and grown up she could see she had made a mistake. What im trying to say is, in time you may find out the reasons for the breakup. I think we all no deep down in our heart what went wrong but unless we search for it we will never find it. If you do not want to get back with your ex then there is no reason to find out what went wrong. Knowing will not change anything, just hurt you more. It took me 2 years to find out from her what her reasons where. We all make mistakes in life, and we will all learn by them. The next relationship you have will be stronger, you have learnt so much in the past few weeks and now have the tools to deal with a new relationship. I wish you all the luck in the future. slbg
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