SLBG

Hi detox5 Thanks for you advice, During the last few month prior to our break up I always told her why I was setting up a business and the rewards we would get from it. The day she walked out we talked later that night, I asked her is she was scared of the business but never really got an answer. I did explain to her that I would never leave her even if the business picked up. Why would I want to end things with her, I was trying to build our future 2gether. I have thought about writing a letter to her, I haven't done so because I feel like I have told her everthing already. I was straight with her from the start, told her I loved and missed her and wanted to be part of her life. She must be aware of my feelings, I no I am doing the NO CONTACT thing but it doesn't mean I don't care. Im worried that she might think that I have forget her and moved on, she is very insecure and might think I have walked away. I'm in a pretty messed up situation, if I contact her she may ignore me and then I have broke the NO CONTACT for nothing, on the other hand she may be happy I contacted her and let me no that she has missed me. What should I do???? I no there are no real answers to my question, it's a gamble, do I sit back and let her drift away or try to step in as a friend and let her no I am still here. Many people have said to me that if she loves me and misses me she will find away to contact me, its only been 5 and a half weeks since we split and only 2 and a half weeks of NO CONTACT. I don't want to blow my chances, if I have a chance that is. Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance Regards slbg

Thanks for the reply Michael, I dont want to contact her but I no if I dont make the 1st move she wont, or will she ???? When we was together we use to email each other ever day, I'm a self employed I.T guy so I'm always online. If I didnt email her daily she would call and ask whats up, we went from being very close online (email etc) to nothing in 2 weeks. I dont no how she can just switch off and not even send a proper email. I think I am living in false hope, she is only young and wants to enjoy herself, I understand that. I dont want to stand in her way but I have invested 5 years of my life into the relationship. Part of the reason she left was due to her being scared of the business, scared I would become successful and not need her anymore ??? worried I would buy a flash sports car and then drop her. What she has failed to see in it all is that I was setting up business to provide for US and ensure we had a good income so we could have a proper wedding, start a family and be stable for our child/ren. Ive had some really bad jobs in my time, im only 23 but realize that you wont get rich working for somebody else. Its not all about money though, if/when I have children I want to be able to watch them grow up, hear them say there first words and be a part of their life. Im not saying being your own boss makes that possible, all it means is If I work hard now, save and invest (WE) would be finacially secure. She had wanted children for about a year, didnt think I was ready. Is that wrong, should I have given it up for her, got a 9-5 job, started a family when we could not afford to live....... I understand that is must be scary when your partner starts a new business, I had been talking about it for 1 year, then I pulled my finger out designed a promotional flyer and had 10,000 printed and delievered. When the flyers arrived I was over the moon, no mistakes, high quality and I was ready to go. The flyers arrived on the 20th February, that night she walked out, my world fell apart, my drive and determination was lost and im still trying to pick up the pieces. I cannot understand why she could not see that what I was doing was for us, I had no intention of building up the business and then breaking up with her, I got engaged to her, she told me she wanted me to be the father of her children? Why would I want to leave I LOVE her. Well its her loss, I may not be the best bloke in the world but my heart is in the right place, I stood by her for five years through some of the hardest times and this is how she repays me. I dont want to turn my back on her, but what choice is she giving me ???? Still trying to think what to do next, I have a small amount of her stuff + her passport. Should I wait till she asks for it back or contact her? Dont really want her contacting me in the summer asking for the passport tellin me shes going away with her new boyfriend, dont want to break the NO CONTACT, could really do with some advice. Thanks again, and thanks in advance. Regards slbg

Just a quick question, I have been doing the NO CONTACT for over 2 weeks now. I was with my ex fiancée for 5 years and she broke things off with me just over 5 weeks ago. She is 20 and I am 23. She sent me and email just over a week ago, all it said was: "Hi, How r things going? How is the business coming along? Email me if you can" I didn't reply as I have been busy setting up my own business and decided no contact was the best route to go. Well that was over a week ago, she has not tried to contact me since. She moved out 5 weeks ago but didn't take all of her stuff. All she left was her passport, a few clothes and some other bits. 2 weeks ago she asked me for her passport back, she said she had no plans to go away but wanted it. I said I would find it and pack the rest of her stuff but later that day found this site and started the NO CONTACT rule. From what I have heard she has found a new boyfriend after only 2 weeks of the break up. What should I do next, I don't want to hold on to her stuff, it will be harder if she asks for her passport and she's going away with her new boyfriend. Part of me wants to think that she is confused and does not want to burn all her bridges, so she has left some of her stuff, but on the other had she may not want it back (only her passport) I don't know what to do, should I break no contact as she emailed over a week ago or should I wait and see if she makes contact again. I will post my full story soon, just not ready yet. Hope you can help, thanks in advance. Regards slbg

Hi MelissaPerry, Welcome to enotalone.com I take it you have split up with this guy ??? Did you split up from him or did he end it with you ??? If you ended it with him then I kinda no what hes doing. By keeping your stuff and saying that he is busy when you want to collect it, he is making excuse for contact. If he gave you all of your stuff back there would be no reason for you to contact him. What he cannot see is that if you love him and miss him you would make contact. I might have the whole thing wrong so I will hold back until I no more info. If you post details we will see what we can do. Hope this has helped.

MC NO CONTACT should give you time to heal, and time for you to move on. Instead of portraying that your really doing pretty fine maybe you should use this time to make changes in ur life and heal. If she does come back and you are not stronger and have not healed she will soon see that you was putting on a brave face and portraying you was fine when really ur not. Its only a suggestion, but use this time to heal, dont play games. Continue the NO CONTACT until you feel you are healed and can deal with her coming back, or being friends. Dont rush things you will regret it in the end.

Well said RJ. I totally agree, never settle for second best. If u want to be a doormat then stick by her, she will use you until the new relationship picks up and then hurt you again. Let her down gently, if she wants you she will come and find you.

Sounds like she is very confident that you will take her back straight away. Even though she was only joking when she said you better be ready for when she comes back. I think that you will have to prepare for it. It only takes a minute to walk out but longer to return, you cannot just roll over and let her walk straight back into your life. I understand that you love her but you still have your pride, she made the choice to leave its now your choice 2 except her back whenever it happens. Don't play games, but don't let her use you. Its not going to be easy, if she wants you back then she has to be straight with you. What will change in the next few weeks or months. If she thinks she has made a mistake and wants you back then you need to find that out. Why sit about and wait based on the fact she has dropped hints of her return. Actions speak louder than words, when she is ready to come back she will come out with it, not beat around the bush. I think she is playing games, she still wants all the power and wants to test the water to see if you would take her back straight away. Its only advice but I would take a step back, if she wants you she will tell you without games and coded signals. Good luck

Hi miss_dyme Well I think the NO CONTACT rule is the only way to go. Im going through it now and its not easy but it does give you the strength and power to move on with your life. It will be tempting to send a lil txt or an email or just a short call, but if you do you are back to square one. Be strong, im sure things will work out.

Hi MC, If you want her back and she is talking about the possibilities of you getting back 2gether in the future you have to play it cool. I wouldn't throw it back in her face, if you love her & want her back you have 2 forgive her for hurting you. It sounds like she has been smoke screening her feelings, trying not to think about things and seeing someone else. Im kinda jealous of you, my girlfriend left me 5 weeks ago. We had been together for 5 years. I've been doing the NO CONACT thing for 2 weeks now but she has made no effort to contact me. Maybe im not the best to give advice as I would love for my ex to miss me. If I was in your situation I would want to no that she is genuine about her reasons for wanting contact and that she is not playing more games. You have to take a risk, if you stay in contact she could use you, on the other hand she may really want to sort things out with you. It's a hard call, keep contact or play it cool and stick with NO CONTACT. You said she spoke of getting back in the future, maybe you have to find out what sort of time frame she is talking of. Does she want back now ? I hope you can sort things out, if you love her and get another chance go for it. Listen to your heart, we can only advise you. Good luck

It's been 5 and half weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me. We were together for 5 years and got engaged on Christmas Day 2002. I've done the begging, emails and texts but she has been very cold 2wards me. 3 weeks into the break-up she txt a friend of mine telling them she had found a new boyfriend and didn't want to let him slip away. She said he made her laugh and treated her like a princess ???? She had only just met him ??? I was really confused, didn't no what to do. Then I started the NO CONTACT rule. I'm 2 and a half weeks into not contacting her, she has made no effort to contact me but I have not lost all hope. She has made so many changes in her life, moved out (Don't know where) and moving on. I want to believe that there is no time limit if you are in love. If she loves me but is confused and wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side should I stand in her way. Can I stand in her way ? NO Would I stand in her way ? NO I don't want to play games, its hard not being with her. We have been through so much, I have so many great memories & hope one day she will realize what she is doing. Its hard to no if they are missing you, or if they still care. I think It would be hard for her to come back as she has done so much. If she does return then it will be for the right reasons, not because she was pressured or begged. Probably posted in the wrong post, just reading what other have said feel a lil bit better. I'm not losing hope, but I'm not sitting about waiting for her return. Thanks everyone, gives us all hope

Hi Dan, I no exactly what you are going through, I was with my ex girlfriend for 5 years. We got engaged Christmas 2002, had our own flat and a very strong history together. 5 weeks ago we had a row, things had been tough for the past few weeks and I thought getting things out in the open would save the relationship. I was SO wrong, I went to work shortly after the row, and within 10mins I received a txt saying she had had enough and was leaving. I rushed home but she was gone. Called her but her phone was off and didn't no what to do. Well to cut a long story short, I did the begging, emailing, txting for the 1st 2 weeks. She didn't want to know. Seemed like I had tried everything, then I found this site. Started the NO CONTACT rule, its been 2 weeks and she hasn't tried to contact me. It's a waiting game, if she loves you and misses you she will make the effort to contact you. There is no time limit. It could happen within 2 weeks or it could take longer. Just try to stay strong, if you try to change her mind or pressure her to come back you will only fail. Hope everything goes well, let us no if you get back.

Start how you mean to go on. Its only my opinion but I think if you start a relationship with a girl who already has a boyfriend there will always be a doubt in your mind that she will be unfaithful again. If you are not looking for a long term relationship with this girl then have some fun, but try to think how you would feel if you was her boyfriend and you found out she was playing away. Not a very nice feeling, relationships should be built on trust, if there is no trust from the start what future do you think you will have. Anyway, you will make your own choices. I hope this has been of some help to you. Good luck

Go for it, give her a call and find out when she is free. The worst thing she can do is say NO, if thats the case at least you no where you stand. You wont no if you dont ask, those who dont ask dont get

Well I dont no if the NO CONTACT rule works 100% every time. It all depends on the relationship, how long you was together, why you split up and who did the dumping. Im currently 2 weeks into the NO CONTACT and is does get easier. My ex girlfriend broke things off with me 5 weeks ago. Ive done all the begging, emails and txts. She found a new boyfriend within 2 weeks of the breakup and has moved on so fast. We where together for 5 years, engaged & was looking to start a family. Time is the best healer, your ex cannot miss what they had until it is really gone. I hope that NO CONTACT works, at this stage I have given up all hope of her ever coming back or even contact me. What have we got to lose, they are gone, they are not contacting us and make out they dont want to no us. Things can only get better, if they return you will be stronger and the NEW relationship will be better. If they never return you will have grown stronger, worked on your life and moved on. Sorry I cannot be of much help to you, if you are doing the NO CONTACT rule keep up the hard work, if your not I would recommend you start. Good luck

Hi, It sounds like she is still very upset and angry. People say things they do not mean when they are dealing with a breakup. From what you have said it was only a short relathionship, based on this I think you should except the what she has to say and start moving on. Give her time and space, when she has clamed down and has dealt with her emotions she may see that she has made a mistake. On face value she may never speak to you or see you ever again, so you have very little to lose. You can beg her and contact her but you will only push her away. If on the other hand closer is not what she wanted and she was palying games she will regret what she said and may come back. Try to stay strong, people often say things they do not mean, only time will tell. Its gonna be tough, even harder for her if she has made a mistake. Take care, hope this has helped

Give her space and time. If you love her, you should let her go. If she loves you she will see that she has made a mistake and will return. Your ex girlfriend will not no what she has lost if you do not let her go, if you stay in contact she gets to keep you as a friend while she gets stronger and moves on. During this time, you will not heal or move on and will only prolong the pain. It wont be easy but if you love her and care for her you need to respect her wishes and give her all the space she needs. Nobody can say how long it will take for her to relize what she has lost, sh emay never relize it her self. But rest assured that when she sees that she is losing you she will be the first person to contact you. Just try to stay strong, remember she cannnot miss you if you are still around, she will not forget you over night, and if she loves you she will come back. If she does forget you and Im not saying she will, was she worth it. Ask your self this question: Is she/relationship worth fighting for ? If the answer is yes, you have to give it time. You are currently dealing with all of the hurt and pain, there will come a time when the pain weakens and you will start to move on. It sounds like you ex-girlfriend is smoke screening things, she is not dealing with the breakup. She cannot keep this up forever, there will come a point in her life whenever it maybe that she will see that she has messed up and will have to deal with all the pain and upset that you will already have been through. Im in the same kinda position as you, its a waiting game. There are no rules and no time limits if you love her. She made her choices, its time you make yours. Step out of her life, set her free, give her the time and space to deal with her emotions. When she is reay she will return. Hope I have been of some help, Im 2 weeks into the NO CONTACT and its proper tough.

I no the NO CONTACT rule is hard. Im 2 weeks into the NO CONTACT and it does get easier. I was with my ex girlfriend for 5 years, we split up 5 weeks ago. For the first week I contacted her and pushed her away. It got to the point where she told my to get lost, and she said she was only contacting me bacause she felt sorry for me. After this I gave her a week to calm down, didnt contact her and let her be. After the first week I broke down, couldnt handle NO CONTACT and so I sent her a txt. She replied within 2mins I was over the moon. Once I had initiated the contact we spoke every day via email and by the end of the week (Wednesday) we had met up for a chat (As Friends). I kinda thought things where going well, we had a great time 2gether and I keep strong and didnt show my feelings. At the end of the day I dropped her off and went home. We continued to email until Friday, during which I asked when we would meet up again. She told me she was going out over the weekend and that we should meet up next week. Next week came and NO meeting, she contacted a friend of mine at the end of the 3rd week and told them she was moving out of her mums and had a new boyfriend (WTF) I was devestated, all this in just 3 weeks, things where going so well. I thought we was working on getting back 2gether. Well I was so wrong, then I decided NO CONTACT for good. I cannot keep being hurt. Why should she get the best of both worlds, me as a great friend and her new boyfriend as a lover. This really hurt so I cut contact, a week went past (Wk4) and on monday of the 5th week she emailed to see if I was ok. I stayed strong and have not replied to her. Although she has made no further effort to contact me. Its been 5 and a half weeks since we split up but only 2 complete weeks of no conact. Im not gonna tell you its easy as its very tempting to send her a txt or email. Its hard when they dont try to contact you, even if you are doing NO CONTACT. Part of you wishes they would call or email just so that you can ignore it/ make them feel as bad as you have felt. At the end of the day its gonna be tough, your ex girlfriend will show her true colours during the NO CONTAct. If they dont contact, then did they really care ? Did they really love you ? DO they really miss you ? You cannot make somebody love you, nor miss you. All you can do is give yourself the time and space to heal from the breakup. If they relize that they have made a mistake and want to sort things out they will be the first person to coming running back. If they dont then you will have moved on and may one day become friends. Hope this has helped, just try to stay strong and positive. If she comes back she wont want to come back to a wreck, she will want you to be strong. Good Luck

After your girlfriend broke up with you how long did it take for her to contact you and beg you back ??? If you were only apart for a few days/weeks and kept contact with her during this period I think this may be a problem. So she begged you back and told you things would change but has now returned back to her old ways. You say that you feel you have no control and all you can think about is what she is doing and who she is with. These feelings are not good and strike me that you do not trust her/want to control her. The only person you can control is yourself, you CANNOT control somebody else even if you try. It may seem that way at first but in time they will rebel and start to hate you. I think the best thing you can do is let her go, if you cannot trust her how can you stay in the relationship. Think about your current future, if you continue the current relationship she will hurt you and break your heart. If you end the current relationship, give yourself time and space to think you may see the relationship for what it is. Only after a break from the relationship can you decide if you wish to fight to save the relationship. It may not have been of much help to you, it is only advice. If you are going to take a break from her try to distance yourself from her as well, dont contact her all the time as she will not relize what she is missing. In time she may see that you are the person she wants to be with and if she returns the relationship will be far better. No more control, NO more power games. Just 2 people who truly love each other. Hope this has helped. Good Luck what ever you choose to do.

Well I think you should take a chance and go over and see him, whats the worst that can happen. If you get there and he hates you or does not want to talk then you are no worse off. At least you would have tried. If you have a contact number for him, maybe you should call first. Might save you from being disappointed if hes not about when you get there. You say you have friends where he lives, so if you drive down and hes not about it wont be a wasted journey I have kinda been through the same thing, when I was 18 I met a girl and feel in love, we stayed together for over a year but due to it being a long distance relationship things just didnt work out. After the breakup (Her Choice) we didnt contact each other nor did I attempt to visit. After 2 years with NO CONTACT I decided I would drive down and see her. It was great seeing her after such a long time, we went for a drink and had a great time together. Even though we had a great time so much had changed, I had changed and she had changed. Most of the changes were for the best but I still kinda felt really distant from her. She wasnt the same girl I feel in love with, she had really moved on. After seeing her I relized that all I wanted/could offer was a great friendship. The fellings I once had for her had gone & I could see that all I was still in love with the OLD her, and the OLD past we had together. Seeing her made me relize that things could never be the same again, she told me she had missed me and wished we had of got back together within a couple of weeks. It took me 8 months to get over her, I thought she was my soulmate. All im trying to say is you wont no unless you give it a chance, you may feel different about him if you meet him again, on the other hand you may still have strong feelings for him and try to rebuild the relationship. Just remember people change, some more than others.