askdan

I've read a lot of self-help ebooks on how to get an ex back or how to stop a divorce, etc. Here's my two cents on the strategies: In a perfect world, it should work. And it IS very good advice. Yes, you become a better, more improved, attractive version of yourself, BUT in my case, my exes resented me for being happy, improved, and successful. In fact, the more successful, improved I became, the more they hated me, instead of being curious about the new version of me. Instead of coming back, meeting up with me, or giving me the benefit of the doubt, they hated my guts as they became hostile, resentful, malicious, and vindictive. These ebooks are mostly 'one-size-fits-all' advice, but very often, when you cannot control a situation (exes with excessive anger, mental illness, pride, lack of judgment), there is just so much you can do! Take it from someone who knows.

To explain further I never suggested this "friendship". She is the one who absolutely wanted it. I suspect a bit of mental illness or instability on her part. Some of my friends have also suggested that she may be suffering from narcissism disorder. I read a bit of Google and it looks disturbing. I appreciate the insight. I am not an expert at psychology or relationship dynamics so the feedback is very informative. I value other people opinions as I have never seen anything like this before.

No, I don't even need to look at her social media anymore. Her live is very boring anyways. Her pride is wounded, karma did its work. I have moved on, remarried, and in a much better place while she lives in isolation, believing her own false narrative. - THE END -

I ended up not writing her and I am now focusing on my own life. Last I've heard, she was still single after 6 years, unable to find a suitable companion, complaining that all of the guys in her caliber are taken or married (she is 42), and struggling with bouts of depression while stalking my social media and reading my Instagram stories. Personally I have moved on and having a ball. The ex? I don't need miserable people in my life. Life is too short and right now, I am in a new relationship, I am really enjoying it despite the pandemic. Furthermore, I have been in No Contact with the ex for a very long time now (last e-mail was back in in July to check up on her, she is working in a COVID ward at the hospital and her parents were both hospitalized with COVID). So I've made a small online financial donation in her honor to pay tribute. She has received a small card via post-mail from the donation, however I've never received a Thank You note, and I've left it at that. Who needs that? So I no longer associate myself with miserable people at this point in my life. My only #1 advice for folks at ENA is this: if you would like to reconcile with an ex, let them know once, then stop the chasing, leave them alone and focus on improving yourself and enjoy YOUR life. They will either come back to you as a result, or you'll meet someone better. The more you obsess with less ex, the less chances you have at reconciliation. At this goes for platonic breakups after a few months, and even messy divorces with a lot of drama and animosity. Happy New Year to all folks!

That was many years ago.

Lately my current wife has noticed something unusual. My ex-wife and her friends have been checking out her Instagram. So we found out that my ex, who lives 3000 miles away, is moving...to my city of all places. We haven’t seen each other in 6 years and we no longer communicate. I find this very odd and bizarre. Why my city of all places? We don’t even have kids! There are so many cities to chose from, so I was very surprised. Since my divorce, I have relocated to another city to start a new life, and then this happens... Am I ready too much into this? Her online activities are strange and her decision to move in m city and broadcasting it publicly is somewhat curious. She has s the one who has instigated the divorce. Also yesterday I got two calls from Unknown Caller, she is still touring my city. Probably a strange coincidence. Her choice of city and checking out my wife’s social media is strange, however. Does anyone have similar stories to share?

Coach Lee is one of the best out there in my opinion.

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful advice! I Based on the recommendations above, I have decided to act with a balanced approach. Instead of sending an email to catch up and ask her for her goals and projects for the new year, I have decided instead to simply text her “Merry Christmas (name) ! ⛄️ That’s it! Short and simple. I will send it on Christmas Day. Who would be cruel and mean-spirited to ignore a positive text like this on Christmas? Now, another interesting fact. After years of absence, curiously enough, she popped back on my Skype contact list! This after years of absence and Silent Treatment - lol. What a strange coincidence, a week before Christmas. I will keep you updated of the results, and in the event of another disappointment, I shall implement permanent No Contact on January 1st 2020 and formally close that chapter of my life once and for all. For all of the negative comments out there, I shall remind you that I am in the Healing After Divorce section, which is what I am doing. I am not in the Getting Back Together section. I have never experienced so much cyber bullying like that in my entire life! lol Happy Holidays everyone! ⛄️

I just find it very odd that she still stalks my Instagram! That to me is even more creepy than sending a brief note on Christmas! ⛄️

I don't remember very well since it has been nearly 2 years. I do remember congratulating her on her recent graduation and to check if she had received my card, to which she replied "I don't want your congratulations'' and hung up. I have to add that she is also Russian and has suffered a number of mental breakdowns in the past while living in Russia. I feel sorry for her in the sense that she might be suffering from PTSD or some sort of trauma, it is hard to tell. That is why I do feel compassion for her. It is a very sad story.

Figureiout23, I stopped counting after 100-something - lol. Our last conversation was in March 2018. This will be my last contact on Christmas.

Thank you Cherylyn, I appreciate your response and advice. I will go ahead with a short e-mail on Christmas. Something is telling me to at least try so that I can finally get closure and be at peace. If I do get a reply, I will let you know in a future post. Otherwise, it will be back to No Contact and will start counting the days/years starting January 1st.

That is correct, she was very hostile and resentful in the past, not just to myself, but was very unkind to restaurant patrons. I am sometimes curious to see if that is permanent or if the dust has settled. She was under horrible stress due to her academic programs and was under a lot of pressure. It is difficult to assess if that was a personality flaw, or if she was going through horrendous stress back then. Our first 2-3 years of marriage were great so I am not sure if she is permanently ''damaged'' or hostile. I have just never seen that level of anger before. Some ex-wives remain permanently angry, others are friendly and have re-connected with their former spouses to engage in a healthy dialogue. Also for the record we do not have kids. Not sure either as to why she is checking out my Instagram stories on occasion, we haven't seen each other for a long time! Thank you for those who have offered respectful advice. I will let you know after December 25 if I do receive a response. In the meantime I will continue to pray for her health, success, and well-being. The Holiday season can make people feel somewhat nostalgic.

Greetings! I have read several articles and seen YouTube videos advising to NOT reach out to an ex on Christmas or the Holiday Season. However, my goal is not to get my ex-wife back, but simply to re-establish a bridge of communication for a potential friendship in the long-term. I absolutely have no intentions in a long-term reconciliation. A bit of history: my ex-wife left me 5.5 years ago to ''find herself'' after a 6-year marriage (she has been single since then). We have been divorced now for 3.5 years and have been in No Contact for nearly 2 years. She is still single, bitter, and her heart is full of anger towards me and life in general. Our mutual friends and myself, including therapists I spoke with in the past, suspect either bipolar disorder or narcissist (cops showing up in restaurants asking her to leave because she is yelling and lashing out at the server or a waitress, etc.). Our last conversation, nearly two years ago, was not a very pleasant one. I simply called her to tell her the good news that I finished university, and instead of congratulating me, she was raging, rehashing the past, and slammed the phone on me. She checks out my Instagram from time to time but never writes, which is odd. I have never seen this level of anger or animosity before. I sometimes reflect and look back with some level of sadness and nostalgia, and I sometimes ask myself, ''how did we get to this point?'' Sine I have decided to write her on December 25, I would like to have advice from female dumpers: if you ex was to reach out to you on Christmas Day, after a long period of no contact and years after an ugly divorce, how would you feel? Happy? Upset? Sad? What kind of e-mail would make you smile and prompt you to respond? A short note? A longer e-mail to update her on my life and the highlights of the year? Asking her about her goals for the next year? All I'm asking is for a positive and healthy, respectful interaction or communication. Thank you in advance for the advice and kind regards!

I think you should at least have a face to face meeting to discuss.