Mr. Six
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Posts
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I say compromise. This will show that you've changed in person. So give it a few weeks and like Muneca said, ask her out ; and if you want, you can get her a little birthday gift to show her that you care and you're a gentleman. If you do this, you don't need the letter. You have to play this very cool though and I think a few weeks No Contact is in order to get your confidence up and so you can play aloof and indifferent convincingly. When you do ask her, I agree with Muneca, it's a yes or no situation. Don't let her beat around the bush.
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God knows what her motivations are man. People do things like this all the time. The meaning of things are only obvious to themselves and no one else. This is a war of emotions and like in any war, you want to confuse the enemy. She is doing that very well. So what can you do but roll with it? Let the things that truly do not matter slide. Maybe it's a joke that she came accross or an inside joke between her and her mates.Maybe it was aimed for you, maybe it wasn't. Whatever it is, does it really matter to you? Don't worry about it unless she says it to you specifically to your face or in some other form of communication directly aimed at you. Like I said, give her a break from your thoughts. Go out there and do something constructive, thinking about her will drive you even more nuts. I know it's hard because I expect IMs and emails from my ex-girl all the time and I kept on being her doormat for a long time. You've got to break the hold that she has on you. Once you break it, you can see more clearly again. Then you can plot a better strategy to get her back. Best of luck man.
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You're doing the cloak and dagger thing yeah? Well, this is her response. She's trying to get a reaction out of you, but in a just ambiguous way. Ofcourse she'll deny what she's doing...but everyone has a reason for doing what they do. I'm pretty certain she knows what she's doing as IMs were your preferred form of communication.
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I think she's messing with your mind for one thing. I say just deliver it to her place a couple of days before her birthday in person. Ring her up before hand to let her know, and so you don't look like a complete psycho turning up unexpectedly. Don't get drawn into a long $h!tfight of a conversation. Keep it short and sweet. Just act cool about it. Don't tell her there's a letter inside or anything....just say "Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great time" and be your old chipper self. Give her the gift and say "I've got to get going". The excuse can be anything plausible. Leave it at that and I know the temptation is there to escalate it but leave it be. This is yonks away though. Get out of the house and do something. Go to the gym and work out man. Live the goodlife and make yourself see what she's missing.
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Just send it as a birthday gift. You have a nice excuse for sending her stuff. I think she will take it even easier if it's her birthday. But keep the distance. Be a spy if you want to and she's thinking about you, but don't crack.
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Kitten, I say lay off trying to get back into her heart for the time being. Don't even try to think about her. I know it's hard, because I struggle with it too and it's been ages since I crashed and burned, but I'm still in this race. I just don't want anyone to see me as a threat. I want everyone to get really comfortable with their life. Lull everyone into a sense of security and that it's over. It's only then, will your girl bring down all her defences and you'll be able to talk to her as a normal human being. Now, after say 5 weeks of just cutting all ties, you send the package via snail mail. In the letter, you will not chastise her for all the things you've done; you will keep it brief and friendly; the present should be something that is completely neutral, cool and something close to her heart. Check out the girl's interests and have a close attention to deal. What music does she like? Has she been eyeing off a dress? What did she like when you guys were together? No teddy bears or anything romantic. Something simple and says like your letter: Let's be close friends. After this, as before cut the contact. I'm sure she'll be thinking about you.
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Obviously she still wants you in her life. She still has some residual feelings for you even if she implies that she has "moved on". If you haven't apologised for the barging in then incident...then do that. Write it as a hand written letter and send it to her. Don't say anything about the relationship. Just offer her your friendship (you want more but we'll start off here) and say you're sorry for barging in and making her think you were a complete psycho (I know you're not, but in this instance a little exagerration won't go astray). If you want, get her a nice friendly present and send the complete package to her. Just say thanks for everything and I want this gift to be a token of my appreciation. I say disappear off the face of the planet after sending the package. Don't use the IMs anymore and get on with life. I'll promise you, she'll be thinking about you because this is probably a unexpected actions from you. You have given her the space she wants and you've flattered her ego...so you've done your bit. It's up to her to make her move. She'll ring or try to find you, so you've got to be cool. It's time to get happy, because you've mended your fence and this is where the "change" begins. Be confident! You're in this to win! Your life is better than anything the other guy can offer! It's her choice.
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Benqburner, In my own mind, as would any macho-tough-as-grit man, would love to confront and "prove" that they deserve our woman/man. On a primative level, I would rip the other guy's head off and boot it like a soccer ball if I had the chance. As a martial arts expert, I could and would tear him limb from limb and show him the error of his actions. However, this isn't a revenge action movie and we've got to be realistic here. Sure, he interferred in a good stable relationship that was just going through a rough patch. Sure, he offered her something that she couldn't presently have with me. Ofcourse, she took it! As did the partners of everyone here on this board! There is no good to come from a confrontation with the other person. It breeds distrust in the heart of the person that want. It brings them together and breeds a mutual dislike or hatred of us. We don't need them to unite against a common cause, this is a war and we want to divide and conquer. How do we divide? Just sit and wait. Our war is being fought for us in our partner's mind. Give them support to reinforce the old feeling you once had and keep them guessing. It's a matter of time. It's time to play it cool and to think. Our time will come. If the guy decides to be tough and takes it out to the carpark, then walk away. Fight opponents that you respect, not scum.
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You do not know me! I'm the phoenix risen From last season's charred scarecrow Yet hands caress your toes, Mouth and breasts My thoughts reprise a sigh You allow a despondent tiger Resting under A juniper tree to pick at The twine that binds our souls Alas, I wander As I am Ronin Remember your siren's call is Only as alluring as the Fusion of our souls. A kiss perhaps? But no The melted candle Is that heartshaped puddle of red wax The wick is alit with it's Last Embers that I hope Passes flame to gasoline
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Hi guys, I've been reading these board for a while now and just lurked for the most part. I am too trying to cope with a break-up and invainly trying to get the ex-girlfriend to come back...blah, blah.blah. I get a lot of comfort from the advice that is given on this board as I see a lot of support that is given by everyone here. In doing so, I realise that there are many different situations out there with a myriad of problems. My question is however, that if we follow the Beec's or MajorD's "Feeding the bird" strategy, what do we define as being aloof? I know to keep it short with her and just to tease her with the emotional fulfillment....but how long or how much is enough? For example in a possibly 3 hour conversation, do I kill it after 1 hour citing that "I am busy" as an excuse? How do I know what presses her buttons, does being funny and caring suffice? If I do that, how do I maintain being aloof and distant? I know there are many different problems and approaches to all the problems here, but I'm just not sure if I'm doing this correctly. I'm funny and caring but so is her new boyfriend. What else can I give her that no one else can replace?
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P-Frenchie, I had depression and I have been so depressed that I attempted suicide. I've been there and it's not a pretty place. You get out of it by being strong, taking the treatments needed to help you change and eventually you come out th other side a different person. It isn't easy or pleasant but if you love her enough, you'll be the guiding light in her darkness. The best thing to do is stand by her and help her if she reaches out to you. Give her the love if she needs it and just don't lose hope. She'll eventually conquer it with therapy and professional help...but it's a long and dark road for the both of you. She might not show how much she really appreciate you being there, but trust me, she does and it's a hell of a lot worse if you were to leave her. Just be strong and the two of you can get through it eventually.
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SincerelyH, I'm in the same boat at the moment, although it hasn't been as long but the issue is complicated. I know we can beat this and we just have to have an iron will do so. We just have to fight past the pain and the BS that is clouding our view of the world. The pain tells us that there's something better on the horizon and we have to fight past this to get there. Be strong brother, and do all the things that you wanted to do when the relationship was such a drag in your life. Every relationship has a moment even at the best of times, where you ask yourself "Why am I with this person? Do I want to spend the rest of my life like this? Is there someone better?". Ofcourse you were content and you let it be mere fantasy, but it's real now and you have to grab the chance with both hands and hit the ground running. Remember every moment that you asked yourself: "If I was only single!" and the things you wanted to do. Well you can do them now and you can be satisfied that there'll be no angry girlfriend to get on your case. Get the tattoos you wanted; go and eat and drink all the things you like that she hated; go take up the crazy sport that she stopped you from doing. It's time to rawk and roll man! Live life to the full. I know it's not that easy, because I haven't done any of the things that I wanted to do "when I'm single". I know though that I will do them eventually and that there will be better times ahead where I can really enjoy myself. But There are no limits now, there is nothing to hold us back from having a blast every day of the next lifetime. Sure we can't have them, but we can have a lot of other great things.