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Frodo Baggins

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  1. Frodo Baggins
    You should trust her. Has she ever done anything to question your trust in her? What you feel is the guilt of your own actions, and you're assuming she'll do the same unto you. She has the capability to do it, anyone does, but if she loves you, she won't and you need to have faith in her and trust her when she says she won't cheat on you.
  2. Frodo Baggins
    I would recommend that you relax, you have nothing to be jealous over. Lifelong friends are gonna be closer regardless, and it's rare to have two people still be friends for almost twenty years, and if push came to shove, he'd probably pick the friend of twenty years over the girlfriend. Sorry, but that's what I see in the case.
  3. Frodo Baggins
    Hmm, this is an interesting case, and if anyone disagrees with me, by all means correct me. But I would say to give the situation a little bit of time. Your friend is coming out of a relationship, and she's probably looking more for some emotional stability than an actual relationship. So I would say you continue to be his friend and let her get her legs again, and when she's more stable, see if she really has any feelings for him. If you see she doesn't, go for it. If she actually likes him, then it's up to him to see what he does with her; it ceases being your affair. Anyone who disagrees with me, please do. I'm open to suggestions in advice as well.
  4. Frodo Baggins
    Hmm, try not to read too deep into her flirting. By all means, enjoy it, but try not to take it too seriously. We need more details, but at your age it's too easy to get fascinated with a girl's looks and jump at the littlest flirting as a sign of something more, when in actuality it's our own eagerness. Give us some more details so we can give you better advice, but til then, don't get too ahead of yourself, take it easy, and keep your cool. Chances are, those other guys are thinking the same thing you are.
  5. Frodo Baggins
    The best gifts are the ones that come from the heart. You could write a poem, send a card, write a letter; not every gift has to be store bought. As long as you let him know you love him, it'll be good enough. You'd be surprised how a nice loving gesture can mean to a guy. Hell, a really warm hug and a sincere kiss will do wonders. The gift can be the warm moment, of your company. Those are the gifts that last, those are the ones that really count.
  6. Frodo Baggins
    How's the level of communication between the two of you? If he's doing something that you don't like, you should tell him, you shouldn't be ashamed to let him know that his technique needs work, it's something I'm sure he would want to improve on. But do so in a gentle manner. Don't run over his feelings with a steamroller, though I know you wouldn't do that. You want to have excellent communication first before proceeding, it's a delicate matter, and you don't want to hurt his feelings. You two need to trust each other first and have a level of understanding that you telling him wouldn't be a criticism of him, but rather something that will HELP him, not put him down. So yeah, if you have the communication, you can recommend that he take it slower, maybe control the saliva a little, and not probe so much with the tongue, but do so gently, and at the appropriate time. Not when you two are kissing, that would spoil the mood and make him self-conscious. Find a time when you two are alone and you feel it would be okay to talk about something so intimate.
  7. Frodo Baggins
    If you come accross as too outgoing and fun, you might be unapproachable to some girls, like you're someone that's having too much fun to settle down and have a date. It could be that, or it could be a matter of timing, and you just simply haven't found the right girl yet. There are really a large number of reasons, and it's not bizarre or strange. There are many people that look like they should be with companionship, yet have not come accross it yet. You need to get the point accross that you're not all social, that you're capable of being intimate with one person. Where a girl will feel comfortable just talking to you. Don't try to entertain too often, it can be a bad thing in the end.
  8. Frodo Baggins
    Hmm, if you think she might like you, and you like her, by all means go ahead and ask her out on an innocent date, like coffee. If you two don't know each other out of work, on a social level (I don't mean phone and email), then this is a good and relatively safe way to see how you two operate on a date. You can see where you should go from that point.
  9. Frodo Baggins
    I need to ask how long you've known this new person? Try not to become too infatuated with someone "fast and exciting," they may have caught your eye now, but you need to step back and see if this is someone you can see yourself in a relationship with. In stepping back, you also need to look at yourself and see if you're really ready to get married and if it's to the guy you're with. You need to take inventory of your life in this stage and start gathering informations before making important decisions.
  10. Frodo Baggins
    Hmm, it looks like you've done everything within your power to make her understand that you aren't interested anymore. It's really up to her, since there isn't really anything you can do to change the way she thinks. You've already recommended that she see the campus psyche center, and you've tried giving her some space, you've applied No Contact as best you could, so all I can recommend is you continue to use that and try not to interact with her as much as you can. You've been doing it right, as far as I can see, so it's up to her to basically grow out of this phase, unless someone here has better advice (which I'm sure they do
  11. Frodo Baggins
    I think we might need some more details on the relationship to better help you, but have you actually shown her you care? If you come accross as indifferent, you might need to look at yourself and see what it might be that is upsetting her. How do you interact with her? Do you have good communication? Do you tend to leave her behind on things she might want to be a part of? These are the things that we need to know, because she might feel neglected, and with you telling her "I'm sorry" or "I love you" without really being aware of what's going on will indeed upset her because they'll look like easy answers you're using. Relationships and love are more than just saying "I love you" or "I'm sorry" at the right time, you need to show her you love her, how important she is to you. Because those are just words, she might need to see more devotion on your part than three letters.
  12. Frodo Baggins
    Personally, I don't condone violence, but if you say is true and you are truly sorry for what you did, then you need to apologize and try and explain why you reacted the way you did. Be honest and try not to gloss over it, explain why it happened, but first and foremost do not blame her for it. If you are to do this, do so when she'll be ready to listen to it, don't impose it on her or force yourself on her, or make her try and pay attention. You had a lapse of judgement, but you need to be able to control yourself when people do not agree with you. If she doesn't want to hear your explanation, accept it and let give her some space until she is ready to listen.
  13. Frodo Baggins
    Take her words with a grain of salt. She may like you as a friend, but you have to look at the situation. She's like that when she's in moments of distress from her boyfriend. You have to keep your wits about you because it may be that she says those things (which may have some truth to them) to feel better about herself. If she really liked you, she wouldn't be with her boyfriend, and her referring to you when she gets emotional is another indication. Don't get too ahead of yourself; be her friend, but don't fall for her words too easily.
  14. Frodo Baggins
    Relationships are built on respect, if he can't bring himself to respect her even when apart, then he simply is no good. If she takes his outright abuse, she'll more than likely take the abuse he gives her behind her back as well, but if you feel you need to tell her how he speaks about her behind her back, by all means, help her in the way you see fit. But remember, try not to be too aggressive against him when you talk to her, it might spark the need in her to defend him and that would defeat the purpose.
  15. Frodo Baggins
    It's interesting. Heart-felt without being dramatic or "large scale;" I like it, keep 'em coming.
  16. Frodo Baggins
    Hmm, from the selection, it may be either one, three, or four. I doubt she has a boyfriend, because, as you alluded to, she would have mentioned him by now. Hell, you'd have met him already, so I doubt she's had one. Chances are, she's had guys interested in her in the past and she was too shy to give them any further clues. With that being the case, you could maybe pursue carefully and see where she stands. You could outright ask her her status, if she has a boyfriend or not, which might be a move that'll answer many questions, as to where you yourself stand, if she has a boyfriend, if she's interested in you as a friend, or if she's not attracted to men. That's really one of those "moment of truth" situations where you're letting her know you're interested by basically asking her if you can go on, if you catch my meaning. From there, you can decide how to continue with her.
  17. Frodo Baggins
    It sounds like you're getting ahead of yourself. You can't really base your opinions on "You look cute together;" they are just going on superficial outward appearances. They don't know how a relationship would work. There aren't really any great clues to go with other than teasing and such, and it might be too early for her to like you. Develop a friendship with her first, let her get to know you, THEN see how her attitude is.
  18. Frodo Baggins
    The safest stance to take in this situation is that of friend. It looks like she doesn't know what she wants, and if she's confused, the best thing she could use at the moment is a friend. That means putting those extra feelings to the side for a little while and help her, be her confedant, and the vent to her problems. If you want to pursue her, it would be best to be patient and wait for her to become a little more stable. That way the decision she makes can be more reliable than one she makes at this point in time.
  19. Frodo Baggins
    Part of relationships is taking risks. True, you may be hesitant in believing her, and you are afraid of getting hurt, but if you don't take that risk, what happens? True, you eliminate the risk of getting hurt, but you miss out on so much. Yes, she might hurt you, but then again, she might be open to a relationship. This is the gamble you have to deal with, you need to trust your instincts, but also need to see an opportunity that warrants you to go against them. I won't say definatively if you should go after her or not, at least now without more details, but I CAN tell you that you can't be afraid of taking risks.
  20. Frodo Baggins
    Keep in touch with them, contact from a friend is a good relief from stress. But if that person isn't open to a relationship or feelings at the moment, keep those to yourself for when you see they are open to those kinds of things. Other than that, keep in touch with the person, they'll let you know if they're busy or not.
  21. Frodo Baggins
    They need to understand that a "well rounded person" does not come from achievements or skills, but from stability in a certain field. They may mean the best for you, but they're ruining the chances of what they want. Any person will burn out if you push him/her too far, try using the analogy of the car. No matter how great the car is, it'll still overheat if pushed to the limit. The same with their daughter. Try pointing out what the necessity comes from tennis or piano. If you enjoy these activities, fine, but mandatory practice is a little much given the class schedule you have. You need to let them know that everything you're doing is spreading you thin, you can't be good at something if you're doing everything, and to be good at something means you need to focus on it. It's not doing everything that makes a person well rounded, being well rounded comes from being stable and being able to do something.
  22. Frodo Baggins
    Hmm, if it's just at that, then yeah, you probably are. Most people, when freshly out of a relationship, aren't looking to jump into a new one. What they're looking for is companionship to rebuild emotionally. She might like you, and later on there might be some chance she'll like you more, but as of now, unless there's more detail, you're reading too much into it.
  23. Frodo Baggins
    Just continue being a friend to her and try not to interfere in their relationship. As much as you may care for her, her relationship is still her business and not yours. If she leaves him, it needs to be by her decision. The most you can do is wait patiently and give her advice as a friend when she needs it.
  24. Frodo Baggins
    Hmm, the best thing you can do is pull back on the friendship with that other girl. It's really the best thing you can do for the three of you, because as far as she's concerned, she's being a really good friend to you and I doubt she has any idea she's causing problems between you and your girlfriend. Now, I'm not saying you should end the friendship with her, just scale it back a bit to where your girlfriend is comfortable. As long as you make it known you want to keep her as a friend, meaning neither of you can afford to be as close when you're in a relationship, she'll understand. The friendship won't end, only change. True, she'll probably be hurt for a little while, but it'll pass because she'll she hasn't lost you. It's good for her as well because by scaling back, she'll gain perspective into the relationship between you and her. She'll realize that you don't think of her in "that way," and spare her some truly serious pain; tell her that you still want her as a friend, but your relationship won't let you be as close as you've been before. She'll understand as long as you're considerate of her feelings
  25. Frodo Baggins
    Though your letters and cards may be innocent in nature, they might intrude in the relationship he has going on now. It was one thing when he was single to receive friendly letters from a girl, but now that he has a girlfriend, that changes things. She might mind, she might get jealous, she might get suspicious of him, who knows what might happen in their relationship, and I doubt you would want to feel responsible for that. I recommend that you cut your letters and such entirely, or maybe down to birthdays and Christmas (but definitely not Valentine's); you should still keep contact with him, and maintain the friendship, but the extra niceties need to be pulled back.
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